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Are You Prepared For the Zombie Apocalypse?

Displaying poll results.
I have a partially written document (somewhere)
  2527 votes / 8%
Hard copies of my zombie attack plan are in the fire safe
  1375 votes / 4%
I already live in a fortified bunker with food and weapons
  4126 votes / 13%
I am completely unprepared for this fictional event
  12253 votes / 41%
I am a zombie, you insensitive clod!
  3091 votes / 10%
I want to eat CowboyNeal
  1650 votes / 5%
I don't believe in zombies
  4576 votes / 15%
29598 total votes.
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Are You Prepared For the Zombie Apocalypse?

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  • Re:Easy (Score:5, Interesting)

    by AliasMarlowe (1042386) on Monday October 17, 2011 @05:30PM (#37744272) Journal

    Don't know what these "spring" and "fall" things you speak of are. You make it sound like there's more than 2 seasons.

    There are six seasons here in central Finland[*]: Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter, Winter, Winter. But I agree that the Spring and Autumn phases are vanishingly brief muddy transitions between the cool Summer and the frigid first and last Winters. The middle Winter is far worse, and is guaranteed to be utterly devoid of brass monkeys and zombies. Actually, brass monkeys are wary of our Summers as well...

    [*] In northern Finland they dispense with the pretense of having a Summer, but they get an extra dose of Winter to compensate. Zombies are welcome, but only if they're edible...

  • by iamhassi (659463) on Monday October 17, 2011 @07:15PM (#37745106) Journal
    I can't believe no one has posted this yet: 7 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Outbreak Would Fail (Quickly) [cracked.com]

    1) Too Many Natural Predators, including insects that would render rotting flesh useless pretty quickly.

    2) Zombies don't like hot weather: dead bodies bloat within weeks due to stomach gases and start exploding, and in extreme heat they would shrivel like raisins.

    3) Zombies don't like cold weather: frozen meat becomes rigid

    4) Biting isn't a good way to spread disease: rabies turns animals into violent biting machines, but have you ever been bitten by a rabid dog? Probably not, and these are fast animals with teeth and claws, if rabies doesn't spread well then slow human zombies wouldn't do any better than fast dogs. And remember SARS or the bird flu? That's spread through the air and was difficult to determine who had it but we managed to stop those diseases, zombies would be much easier to identify.

    5) Zombies can't heal: every time a zombie fell or was injured they break bones and lose body parts without anyone there to patch them back up, and the human body is pretty weak, many household items could be used to easily kill a zombie like a shovel, bat, hammer, sledgehammer, 2x4, chainsaw, etc. If someone broke in your house to kill you right now what would you use to kill them with? Whatever comes to mind are your zombie weapons.

    6) Zombie-Proof Barriers (and zombies don't use tools): Go punch your front door. Ouch! Now kick it. Ouch again! So if you had to break in your door what would you use? Sledgehammer would probably work, but zombies don't use tools so something as simple as a door is enough to keep zombies out. Also anyone in a office building has all the furniture in the building to use to crush zombies with from the roof so any zombies in a city would be in for a world of hurt.

    7) We have a lot of guns: there are almost 15 million hunting licenses in the US [nssf.org] and that doesn't count people with guns that don't need a hunting license like handguns or the military and the police. There are 300 million people in the US [google.com] so even if the entire US was zombies except for the 15 million with hunting licenses each person would only need to kill 20 zombies. That doesn't sound too difficult.

    8) Zombies feed and reproduce with world's #1 predator: Imagine if every time you wanted to eat something or have sex you had to first kill someone but everyone knew you were coming? How long do you think you would last? Probably not very long, someone would kill you off or you would starve to death quickly, but that's the life of a zombie.

    So as you can see zombies are fun to talk about but it's impossible for a zombie outbreak to become reality so there's no need to prepare for a zombie apocalypse. Movies like Halloween [wikipedia.org] and Scream [wikipedia.org] with serial killers sneaking around and killing individuals is far more likely a scenario.
  • by Hazel Bergeron (2015538) on Tuesday October 18, 2011 @03:40AM (#37747574) Journal

    Oh dear, as soon as I saw your nick I guessed this was going to be some angry, testosterone-filled, macho gun rant...

    1. First sentence is as, "Three times as many people die from heart attack than in AIDS-infected-monkey-related deaths." The statistic acts massively against your favour: the US is infecting too many monkeys.

    2. Since I'm not a coward, I'm prepared to go out in the streets and take the risk that I'm more likely in the United Kingdom to win the lottery than become a victim of "gun terror". The lack of availability of guns and the fact that the other party isn't likely to have a gun means criminals don't carry guns either - everyone's safer.

    3. It's not illegal to defend yourself: it's illegal to own an unlicensed firearm or carry it in an unlicensed manner.

    4.Once everyone's allowed to carry a gun with real bullets, laws about the weight of shot or the length of the barrel of your piece are mostly irrelevant.

    5. I'm not scared of guns. My school had a cadet force and most people were trained in using them before the age of 16. It's not the arms, it's the arms race.

    6. You seem to talk about fear a lot. Recent riots in Britain had few deaths (care to guess why and follow our example?) and everyone got over it and carried on. Twenty years ago we had the US-sponsored IRA (until those idiot Thatcherites were replaced by a group willing to understand that jaw>>war) bombing us every few weeks - my father narrowly missed one attack - and we got over it and carried on. We did not use it as an excuse to fuck over the world and ultimately ourselves (well done!).

    You know, what I think it comes down to is that you're scared of other people and like to assume everyone else is the same.

Remember, UNIX spelled backwards is XINU. -- Mt.


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