Once upon a wedding night
A groom went missing
Ms. Bella Swan, the blushing bride
Searched for him, hissing.

That groom
An Edward Cullen
Usually could be found in her bedroom,

She finally found him
In the local pub
But oh! his face
It looked like he was hit with a club

Nevermind, Bella said
You come home with me
he slurred drunkenly.

He smelled like beer, dirty armpit and oh-so wrong
But she still took him to her bed
He made her play a song
Then they had sex, it was quite bad.

Then when he held her in his arms
She realized he was unusually warm
She saw with dread
That wasn't Edward Cullen, that was RPattz.