Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with success Questions tagged with 'success' at Ask MetaFilter. Tue, 23 Sep 2014 18:16:14 -0800 Tue, 23 Sep 2014 18:16:14 -0800 en-us 60 Academic and creative freedom ... behind a mask or not? Got a PhD, got a cushy research job that I really like, but have extracurriculars that I'd like to pursue and have concerns about pursuing them under my real (academic) name. I am a researcher in a social science field - something like health economics. I've got a great full-time job at an independent, nonprofit research institute (sort of a cross between a think-tank, a consulting firm, and an academic research center at a big university). All of my work is funded by government contracts or grants, but I haven't yet had to do much of my own grantwriting. I really like my job and am well-paid with a sweet, flexible schedule that doesn't require much more than 40 hours a week.<br> <br> I also have several passionate extracurricular interests. I get curious about something and do a deep dive to try to understand it, and inevitably I want to do something with what I've learned. Specifically, right now I'm really interested in food science and cultures as they relate to fungi, bacteria, yeasts, fermentation, and the human microbiome. I don't have any formal training in this area, but am enjoying teaching myself.<br> <br> I'm also really interested in cannabis legalization and the various implications of what's happening around that. I have the academic qualifications to do some of this research, but haven't published anything directly in the field yet. My own institution turned down an application I submitted for a small, internal grant, saying my application was "somewhat premature" -- I suspect this is related to my lack of publications in that area (I have plenty of other pubs).<br> <br> I'd really love to do work in both these interest areas. Ideally, someday I'd like to go out on my own and start a small research group/home business (or two) focused on one (or both) areas. So I've started laying the groundwork by building a couple of websites (which I will share via PM if you're interested).<br> <br> So here's my first question. If you were in my shoes, would you put your full, real name on the website mastheads/about pages for these sites? I hesitate because I'm worried about someone from one of the government agencies that funds my work finding it. But I'd like to start building a reputation (and developing my own expertise/knowledge base) through blogging about both topics. I'd like to be able to be really clear about my credentials (for the cannabis site especially), but I'm not sure how specific I should be.<br> <br> Second, related issue: I'm also a musician. After spending the past 10 years in school, I'm finally ready to turn my attention back to music again -- specifically, I want to explore solo home recording projects and pursue some kind of regular musical collaboration, even if just a weekly jam session, with other people. So here's my second question: would you, in my shoes, use a pseudonym/stage name for your muscial projects? I have one picked out already and have started to think about branding (for lack of a better word). But at the same time, it feels a little schizophrenic to be dividing myself in that way. I really respect people like <a href="">Christian Rudder</a>, cofounder/president of OKCupid and member of the band Bishop Allen, for having a coherent identity that seems pretty holistic. But again, I worry about clients shying away from awarding contracts if they Google me and find out I have this... um... edgier side.<br> <br> Open to any and all advice about this issue -- which I guess boils down to having fractured identities versus a single coherent story and the risks associated with each option. Thanks in advance for your help. I'd appreciate knowing your approximate age when you answer, since I suspect there may be generational trends in the responses, as well as your own personal experiences with having/not having a single identity.,2014:site.268950 Tue, 23 Sep 2014 18:16:14 -0800 sockpuppetryarts Dress me for success -- First Impressions I've got an interview tomorrow. I've googled the metafilter answers which are not quite right. I've been picked to interview tomorrow. Admin assistant job in educational setting -- but two grades above current. I have dress slacks of many shades, ditto jackets, and nice brown and black shoes. My only black suit is wool, so, no. I've been in the same position for twelve years. The last feedback I got was in the late 90s when someone told me, "You dress like the 70s and that's why you can't get a job." (I bought clothes after that with the help of a savvy sympathetic friend). Female, slightly overweight, early 50s (I have been told I look younger), curly (sloppy) hair. (I must tame it but I am not sure how). Midwest. Also: I am always afraid of staring and so look away. How do I know how long to make eye contact?,2014:site.262593 Tue, 27 May 2014 15:08:21 -0800 intrepid_simpleton Article about successful people who use just one software tool. A few years ago, perhaps 5-10, I read a brief article by someone who interviewed a number of strikingly-successful somewhat-famous people and concluded the one thing they all had in common was that they relied on a single software tool for nearly everything. Can you point me to the piece? As I recall, the tools were all different, and often ill-adapted to the tasks, but what was common was that a very small number of tools were used to do just about everything.<br> <br> I'm 80% sure it was online text, with radio a slight possibility, and I saw it within the last decade. The tone was very much <em>The Verge</em> or <em></em>, and I'm sure I found it linked from elsewhere. But, my search engine skills are no match for the sea of SEO crap that includes all the words I'm interested in.<br> <br> Because it supports all of my biases and habits, I've found myself mentioning the article fairly often in casual conversation in the last few years. But, I'd sure like to have a reference, and to check that it's not embarrassingly bad.,2014:site.261067 Mon, 28 Apr 2014 21:15:30 -0800 eotvos Small business guru, may I sit at your feet? You've started a small business, things have been tough, you've been staring down the barrel of failure, but you've turned it around, you made it work. How did you do it? What changes in practice and attitude really made a difference to your success? What resources did you draw upon? I'd really like to hear how you made it through the tough times. If your business is arts/craft related, even better. I'm really just looking for inspiration, but it might help you to know:<br> A year ago I took a massive leap and returned home to my native country after 23 years. I reasoned that it would be the only way the (very) long distance relationship I'd started would work. Plus my parents are both very frail and I wanted to help. <br> I spent most of my savings setting up a ceramics studio and set about making ceramics - without other work to prop me up for the first time. <br> A year down the track and my savings have dwindled; I've set up a classroom and am teaching classes, which are keeping the wolf from the door, but not enough to stop my savings leaking out the door. The ceramics side is developing, but is only a tenth of my income, and I'm leaning on my new partner a lot more than I would like. I'm open to taking other work, and have done a little debt collecting (against my better instincts, but I felt I couldn't be picky). Unfortunately the area I'm in is just recovering from the slump and jobs - certainly arts related ones - are very thin on the ground.<br> It's been a very stressful year dealing with my new country (even though it's my old one!), new relationship, aging parents and business/financial worries. If I carry on as I am I'll be flat broke in 4-5 months. Have you been in a similar situation? How did it pan out? I'm particularly interested in changes you made that really made a difference. <br> Thanks (O enlightened many!),2014:site.259920 Mon, 07 Apr 2014 08:57:09 -0800 M.Onniker Help me vanquish my green-eyed monster! How can I stop feeling envy about my friends' successes? One of the things that I consistently find least admirable about about myself is my capacity for envy. While this has been something that I have always recognized in myself, I feel like it has probably intensified over the past couple of years as I have been increasingly unhappy about my own situation and the choices I made that created it (more <a href="">here</a>). Many of my friends now are in situations that I consider very enviable in various respects, especially compared to my own. <br> <br> A good example of this (and what has directly precipitated this AskMe) is something that happened last night. I had dinner with a friend of mine who is also a PhD student (in a very employable field, unlike mine). He mentioned that everything is going really well for him: he has recently had multiple journal articles accepted for publication, he may have a job offer at a major research university, and he's on track to submit his dissertation by this summer (a year ahead of most). (I, on the other hand, am having a huge amount of dissertation stress, am running out of funding this summer and all my recent final-year funding applications have been unsuccessful, and I am having serious doubts about wonder whether I will be able to finish and submit ever; I also am struggling with getting my *very first* journal article into publishable form, and no longer want an academic job anyway.) Even further, this friend met someone fairly randomly a few months ago, they turned out to have an uncanny amount in common, a really wonderful communication dynamic, and are now in a serious relationship and are talking about marriage. You need to trust me that knowing him and the type of personality he has (INTJ), I have no doubt that this will happen: he is very clear-headed and not prone to fits of romanticized fancy or emotional pendulum swings based around soulmates, and if they think they are a good match and are thinking about marriage, they really are. He has never dated or been in a relationship before, and seems through serendipity (his word) to have on his very first try fallen into the exact thing that he (and I) would most have desired. I have various other friends like this - friends who have had an enjoyable and stress-free PhD with lots of time for extracurriculars and plans to submit on time; friends who have been readily offered (some without even asking!) lots of stipend and grant funding; friends with rich and generous parents who have no financial worries during their PhD; friends whose grandparents gave them a condo or a car or a continuing allowance; friends who don't work out or diet and still don't struggle with how their body looks and seem to look effortlessly thin and beautiful; non-academia friends who fell into a lucrative and satisfying career; friends who made the right choice the first time around, went to med school, and are now in residency and about to have awesome employment; friends who have randomly met someone who was an excellent fit (the first time they dated anyone!), and got married less than a year later and are - as far as I can see - blissfully happy; etc. Many of my friends are multiple of these things. <br> <br> For me, the past few years, and really my whole life, has been a long slog. I have long felt like the prodigal son's older brother. I have painfully clawed my way up for many many years to get where I am, and have sacrificed so much that I value to do it. Even putting in 110%, I feel I am barely performing adequately (broke, barely managing to look reasonably attractive (maybe), struggling with my PhD, no article publications yet, etc.). On paper perhaps I look good, but nothing good seems to happen easily for me. Everything I have ever gotten - stipends, grants, etc. - has been through sheer force of me throwing myself at it enough times, at great personal pain. Many of my friends, by contrast, really seem to lead lives that are charmed in at least one respect, and often many. Spending time with these friends makes me feel horrible and deeply envious (and I'm at one of the top universities, so pretty much all of my friends are like this - golden people who are seemingly effortlessly accomplished). I came home from this lovely dinner with my lovely friend and cried for a while, and still feel miserable about it. In fact, one of the biggest reasons I left Facebook was that I realized that I invariably felt horrible after spending time on it looking at my friends' boyfriends, husbands, graduation ceremonies, jobs, vacations, presents, babies, etc. I was tired of that familiar tightness in my stomach and fevered rush as I would flick through friends' wedding albums, so I just decided not to do Facebook anymore. This made my life somewhat better, but obviously you can't just quit social life like you can quit Facebook (nor would I want to).<br> <br> I want to make clear that these friends are wonderful people who deserve every good thing that comes their way (to the extent that anyone "deserves" good fortune). The problem here really is with me. I don't want to cut off any of my friendships. My friends really are great people - moral, intelligent, hard-working, witty, fun to be with, successful, beautiful - and I am proud to have them as friends. I don't want to be envious, unhappy, bitter or resentful; basically, I don't want to be the sort of person I'm describing myself to be above. I love my friends and I want to <em>want</em> to rejoice in their successes with them. How do I do this?,2014:site.258521 Tue, 11 Mar 2014 10:59:43 -0800 ClaireBear how do really busy and successful people manage it all and stay sane? I've taken on a lot of work recently and I feel like I am at capacity, yet it seems like other more successful people manage to do so much more, and with greater efficiency. How do these people manage to use their time so well? Maya Angelou worked in hotel rooms, <a href="">this guy</a> sits at a desk for hours no matter what, Michell Rhee uses two phones at once, <a href="">44% of wealthy people</a> wake up 3 hours before work, and me, I sometimes refer to a todo list.<br> <br> But I'm so busy that I stop eating and going to the gym. What am I missing?,2014:site.257203 Sat, 15 Feb 2014 14:08:36 -0800 jander03 Dust myself off? Okay, how? At the age of 50-something, it appears that I've seriously failed at life. Some years ago, I left a stable and well-paid career for one that I thought would be more interesting. It did not work out. I cannot return to my old career. It's significantly changed and the few jobs there are go to new graduates. I am currently self-employed and can barely pay my bills. I am constantly anxious about money and am afraid I will end up homeless. I have practical ideas about how I might change things for the better, but I see myself as an unreliable loser who cannot be counted on, so I feel no enthusiasm about my plans. I am horrified at the mess I have made of my life and reflect on it constantly. I don't know anyone else in similar circumstances. Has anyone here been in a similar situation? How did you move forward? How did you convince yourself that you could turn things around? (I already take antidepressants, and they make a huge difference.),2014:site.255098 Fri, 10 Jan 2014 13:24:13 -0800 Anonymous 3 motivational tools to help me rock 2014 I want an app, a visual reminder &amp; a sound track. 2014 is going to be my best year yet, and I need some tools to make it work. iPhone app<br> So I want the app to count things for me, but the things I want to count. Ideally, if I was designing it, I would be able to put in a list of things: nicotine craving conquered, glass of water, 1000 steps, medication taken, chore done. Each of these would then be a button, when I accomplished any of them, I could open app, my buttons would be there, and I could press one, and at end of day, or week or month I could see how fucking awesomely I was doing! If there isn't one, a simple/easy alternative?<br> <br> Visual reminder - if I can't see it- I forget it - even if its important to me. Job, study, goal etc. calendars and gantt chart. shopping list. morning routine, motivational sayings. handbag contents. I'm in rental accommodation which does not allow nails in wall. Not to mention that the walls are concrete. I've never had much luck with the stick on hooks (middle of night, 2 months after applying, light clock throws itself to ground) so sticking up whiteboard is not going to work. I've though of buying a piece of ply - say 1m x 2m (3 foot x 6 foot), leaning it against the wall, and nailing things like whiteboard, and cork board to it. But maybe you guys can think of something better. Please think of something better. <br> <br> Thirdly, soundtrack - all genres. Covering themes like "it's my life", "I don't care what people think", "I can do anything", "take care of yourself - its the only way through - don't wait for someone to take care of you", "stop thinking so much &amp; do something", "one step at a time", "its tough, but you can do it", "sure, everyone says stupid things - everyone already forgot the stupid thing you just said", "veges are yummier than booze", shit, you know what I mean. I need to believe in myself, and be fierce and stop looking outside of myself for validation. I do not want any music that uses abuse to motivate - like get off your arse, you lazy shit. And maybe even some stuff that helps me to connect and feel part of human race like REMs everybody hurts, Tanya David how to be alone (, frank ze's chill out song.,2013:site.254312 Thu, 26 Dec 2013 17:48:37 -0800 b33j Help me focus less on my fears and more on my dreams. I'm struggling with a lack of self-confidence and undercurrent of doubt, and hoping that I might be able to shift my attention more towards what I hope for the future than what I fear from it. What are some simple techniques that I can use to gradually move the spotlight over to the positive? Looking for very concrete exercises or practices. Something like: “start each morning writing a vision of what you want.” Would that actually work? I'd think it might just freak me out more, make me feel guilty that I'm not there yet. But something concrete like that. Thanks. Snoooowflake:<br> I've noticed that I spend a lot of my time worrying about “ending up a failure” and/or regretting how I've “already wasted my chances.” I can guess that this comes from childhood, hearing my mom talk about her own life that way. While I tried my best to reject that view of the world, I can hear it in my own thoughts all the time. Maybe because my plan to escape that sense of failure was to be a world-wide success by age 18. When that didn't happen (I literally remember crying on my birthday because I hadn't become “successful” yet), I pushed it to 22, 25, 30. Well, I'm 30 now and I haven't even hit the first rung of success in my field (publishing a book). And now I have a full-time job and split my free time between guiltily playing video games and writing while sentiments like “if you were really talented at this, you'd be a success by now,” and “maybe if you played less f***ing video games you'd be a success by now and wouldn't have to whore yourself out to the Man for a paycheck” whirl through my head. When I can tamp down the self-criticism, sometimes I remember that the reason I wanted to be a writer is because I like it! But those are rare times.<br> <br> <br> <br> ((And before you suggest it, yes I've tried CBT, which I understand is meant to deal with just these sorts of “thought disorders.” I felt like it just made me more neurotic about my own thoughts. <br> And before you suggest it, yes talk therapy, I has it. But it's slow, I don't go that often, I don't get to talk about everything, and when this comes up it usually spirals into talking about my mother, not ending in concrete exercises or techniques I can use.<br> And before you suggest it, yes antidepressants, I has them too.)),2013:site.249667 Fri, 04 Oct 2013 16:08:45 -0800 Calicatt What was the business book I read five years ago? I read a business book about five years ago that was about creativity and success in the workplace. It was a creative approach to business for hip young professionals. I remember it had red/pink drawings/scribbles on the cover and came out some time around 2008. It had a rather clever title. Do you know what I'm talking about? I recently started compiling a list of all the books I've ever read for posterity's sake, and I've had trouble remembering some. One of them was a "business" book about how to make your employers see you as an asset by being more creative or something like that. It was a somewhat unconventional approach, and I feel it had something to do with being more creative in the work place with ideas like proposing your own projects. It had somewhat clever title. It wasn't your standard business book, it was almost a kind of hip approach to business for hip young professionals. I remember it had a bunch of drawings on the cover in red/pink pen ink, almost like scribbles. That was the defining thing I remember about it. It was a fairly new book when it came out around 2008 or so. Does anybody have any ideas on what I'm talking about? Please help.,2013:site.243878 Sun, 30 Jun 2013 22:31:18 -0800 dargerpartridge How do I learn to master failure with grace? What resources, whether they're books, websites, or other media address how to stop letting success and failure affect me so much? In other words, how can I start accepting failure as an inevitability? For a very long time I have been letting my success and failures define my happiness. It's very draining keeping my self-confidence and contentment wrapped up in external events, and I'm tired of it. To top it off, I don't think I ever really learned how to deal with rejection and failure in a healthy way. I tend to internalize failure, and it only makes things worse. I don't want to try again. I shut myself down from constructive criticism. <br> <br> As an aside, I've been practicing mindfulness meditation for the past two years. While this is helpful in recognizing when these thoughts are intruding, it's not exactly a fix in stopping them. I still get down when an outcome does not arrive as expected, even though I am aware that outcomes won't always arrive as expected.,2013:site.239729 Wed, 24 Apr 2013 10:12:36 -0800 helios410 Survivor stories - persons living well despite chronic pain. Encouragement and survivor stories from persons in chronic pain? Symptoms of what may be fibromyalgia and an inability to manage the pain well are depriving my life of beauty, art, and color; I am looking for underdog stories. I'm curious to hear from people, preferably musicians, in video interview, but written is also welcome, who have some combination of: chronic pain, a joint issue, fatigue, a diagnosed or undiagnosed medical something-or-other, that has proven to them a great struggle to overcome. Essentially I'm looking for stories of people desperate to retain some sense of freedom, control, and joy in their lives, and what that struggle has been like .<br> <br> Myself I'm not sure what I have, maybe fibromyalgia, maybe something else, but yet another semester has come to pass and I've had to slow my life down to a crawl in order to get the most simple of assignments in; the pain has been so distracting. I added a fun class to my course lineup but even that feels as though stripped away from me.<br> <br> As the semester began, playing guitar in class felt manageable, but practicing at home is no different then trying to read, write, or study; painful. And painful in ways I know not yet how to manage. Sit this way and that, metronome slow, fast or off. Different rooms, chairs, footrests. I even bothered to get a decent, well made for its price of $200, acoustic as opposed to something of the cheaply made entry-level variety as a kind of encouragement to myself that the financial investment was a self investment and so that when it came time that the cheapo guitar was falling apart, hurting my hand to play across the fretboard due to poor construction, I wouldn't feel I wasted my money. All that is to say, I had faith.<br> <br> I still do, just need some encouragement is all. As far as musicians I'm hoping for a well done Vimeo short of a guitarist doing his thing in between cuts of an interview of the pain he encounters and his remarks on his determination to not let it best him.,2013:site.239195 Mon, 15 Apr 2013 10:58:28 -0800 MeatyBean OKC's Kiss/Kill/Marry Have you (or someone you know) been successful with individuals who are a low match for you on OKC? I consider low to be below '80% Match'. This is assuming you've both answered at least a 100 questions. Success I consider to be at least a few months of going out. I'm trying to get a sense of whether it is reasonable to ignore contact from low-matching individuals or if those scores are just meaningless once you get to know someone in person. Should you give that person a shot or is it a waste of time? I'm not so much concerned with the friend or enemy score.,2013:site.238282 Sun, 31 Mar 2013 15:14:35 -0800 who squared Films, shows, videos, imagery representing success and failure in American culture? Depictions of success and failure in American culture? Films, videos, commercials, shows, songs, and other (non-literary) media requested. I'm teaching a class in literary representations of success and failure in American literature and culture, nineteenth century to present. We'll be looking at works that factor in gender, race, and class in figuring economic and other measures of success. Readings will include Ben Franklin's Autobiography and John Howard Griffin's Black Like Me. <br> <br> One catch: it's a summer course that meets four days a week for three hours at a time. In order to stave off inevitable exhaustion for both me and the class (to make matters more fun, I'll be late in my third trimester of pregnancy!) I want to weave in some visuals/audio/multi-media. <br> <br> I plan on showing GlenGarry Glen Ross in its entirety toward the end of the term. What other films, TV episodes, scenes, music videos, songs, art, etc. might be fun to include? I'm open to depictions from other cultures, since they might offer interesting points of comparison. <br> <br> Witty, weighty, trivial -- all welcome, as long as they represent some spin on the topics of success and/or failure. Just FYI, I'm mostly thinking in socioeconomic, racial, or gendered terms, but I also want to keep the theme open at this point; in fact, alternate readings of the (admittedly VERY broad) "success and failure" label could provoke new insights as I plan the class, so bring them on!<br> <br> Thanks, guys!,2013:site.232370 Thu, 03 Jan 2013 08:31:51 -0800 cymru_j Help me fake it until I make it. I want to be better, faster, smarter and stronger, but I'm behind the eight ball. Help? For the past year or so, I've been anxious and ambitious, in an aimless sort of way. <a href="">This</a> knocked me back on my heels and reminded me too much of how I did in college, and for the first time, helped me figure out <em>why</em> I might not have done well. (I always just assumed I was a colossal failure.) It forced me to do quite a bit of self-evaluation.<br> <br> I will try to be as brief as possible about the background : Very young mother, alcoholic father with severe psychosis. Living well below the poverty line. Every flavor of abuse, mostly physical. Easy access to guns. A role-reversal between my mother and myself, wherein I protected her against my father. Social services involvement, foster homes, halfway houses and finally, residential psychiatric care for myself. Barely managed to graduate high school, got involved in drugs, became the long-term caretaker of my then-boyfriend through many dangerous situations. Worked up to three minimum-wage jobs to financially support us and our habits. He killed himself after we had an argument. I got pregnant. I was working full-time and attending community college. When a family situation escalated, I had my first nervous breakdown and dropped out of college (after four disastrous semesters) to work another job so I could afford to leave quickly for our safety. I effectively divorced my family by moving very far away. I lucked into a very solid, loving relationship. I slowly paid off my student loans and worked a string of office/clerical jobs. When I felt "safe" in that situation, I began to unravel on another level: Two horrible years and a second nervous breakdown followed, almost leading to divorce. I was eventually diagnosed with PTSD and those symptoms are, more or less, stabilized for the moment. We're stronger for having weathered it, but I know the work isn't "done."<br> <br> As a result of all this catching-up and breaking-down, I am now in my mid-30s with little to show for it professionally. It was only through a mixture of hard work, luck, and networking that I have the job (the first to qualify as a "career") I have now. For the first year of my adulthood, I feel like things are looking up, rather than just about to shake apart. Personally, I feel like I'm doing well "considering", but I know that's not enough. On paper, I'm a high school graduate without honors, academic clubs or respectable extracurricular activities, "some college", with a series of lackluster or middling positions in vaguely-related fields, with a couple of glowing recommendations from instrumental people whose attention I caught at the right time. <br> <br> My colleagues, by contrast, are all from privileged backgrounds. They went to good schools and have distinguished themselves with graduate degrees with honors and PhD programs, as well as through important internships and past projects. They have deep social and family connections to this same network. They learned all their professional and social skills at the "correct" time, and they are more confident than me without even trying. They speak of cultural experiences and opportunities that make any of my hard work pale in comparison. As such, I feel it's only a matter of time before someone takes a hard look at me and my background and realizes they've made a mistake by letting me in. I'd like to get out in front of that if I can. I am more than willing to work, and to work hard, and to even get the college education at some point after I have taken care of my son and any of his needs for college. I feel right now that it is his time for college and not mine. (I had my chance, after all. I have the privilege of maybe getting him through, but certainly not both of us at once.)<br> <br> At the same time, I also feel like this is a tenuous position that is relying too much on the goodwill of two or three others holding the strings. If something were to happen within this network or their respective business enterprises, I am not a good prospect on paper by any stretch of the imagination. They know I don't have a degree or professional certification; most of my coworkers do not. I'm told not to sweat it, but I don't know how much of that advice is driven by my potential salary expectations in the future. (Could I even argue to make a higher salary with a straight face, given my background?)<br> <br> I guess I'm looking for things I could put into play quickly: I'm in a computer/software-related field in California. I have the day-to-day skills for the job in hand and do not feel overwhelmed by my current job requirements, but I also feel like there are situations or potential opportunities where I go limp or panicky because I feel stupid, thinking a smarter person would have the answer. <br> <br> I have been reading most of the books on reading lists for a "classical" college education. I am currently learning a second language that would be prudent to speak in this region. I attend free or low-cost classes whenever possible that are encouraged to brush up one's skills, but many of those classes assume one already has a sturdy college foundation.<br> <br> TL;DR: I feel like I've been given a tremendous opportunity for someone with my background, but I need to work on closing this class gap quickly while the expectations are controllable, before those above me wise up or start promoting others in positions I could reasonably obtain. What can MeFi suggest in the way of certifications and professional memberships? Vertical certifications that would bolster my position (say in business or management)? Non-fiction technical books on theory or strategy or business that most college graduates would have read long ago? Cosmetic as well as substantial improvements?<br> <br> Thank you for reading this far, and for any advice you can offer.,2012:site.231951 Thu, 27 Dec 2012 16:13:26 -0800 dean winchester Multiple successful musicians? What musicians were members of more than one big, successful band? Cosette and I were discussing this earlier and could only think of a few (not including supergroups and solo acts):<br> <br> Randy Bachman - BTO/The Guess Who<br> Eric Clapton - Yardbirds/Cream<br> Slash - GNR/Velvet Revolver<br> Kim Deal - Breeders/Pixies (neither band was ever really that big but let's call them the cutoff point)<br> Dave Grohl - Nirvana/Foo Fighters<br> Paul McCartney - Beatles/Wings<br> <br> I know we are missing a ton, calling in the mefinforcements.,2012:site.222395 Thu, 16 Aug 2012 11:07:14 -0800 Cosine How can I avoid self-sabotage and turn this internship into a career? I just landed a dream internship (part time, unpaid) that will probably last about 6-8 months. Please help me avoid self sabotage so I can turn it into a job/career. How can I not sabotage myself so that this incredible opportunity becomes a career prospect? This is the first position I've held in a field I am truly interested in and want to pursue. Frankly, having spent my 20's doing stuff I was only marginally interested in and feeling like I should've spent that time interning and climbing the ladder in a field I really wanted to be in, I am desperate to now make it work--better late than never, especially since I now realize what I want to be doing. This is a dream opportunity to learn and gain experience in an area in which I have absolutely no experience or background. <br> <br> However, any time I'm faced with a challenge, particularly one that could result in success and recognition, I tend to collapse under the anxiety of screwing it up. This results in constant preoccupation with how I and my work are being received as well as visibly lacking confidence in my abilities, which affects people's perception of my capabilities as well as my actual work performance. <br> <br> If you've been in a situation that feels too-good-to-be-true and are constantly afraid of blowing it, to the point that you kind of do blow it, you know where I am coming from. If you've been in this situation and have figured out how to work hard, excel, and prove to colleagues, superiors and yourself that you are competent, bright, and talented, please tell me how you do/did it. Tips or suggestions of all kinds are welcome.<br> <br> Also, if you have more concrete insight into how to be a go-getter, create opportunities for yourself, and put yourself on path to achieve/earn what you want, please share that with me, too. <br> <br> I am on a break from therapy and hope to go back eventually, but it's not realistically going to happen in the near future. <br> <br> I'm a well educated person living in a big city. I am in my early 30's.,2012:site.215589 Thu, 17 May 2012 08:28:34 -0800 Anonymous How to help someone catch up on the soft skills he should have picked up growing up? What can help someone learn the 'soft skills' of successful employment? I have a friend who is constantly putting up barriers to his own success, and i think that it might just be a matter of recognizing what he's doing and what to do differently. The barriers he puts up are really self defeating - ie. not completing tasks at all because the deadline is undefined; constantly giving excuses for gaps rather than promising to fill them ("i didn't do it cause i was busy with xyz personal things" rather than "sorry i'll do that right away"). He applies for jobs he's overqualified for because he doesn't know how to sell himself. He pushes on little things (dress codes etc) because he's technically "right", rather than picking his battles. <br> <br> I don't think he even knows that these are problems or recognizes that these are things that are holding him back. In his personal life, he's a cooperative, intelligent and trustworthy guy. He's smart but has spent his life in unskilled or dead-end jobs, and he's floundering in those. <br> <br> For those of you who have read Malcolm Gladwell's <em>Outliers</em>, I see a lot of commonalities between this friend and the unsuccessful genius he profiles - lots of intelligence and a good person, but without the skills on how to deal with authority or how to navigate systems/bureaucracies/management to succeed in a conventional way. <em>He wants to succeed in that conventional way</em>. <br> <br> <strong>So, my question: what are the books or courses (etc) that teach this stuff?</strong> The 'how to succeed at work' type books, that aren't targeted exclusively for executives or white collar professionals?,2012:site.213540 Sun, 22 Apr 2012 10:17:22 -0800 Kololo What do you do when you achieve without trying? How do people deal with 'success' they never sought, and with what we call 'talent' and 'intelligence'? I don't seek and am not interested in 'success,' or status, or accolades, or having others look up to me. I don't think like that. What I do want is to be myself. My issue is that when I do let myself be myself, I am doing things which make me stand out. That might be doing a number of things well and extending them beyond how they've been done before. In my experience this can happen without much application on my part, and people can hate you for this, doubt themselves in comparison to you, try to pull you down, look up to you, avoid dealing with you because they think you're doing alright as it is, and any number of other reactions. What I mean is it's like becoming slightly less of a person and more of an 'other.' It's less about who you are and more about people's perceptions and inner issues.<br> <br> This puts me in a position I don't want to be in. I'm not a heirarchical person - I don't follow and I don't want to lead, so I don't like it when I become a figurehead, or conversely when people want to tear me down.<br> <br> But it's got to the point where I've denied myself for so long that I'm becoming quite miserable and not as nice to be around as I could be. I'm working in terribly low paid and menial jobs. I don't want to end up a bitter old eccentric woman living in a trailer park! I have to deal with this, and that's going to mean dealing with achievement.<br> <br> I suppose it's relevant that my family is pretty unsupportive, I somehow ended up being different to them in terms of intelligence, I'm from a fairly working class background, I'm introverted, I never had a good education, I've always slipped through the cracks because I looked like I had it together, I have always disliked educational institutions and structured learning, and my mind is kind of...<em>freeform!</em> I feel like one of those children who was raised by wolves and has come in from the forest. I don't know how to deal with myself!<br> <br> I'm interested in what philosophies people have developed around dealing with standing out due to some externally deemed 'achievement' they never asked for, how they frame the reasons for their ability, and how they maintain a strong sense of self within this. This isn't about 'feel the fear and do it anyway,' or 'you deserve success.' Popular psychology has no answers to the questions I'm asking.<br> <br> If anyone has any suggestions I will feel so heartened as this is something I've been spending my whole life trying to figure out. And please don't be mean - I'm actually incredibly underconfident.<br> <br> Thanks in advance. : ),2012:site.213516 Sun, 22 Apr 2012 01:38:02 -0800 inkypinky Why do some people fail after early success Two questions: What are some tech or science discoveries that quickly became outdated? Two: What are some of the stories of early tech innovators whose genius flamed out quickly? Why do you think these things happened, in their particular way to these particular people? What did they not see coming? Did hubris play a part? I've become interested in how early success, in some people, can lead to a lifetime of failure because of how that success impacts the way they perceive themselves and approach problems.,2012:site.213266 Wed, 18 Apr 2012 12:21:24 -0800 generic230 Keep my sister's accomplishments from running over mine How do I stop diminishing my (fitness/athletic) accomplishments when hearing about friends' and family's accomplishments? I started with couch to 5k in October, though later found that I run faster and better with interval training. I still can't run for more than 15 minutes straight. My goal for 2012 has been "12 races in 2012." My 10 year older sister and I are independently training for a half marathon in May and just the other week I did my first 10k (finished in 1:18:45 or a 12:40 pace). Apart from her, I think I would be very proud of this. In fact I was glowing after the race, knowing that I had smashed my goal of finishing in less than 1:30:00. She is very supportive and happy for me, but I can't hold these feelings back. <br> <br> When I hear how well she's doing and that she runs so much faster than me (10:30 min/mile) I can't help but get jealous and frustrated. Part of this is that I feel she kind of stole my thunder, as I had been planning on the 10k as my big goal and then she invited me to do the half with her. Part is the frustration that she is 11 years older (34), has a 3 year old, does lots of yoga before but not much running and she's still way faster than me. <br> <br> I would like to just chalk this all up to sibling rivalry, but the same emotions crop up when I realize that my slightly overweight, mostly couch potato boyfriend can also knock out a faster mile than me. Or my friend who is 5 years older and was a heavy smoker smoke my butt on the track. <br> <br> TL:DR How do I stay focused and happy with my goal of finishing a half marathon in 2h45min when I see people who put "less" effort in than myself do better?,2012:site.211909 Sun, 01 Apr 2012 18:24:30 -0800 raccoon409 How to be rich Help me understand that money is not the same as success. I <em>know</em> this is true, but still feel envious when I find out that others are rolling in cash. Are there any books or websites that help put things in perspective, and discuss the value of all the other things in life apart from the almighty dollar?,2012:site.209963 Wed, 07 Mar 2012 09:44:06 -0800 superfish Doyyy I wish I could do that herp derp derp How do I talk to people whose work I admire without coming across as starstruck, opportunistic, tactless, or otherwise obnoxious? Anonymous because I feel like a major deluxe dorkomat asking this.<br> <br> This question is inspired in part by <a href="">PhoBWanKenobi's answer in this thread</a>, and in part by a few accomplished friends-of-friends I know. They're really cool people on their own merits, and they just happen to be doing things I really admire and wish I could do myself.<br> <br> For example, one of these friends-of-friends has a novel coming out this year. Yay! Awesome! I'm intensely curious about the process and want to hear all about it. But, you know, I bet he's probably already sick of people treating him special, or saying the same five uninformed annoying things, or talking about their half-assed dreams of writing a novel and declaring themselves besties based on this supposed shared interest.<br> <br> (And, okay. Yes, I'd like to write a novel. I know: I have no idea what it's like and writing sucks a good chunk of the time and don't expect to make any money and I'm not as good of a writer as I think I am and if I really wanted to write a novel I would be writing a novel and not this question. I don't want to be that irritating pretentious wannabe, all somedays and if-onlys and no accomplishments.)<br> <br> This is not a question of how I can become a novelist or whether I should try. This is a question of how to talk to people like him, either as a friend or in an informational interview context. I want to be respectful of both their work and of their non-work selves. I don't want to fawn. I don't want to look like I'm only interested in them because of what they've done. But I'd like to know more about it, if they're willing to share.<br> <br> How can I ask them about their accomplishments without coming across as obnoxious? Especially when they're things I'd like to do myself? I mean, I'd love to sell a novel, but I don't want to be like "You are sooooooo talented! Can I touch your notebook?" or "Wow, that's my dream! You must have a dream job, gee huh? Is it totally awesome?" or "Oh yeah, if only I had the time and dedication I could probably write something good, so like I have sooo much respect for all the hard work you've done" or "Wanna read my manuscript? Can I get your agent's card? You'll let me piggyback off your years of hard work, right?"<br> <br> If you're well-known for your work, how do you prefer laypeople to bring it up? Or do you wish they didn't? What's okay for me to say, and what isn't?,2012:site.205444 Wed, 11 Jan 2012 13:23:51 -0800 Anonymous Helping children cope with adversity I need help supporting my daughter who is upset following a stranger than life moment. I want to learn about famous people who were perhaps looked over when they were younger but then went on to do amazing things for humanity. I'd also be interested in hearing stories that are closer to everyday life if you ever felt you were ripped off when you were younger and now you have been able to use that experience and overcome adversity. My daughter (middle school) had a bit of a devastating moment at the regional science fair yesterday when her project didn't make it to nationals and a different one that was very simple did go on. She had received the highest mark ever given at the local competition and had something very novel. She didn't get any feedback as to why another one was selected and there were several dropped jaws. It doesn't matter about the other projects and I don't need to know about how science projects are judged. The kid that is moving on also happens to be a bully and has tormented her. What I need is for my daughter to move on confidently understanding that these things all work out in the end - but you know - it sounds so dismissive when you say that and I really do understand the upset she is feeling. She is the kid who is kind to everyone and avoids being part of any one crowd. She has been rewarded by her school for a couple of years running with the award called "Respect, Responsibility and Reaching Out". As an adult of course we all know this is a much bigger deal than a prize in a science fair - however kids don't really understand that. I know that she will be successful as she grows as she is smart, kind, respectful and has a huge heart (she also happens to be beautiful and athletic)- I just need some help trying to support her in moving forward.,2011:site.202537 Sun, 04 Dec 2011 12:01:05 -0800 YukonQuirm A successful PhD: software recommendations and other tips? Hacks for a Successful PhD? I'm looking for tips or software that will help me - as a new PhD student - finish successfully. Researchers: tell me your tricks! Three days ago, I started a PhD in the humanities. It's a three-year research-based PhD (i.e. no time spent on course-based Master's work, no TAing, etc. - it's research right away). I'm obviously invested in doing a good job and am of course prepared to do the bulk of the heavy lifting on my own. However I'm curious to know any tips from those already in the trenches. I'd be interested in more general advice and strategy, as well as particular software that might make my life easier. Essentially, I'll be reading secondary sources this year (primarily books, not articles), doing archival research next year, and writing up my findings in my final year (that's the plan anyway!). <br> <br> I've heard Papers for Mekentosj recommended, although looking at it, it seems it might be more helpful for those in the sciences and/or those working primarily with PDF articles rather than books. I've also heard Endnote recommended, as well as Latex/Bibtex (?), but don't know much about how good they are. I've been warned that writing up a PhD is "almost impossible" in Microsoft Word, although I have no way to assess whether or not this is true. I've always done things totally old school and low-tech, working in Word. Certainly, when I was writing my master's dissertation, I would have welcomed some software to help organize and check my footnotes, but I don't know if what's out there is suitable for my subject, or more trouble than it's worth. Basically, I'd love to hear any advice you all have, especially regarding software, that you wish you'd known about at the beginning of your PhD. And if it's applicable to my humanities subject, even better!,2011:site.197963 Sat, 08 Oct 2011 05:55:34 -0800 UniversityNomad