Really sick of defending myself over bfing

(19 Posts)
boobybum Sat 08-Dec-12 23:23:02

You are not alone, i've had comments made about my breastfeeding being the cause of all sorts of ills as well! I think that some mothers who have not breastfed for whatever reason can feel an element of guilt or jealousy which can cause them to make such comments. I cannot fathom why anybody feels the need to comment on someone elses decision about how they feed their baby. I wouldn't dream of telling someone they shouldn't formula feed so can't understand why those that do would want to tell me I shouldn't breastfed. Also, with your mother could there be an element that she wants to be more involved, by giving feeds, which she cant do if you are ebf?
At the end of the day you're not going to change their views do just try and ignore their comments, let it just wash over you. Yes it may be annoying but it's not worth causing major family feuds over if everything else is ok. Keep up the good work!

Regarding the teeth thing, a friend of mine's child didn't start popping teeth until he was almost 2!!

Hard as it is, just summon up that courage to tell them to piss off. It's your baby, your body, your choice.

flipflopson5thavenue Sat 08-Dec-12 17:10:43

it is noone's business except yours and your baby's

Seriouslysleepdeprived Sat 08-Dec-12 08:27:11

I have this issue too. My family all make comment & tell me when i should be stopping - 'It's weird when they get teeth, can walk, talk' etc. I also have had comments about co-sleeping.

DS is 8 months & I'm hoping to feed him until at least two. He has a CMPI so would need formula until then if I stopped. I simply ask them if they would drink powdered milk every day, or prefer fresh off the boob smile

WantAnOrange Sat 08-Dec-12 07:08:59

My family are a bit like this but a bit more unhanded about it, especially older generations. Lots of "you must do what's easiest for you wantanorange" (assuming that I'd find FF easier hmm of course) and "I weaned my babies at 3 weeks and they're all fine" (they're not). My generation all FF too (apart from me) because they have been sold the idea that FF is easier (not really) and because it's the norm. It's horrible being judged by your own family (I'm used to it, I dont fit their 'normal' at all!).

TBH I think they do know that BF is best but they are trying to convince themselves or make themselves feel better, which is ironic because I've never judged them for FF. They took the best available advice from their GP's and HVs at the time. Just because we have new research and therefore new advice, it doesnt mean we are critising past generations.

Same attitude about using real nappies, a sling and co-sleeping. Any comments now and I just say something along the lines of how much I love being a lentil weaving, knit your own porridge hippy, and get on with it.

MrsDimples Sat 08-Dec-12 01:10:51


DD still sleeps by me & bfing at 3.5 yrs. I have had one positive, supportive comment in all that time, and not from a family member. In fact the family member that was hugely supportive of bfing a newborn, got 'questioning' of the feeding at around one.

I get 'they' are guided by what is the norm in today's society and advertising and what they were advised to do blah blah blah, but seriously fuck off, unless you know what you're talking about angry

I think coming up with a few rehearsed phrases / comebacks is the best advice. Though I would choose to stay away, as I'd probably lose it and let rip after a couple of comments.

Have the facts - WHO guidelines etc - and be prepared to tell them it is none of their fucking business, a bit like you dissecting their eating habits isn't either.

AND you are doing a great job, well done you thanks

DrCoconut Sat 08-Dec-12 00:36:19

DS2 is 19m and still feeds. We don't plan to stop until he's ready. He was ill in hospital this week sad and the staff were massively supportive of BF, in fact on his previous admission (at age 8m) it was a contributing factor to him being allowed home - the hydration and nutrients it provides being so easy to digest. He sometimes gets very chesty with colds and other viruses and needs help with his oxygen levels but is otherwise a healthy and well balanced little boy.

Pozzled Sat 08-Dec-12 00:00:03

Practise using a set phrase like 'we do it this way because we find it works best for us'. Refuse to be drawn into any other conversation on the subject- repeat set phrase, smile and then change subject. Do it every single time they try to criticize.

I am still bfing DD2 who is 18 months. 4 months is so tiny- make your own decisions, but let others put pressure on you.

SirBoobAlot Fri 07-Dec-12 23:50:09

Tell them to sod off, and smile sweetly.

Or, as I had to do with one particular person, tell them that if they are just going to sit there and complain at you, that you don't want to see them anymore.

You are the mum, you are doing the very best for your little one. Sod everyone else.

People do get bored of nagging past a certain point, by the way wink My parents spent the first few months suggesting bottles etc, and then they gave up. Mum made one comment when I was feeding DS as a toddler, but didn't get through the sentence before being corrected grin

Essexmamma Fri 07-Dec-12 23:46:04

Haha all, thank you very much for your replies, I'm certainly going to be using these put downs over the next few weeks, I can feel it coming! Thanks all for you support x

Pourquoimoi Fri 07-Dec-12 22:35:00

Can't help you much but just be secure in the knowledge that what you are doing is best for your baby and your family.

I bf DS2 until 2yrs 3mths and don't regret it for a second although admit I didn't broadcast it when he was older as I couldn't be bothered with the disapproval.

Well done you! Carry on as you're going and be aware it is their ignorance that is the problem not your actions.

Posterofapombear Fri 07-Dec-12 22:22:42

Remind them that discussing your breasts is rude. End of.

I tried this with my unsupportive relatives and it doesn't half cause an embarrassed silence wink

TerrariaMum Fri 07-Dec-12 22:15:00

Forgot to say, PM me if you want. My mum is very dubious over my continuing to nurse DD.

TerrariaMum Fri 07-Dec-12 22:13:46

Well, you know you have the WHO on your side. Oh, and fun fact for them, bfing can actually be an analgesic for teething pain so it saves you money on Calpol and blows the whole they shouldn't bf when they have teeth argument out of the water. As a matter of fact, I am bfing DD (2 yo) because her last molars are coming and it seems to help.
Also, apparently bfing is good if they have D&V as generally it is the only liquid they keep down so it keeps them hydrated. Try kellymom if you want to know more. Point being, you have loads of evidence to back up your position.

It's good your DH is supportive. I suggest you ignore them as best you can and well done you for bfing in the face of all that.

Startail Fri 07-Dec-12 21:57:56

DD2 fed until she had a fair few adult teeth and long past the point where not only could she have told them to piss off, she could have spelt it toowink

browniebearscuddlychristmas Fri 07-Dec-12 21:57:04

I really feel for you, I had loads of these comments too usually from people who had never even tried to bf! I'd suggest just try to explain that yes he possibly could be still hungry and that's absolutely not a problem for you so it shouldn't be for them.
It really is none of their business how you feed or sleep with your baby.
Be strong, smile and nod, and carry on with whatever you want. It will be a lovely Christmas.

Zavi Fri 07-Dec-12 21:46:11

Why do you need anyone else's support for how you feed your baby? I don't get it.

As a parent you will never have total support for whatever you decide to do for your child on all kinds of issues. People are different and will hold different views. Man up. Stick by your guns. And stick by your guns if you later change your mind too!

Willdoitinaminute Fri 07-Dec-12 21:43:11

Ignore them I bf my son until he was 2.He co slept until he was 4. My nearest and dearest were all judgy about it but he hasn't become all the things they warned me about.
Smile sweetly and tell them this is the way you and your DH have decided to parent. You don't need to justify your choices. There is more than enough evidence out there to support your choices.

Essexmamma Fri 07-Dec-12 21:24:33

Just have to get this out to those that will understand and that are not as flippin' ignorant as my family!! I have 2 ds, one 4 yrs and one nearly 4 months and my baby is ebf. He does feed a lot and he likes to suckle for comfort but if we are out for the day is happy to go 3 hours without a feed. We co sleep as we all get more sleep that way and both ds' , dh and me are perfectly happy with this.

However, the women in my family seem to take our situation as 'open season' on why I should stop. I get constantly told that their friends daughters/neighbours/aunts dog aren't going to bother with breast feeding as they don't like the thought of it/think it's disgusting / don't want to be tied to the baby!

The subject came up again the other day and it was said that someone they that bfd til 1yr was just 'weird' and my dm said you should stop feeding babies once they get teeth cos they get teeth for a reason ( my ds is currently cutting his first tooth) I did point that babies need milk after they get teeth which she kind of ignored!

I honestly don't understand why no one is supportive except my dh and what I'm doing wrong! No one ever says well done or your doing a good job it's just comments about too much hassle and 'he can't STILL be hungry!'

Very close to losing my patience and telling them all to bugger off and cancelling Christmas visits as I sense a big fall out brewing. Am I the only one with an unsupportive, opinionated family???

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