October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Stupid Customers Come With A Sign



Me: “Hello. Do you need help sir?”



(He looks genuinely upset at this fact.)


Me: “Sir, turtles can’t read.”

Customer: “They can’t?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Hmm. Well, that’s upsetting.”

Spewing Obnoxious Gases




Me: “Yeah, I think I can.”

(I turn to the next customer in line.)

Me: “Do you want to kill the environment?”

Customer #2: “Yes!”

Me: “A bag it is.”

It Would Explain Canada’s Lack Of Sun

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Canada, Technology, Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

(I have just activated a new smart-phone for a customer. I am showing them how to set it up.)

Me: “…and that is how you would send a text message. Do you have any other questions?”

Customer: “The time is wrong on this phone.”

Me: “That’s because you haven’t selected the correct time zone. Here, I will show you the time setup.”

(I show the customer the list of time zones, and briefly leave her to answer another customer’s question.)

Customer: *impatiently* “Excuse me! Excuse me! This phone you have given me is broken!”

Me: “Broken? Why do you say that?”

Customer: “There is no ‘Canadian’ time zone! It keeps trying to put it on ‘Eastern’!”

Me: “Yes, that would be correct, it’s seven o’clock here.”

Customer: *indignantly* “We don’t live in the east! This is Canada!”

Wet The Appetite

| Staten Island, NY, USA | Pets & Animals, Top

(A young woman approaches the front register with a dead Siamese fighting fish in a cup.)

Customer: “I want a refund on my fish. All the fish I buy here keep dying! This is my 3rd replacement. I don’t understand what could be wrong except that you sell sick fish!”

Me: “I’m very sorry for that miss. I assure you we give all of our animals, including our fish, excellent care. Could you describe to me anything you noticed wrong with your fish before it passed away?”

Customer: “Well when I first get one it’s completely fine. I change the water once a week, add water conditioner, and it seems happy and healthy. Then, after a couple of weeks it starts looking really sickly and one day it just dies for no apparent reason.”

Me: “Ok, well what were you feeding it? Was it eating well?”

Customer:“Feeding it? These kind of fish eat?”

Me: “Yes of course they do. Everything needs to eat.”

Customer: “Wow, really?! I thought they just ate the water.”

Not A Believer

| Chicago, IL, USA | Liars & Scammers, Money, Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, how much is an oil change?”

Me: “$38.99.”

Caller: “Okay, well usually I bring in a coupon and they give me money off, but I don’t have it with me this time. Can you just give me a discount?”

Me: “No, we actually need to scan the hard copy itself to enter a discount.”

Caller: “Well, what if I bring in a make-believe coupon?”

Me: “A what?”

Caller: “You know, a make-believe coupon?”

Me: “Those are good for make-believe oil changes.”

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