Boys of summer: Manly movies muscle into the multiplex

[30 April 2009]

By Joe Williams

St. Louis Post-Dispatch (MCT)

Testosterone-fueled blockbusters are as American as baseball, but this summer might be the manliest movie season ever. Whether you’ve got peach fuzz or a beer belly, there’s something on the movie menu to suit your appetite: Prehistoric comedies and futuristic war stories. Roaring ‘20s gangsters and fire-breathing robots. Romulans going ballistic, and nerds having sex. There’s even a movie based on G.I. Joe.

Some might view this caveman calendar as a step backward. Two summers ago, “The Devil Wears Prada” presumably stuck a pitchfork into the old wives’ tale that grown women don’t go to summer movies. Last year, female audiences flocked to event movies such as “Mamma Mia” and “Sex and the City.” So what are this year’s must-see chick flicks? Well, there’s the one in which Meryl Streep plays Julia Child (“Julie and Julia”) and, um, the latest “Harry Potter.” If those choices don’t speak to you, you might want to start studying Klingon.



Summer movies feature aliens, soldiers, mystics, gangsters and stuff that blows up.


“X-Men Origins: Wolverine”: This comic-book prequel cuts to the root of mutant Hugh Jackman’s daddy issues, sibling rivalry, busted romance and rage-inducing hangnails. (May 1)

“Star Trek”: Director J.J. Abrams (“Lost”) shows us how a wayward lad from Iowa named Jim Kirk and a half-breed from Vulcan named Spock helped each other boldly go where no man had gone before. (May 8)

“Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen”: Shape-shifting battle-bots return to Earth, where they clash with kindly car-bots and demand that Shia LaBeouf stop making “Indiana Jones” movies. (June 24)


“Terminator Salvation”: Christian Bale is a wise emissary from the future who uses nonviolence to broker a peace treaty between the human race and misunderstood cyborgs. Or so we heard on the Internet. (May 21)

“G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra”: Boomer boys’ answer to Barbie turns into flesh-and-blood - not as one guy, but as an elite squad of anti-terrorist commandos, none of whom are actually named Joe. Kinda defeats the purpose, right? (Aug. 7)

“Inglourious Basterds”: In Quentin Tarantino’s thematic follow-up to “Kill Bill,” American GIs who flunked spelling are sent behind Nazi lines with one objective: “Kill Adolf!” Starring Brad Pitt and (we swear) Mike Myers. (Aug. 21)


“Up”: The animators at Pixar have found a character even more cuddly than a gourmet rat or a trash-picking robot: an 80-year-old man who takes a Boy Scout hostage as they float with balloons to oblivion. Sure to be better than it sounds. (May 29)

“Land of the Lost”: Will Ferrell is an oafish archaeologist who ventures to a prehistoric place where the dinosaurs don’t get his jokes. (June 5)

“Year One”: Jack Black and Michael Cera are lazy hunter-gatherers who are banished from their primitive village and suffer a wicked craving for manna. (June 19)


“The Hangover”: After a crazy bachelor party, forgetful pals wake up in a Vegas hotel room full of blood, a baby and a Bengal tiger. Think comedy. (June 5)

“The Taking of Pelham 123”: In a remake of a ‘70s thriller, John Travolta hijacks a subway train - and heads straight for Funky Town. (June 12)

“Public Enemies”: Johnny Depp plays gangster John Dillinger, reportedly because they share the same initials. Rumored next for Depp: “Rocky Mountain High: The Secret Life of John Denver.” (July 1)


“Ghosts of Girlfriends Past”: Matthew McConaughey stars in the first romantic comedy of the season - the Christmas season - as a trio of female spirits show the hunky bachelor he’s been an emotional Scrooge. (May 1)

“I Love You, Beth Cooper”: Paul Rust is a nerdy valedictorian who declares his love for teen queen Hayden Panetierre - and is rewarded with the wildest night of his life. “Dungeons and Dragons,” anyone? (July 10)

“(500) Days of Summer”: Joseph Gordon-Levitt tries to prove to Zooey Deschanel that true love really exists. Day 2: the restraining order. (July 17)


“Night at the Museum 2: Battle of the Smithsonian”: Hapless security guard Ben Stiller must break into the national museum to save the teeny-tiny cowboy and Roman gladiator who mean more to him than his dignity. (May 22)

“Bruno”: In the guise of an Austrian fashion reporter, Sacha Baron Cohen (“Borat”) goes searching for homophobic Americans and manages to find some. (July 10)

“Funny People”: Adam Sandler is a comedian dying of cancer. In the movie, that is. In real life, it wouldn’t be half as funny. (July 31)


“Angels and Demons”: In a prequel-turned-sequel to “The DaVinci Code,” Tom Hanks is a cryptologist who uses his white-hot brain power to penetrate an old boys club operating out of the Vatican. (May 15)

“Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince”: A typical English schoolboy seeks help with his homework, develops a crush on a classmate and battles the fiery overlord of hell. (July 15)

“The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus”: Heath Ledger’s final film, a time-travel fantasy directed by Terry Gilliam, is expected to debut at the Cannes Film Festival in May and ignite a bidding war. If the bidding war includes killer robots, we see a sequel for 2010. (TBD)

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