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husband against montessori school

post #1 of 4
Thread Starter 

I am so heartbroken and disappointed as I write this :(  For the last several months my husband and I have been thinking of sending our kids to Montessori school, and I thought we were on the same page in terms of wanting the kids to go.


I manage the family finances, and this week I brought him up to speed on the budget and where I see our savings account headed as both children enter school.  I told him I would likely need to get a job for three years once both kids are in school, but that during the 4th year I wouldn't need to work anymore because our student loans will be paid off by then.


I used conservative estimates and did not factor in any promotions or raises for DH (though one of these is likely in the next 4 years where he works), and did not include the potential $1K in savings by using a Flexible Spending program towards tuition costs.


I looked at the numbers and felt optimistic - he looked at them and freaked out saying there was absolutely no way we could afford it!


He said our nest egg will be too small in our savings account, that he doesn't think we'll have as much saved as I anticipate because of life's incidentals and things that may come up, and that he doesn't want to live "paycheck to paycheck" as he put it just to afford fancy private school for the kids.  He said it seems like we're trying to live as though we are rich when really we're just middle class.


We are going to discuss it more in July when we find out if he's getting the raise he might be up for.  But for now I am just so devastated!


I am willing to make the sacrifices to send them and am willing to go to work.  He doesn't feel the same way.  


I feel as though, instead of working to send my kids to a good school that would make them happiest, my role would shift into that of a stay-at-home mom who struggles to help her children cope with the difficulties of being in a public school environment (homework and grades, pressure to sit at a desk all day, teaching to the test, no child left behind, etc.).


I am currently doing a little homeschool preschool program and have realized that I just do not see myself being able to homeschool long term AT ALL.  I really just do not see myself doing it, and I feel like I'm failing my children by admitting that I am incapable of pulling it together to homeschool them and must therefore send them to public school.  I even have a network of friends who homeschool and who share similar ideals, and yet I'm still struggling to follow through on the simple Waldorf-based preschool activities!


I don't know what I'm looking for by writing this post.  I guess I'm hoping for someone to come up with a brilliant idea for how I can afford school, or how I can convince my husband that we can make it work.  Or similar stories of people that felt this way in the beginning but ended up making it work.  Even stories of people who had to put children in public school and found their children were still happy and healthy and un-pressured.

post #2 of 4

If your husband is willing, ask him to read "Montessori Madness" by Trevor Eissler.




Good luck!

post #3 of 4

We were in the same position as you. DH went to the director and explained that we loved the school and wanted to send our kids, thought we could, but in the end, we'd also not be saving for college, retirement, no vacations, etc etc. The director told us not to worry about it and basically assured that we'd have the tuition lowered until I go back to work. So ask the school--it can't hurt! Good luck!

post #4 of 4

I am in a similar situation, but my kids have been in a Montessori school.  Dh is refusing to re-enroll your 4 1/2 and 2 1/2 yr olds for next year and it breaks my heart.  He says it costs too much and we can't afford it anymore.  We had 3 of our 4 kids at a wonderful Montessori school but our oldest wasn't a "good" fit and we ended up pulling him out during his 3rd yr( 2nd yr at the school the other 2 are in).  He has since thrived at a public school and now dh won't spend the money anymore. I am so heatbroken!  The school is a wonderful little school with wonderful teachers I feel.  We can apply for a scholarship for our 4 1/2 yr old but he says no still.  All because ds wasn't a good fit but our other 2 are doing good there.  He feels that the cost isn't worth it anymore even though he sees the younger 2 are doing great. We need to save money instead of spending it all I understand that but it still breaks my heart.  I am hoping I will be able to re-enroll them for the winter session but I am not sure it they will even let us if dh changes his mind.  All I can say to you is try and have a" Montessori" home in the mean time and maybe go to the school and see if they have any scholarships you can qualify for.  Then if they do maybe your dh will change his mind.  Good luck!

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