Judie Rappaport: 'Junk' to one man is really his mother's treasures

Dear Judie: Mom's (88) a mini-hoarder: magazines ("I'll read this later"); pens ("We might run out"); dishes (four sets); and decades of photographs she never looks at. She's too frail to remain alone so she's moving in with me. I want her to live with me, but my space is limited and there's no way all that junk's coming with her. Any ideas?

— Ed, Vero Beach

Dear Ed: The move might go a bit more smoothly if you stopped calling Mom's items "junk" and "rubbish" and tried understanding that mom's facing two extremely difficult emotional events: simultaneously acknowledging her own decline (she can no longer live alone) and permanently parting with items she's treasured for years. Tell Mom how glad you'll be when she moves in and how badly you feel because you don't have room for all her treasures. Ask if you can go help her sort and choose items to donate or gift to family and friends. If your temperament doesn't include great patience, consider hiring a senior move manager (nasmm.org) who specializes in compassionately helping seniors pare down belongings when they move to smaller spaces. If that isn't financially possible, go to about.moving.com and enter "moving older adults" in the search box for tips that may make this difficult time easier for both you.

Dear Judie: Dad (87) constantly complains his neighbors are stealing magazines, clothing and other items from his car and condo. He's had his locks changed four times in two months and called the police twice. Needless to say, he isn't the best-liked person at his condo. I'd help if I knew where to begin.

— Terry, Stuart

Dear Terry: Paranoia symptoms can stem from adverse medication reactions, alcohol/drug abuse, dehydration, malnutrition, depression, Alzheimer's or other dementias, or dozens of other conditions, some of which are treatable or reversible. Dad needs a complete medical examination by a board certified geriatric physician. In his current state, the best approach may be to tell him the appointment is for a non-related problem like his sore back or arthritis pain. At this point, he is unlikely to properly manage his nutrition, medication or drive safely and it is unwise for him to live alone.