To be annoyed with DH for not feeding the baby the food I prepared

(84 Posts)
finnbob Fri 03-May-13 21:21:09

DH works away 4 weeks at a time so I am usually wrecked by the time he comes back as 8 month old wakes once a night every night.

I organised a day away for myself today, shopping, lunch, facial.

Left lunch and dinner in the fridge to be reheated for the baby. When I came home they were both still there. The baby hadn't had dinner yet but his lunch was still there too. So I was a bit pissed off and said what did he eat. He gave him a yoghurt, but not his baby one, a fruit corner. He said he forgot he was supposed to give him pasta.

I lost the plot then and threw the meals on the counter and said why did I bother making food for him if you can't be arsed to heat it and feed him. And I shouted a bit about not being able to have one day off.

He got stroppy and said he didn't realise what he was supposed to give him. I just thought I couldn't have made it any easier and that he obviously doesn't listen to a word I say. So he stormed off and I started crying. I did actually tell him many times about reheating the food and to give him a yoghurt after his pasta if he was hungry. I don't usually go away for day so I had told him everything I thought he'd need to know.

Days relaxation undone in 2 minutes lol! So do your worst, WABU to get in such a state!

spiritedaway Sat 04-May-13 07:46:49

I meant haven't read whole thread! Have a good day OP x

spiritedaway Sat 04-May-13 07:46:00

Oops. . Have read whole thread. Sorry op. I cut to the chase as mine just woke up.

spiritedaway Sat 04-May-13 07:44:52

I imagine you feel guilty and upset for leaving your baby and her not having the care you would have given to her. Don't. If you're going to make a point of leaving for the day then leave the responsibility too. The baby is fine. No harm done. I tight YABU and reacted because you possibly find it stressful being away from your baby and need to do it more!

pippitysqueakity Sat 04-May-13 07:23:20

OP has been back and agreed she overreacted and explained her reasons.

Bit pointless now to tell her she wbu.

It almost looks as though you haven't read the whole thread...

BenjaminButton172 Sat 04-May-13 07:05:03

Have u thought about seeing a doctor OP? Because when i had post natal depression i would fly off the handle at little things & make them seem like they were massive issues.

edwardsmum11 Sat 04-May-13 05:40:02

Yabu and hormonal.

Morloth Sat 04-May-13 02:14:06

I think you need to unclench.

If the baby wasn't hungry then why would you need to give him food?

If the baby was crying with hunger then that would be different.

Zhx3 Sat 04-May-13 00:10:54

wine for you, OP.

I can imagine you're tired and worn down after 4 weeks with a wakeful baby every night. Is this your only dc? I constantly worried about doing things wrong with my first. Then probably the build-up and anticipation of your dh returning.

Your dh might not listen to you, but it doesn't necessarily mean he's doing it wrong, just differently. If he doesn't listen, and won't listen, then I would leave him to his own devices and turn a blind eye - he can sort out milk, food, nappies and sleep by himself. That is, of course, provided you trust his parenting.

greenformica Fri 03-May-13 23:48:41

I think you need to put the things that definitely need to be done in writing. In list form. But don't go over the top, keep it short and simple.

BlackeyedSusan Fri 03-May-13 23:23:59

I can see why you are cross. at that age, not enough food in the day= not enough sleep at night... and guess which muggins gets up to feed.

he should have followed baby's new routine. it will be different every four weeks for a while.

what did you give baby for breakfast? were you home on time for his dinner?

Startail Fri 03-May-13 22:53:47

you can explain child care to DHs, but they do not listen

I have long ago learnt to write notes and to trust that DH and my older DDs will muddle their way through even when they don't read them.

I once wrote a very detailed note as DDs were/weren't going to be in the bus and doing all sorts of things. Then DD2 was ill and didn't go to school. I was 100 miles away, they sorted it out just fine.

Honestly DP/DHs are perfectly able to look after children they just don't do it our way.

Littlehousesomewhere Fri 03-May-13 22:49:20

Him instructions on what to do a waste of my child free time an I trust his common sense. So far all has been fine, dc have food, sleep and playtime so I am happy with that.

Thank your dh for not using your pre prepared meal..... Saves you making lunch tomorrow!!

Littlehousesomewhere Fri 03-May-13 22:46:45

I am a sahm (not through choice as I lost my job) and I do long days with no family or friends around so when dh does have time off work I disappear and leave him completely to it....... I find telling h

mrsjay Fri 03-May-13 22:42:54

I dont think she is being unreasoanble about her husband being lazy I do think she is being OTT about the throwing pots about and having a hissy fit,

shallweshop Fri 03-May-13 22:36:43

I can understand totally and don't think you are being unreasonable - these are the tentative early days of weaning and establishing a routine and these things are important to you. I would have felt the same and reacted the same. However, now my kids are older, I can reassure that letting your DH do it his way sometimes is good for you and your baby - you just need to learn how to switch off.

Poosnu Fri 03-May-13 22:32:01

I think the OP has had a bit of a hard time. Yes she perhaps overreacted, but I can completely understand in the circumstances.

Her DH goes away for long periods of time and so does need to be told what baby is currently needing in terms of food, sleep etc. Things change so quickly at that age. It's not the sort of thing that he would instinctively know. The OP gave instructions and left out good wholesome food which he ignored.

OP perhaps doesn't get out often by herself so it felt like a huge deal, and perhaps difficult to let go of baby. She was probably stressed on returning home because of this, so it wouldn't have taken much to make her fly off the handle.

Having a fruit corner doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things, but I don't think that's why OP is upset - it's because her DH wanders back in after a month's absence and ignores her instructions.

Yes of course DH needs to find his own way with baby, but for this to happen he needs to spend a lot of time with baby and get to know him. At the start he will need guidance from the primary carer.

Pinkflipflop Fri 03-May-13 22:24:58

YANBU! Your dh sounds like a numpty! What kind of idiot can't feed the baby food that has been left prepared in advance?

I too would be furious; why does your dh get to be all 'let's have fun and relax the routine' while you get to be the boring, proper parent?

sudaname Fri 03-May-13 22:23:34

The OP has said however that baby had all his bottles and obviously a full fruit corner and that he would certainly voice his hunger very loudly if he had been left hungry. Also l presume all was well on the nappy side of things or l am sure the OP would have thrown that in her rant that he was soaking wet/ stinking soiled nappy aswell.
So all we have here is a well cared for, adequately fed and milked content baby in his dads care.
So he didn't get the actual meals prepared by his mum. Big deal.

VinegarDrinker Fri 03-May-13 22:18:31

Why was the food wasted? Pasta doesn't go off overnight.

VinegarDrinker Fri 03-May-13 22:17:45

He didn't ignore all the advice. The kid got just yoghurt instead of yoghurt and pasta shock - all this melodrama is ridiculous. The routine is not "ruined" FGS.

MrsOakenshield Fri 03-May-13 22:17:11

some rather extreme reactions here I think. OP, it's going to be hard for you both, getting used to each other, and I think doubly hard for him as so much will have changed with the baby while he's been away, and of course you and baby will seem to close and clued up to each other. He got it wrong once. Not the end of the world. It IS frustrating when food you've prepared is wasted, but again, not a biggie, really. I would suggest some jars might not go amiss at these times. Your DH is missing out on so much of his child's early life - after all, which would most of us prefer? Having to do it all for 4 weeks at a time - or not seeing your child AT ALL in that time. I know which I would prefer.

Jojobump1986 Fri 03-May-13 22:15:04

Surely it's as much about keeping the child's routine than anything?! Of course it's not going to harm the baby to have a day off from the usual routine but I suspect a lot of children would find it unsettling to be left with someone they've not seen for a month & not have the comfort of the usual food/routine.

My DH insists on checking with me about the bedtime routine if I go out for an evening... Despite the fact that he's not only at home in the evenings but he puts DS to bed every night. He'd probably make notes & set reminders on his phone if I left them alone for a whole day! DS's routine is never that organised when I'm in charge! confused

SanitaryOwl Fri 03-May-13 22:14:44

If my OH had thrown a tantrum like that, I'd have told them to fuck off. People make mistakes. The baby obviously wasn't starving, or the OP would have mentioned it. Where's the harm been done?

If the OH had come home and abused his wife like that, there'd be a stream of LTB's, frankly.

Feckadeck Fri 03-May-13 22:12:21

Poor OP more like! Seriously poor hubby my arse. He is away for 4 weeks ignores all advise about his DS from his wife who has been caring for him alone. It;s not normal circumstances where both parents are there most of the time and both are aware of the changing needs and requirements of the DS - the DH needs to listen to OP when he returns from working so he know what is going on at the new stage.

quoteunquote Fri 03-May-13 22:09:53

Don't prepare any food in advance, leave a list of everything the baby eats(is allowed to eat) on the fridge, and leave them to it.

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