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Crime & Punishment: Danbury Resident Goes To Italy, Breaks a Finger Off the Virgin Mary Statue

The half-brother of former U.S. Sen. Scott Brown was arrested in Old Lyme for impersonating a law enforcement officer in a bizarre, elaborate and seemingly pointless ruse. Outfitted in a nylon belt holding a real, loaded pistol, Bruce Browne (who spells the family name with an "e" for some reason) allegedly stood on a town beach and misidentified himself to boaters as a Coast Guard officer. The 46-year-old Wolcott resident allegedly "inspected" at least three boats, even though he is not actually affiliated with any branch of the armed forces or law enforcement agency, reports WFSB. When the real police caught up with him, they discovered his Crown Victoria had been rigged with lights and antennas that made it look like a police vehicle. A search of the car allegedly turned up three loaded handguns, 200-plus rounds of ammunition, two sets of handcuffs, an expandable baton, a TSA badge and a bulletproof vest with "police" written on the back. Not discovered was any explanation for this rouse. Browne's older brother, a Republican state legislator and former male model, won an upset in a 2010 Massachusetts special election held after the death of Sen. Ted Kennedy and was swept away by Elizabeth Warren in 2012.

Garrett A. Denniston, an attorney who has represented the Town of Stratford in labor negotiations and guided New Canaan through pension issues, has been charged with compulsively stealing golf clubs from several courses. Employees of the Patterson Club caught Denniston, 35, trying to leave with a bag of clubs worth $3,000 and owned by the Fairfield country club, police told the Connecticut Post. When they subsequently searched his home, police reportedly found two sets of clubs (also worth more than your car) that had gone missing from the H. Smith Richardson Golf Course, also of Fairfield. Denniston, who reportedly had pills and a pipe of some sort on him when he was arrested, is an obvious suspect in a theft of clubs from a third Fairfield course.

A Danbury Hospital surgeon was using less than surgical precision when he accidentally snapped a finger off a 600-year-old statue of the Virgin Mary in an Italian museum, reports the U.K.'s Daily Mail. Vacationing Patrick Broderick, of New Fairfield, was allegedly sizing his own hand against that of the marble work at the Museo dell'Opera del Duomo when — oopsies — the pinky came off. A museum spokesperson said Broderick, 55, "apologized profusely" and said touching the statue was a "spontaneous impulse." He was not charged and staff say they can repair the statue.

A Middletown movie theater's screening of Grown Ups 2, starring Adam Sandler, was stopped — not out of mercy to the audience, but because a man reportedly pulled out a knife and threatened another patron who asked him to quiet down. Jayquan Howard apparently did not appreciate being shooshed and asked, "Should we handle this right now?" as he flashed the weapon, police told the Hartford Courant. The two friends who had told him to quiet down then left the theater and were followed by Howard, 19, and Jose Rivera, who suggested they fight it out in the lobby. Police arrived and the film was paused as the two perpetrators were arrested.

Jordan Rickard of Charlotte, N.C., was charged with breach of peace, falsely reporting an incident and tampering with airport security due to a terrible joke he apparently made at Bradley International Airport in Windsor Locks. While performing a routine screening, a TSA agent asked Rickard if he had anything in his pocket. The 26-year-old man reportedly responded, "Yes, I have a bomb." Unamused, officials officers hauled Rickard off to the airport's police barracks, evacuated the area and combed the facility with bomb-sniffing dogs, reports the Courant.

As fast food workers strike over their minimum-wage jobs, an asshole-led New Haven grocery store is showing them it could be worse. Gourmet Heaven is apparently retail hell for employees, who were misclassified as independent contractors and getting paid $4 an hour (half the state minimum age), with no overtime and worker's compensation, according to the state Department of Labor. WTNH reports the agency shut down the store's two city locations.

A police officer came across Peter Flaherty trying to upright his downed motorcycle at a Darien intersection. Flaherty, 44, declined the officer's assistance. The cop then suspected he might have been drinking after he left a shoe at the scene and then rocketed away. When the officer caught up with Flaherty again and tested his blood-alcohol content, she found it was more than twice the legal limit, police told the Darien Patch website.

And they say it impairs your judgment: Joshua Souza was apparently enjoying some marijuana in his Middletown apartment when his bong somehow ignited, causing a small fire, according to the Middletown Patch website. Police reportedly found a bag of weed in 36-year-old Souza's refrigerator.

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