Can you ever win an argument with a teenager?


Of course your teacher doesn't go over homework. That makes sense.

I say no.

Case in point: My oldest and I went around in circles yesterday about studying for a math test. She argued she couldn’t begin studying until her class finished the unit because she “wouldn’t know what to study.” I suggested she start with finished and corrected homework, which seemed like a logical approach. She spent the next 10 minutes telling me why that couldn’t happen, which seemed nonsensical.

Here’s the conversation:

Me: Do you have a math test coming up?

Her: When we finish the unit.

Me: When is that?

Her: If we finish the unit Friday, the test will be Monday. If we finish Monday, it will be Tuesday.

Me: Maybe you can study a little each night between now and then.

Her: No, I can’t until we finish the unit.

Me: What?

Her: I won’t know what to study.

Me: You’re doing homework every night. Presumably, that is the material that will be on the test.

Her: I don’t want to study it if I’m doing it wrong.

Me: Doesn’t your teacher grade it?

Her: No, he just marks whether you’ve done it.

Me: Really? He doesn’t go over the homework? I need to know because I think maybe I need to talk to him then.

Her: He only goes over the ones you did wrong.

Me: Is there something you can go over, practice each night?

Her: No, I have to wait until the unit is done and do the review homework.

Me: (imagine, if you will, my raised voice) OK, Use whatever study method you want. If you bring home a C, the cellphone is gone.

Tracy Ormsbee

8 Responses

  1. Kathleen says:

    Good answer! I say you won the argument.

  2. kvp says:

    If you figure out how to stop the procrastination please, please please tell me how… I’ll pay you… a lot…

  3. ChristineV says:

    Ha! This reminds me of a conversation I had with our son while driving home from soccer last week. He and his Dad had come to blows over computer use and bedtime the night before.
    Me: when I say 10:30 bedtime it doesn’t mean coming upstairs and getting ready at 10:30
    He: that’s lame
    Me: you need to be off the computer 1 hour before bedtime
    He: owww, why? That’s lame (stupid, dumb – insert word here)
    It wasn’t quite that bad, but you get the picture. We had a calm, quiet discussion and in the end I said “we have to agree to disagree. I can see my side and yours, as can you, but on this we are not going to agree”. But I won since the parents’ rules win. :)

  4. lizzee says:

    Oh,so have been there! Wish it was over when they hit a certain age but find those talks are still common with my married daughter and myself. Moms must talk in tongues to our children’s ears. And the best retort they give is’You just don’t know!”

  5. KTT says:

    When I was in high school, and even college, I had such a hard time studying for math tests! I could study for anything else and do well, but I had no clue how to approach studying numbers, it just didn’t make sense to me. I used to do well in math until I got to high school and I actually had to study. Since I didn’t know what or how to study, I fell behind. I would talk to her teacher anyway and ask if she/he can give you tips on studying at night. Maybe they have notes they take or some extra problems to solve.

  6. Naomi Seldin says:

    I’m having flashbacks to when I was in high school, Tracy. My father was a lawyer — he argued for a living. Can you imagine trying to win a case against that?

  7. Tracy Ormsbee says:

    @Naomi: I should change my headline to ask, Can you win an argument with a teenager without a law degree. :)

  8. maggie says:

    @Naomi – more importantly, does he give lessons?

  9. john says:

    You cant win an argument with a woman. Why do you think you could with a teenager? Why do you suppose dads leave it up to moms?