Death should not be hidden from the child. It should be explained in simple and honest terms that are consistent withthe family’s beliefs. The explanation should help the child tounderstand that the dead person’s body stopped functioningand that the dead person will not return. Preschool childrenshould be reassured that nothing they did caused the individual to die. One should be prepared to answer questionsabout where the body is and let the child’s questions helpdetermine what information the child is prepared to hear.False or misleading information should be avoided. Comparisons of death to sleep may contribute to sleep problems inthe child.
There are many possible reactions of children to the death of a parent or close relative. Sadness and a yearning to be with the dead relative are common. Sometimesa child might express a wish to die so that he or she canvisit the dead relative, but a plan or desire to commit suicide is uncommon and would need immediate evaluation. A decrease in academic functioning, lack of enjoymentwith activities, and changes in appetite and sleep can occur.About half of children have their most severe symptomsabout 1 month after the death, but for many the most severesymptoms in reaction to the death do not occur until 6 to12 months after the death.
Should the Child Attend the Funeral?
Children often find it helpful to attend the funeral. It may help the child to understand that the death occurred and provide an opportunity to say good-bye. Seeing others express their grief and sadness may help the child to express these feelings. Going to the funeral helps prevent the child from having fears or fantasies about what happened at the funeral. If the child is going to attend the funeral, he or she should be informed of what will happen. If a preschool-age child expresses a desire not to attend the funeral, he or she should not be encouraged to attend. For older children, it may be appropriate to encourage attendance, but a child who feels strongly about not wanting to go to the funeral should not be required to attend.
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