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16 and Pregnant recap: Texas girl reluctantly chooses adoption



In this episode Sylverne applauds Ashley for making the tough decision to give her baby up for adoption, but wonders why it was necessary. All mothers need the support of families, not just teen mothers. Sylverne explains:

I have been simultaneously dreading and anticipating this episode for weeks. The adoption stories are always the hardest to watch and even harder to write about.

Ashley, a young blogger from the Dallas area, comes from a financially stable family despite the fact that her father is not around and her mother was only 19 when Ashley was born. The father of Ashley’s baby is not around either. He’s sleeping in a friend’s car until he joins the military because his mom kicked him out of the house.

Like some of the other girls on the show, Ashley graduated high school early. She took courses at the local community college and started applying to colleges in New York City. Her academic goals don’t mesh with parenting though, so she is strongly considering placing the baby for adoption. When Ashley graduates her entire family drives in to celebrate with her. Her favorite aunt and uncle even make a ten hour trip to be there and later offer to adopt the baby themselves, which came as a huge relief to Ashley because she was having an extremely difficult time deciding what to do.

Ashley goes back and forth with her decision to place the baby with her aunt and uncle. She resists the inevitable to the end, from whether or not she wants her aunt in the delivery room to whether she wants to give them the baby at all. My heart was breaking for her. It seemed like she wanted to keep the baby but was afraid to say so.

Throughout the entire ordeal, Ashley and her mom are level-headed and soft-spoken, which is nothing short of a miracle. Even later on when things get really rough, Ashley’s mom hardly raises her voice. They clearly have a strong relationship based on a lot of mutual respect.

When Callie Danielle (who shares the middle name of both her birth and adoptive mothers) is born, Ashley does not want to let go. She stays in the hospital as long as possible and holds Callie the entire time. Eventually, however they sign the adoption papers. The days following the adoption were hell for her and it wasn’t long before she bought a plane ticket and went to get her daughter back.

It seems like this would cause major chaos, but obviously Ashley’s whole family is as quiet and reasonable as her mom, because after a heart-to-heart they give Callie to Ashley so she can rethink her decision for a bit.

Ashley brings Callie home, but she gets overwhelmed with the demands of infant care and trying to make plans for the future. Being a college student and a mom is possible but requires a lot of sacrifices that Ashley did not want for Callie. Ultimately, she wants to keep her daughter, but she also does not want her to grow up in day care. In a heart-wrenching conclusion, Ashley gives Callie to Kenny and Lisa permanently.

Adoption is a wonderful thing. Many people will say that it was the best option for Ashley and the baby. I just wonder why we are perfectly comfortable with a 17 year old girl handing her baby over, practically against her will, for reasons that would be considered downright bizarre if she were in the same position, but a decade older. Babies interfere with careers, make people crazy from sleep deprivation, and go to day care no matter how old their parents are.

I am not against adoption, and I am not pro-teen pregnancy, it is just my personal belief that all women have a right to true reproductive freedom, including the right to access proper medical care and to parent their infants. Healthy families ultimately benefit everyone living in a society and the vast majority of parents of any age simply need a network of support to be successful.

However I know that this is, as of right now, an unattainable ideal. We live in a society that values isolated nuclear family units and frowns on extended family living. It used to be people could not survive without relying on each other for basic needs. When a child was born, it came into a world in which mothers, grandmothers, aunts, and siblings would all be caretakers. We have since created a culture that treats mothers as failures if they need or ask anyone in their families to help them, even though at the same time we routinely rely on help in the form of paid child care.

Ashley’s decision is admirable. But why do we automatically praise young mothers who give up their babies as “strong” while dismissing the strength of those who choose to parent and do it well?

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