Dear Abby: This is my wife's second marriage. When we were dating, she led me to believe I was the second sexual partner she ever had. Shortly after our wedding, I found out through mutual acquaintances that she had been promiscuous during her college years, and the number of men she has been with is far greater than two.

I feel lied to and trapped in my marriage. If I had known this, I would not have married her. She knows I know. She dismissed it by saying the past doesn't matter, but what she fails to recognize is that it matters to me. I can't help but wonder if she has lied to me about something this important, what else will she lie to me about?

I love her and want to stay with her, but I feel betrayed and embarrassed by her now. What do I do?

-- Confounded

Dear Confounded: People lie when they feel threatened, when they want to impress someone or when they're ashamed of something. The lie your wife told you may fall into the latter category. She wasn't honest about the number of men she had been with because she knew you would react the way you have.

You say you love her, but if you feel embarrassed by the fact that you're not the second man she has slept with, then you either need to change your attitude or do her a favor and think about ending your marriage. From my perspective, the number of lovers she has had since the wedding is far more important than the number she had before.

Please be aware that many women in our society have had multiple partners, so if you're looking to replace your wife anytime soon, you may be hard pressed to find a woman with no experience. If you want to salvage your marriage, I recommend you talk to a therapist. But don't spend your money unless you can forgive your wife for being afraid to tell you the truth.

Dear Abby: I'm a 16-year-old guy. I recently met a girl in a chat room. She told me she is suicidal. In the past three days, she has made three attempts to take her life. As I'm writing this, she is in the hospital.

I try to talk her out of it, but she keeps shutting me out, and once she's OK, she is a completely different person. I still want to be her friend, but this is getting to be too much for me. Please help.

-- Worried in Vermont

Dear Worried: You must recognize that the girl you are corresponding with is emotionally fragile. Right now, she is unable to respond to you, and you are not equipped to help her. It's good she is in the hospital because that is where she needs to be until she can be stabilized. If you continue to stay in touch with her and she tells you again that she is suicidal, you should ask her where she is and if she has done anything to herself. Then call 911 and report it so she can get help quickly.
