Escapist News Network: XBox Platinum

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Don't know if said already but they forgot "The cake is a lie".


I still don't get that joke. Yes I've played Portal, (three times through) but I never really found that joke that funny...

Nobody can repeat terribly silly memes quite as solemnly and wonderfully as Graham and Kathleen - I mean, you see the joke coming from a mile away, but it's just delivered so methodically and un-nuanced that you can't help but chortle to yourself through the entire line. It's like if David Ortiz was playing in a Women's softball league: Here's the underhanded pitch, right down the middle, no strings attached, Ortiz winds up, aaaaand HOME RUN! AGAIN!

All the DNF jokes will just transfer to Half-Life 2 Episode 3.

Blasphemy will not be tolerated. Burn the heretic.

You forgot PS3 has no gaems in your gaming jokes!

You know I'm starting to pre-emptively feel sorry for Gearbox, they aren't bad people but they are getting the duke nukem piled on them already. I mean sure they annoyed us with the claptrap, but now we are getting to blow them up in the new Borderlands DLC.

XBox Live Ultra-Platinum: Real-time real life consequences doled out to everyone who you deem to be playing the game improperly.
For your basic level cheaters, suspected hackers and foul mouthed tweens, a specially crafted subscriber-only controller (only $299.98 + shipping) has the guide button replaced by a deaths head, that instantly red-rings the console of anyone in the game with you when you ragequit to the dashboard.

For those truly dedicated members of Xbox Live, Microsoft will be unrolling Xbox Live Omega 2012. This invitation-only membership level will cost 4.8 million Microsoft Points per year, but comes with a range of benefits and matchmaking enhancements.
Someone getting a suspicious amount of one shot kills in Halo? Based on your pre-set voice command ("douchebag!"), that person will instantly have his controller explode, removing a guaranteed 80% of his or her hands.
Knife runners and akimbo 1887s in Modern Warfare 2? Simply by uttering "faggot!" into your Xbox Live headset, a professional hitman is dispatched to the players house, with guaranteed behavioural correction within 48 hours.
In addition, you are entitled to download TWO premium dashboard themes of your choice.

PS3 has no games is still a cornerstone. It's even more hilarious now, since fanboys will freak out given there is currently a plethora of games and they still can't shed the label.


And then 3/4 of The Escapist users will break into tears.

I posted the "No computer can run Crysis" joke on *Shameless Plug*

Most of our members would scoff at this joke as this was true 3 years ago but is becoming more and more not true.

Link to thread:

I thought that's what Gold already was.

I'ma start working on a list for uber platinum.

You forgot about episode 3 never coming out.

Don't worry. We'll always have Daikatana.

Ninja'd! Although its quite likely Duke Nuke may end up replacing the Daikatana jokes...

Oh and you forgot Ubisoft's PC DRM that needed always connected to play!

Anyone else having issues streaming the video? I can't seem to get ENN or ZP to play right now :(
This makes for a most disappointing Wednesday


And when that gets released?

Just FYI, the Big O computer from Origin PC STARTS at $7600 and goes to $17,000 at it's high end config.

I also LOLed at the Xibit joke. :)

Having bought an Alienware computer at 8300 Euro back in March 2008, I can safely say, it's not worth putting money in these high end Uber machines. they often don't function (properly), customer service is poor, and it's almost impossible to get your issue resolved, legally or otherwise.

After my problems with Alienware arose, I learned that I was not the only one by a long shot. What I've taken from that is that companies like Alienware, VooDoo PC and the like should be avoided like the plague. If you want "The Best of the Best of the Best" Find some whiz-kid locally and ask him to assemble a great machine for you. You're cheaper off, can still have a nice casemodded machine, And it's much more likely to work.

XBox Platinum

Finally you can play in peace. Or not. Your choice.

Watch Video

EPIC urealms reference!

.... and not even a credit for that end joke? I'm disappointed in you guys.

Well, at least the cake is still a lie, but that'll change when Portal 2 comes out and the pie will be an actual, physical (well, metaphysical) object (thank God...)

Good Episode, but you forgot one joke. Episode 3 is never coming out =P

After at long hard day of school and work. It's very nice to come home and find this piece of gold waiting for you

Many thanks to all the people of LRR

"Duke Nukem Forever will still be a joke after it comes 'oot'."

So love the Canadian accent and the Canadian take on humor.

Love to all of you at LRR. Thanks for the laughs and look forward to more.

ENN is something I look forward to each week. In addition to all the contributions the LRR crew makes to The Escapist. Your various efforts are my favorite things each week on the site and brighten my day each time I find a new installment of your many excellent recurring bits.

It is seriously impressive that you all generate the quantity and quality of humor weekly through so many titles. That is a lot of funny and a credit to your talent.

Thank you!

XBox Platinum


Watch Video

1/ Kathleen, you look amazing.
2/ Kathleen, I really, really miss (y)our hairflip. One more time?

Platinum sounds awesome. A gold headset with an attached monocle = AWESOMENESS!

Microsoft doesn't understand how good of an idea this is. I would totally pay extra to have gentlemanly conversation on Xbox Live.

Yo dawg, we herd you like internet humour so we put a meme in yo' ENN so you can lol while you lol.

That's okay, Half-Life 2 Episode 3 will take Duke Nukem Forever's place in the "never coming out" joke seat.

Also, say what you will about the behavior of some players on Xbox Live, but at least you also have options to avoid playing with those people. If you run into that kind of stuff on Playstation Network, your only option is to leave the match and hope the game doesn't put you back in with the same players again. Which it does. A LOT. Or maybe Red Dead Redemption on the PS3 just hates me.

Of course they could all just go the Wii route and not even offer in-game communication. Never hear anyone complaining about swearing and racial slurs on Nintendo Wi-Fi Connection do you? :p

You can't go below absolute zero, it's just not possible :/

I want that monocle headset! It would go well with my top hat.

I know that it's because Arkham Asylum has failed and all the prisoners has escaped to the city. But not calling it Batman: Gotham City is just wrong.

PS Bring on Catwoman!!

Actually it's called Arkham City because the Warden has become Mayor of Gotham City, and has moved Arkham to what used to be a series of slums in Gotham. It develops it's own government and structure thanks to it being cut off and all the inmates being able to run free.

OT: That was pretty funny. Sounds like the Xbox guy agrees with Will Wheaton.

Really? I still don't like the name though. It seems to promise a Lovecraftian horror/superhero fusion game which I doubt they have any plans to deliver on.

Wow we really are going to loose that Duke Nukem forever joke.....NOOOOOOO!!! Maybe half-life episode 3 will become the new duke nukem forever.....that or kingdom hearts 3(not eve a bloody trailer or preview in bbs of kh3. What. the. fuck?!!)

He forgot the joke about them remaking final fantasy 7

Don't worry guys we can still make fun of Episode 3 which is never coming out.

It's not that this isn't funny. But I really think the Loading Ready Run team gets too much exposure on this site. It might be three series of videos, but it's still the same team, and that team puts out three a week. It kind of upsets the balance of flavor on the site.

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