I have no idea what I'm doing. YAY!

Rated well, at least T for right now. May change.

I own nothing.


'Master Wayne, has it not occurred to you Sir, that the Joker is rather possessive of you?'

Bruce Wayne, known only to his enemies as 'Batman', pondered that question. He pondered it rather lengthily do to his current situation of being chained to a chair, and they were rusting if he wasn't mistaken. Here he sat, as far as he could tell, in a dimly lit abandoned warehouse somewhere in Gotham.

Strangely, there seemed to be so many buildings like this…

His eyes flicked from left to right, continuous movement so as not to miss an approaching predator. His wrists ached, and he was certain at least one knuckle was broken in his hand. 'Well,' he thought acerbically, 'that breaks up the monotony, I suppose.'

"Oh-ho. Ah-ha. He he he," a voice snickered in the darkness to his left.

The Joker.

"Batsy! Oh how I have missed this," he half-cackled in mad delirium. His wet tongue sliding out to lick dry lips. "Did you miss me?"

"Not particularly," Batman replies gravelly, muscles coiled and straining against their confines. His breaths became heavier as he struggled.

"Ah ah ah, now that's not very nice," a pout followed by a Cheshire grin.

He's in a rare mood tonight, and frankly Batman almost doesn't care. It's always the same with Joker. A bad pun here, some sick and twisted plot there, followed finally by Batman locking him up only for him to escape again.

Talk about a revolving door situation.

Batman resisted the urge to hang his head in frustration. The words of Alfred hung in his thoughts and refused to leave. However, The Joker was still a very dangerous criminal capable of nearly anything. Really, he was capable of anything. Part of the problem in capturing him was his spontaneity and, grudgingly admitted, intelligence.

The air shifted behind him just a bit, and Batman felt a chill race up his spine.

"Wh-where am I?" The voice was feminine and decidedly breathy. He was not quite certain how the unknown woman could be out of breath considering she had likely been sitting behind him this whole time. So perhaps it was fear? Batman mentally ticked off all the physical responses to this current situation that could see him and this woman to safety.

"Oh isn't this fun?" A pale face loomed in his vision, eyes dancing manically with a grin far too wide. It was both gruesome and slightly hypnotic. There was a presence about this man, whoever he truly was.

Bruce Wayne was a charismatic playboy without qualms of morality to pester him. Batman was a pillar of righteousness that would drag Gotham out of the muck it had fallen into.

Right now, he was having a hard time deciding who to be. He was dressed in his black garb, and yet, Bruce simmered to the surface. It unsettled him, and at the same time gave him a brief reprieve. Thoughts whirling as he gazed at the mad man with bright green hair. They had done this song and dance countless times now. Truly, he had lost count.

So why?

"Look, I've been meaning to talk to you," His attitude was that of Batman, voice and posture included. However it was Bruce who was talking.

Startled, Joker turned a look of question and surprise settled over his features. "Bat-"

"See, the thing is, I know about your last stunt with Gotham's finest Police force," Batman continued on as if he hadn't spoken.

"Are you… are you Jealous?" His eyes were brighter than his hair, red greasy lips pulled back in saccharine smile. Lips warping into a mocking leer to finally settle on a snarl of distaste. "Oh that is just… uh… precious."

"No," Bruce-Batman answers honestly, hands working frantically at his restraints, "that's just it. It made this easier."

A knife clatters to the floor, one Batman knew the Joker had been holding but hadn't had the chance to disarm him of yet.

The Joker scowls, eyes narrowing unforgivingly. "What?" The question is a demand, the tone harsh and violent.

A warning.

Bruce does not heed it. Batman is unimpressed by it.

"You decided to turn this," Bruce grasped for straws. There was something between them. A strange sort of rival dance to the death and they each danced the steps to perfection. He is interrupting the pattern, and he knows it.

The Joker stares at him, as if in understanding to the things they never say. The things Joker cackles madly about and preens over. Batman has often been sickened by it. Bruce understands a business aspect and the oddities of attraction.

Now is not the time to reflect on that though. There is still a woman to save and in his strange moods, Joker is as likely to try and kill him as he is to slap a waitress in France for bringing him blueberry pancakes. ' Which,' now that Bruce thought about it, 'is highly likely actually.'

Batman draws a deep breath of stale cold air. The distant sounds of a harbor brush past his ears with little notice. "Into something other than exclusive." If it is an accusation, he doesn't pay any mind to it. If his voice is just a touch too sharp, it is the cold more than anything else.

Unease flitters across the Joker's face, and he returns it to his customary happy-go-lucky grin. "What are you saying, Batsy?" The warning is back in his voice, his movements like a snake poised to strike. He elegantly draws the knife up from the floor, his eyes fixed on the back of the woman's head. Dangerous and cold. His tongue darts out again, his face twitches.

Batman notices with interest. This is bothering the Joker.

He casts his eyes heaven-ward and for a moment contemplates continuing this strange course of action. Bruce is fine with it. Batman should feel grateful that Joker has been targeting someone other than him, but there is a bitter taste to it.

"I feel we've grown apart," the words feel thick in his mouth. "We just aren't working anymore." He's heard them numerous times from the women he had at one point wanted in his life. Now, here he was in a dingy warehouse, chained, and spouting such things to The Joker of all people.

Not that he was the girl in…. whatever the hell they were.

He was going to stop thinking about that. It was best kept firmly ignored until the day he died. Which could come to pass sooner than he'd anticipated if Joker flipped a gasket, such as Batman was expecting.

The knife glitters under the florescent light, even if it is dim. Batman looks at his enemy straight in the eyes. Joker's face twitches a few times, before he runs a hand through his limp green hair. His yellow teeth are bared in a vicious imitation of a smile. His sharp eyes are piercing and nearly glowing.

With something Batman has no wish to delve into. Something Bruce has seen a time or two before, but never this intense.

When the words come, they are whisper-soft. "Grown apart?"

"I want to see other villains." The cliché words tumble from his lips like water, and he cannot seem to stop them.

The Joker is flabbergasted.

Batman sighs, and the effort is great. His lungs are burning along with his racing heartbeat.

"Oh honey," the previously silent woman simpers gently, "I think you are getting dumped."

Joker's head snaps in her direction, his eyes strangely lighted. "No no no, ah ha. Clever, there Batsy, but you and me…we…uh…need each other. You, he he he… you wouldn't go and-"

The urge to laugh wells inside Batman and he clamps down on it tightly, refusing to allow it to escape. He sets his jaw firmly in irritation. As if the Batman couldn't get another villain whenever he felt like it. "His name is Owlman, and he's from the Crime Syndicate of America. It's an alternate reality thing. He's from reverse Earth-three." Bruce finds this all vastly amusing. Joker is startled so badly that he opens and closes his mouth several times.

Batman wonders vaguely if the human face is supposed to twitch that much.

"If you don't believe me, check the papers." It was old news to him by now, but the Gotham city news had been buzzing with the events that had transpired six days ago. Owlman had unsettle Batman slightly. It was as if he had been able to glimpse what he might have become had he faltered into the path of darkness.

The Joker snaps out in a booming voice for some nameless, and for the most part faceless, lackey to get him every newspaper they can find. The insane wretch hops to attention and does his bidding. Joker turns a frosty smile on Batman, and walks into the dark shadows of the warehouse.

"You know," the woman behind his whispers conspiratorially, "from all the stuff I've heard about the Joker, he's taking this really well."

Bruce would almost agree. Batman stoically says nothing for he is too focused on the threat still in the room.

"I didn't even know you guys could switch villains like that."

He shrugs a shoulder, only half listening to her anyway as a metal chair is drug across a concrete floor. The Joker sets it about twenty feet from him, and sits down cordially. His face is hard, and his eyes are like ice.

It seems like ages before the lackey comes back with his hair in disarray clutching an arm load of newspapers. The lackey ambles over to the Joker, arms outstretched with their prize, and Joker snatches the papers. He settles himself in, green hair hanging limply over parts of his face. His eyes devour the words, as he ironically looks as if he is sitting down to a family breakfast.

Batman watches the Joker's lips quirk up a few times, a chuckle or two escapes, before he grips the paper tightly eyes wandering up to look at Batman, then back down to scowl at the articles. When he loses control and stabs the paper with a knife, Batman knows he read the latest gossip about how Owlman was going to be replacing the Joker.

It would appear that the Joker doesn't like the idea at all.

"Unacceptable!" He roars in the stillness. "This… this trash, thinks he can just come in… and!"

'Master Wayne, has it not occurred to you Sir, that the Joker is rather possessive of you?' The question lingers stronger now as the Joker flies into a full out rant. Stabbing one of his henchmen in the stomach and twisting it. The woman behind Batman screams in horror.

Batman checks the urge to roll his eyes, this was nothing new.

The Joker pauses, turns and stares at Batman. His eyes raging in fury, indignation, and that possessiveness Alfred had referred to. Leave it to Batman to get all the crazies.

"Batsy," the tone is pleading and anxious which is strange when juxtaposed with the anger in his eyes, "you can't be interested in that!" the last part is a scream that causes Batman to wince. The woman sobs uncontrollably behind him.

Batman sniffs the air in hurt dignity. It was an alternate him after all. He turned his head to the side and refused to look at the Joker. "I want to see other villains."

The Joker bounces on his feet in open agitation, arms akimbo. His henchmen look strangely uncomfortable. Bruce has no idea what the hell is going on, and Batman is always prepared.

This whole situation is crazy, and yet, the Joker is responding to it.

"Is this because of the police chief?" Joker half-growls and half-whines, he takes a few steps closer to Batman before stopping suddenly. "I won't touch him again, I swear."

Batman shoots him a dirty look, his voice rasping "I know better than to trust you, Joker."

"See?" His face forms into a creepy kind look of fondness that makes Bruce want to shower for a month. "You know me so well Bats!"

"I think we should-"

"Bats, be reasonable."

"I am being perfectly reasonable. I don't think this is working out."

"What are you talking about? I've got you chained in a warehouse about to kill some innocent … well, somewhat innocent woman."

Said woman gives a strangled cry of terror.

Joker eyes her. "I know what you did Thursday, and believe me Bats, she-"


"No!" it's a feral shout of denial. "Don't you say his name."

Batman leans in closer to the purple suited-maniac. "Owwwwlllllmaaaannn," he rumbles lowly.

The effect is instantaneous. Rage. Pure and simple.

"I'll kill Owlman. I will. You're mine."

It's snarled in Batman's face with yellow teeth gleaming.

How strange.

Shouts and snarls rend the air. Joker is actually planning to kill the nemesis that has had Batman tied up in loops for days now. Owlman's whereabouts were still unknown and if Batman couldn't track him down…


"Fine," the dark knight states with finality, "if you can defeat Owlman I won't end our… arch rivalry."

You'd think he had just blown up a basket of kittens by the way Joker beamed at him. Eyes glowing once more he stalked forward. The tip of his knife caressing Batman's cheek very nearly tenderly.

"Did he uh… touch you at all?"

Batman stares at him uncomprehending.

"Marks? Bruises? Anything like that?" The questions are deceptively clam, and only Batman can see the storm waging in them.

He nods once, refusing to go into more detail about a handful of bruises and one broken rib. A token from Owlman.

Joker giggles, actually giggles, but it is a frightening sound that causes even Batman to pause.

"I'm gonna kill him slow."

Batman watches as Joker drops the knife again, it clatters to the ground once more as the green-haired man ducks out the only visible door. Batman blinks as Jokers henchmen follow. The sound of the woman sobbing behind him continues.

"He's crazy!" She exclaims before dissolving back into hysterics.

Yeah… he already knew that.