

Please tell me this response from a 4 year old isn't 'Strange'

(42 Posts)
KatoPotato Fri 31-Jan-14 13:24:26

Another day, another crooked finger beckon from nursery...

'Today, DS got water on another boy and when I asked him why he said "because I did" It's not what he did, it's just this answer was very factual and a bit strange'

This was coupled with a mime from her putting her hand down her face...

As usual --because I'm shit at dealing with the nursery staff and never know what to say at the time, I just mumbled and said that he does tak about anything 'naughty' at nursery and why he has to be kind.

But as per, here I am sat mulling it over... should I speak to her again to ask what she meant by this?

Mumof3xx Fri 31-Jan-14 13:25:35

I don't see anything strange about it tbh

Middleagedmotheroftwo Fri 31-Jan-14 13:26:17

Don't you ever tell DS to do something "because you say so"? It's the same thing.

It's not a big deal. I'd just leave it, unless the nursery are saying behaviour is out of order.

CecyHall Fri 31-Jan-14 13:28:52

I'm not sure I understand the mime bit but I don't think your DS's response was that strange.

If you ask my nearly 3 year old why he did anything misbehaviour wise he always says 'because I need to'. God knows what they'd think of that!

I don't think its strange. I would read that as the toddler equivilent of "because it seemed like a good idea at the time".

He doesn't know why he did it because he probably acted on an impulse - there was no logical reasoning behind it. So he did it because he had an irresistable impluse to do so -IYSWIM.

KatoPotato Fri 31-Jan-14 13:31:10

Thanks guys, as far as I'm concerned he enjoys going and talks about having friends etc.

I just don't know what sort of response she was actually looking for? A sincere apology? I've lost count of the days I've picked him up and he's been soaking wet from water play but they've never noticed and let him put his jacket on over it.

WhereIsMyHat Fri 31-Jan-14 13:31:59

Not strange going by my son of a similar age. When asked when he'll be 4 his answer is 'on my birthday' which is similarly factual to your sons answer I think.

KatoPotato Fri 31-Jan-14 13:33:03

Hard to describe the mime... Imagine you were showing a 'straight face' by swiping your hand down your face?

I was totally taken aback tbh

Dd is 4 and this is her favorite phrase at the minute!

Because I did
Because I don't want to
Because I want to


Very annoying but normal I think.

Madlizzy Fri 31-Jan-14 13:36:04

Was that her trying to keep a straight face because she found his comment funny even though she had to tell him off?

MrsBungle Fri 31-Jan-14 13:39:19

Not strange in the slightest. My 4yo dd's response to doing something naughty is mostly "because I just did" or, more often, "I don't know".

I think it's weird the nursery staff think it's weird!

redgate Fri 31-Jan-14 13:43:13

I was on some training last night, about child development and how children lean to communicate. There is something called the Blank Question Scale (the woman who invented it was called blank) and it says that children are highly unlikely to really understand the concept of 'why?' until they are at least 4.5 years old. So I wouldn't be too worried. I am 34 and not always to explain why I do things grin

redgate Fri 31-Jan-14 13:44:19

Or spell properly!

KatoPotato Fri 31-Jan-14 13:45:56

No madlizzy she was definitely impersonating him! I also think it's weird that they think this is weird!!

Last week I was 'spoken to' by another teacher because he got into a scuffle with a boy who took a car off him. She said 'I told him I was removing him from the activity and he was to paint instead, but he had an almighty tantrum that I've never seen from him before!'

Again, isn't that quite normal? I asked how long it lasted - thinking it must've been pretty long or extreme - but she said no, just a few minutes and he was fine and he's done you a lovely painting...'

Later that night I asked him about it and he said 'Mrs X was shouting PAINT! PAINT!'

Of course there's three sides to every story, but I'm just getting to the end of my saintly patience with this place!

Moreisnnogedag Fri 31-Jan-14 13:45:57

Ds (3) favourite response to why he did something is to deny and accuse, "I didn't, YOU did it!"

ProfYaffle Fri 31-Jan-14 13:46:56

I'm rather hmm at a nursery worker calling a child 'strange'. I don't think I'd be too happy with that.

KatoPotato Fri 31-Jan-14 13:47:40

THANKYOU! prof this was the bit that upset me most!!

Moreisnnogedag Fri 31-Jan-14 13:47:51

It also took us ages to work out but when you'd asked him to do something or had said no, he'd stick his hand up at you, straight arm, with his fingers curled up. Eventually we realised he was coping the baddie in a Mickey Mouse clubhouse special and was shrinking us!

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici Fri 31-Jan-14 13:47:52

i think that, in his limited because he is FOUR! grin way, he was trying to explain that he did not HAVE a reason. He didn't do it after sitting down and planning it. He had what is called an 'intrusive thought' or impulsive thought and, being a small child who is still developing skills, he just acted on it.

He just did it. He didn't think about it, it wasn't in response to anything, there wasn't a reason he was able to identify, it is just that he suddenly had the urge to tip the water. And he did.

We all, even as adults, get weird urges and impulses from time to time. We just over ride them. Mostly.

KatoPotato Fri 31-Jan-14 13:51:51

moreis that's hilarious. DH was trying to talk to him about 'how to answer the teachers' and they ended up with 'I'm so so sorrreeeeee' which I think is from Father Ted! do you think they'll notice he's been 'coached'

PedlarsSpanner Fri 31-Jan-14 13:52:18

hmmm agree Prof

not v keen on being cajoled into painting; I can understand removal from the scene, distract and divert etc, but hmmm. EYFS 'n' all tha'.

Ok anyway, do you think the nursery worker was implying something by the hand gesture down her face, was she do you think trying to say he was emotionless/automaton-like? v odd even if she was. I wonder what subtext she was trying to convey? Not very good it!

KatoPotato Fri 31-Jan-14 13:55:13

pedlars I hope that wasn't her subtext, but it did cross my mind. What was I supposed to say 'right, get the CAMHs team on the phone!'

PedlarsSpanner Fri 31-Jan-14 13:58:30

I spect she's been on an 'awareness' course and is really gung-ho about being proactive in identifying possible traits < insert panting dog photo>

KatoPotato Fri 31-Jan-14 14:01:28

grin she'd be far better going on a 'tact' course or a 'actually organise a structured activity' course.

DS told me he asked her why they sing a song that goes 'songs and stories every day...' when they don't get stories every day...

Fact boy.

MymbleBaratheonBendsTheKnee Fri 31-Jan-14 14:02:48

OP just take it with a pinch of salt. As long as your DS is happy at nursery and hasn't seriously hurt anyone, it's probably nothing. In my experience nursery staff/teachers often come out and announce things expectantly to parents, as if we are going to find some sort of magic solution there and then. It is all a bit ridiculous sometimes - these are very small children we're talking about after all. I used to tie myself in knots anytime DS1 did something naughty. Now I just tend to think that they will have dealt with it during the session, and forget about it unless it's something major.

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