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Inappropriate request? or totally natural?

post #1 of 30
Thread Starter 
I am not a super private person, my dd has seen me naked and I am sure dss has seen me in my bra running for the toilet a few times (morning sickness). My ds's are very open, they really don't care who sees what in the house.. So If I tell my youngest son to get ready for his bath (hes almost 11) He will just whip his clothes off where he is standing and run in the bathroom, totally not shy and not scared about anyone seeing anything.

dh and dss however are SUPER private people. They close and lock the door to use the restroom. dh will go pee if I am in the tub and hes gotta go, but he doesn't go out of his way to be naked at anytime.. He sleeps with a shirt and pj bottoms, he would NEVER go outside in his pjs.. DSS is the same way, he is very private and I totally respect that, he is 12 and totally at the age of body awareness. Almost to a curious fault.. He has admitted to his dad that he "peeked" at me once, and I had no idea.... kinda creepy, but then again I am his stepmom and I am about 15 years younger then his mother, I never mentioned it to him and will never do so. He told dh in confidence and dh told him not to do that.

Now the inappropriate request... My dd is my first daughter, I don't have any other girls, and I grew up with all brothers pretty much.

She has been asking a lot of questions (she is special needs and 5 years old, but in reality she is probably more like a 3 year old). Anyways, she is totally preoccupied with me having another baby for us soon after I am done with my surrogacy.

She has been asking how babies eat, and I have been telling her the truth, breasts make mothers milk and mamas feed their babies with their breasts. She is strongly requesting to "see" the milk come out of the breasts. Now I do have colostrum, and I probably could just squeeze some out to show her, but dh says that would be wrong and some things kids shouldn't look at. Part of me agrees it would be awkward, but part of me is also thinking that IF I have another baby she is going to see it anyways.

I don't know if this is a normal natural question? That I should just show her and end the curiosity, or is dh right, that its an inappropriate request?

thoughts are appreciated!
post #2 of 30
I think its no big deal- breasts make milk, if your dd is curious, why is it any bigger deal to show her where your milk comes from than it would be to take her to a farm and show her a cow being milked? On the other hand, I wouldn't show dss- THAT would be weird.

Said by the homebirthing mom who let the kids be there for the birth and is now tandem nursing- so I may be desensitized on this issue.
post #3 of 30
Natural request for dd,and I would probably show.For dss I would guide him to an appropriate book or online info if he was curious. I am sure my dh never saw milk from a breast until I was feeding our first.It was not an issue for him growing up.

I have a book on babies by Sears....for kids.Will look for it later and see if it is a useful book for your dd. For the dss I would look for body change books giving info on girls and boys.

Like I told dh," Breast are for feeding our babies.Just because they excite you sexually doesn't make them sexual objects that we need to be hush-hush about!"
post #4 of 30
sounds normal to me. My kids, 6, 5 and 3 have all been very interested in the physical details of the new baby's birth and feeding.My 3 year old, not nursing for a year now, has been especially interested in what and how the baby eats.
post #5 of 30
I would definitely show her. It's not any different than seeing a cow get milked . . . why would it be inappropriate? That's how babies eat, it's what they eat, etc.
post #6 of 30
It's a natural request, but it's up to you whether or not you want to show her. Your body belongs to you, so if it makes you feel uncomfortable, don't, and if you feel comfortable with it, go ahead.
post #7 of 30
I agree it's a natural, normal request, and I don't feel that it would be inappropriate to show her because it is a very natural, healthy, and just darn impressive process! Just keep in mind that if she's anything like MY DD, she will then explain how all of this works to every random stranger in the grocery store, etc.

That said, if *you* feel uncomfortable showing her, either because of your own feelings or those of your DH, I wouldn't recommend it. Your DD will likely pick up on that tension and may feel badly for asking the question or may be confused about what's ok and what's not. I think that if it is outside of your comfort limits, you could explain just that.
post #8 of 30
I don't really see anything "inappropriate" however if you don't feel comfortable then don't do it.
post #9 of 30
I pretty much agree with the others. It seems like a normal, appropriate request from your DD. But if you're not comfortable with it, it's okay to deny the request as well.
post #10 of 30
my dd1 was 3 when I was preggo with dd2. She had the same request when she was 3. I squeezed some out and showed her. dd1 was formula fed, so it was something very different for her to know about breastfeeding.

I guess I assumed it to be a normal and natural question. I didn't see it as inappropriate.
post #11 of 30
Natural and normal.

I remember being at a party and nursing dd, and one of my colleague's kids who was about 5 came over and asked what I was doing. I explained. He was fascinated (he was adopted so didn't breastfeed) and asked to see the milk. I showed him. I don't know if it was the right thing to do, but I did want to make breastfeeding normal and natural. (Hopefully I didn't shock his folks too much.)
post #12 of 30
I think it's a normal request, kids are curious and it's not something that could be considered sexual on any level like asking to see DH's penis or anything along those lines.

My 3 year old DD is very curious about all kinds of things, we just don't make a big deal out of it and gently remind her (when needed) that it's not appropriate to talk about things with those outside of our house, and so on. You know one day out of the blue she asked me if my pubic hairs ever get tangled and if they do, do I have to go to the doctor to get them shaved?
post #13 of 30
If she is just curious about what it looks like then maybe you could squeeze some onto your finger in private and then show her. You could also get some books from the library that show babies nursing if that is more comfortable for you. I don't think you should do something you and your dh are uncomfortable about.
post #14 of 30
It sounds like YOU didn't think it was out of the normal until your dh said something. Go ahead and show her. Some day she will have breasts, too.
post #15 of 30
Why would it be out of the norm? Heck, it's down right fascinating when you think about it. Breasts producing sustenance for babies... I say show her. It's not like she's never seen a breast before right? And she will have them eventually herself.
post #16 of 30
My first thought was, a lot of lucky 3 year olds, and even a few lucky 5 year olds, still nurse. Anything to do with mama's breasts during this age range is probably really ok.
post #17 of 30
Thread Starter 
Neither dh or I were breastfed, and I do think that has something to do with his comfort level with things.

For the record I would never ever show dss this lol. He has a lot of books and knows pretty much all he should know at this point and I will always answer his questions honestly. I think he "peeked" out of normal teenage curiosity.

If you ask my 2 ds about breastfeeding, they claim they remember being nursed and are not fazed at all about it. Ds1 is actually really pressing me to donate breastmilk after my surrogacy. I breastfed my boys until they were 3 1/2 about, they weaned themselves.

I see nothing wrong with showing her, but my dh made me second guess myself (silly I know). I mean dd was breastfed, I didn't feel strange about that at all, so why would I feel strange showing her? idk I guess I will not seek her out for it, but when she asks again (and she will lol) I will take her into a private room and show her.

I also think my dh has some weird attachment to my breasts lol, it might be kinda greed also about it. I know that sounds silly, but he would always say things like " I am glad you are nursing, but I really miss them being mine". I would always say, "wow yours? so these swollen cracked nipples hurt you?" lol

Anyways I think he is just thinking about breasts in a sexual manner, and I think if there is any lessons to be learned it should probably be his lesson to learn about relaxing a bit.

But ya never know, when he took baths with my dd (even as a small baby) he wore swim trunks in the tub.
post #18 of 30
Thread Starter 
I wanted to add a big huge THANK YOU!!!

I was a little worried people might not reply because it is a touchy subject for some, but I am super happy you all replied.

Thanks for taking the time to help out!
post #19 of 30
Originally Posted by annethcz View Post
post #20 of 30
I don't think it's a big deal. If you don't want to, just keep ignoring the request, or don't bring it up again and see if she stops asking. If she brings it up again, and you are fine with it, then give it a shot.
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