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Tell me about Portland, Oregon

What should I know...

by Anonymousreply 10901/03/2014

See that white thing? That is Mt. Hood. One day Mt. Hood go "boom" and no more Portland.

by Anonymousreply 109/07/2012

I never promised you a rose garden...but Portland does

by Anonymousreply 209/07/2012

- The Japanese Garden and Rose Garden are incredibly beautiful.

- It rarely rains too hard, but just drips and drizzles.

- Great bookstores, high literacy rate, serious dearth of good writers. Or artists. Or actors. Or musicians.

- Lots of 35-40-year-old manchildren (kidults) who never grew out of skateboards, comic book movies, etc.

- Young women look with suspicion on any other woman who's too "put together." A chic demeanor is proof of moral shallowness.

- SImilarly, social awkwardness is seen as authentic and desirable.

- They say "spendy" instead of "pricey" or "expensive."

- Safe topics of conversation: bicycling, recycling/composting, and the things they call "community" and "sustainability." None of these things is particularly interesting.

- Portlanders spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to promote said "community," but do not actually like to get to know new people.

- Really good beer.

- Some good restaurants and great local ingredients, but also a lot of gimmickry because there's no naturally indigenous cuisine.

- Passive-aggression is the preferred mode of communicating displeasure.

- The locals would be horrified if anyone expressed even veiled bigotry toward blacks, Arabs, gays or any other group. However, the xenophobia is openly expressed at a level that can take you aback. They hate Californians and will blame them for any and all urban woes, but reserve their greatest contempt for people who live just outside the city limits in exurbs like Hillsboro, Beaverton and (particularly) Vancouver, Washington.

- Portland call Hillsboro "Hillsburrito" because it's the home to many Hispanic immigrants. In Portland, this is not a racist or even remarkable thing to say.

- Hipsters. Everywhere.

- No sales tax on anything. Which is wonderful.

- When my company offered to transfer me there, I jumped at the opportunity. When I had the chance to transfer out, I jumped higher.

by Anonymousreply 309/07/2012

Riding the Portland aerial tram!

by Anonymousreply 409/07/2012

One word: Portlandia

by Anonymousreply 509/07/2012

Portland has streetcars!

by Anonymousreply 609/07/2012


Very well put.

by Anonymousreply 709/07/2012

someone needs to look up "exurb"

by Anonymousreply 809/07/2012

Portland has flash mobs that converge on natural foods stores to perform rewritten Lady Gaga songs that demand the stores stop selling Israeli-made hummus that oppress people everywhere!

by Anonymousreply 909/07/2012

Lots of pot, Birkenstocks and women with airpit hair. But no sales tax!

by Anonymousreply 1009/08/2012

More fleece than you ever believed existed.

You can still buy clogs.

The women tend to look much older than they are, or maybe they tend to look their age... no makeup, grey hair, no sense of style or fashion.

Downtown is a homeless mecca.

by Anonymousreply 1109/08/2012

What is winter like?

by Anonymousreply 1209/08/2012

Let's be the city of Portland, OR!

I'm the omnipresent hipster girl with pierced eyebrows and wearing a hoodie.

I'm all the boring, sexless people that live there.

I'm an extremely expensive cup of coffee that is for some reason supposed to be much better than any other cup of coffee you could ever get anywhere else

I'm one of the raindrops that keeps falling on your head.

I'm just never gonna happen.

I am the dog patiently waiting outside the dog treat bakery for my owner to come back with a beef and peanut butter cupcake.

I'm the unkempt man hair found on Portland. You will find me on the face in: 1) full beard glory; 2) didn't-shave-this-week scruffiness; and 3) unmaintained sections between a goatee and sideburns. You will also find me all over the back of the neck.

I'm the rude Reed and PSU students working at Powell's who refuse to help the general public. If I'm not wearing a question mark, do not ask me questions.

I'm mud.

It is a nice town for yuppies and gay sellouts. I'm both, but it works for me. You all sound jealous and probably have never visited --- GOOD!

I've been there several times and I like it, but apparently residents are overly sensitive.

I'm the ghost of white trash Portland. tby: Tonya Harding

I'm an excellent brewpub.

The real Portland is in Maine. enough said.

Collectively swooning over a few nice words in the NY Times.

I'm Seattle-envy. I afflict everyone who lives in Portland.

I'm the lack of large corporations, making everyone wonder how anyone there finds work.

I'm the civic soul, insecure but desperate to be seen as a "world-class city," constantly telling you how refreshingly unpretentious I am while I shop for just the RIGHT imported black sea salt to add to my sea salt collection. I'm fond of patting myself on the back for my "diversity" and "tolerance." Don't point out that I'm almost exclusively white and well-off, or I'll react badly.

I'm the "environmentalist mama" who is reducing my impact on the planet by making my own household cleaners. We've got four kids and I'm raising the next generation of environmentalists! Since the smoking ban went into place, you'll find me, the kids, my slacker husband, and our triple-wide stroller in your local neighborhood bar any night of the week. Just because I'm a mama doesn't mean I should have to be relegated to family places! Kids in bars are very common in Europe, you know! tby: We're not in Irvington - too pretentious! We live two blocks away.

I'm passive-aggression, and I run this dump.

by Anonymousreply 1309/08/2012

Winter is not too bad. You might get some snow every couple of years, but it doesn't hang around long. It does last long enough for Portland drivers to get into amusing accidents, though.

Gretchen Jones, the worst Project Runway winner ever, hails from Portland and embodies the city's aesthetic. Do take a look at her latest collection, and realize that she is considered talented and successful by PDX standards. The outfit on the right is beyond words, but you could probably find women dressed like that on Tri-Met at any hour.

by Anonymousreply 1409/08/2012

It's an awesome place if you are into the outdoors. Fantastic hiking, backpacking, windsurfing, skiing, surfing.

Portland is 1.5 hours from the beautiful Oregon coast and 1.5 hours to Mt. Hood. It's about a 1/2 hour drive to the Columbia River Gorge (beautiful waterfalls).

by Anonymousreply 1509/08/2012

Home of Ramona Geraldine Quimby.

by Anonymousreply 1609/08/2012

r13 nails it -- particularly the "environmentalist mamas" who all seem to have four children under six ("we're raising them to be stewards of the earth"). Since they banned smoking in bars, you never know when you're going to go out to a bar where there are four-year-olds sitting at the stools.

I'd add: I'm Voodoo Donuts, purveyor of the world's crappiest baked goods. But we top our maple bars with bacon, top our pastries with children's breakfast cereals like Cocoa Puffs and Cap'n Crunch, and make sure we cater to the vegans at the same time! We're Keeping Portland Weird!

by Anonymousreply 1709/08/2012

[quote]serious dearth of good writers. Or artists. Or actors. Or musicians.


"Dearth" means scarcity. But we have an enormous per capita number of all those artist figures you mention.

For writers, we have Ursula LeGuin, Beverly Cleary, Chuck Palahniuk, Tom Spanbauer, Susan Orlean, Whitney Otto, Diana Abu-Jaber, and Jean Auel.

For filmmakers, we have Gus van Sant and Todd Haynes.

For musicians, we have Art Alexakis and Everclear, the Decemberists, Thomas Lauderdale and Pink Martini, Quasi, the Dimes, the Dandy Warhols, and we had the late Elliot Smith.

by Anonymousreply 1809/08/2012

People who can't believe American culture is lost.

by Anonymousreply 1909/08/2012

You should have left of Van Sant and Haynes off if you want people to respect you.

by Anonymousreply 2009/08/2012

I know they stole the title of Best Microbrewed Beers in the US from us.

by Anonymousreply 2109/08/2012

Portland, Oregon and sloe gin fizz...

by Anonymousreply 2209/08/2012

[quote]You should have left of Van Sant and Haynes off if you want people to respect you.

Ah, the irony.

by Anonymousreply 2309/08/2012

It's the Paris of the Willamette Valley!

by Anonymousreply 2409/08/2012

Vancouver, BC is the new Portland.

by Anonymousreply 2509/08/2012

It feels small compared to a lot of major cities - kind of like a big college town. Whether that's a good or bad thing is up to you.

by Anonymousreply 2609/08/2012

Does Portland still have the highest rate of single mothers?

Not that there's anything wrong with that, if that's what happened to you, it's just that chicks in Portland pride themselves on having as many children as they can out of wedlock.

Secondly, all the chicks are fat. Usually pear-shaped, with the big thigh-action. And the dudes looked starved-out--scrawny, no build, scruffy hair.

I have known people who were run out of Portland, socially, because they valued their appearance and worked hard to stay fit. this is looked down upon in Portland.

In this regard Portland is similar to the Bay Area, only the Bay Area chicks are better educated and don't drink, smoke and eat junk food.

Portland is San Franciso's white trash sister.

by Anonymousreply 2709/08/2012

Portland is great for visiting, but not for living.

by Anonymousreply 2809/08/2012

I'm the classified ads in the Portland Oregonian newspaper almost completely devoid of any job openings.

I am Portland's graceless, dated, post modern monstrosity designed by the Prince of Pretense, Michael Graves.

I'm the city council, ignoring the 10% unemployment rate and all the people at food banks while I attempt to bring in big-league soccer and debate which street should be renamed for Cesar Chavez.

I'm the pederast mayor looking for boy scouts interested in a summer internship.

I'm the unemployed twink slut who's done every sugar daddy in town, but not gotten a callback. Trolling Craigslist looking for a "roommate situation" in Seattle.

I'm the baby in a Che Guevara T-shirt that my mommy bought at First Thursday on Alberta. I also have onesies that say "Sleatter-Kinney" and "George Bush is Mean."

I'm the faceless condo in the Pearl that has NEW YORK SOHO LOFT CHARM.

I am a fixed gear bicycle. Please kill me.

I'm the Portlander who is quivering with rage at this thread. Since I can't express myself directly, I'll wait till I can't stand it any more and then post a response that says "Good! The last thing we need is more people moving here!"

I'm the Phoenician who finds everything cool and clean here.

I'm the pack of meth dealers in every gay club and bathhouse.

I am a child in a Cambodian sweatshop. Profits from the sneakers I sew all day make "green" remodels in Portland possible.

I'm New York. Jealous, bitches?

I'm the three inch slug crawling on your porch.

by Anonymousreply 2909/08/2012

Thank you, R3 and R13 and r29.

Truth-tellers all.

I opened this thread anticipating finding smug justifications by PDXers. I am pleasantly surprised.

I did my time there, recently, for half a decade. There are many charms and many faults.

by Anonymousreply 3009/08/2012

At least you didn't live on KILLINGSWORTH.

I'm 82nd Ave., the true meth face of Portland. Peel back the transplanted hipster veneer, and you will find me.

by Anonymousreply 3109/08/2012

What R5 said: Portlandia.

by Anonymousreply 3209/08/2012

What Portlandia misses is the smell. Even the NYC subway doesn't assault the olfactory senses the way public transportation in Portland does.

by Anonymousreply 3309/08/2012

In the interest of fairness, I loved the cheap art cinemas all over town where you can buy beer and pizza and watch a film for 5 bucks.

And I liked Pix Patisserie, hipster chocolaterie or not. (By UnThank Park, also in the general area of Skidmore, Failing and Killingsworth streets - what is it with depressing Portland locale names?)

And I liked the Kennedy School and the Detention room for smoking and the outdoor jacuzzi in the garden there.

R31, you forgot to mention all the classy brothels on 82nd like "Honey Suckle Private Lingerie Modeling".

by Anonymousreply 3409/08/2012

I'm the Lewis and Clark student who's filling out his Humboldt transfer application.

I'm a babbitty bourgeois name-dropper who thinks grunge is "edgy." And I don't pay any attention to that big volcano over there that will wipe me out some day. Some day soon.

I'm the successful hetero woman in her thirties, frustrated that all the single straight men in my age bracket dress like teenagers, collect comic books and play video games.

I'm the asshole barista at Stumptown, who surveys the 20 people in line through my black-framed glasses, then goes back to making a painstakingly perfect palm leaf pattern on top of a macchiato. You can wait. Good coffee takes time.

Do you admire our ironic facial hair, our ironic artwork, our ironic choice of ironic beer?

I'm the clipboard guy outside Whole Foods who gets in your way and says "Excuse me. Do you have a minute for the environment?"

I'm the gay transplant from the midwest who thinks he has found absolute paradise for a few years ( gay equality, waterfalls, the beach an hour away, hiking trails, mountains GREEN!) until he realizes that what all of the above posters have posted is TRUE. That, plus the fact that the rain and grey have finally GOTTEN to him and he can't stand another depressing year with perfect summers but grey, cold and rainy winters that go on forever. And the job market sucks. And he can't understand who all these people ARE who live in those cool condos in the Pearl District and have all those cool houses tucked into the hills in the SW. And he realizes that he is a million miles from all that is familiar and comfortable to him. And that the Seattle and Portland "freeze" really DO exist. And that he will work for thirty years before he is able to AFFORD one of those cool houses in the hills. And that dating is next to impossible because the gay scene is claustrophic and not ANYWHERE near what Chicago or New York's gay scene is like. And that there are way more lesbians in PDX than he ever thought. And that even many men are lesbians. And that so much coffee shoved in his face is annoying since he can make a better cup at home in his cheap coffee maker than he can EVER get at one of the five zillion coffeehouses in PDX. And that all the coolness and hipness and fabulousness wears off and one is left feeling lonely and homesick, much like a hangover after a great party.

I'm the 47,986th shitty indie band in town, and I'm being profiled in the Portland Mercury this week as a pick for international stardom! No one has ever heard of me before; no one will ever hear of me again.

I'm the gang of twelve year olds skateboarding downtown and soon to be in trouble with prostitution and drugs, because our permissive suburban parents treat downtown like a mall, which wouldn't happen anywhere else in America.

I'm the stay-at-home dad taking my son to dance class on the back of my bicycle. In traffic. Go around, please.

I'm the rose garden which was once the finest in the world but nowadays is poorly tended because Portlanders don't think gardening flowers is cool anymore. I'm very sad.

I'm the east side hausfrau who pays two fares on the light rail to boost rider statistics and as my own private charity to the bums at the station.

I'm the colorless drudge who was fired by Intel after AMD lapped us five years ago, and now I write children's books about friendly insects and rotted trees.

I'm the straight guy wearing flannel shirts who subscribes to GQ and Instinct but not because I'm gay or anything.

I'm the quarter-inch of snow that absolutely, completely paralyzes the town once every two years and results in hilarious YouTube footage of drivers knocking into other cars like bowling pins.

I'm the breastfeeding-rights lactivist who organizes "educational nurse-ins" at establishments I deem breast-unfriendly.

I am the brilliant and witty novels, and the interesting books about art, fashion, and Europe that remain untouched in the library. My pages are stuck together because the books have never been opened.

by Anonymousreply 3509/08/2012

r28 is certainly right about snow driving in Portland.

Below is the best link to footage of cars pinballing around SW Portland in about half an inch of snow. At 1:15 you can hear one of the city's most annoying and widespread species, the Entitled Portland Yupmommy:

"You GUYS! I have THREE SMALL CHILDREN INSIDE MY CAR! Can you help me get them OUT!"

It's not a request. It's an order.

by Anonymousreply 3609/08/2012

[quote]I'm the straight guy wearing flannel shirts who subscribes to GQ and Instinct but not because I'm gay or anything.

I've certainly met enough of these over the years.

by Anonymousreply 3709/08/2012

I am the handwritten note complaining about something in the health food store.

I am a yoga mat, stained with the sweat of an uninteresting person that refuses to use anti-persperant.

I'm the pilled gray North Face fleece vest, worn by a sour-looking woman on the MAX.

I am the disappointed refugee from NYC faced with a shitty job market, xenophobic locals, non-existent night life, but digging the coffee, beer and well scubbed go go boys.

I am Gus Van Sant, cruising around town with my arm around a teenage boy

I'll be the giant shadow of Seattle in which Portland resides.

I will be the Subaru Outback.

I'm the Willamette River, just itching for a chance to rise up and inundate the place.

I'm the bumper that sports the sticker saying, "Keep Portland Weird".

I'm the gay kid who grew up in Portland. I high-tailed it to LA as soon as I graduated from high school and never looked back.

I'm the new chic restaurant that eschews capital letters and punctuation marks, except when they're pointless and unnecessary. I have a name like "fo:od -- the experience" and some gimmick like only accepting reservations by Twitter. There is no sign on my door, no substitutions are allowed, and guests sit at thrift-store sofa to eat from a set menu dictated entirely by the chef's preferences, usually something like "kale: a study in se7en courses." The ingredients I serve cost about $2.50, so Portlanders can say "How down to earth!" even as they're paying $80 for the experience. I am very, very popular, and my customers are constantly looking over their shoulder to see if The New York Times is taking note.

I'm the black family that can no longer afford to live in Northeast due to the "creative class" moving in. I also cannot afford new bikes for my kids and have to wait for the bus every day next to a poster advertising a charity event for "Bicycles for Darfur."

I'm the anti-depressants.

I am a 17 year old smokin' hot hustler and Gus is about to drop me for someone younger.

I am that bacon-wrapped donuts joint (which explains a lot):

I'm lesbian PDA. I'm everywhere you look in this burg!

I'm one of the sassy weekly alternative hipster newspapers seizing on minor local scandals to absolutely no effect, all the while acting like its a grand gesture of sticking it to The Man!

I'm the dirty dishes in the sink at the group house.

I'm the 100% organic, free range, cruelty-free vinegar on the salad bar.

Here I am posing with a waffle. Aren't I kooky?

by Anonymousreply 3809/08/2012

Actual protest in Portland over a bridge project.

Yuppie children holding signs everywhere and this stirring cry:

"What do we want?!"

"A supplemental environmental impact statement!"

"When do we want it?!"

"In a matter of months!"

by Anonymousreply 3909/08/2012

favorite city on the left coast

by Anonymousreply 4009/08/2012

A place where young people go to retire

by Anonymousreply 4209/08/2012

I am Duane Sorensen, founder of the city's most insufferable coffeehouse Stumptown. I spent most of my life decrying chain coffeehouses until I got the chance to move into New York and sell my coffee there.

[quote]Enough of the Pacific Northwest believes in Sorenson’s message (which includes fair trade, of course) that he now has five cafés, two café-roasteries, and one stand-alone roastery in the region. But when you’re a believer, you want to spread the message, preferably to the largest and most visible market. So eleven months ago, Sorenson loaded up a U-Haul and drove to Brooklyn. He found an apartment in Carroll Gardens and began laying the groundwork for converting New York from its generally tragic coffee habits. “This town is ridiculous,” he says. “Make a good cup of coffee for your neighbor, fuck!”

Even in Portland I am considered a major pretentious dick.

by Anonymousreply 4309/08/2012

It's overwhelmingly green

by Anonymousreply 4409/08/2012

It seems like a lovely progressive city. Why are you guy throwing so much shade, even though it is hilarious?

by Anonymousreply 4509/08/2012

I love Van Sant and Haynes.

by Anonymousreply 4609/08/2012

I'm Beau Breedlove, Mayor Sam Adams' former teenage trick, who almost brought him down.

I'm just the latest manifestation of the fact that powerful Portland men (hetero and homo) seem to have a taste for the young stuff. But at least I was 17 at the time -- an earlier mayor, Neil Goldschmidt, was found to have been dicking a 14-year-old girl.

by Anonymousreply 4709/08/2012

I'm Critical Mass. Once a month I assemble downtown to block traffic and make the point that bicyclists are people, too. If you don't like me you're a fascist Nazi and you're killing the planet. Right now I'm in a bad mood because the check from my Midwestern parents is late. Again.

I'm the (1992-1995) Portland indie music peak that should have taken over the world and was way rad-er than anything that happened in Seattle.

I'm Seattle, and I fondly consider you my little sister city. My slightly retarded, unattractive little sister city.

I'm the 40 pounds that Sam Adams has packed on over the last year, and I desperately hope that you don't notice me.

Dear Seattle. Love your urban planning. Ever heard this Portlandism? Portland makes Seattle look like LA.

I'm the defeated looking dad in Trader Joe's who's trying to look cool while wearing the baby in a hemp sling around my neck. Kill me now.

I'm the deathly silent port, surrounded by parking lots of brand new unwanted Korean cars.

I'm the long, grey, uncombed hippie hair.

I'm Reed College, where little Trustafarians and Neiman-Marxists go to learn how to critique the capitalist system that spawned them.

I'm Portlandia! Bow down, bitches

I'm the Buddhist prayer flag hanging from the porch of a $3million dollar house near Laurelhurst Park.

I'm nude performance art performed outdoors at Reed College. Ignore the bored students who are walking past and not looking at my incredibly powerful statement! They're just unenlightened!

I'm the insanely dull, self-satisfied dinner party. After the hostess explains where all the food comes from, I devolve into awkward conversation about farmers' markets, Oregon Public Broadcasting, and the state of public schools. I break up by 9 o'clock because everyone's got kids and has to get home.

I'm the bored office worker eating his sandwich on the brick steps in Pioneer Square, blankly watching the skateboard kids, the homeless kids, the tourists, and the religious freaks, wondering why there's not a real park downtown.

I'm irony. I'm even more omnipresent in this city than the rain, the mud, or the girls with pierced eyebrows wearing hoodies.

yeah, lots of "irony," but zero humor

I'm Mt. Hood. Every winter some yuppie nimrods with $6000 worth of gear and $0 worth of common sense decide to climb me in the middle of December and have to be rescued, spawning major drama in the media.

Yuppie takes his two kids to the Farmer's Market to shop for "pre-pubescent nettles" ("we indeed made nettle soup for the first time this year"), discusses his choice of stroller, yammers about his kids a lot, and boasts that he likes to "talk to the person we buy from, assessing whether the source matches what the signs say, and make the best decisions we can." At the end he spends $6 on a pancake and a piece of bacon for a two-year-old. Welcome to Portland.

I'm the persistent smell of marijuana that one gets at the door to most gay bars.

I'm the sunburned physician's assistant from Bend, wearing my hospital garb on my day off, who remarks loudly at the sidewalk cafÃ©, how do these people LIVE without sun? You never see me in winter because I can't get here due to snow.

by Anonymousreply 4809/08/2012

Uh, R13/R29/R35/R38/R48, you can give it up now. You sound mental.

by Anonymousreply 4909/08/2012

I'm the "I, Anonymous" blog from the Portland Mercury, where entitled passive-aggressive Portlanders vent their frustrations, secure in the fact that they don't have to face the people who pissed them off.

[quote]Dear asshole on the Springwater trail today. I just wanted to write and apologize for my toddler who was choking in her trailer causing us to stop our bikes some what in the middle of the trail to check on her. I know that must have been a terrible inconvenience that you had to alter your approach so that you could veer around us. I could tell by the way you were dressed that you were a super duper serious cyclist- in fact, at first I thought you were Lance Armstrong. Thank you for yelling out the trail etiquette I didn't know stopping in the middle of the trail for an emergency was a violation of asshole cyclist code #1234. I yelled back "My child is choking"- thinking that information would help you understand, but your continued bitching made it clear that our concern for our toddler's life should not override trail protocol. We assure you, the next time our child decides to choke we will be sure to pull completely off the trail so that assholes like you can hurry up and get to hell.

[quote]Dear Crappy Trimet Driver: My wife was on your #72 bus in her wheelchair yesterday after her errands, expecting to get dropped off a block from home â until you announced that *you refused to drive your bus' assigned route* because of Last Thursday. You dumped her on Killingsworth and made her roll herself all the way to Alberta. Thought you might like to know that by the time she got home she was in tears from the pain, and it will take her days to recover. Hope it was worth it not to inconvenience yourself. Way to show your committment to helping the community. Way to show your committment to helping the disabled. Way to make it clear what your *real* priorities are. You suck.

[quote]Portlanders think they have every right to tell me their opinions about my parenting choices, and those opinions run the gamut. Despite your well-intentioned (or not) advice, Iâm going to parent my kid the way I want to, and, believe it or not, my kid is going to turn out just fine, because, letâs be honest, the majority of people turn out just fine despite parenting short-falls. I did. You did (probably). So, after not getting enough sleep last night because my kid kept me up half it, Iâm going to go out to brunch. Iâm going to drink Bloody Maryâs because I deserve them. Iâm going to watch my kid annoy the shit out of you for an hour while laughing to myself about your facial expressions and body language. Iâm going mutter to myself, âyou are fucking welcome for the free brunch, douche bagâ as I walk by you to leave with the kid that annoyed you for an hour that I get to love and care for 24/7.

by Anonymousreply 5009/08/2012

for r49, who must work at Powells:

I'm the International Airport with one flight each to Tokyo, Amsterdam, and Frankfurt and three flights to Vancouver that make it "international."

I'm the unemployment rate, which jumped from 10.7% to 12.1% in the last two months. Everyone is being too creative to pay attention to me, so I'll just sit over here in the corner and get bigger.

Hey, a couple of blow jobs with the Mayor and things have worked out fine for me in Portland! tby: Beau Breedlove

I'm the vegan pastry that even vegans won't eat. They keep making and selling me anyway.

I'm Kidical Mass! I'm like Critical Mass, except I'm yuppies guiding their toddlers on bicycles into downtown traffic to prove an important point about fossil fuels and sharing the road! Here I go! WHEE!!! by: Fuckin HATE Portland Parents

I'm the harrassed queen from suburban Dallas whose redneck neighbor has threatened him with a gun, whose Mormon neighbor on the other side has called the police four times on him, who has found four dead racoons on the lawn; and who can't understand why these earnest and sincere gay-positive people in Portland trying so hard to be good people are the object of ridicule and sneering on datalounge.

I'm the 50 acre Nike campus where all employees are under 30 years old (except for Phil Knight).

I'm the town of Vancouver, Washington. Every time I cross the bridge the Portlanders lock their doors. They are scared of me.

I'm the miserably cold, rainy beach at Seaside where you will find all the Portlanders over Memorial Day weekend catching colds but telling their relatives in Wisconsin it's better than Catalina.

I'm the smell of paper mills that have been out of business for thirty years, but give a blue collar feel to Portland.

I'm the old salt that passed over the Columbia bar once and make it sound like Scylla and Charybdis, but more dramatic.

I'm the town of Salem wondering what exactly people in Portland DO for a living, since I have all the government jobs.

Rain, here. tby: yeah, i'm still here

I am the smaller, less corporate, more momsy popsy version of Seattle.

I'm Montreal, making the ubiquitous cameo on every city thread.

I am six generations of white trash from Appalachia that populated the region in the early 1900s and still form the population of "natives."

I'm restaurant servers and I run the restaurant business down here. The owners are too timid to tell me not to wear a ripped vintage T-shirt to work, and the customers are uncomfortable with the notion of asking for what they want, so I rule the roost. My specialties are standing behind the bar in groups playing with my iPhone while water glasses are empty, playing the music I want at the level I think is appropriate, and when a customer inquires about a certain dish, saying something like "I guess it's good. If you like that."

I'm the snotty buy-back clerk at Powells Books who ignores your "Good morning," thumbs through the used books you've brought in, separates them into piles, and then quotes you an impossibly low price on your trade-ins. If you question me, I'll shrug and say "Take it or leave it."

I am the dramatic sign posted outside of the Japanese Garden that warns prospective visitors that I am, in fact, a REAL Japanese garden.

I'm Chuck Palahniuk, and I'm the city's patron saint.

I am that gorgeous maple tree with brilliant yellow leaves under which Keanu sits cradling the unconscious River across his lap.

I'm a brochure for a Mystery Spot hundreds of miles away. You can't get away from me, I will be everywhere you go!

by Anonymousreply 5109/08/2012

I'm the guy who wonders how there are so many people in Portland who have shitloads of money because there aren't many jobs, and not a lot of high-paying ones either. Are they all trust-funders from California? The mind boggles.

by Anonymousreply 5209/09/2012

Awful as it sounds, you can't sat Portland doesn't have a distinct character. More than you can say for a handful of American cities.

by Anonymousreply 5309/09/2012

The dream of the 90s is alive in Portland.

by Anonymousreply 5409/09/2012

Thank Goodness you didn't ask a COMPLICATED question OP!!

by Anonymousreply 5509/09/2012

This week, the City Council took up the issue of fluoridating the water (Portland is one of the only major cities that doesn't do it).

Fluoridation paranoia is this year's anti-vax paranoia among Portland parents, and the New York Times took note today:

[quote]“I don’t appreciate you trying to alleviate your white guilt by putting toxins in our water,” Frances Quaempts-Miller, who described herself as mixed black and Muscogee Indian, said in testifying at the public hearing before the all-white Council of four men and one woman.

[quote]Celia Wagner, a Web site developer, said the local fluoride debate, full of hyperbole and passion, had brought out the “rugged individuality and quirkiness” of Portland’s character, for better and worse. “It’s Portland doing its Portland thing, which I love; I’ve been here 35 years,” she said. “It’s charming, but occasionally not charming.”

by Anonymousreply 5609/09/2012

My word, the "Let's be Portland" troll on here sure is something.

I agree with much of what he's said but, man, perhaps you need a little break from your computer. Go walk around the block and get some fresh air.

by Anonymousreply 5709/09/2012

Fluoride used to be a conservative concern -- that the commies in government were trying to poison them

by Anonymousreply 5809/09/2012

Sad that r57 and so many others do not recognize the combined brilliance of 2009 era DL posters

by Anonymousreply 5909/09/2012

It's not that, it's that the troll is just spending faaaaaar too much time on this. After a while, it stops being funny and feels more like "mental issues."

by Anonymousreply 6009/09/2012

The penny dropped for me, R59, when I recognized one of my own posts. That was weird!

by Anonymousreply 6109/09/2012

[quote]It's not that, it's that the troll is just spending faaaaaar too much time on this.

DL has a habit of trying to recapture the spirit of good threads and memes by running them into the ground. It's not a troll, just someone who saves old DL threads and reposts them.

by Anonymousreply 6209/09/2012

r53, Portland is not as hilly as Seattle. We do have the west hills, but the city itself is relatively flat.

by Anonymousreply 6309/09/2012

I can not stand the government of Israel, so I say, they shouldn't sell hummus made in Israel.

I think that maybe I should live in Oregon, except they should get rid of the gun lovers first.

by Anonymousreply 6409/09/2012

Lots of rain, lots of white people.

by Anonymousreply 6509/09/2012

No mention about the Portland Trail Blazers? 1977 NBA Champions,p but struggling ever since. #1 pick Greg Oden needed several surgeries and they eventually waived him. Also, Brandon Roy, their All Star, had to retire due to a knee injury (and now he's come out of retirement to play for Minnesota). They have an All Star in LaMarcus Aldridge now and there are great expectations for rookie Damian Lillard. The team is owned by Paul Allen, one of the richest men in the world. They play at the Rose Garden that he paid for and it's one of the only NBA arenas that hasn't sold it's naming rights like Cleveland's Quicken Loans Arena.

by Anonymousreply 6609/09/2012

r67 won't read. He'd rather blather on in the way he accuses others of doing.

by Anonymousreply 6809/10/2012

[quote]Another thing that strikes me is that Portland is intensely local ...whether restauants & cafes that cultivate local produce, fish & other culinary treasures; innumerable indie coffee shops

If you want to confuse or piss off a Portland barista, ask if the coffee beans are locally grown.

by Anonymousreply 6909/10/2012

The insults about Portland are all true! And apply also to the whole bs Pacific Northwest and assholes everywhere on this continent.

by Anonymousreply 7009/10/2012

Once again, Portland makes the Passive-Aggressive Notes blog.

This time it involves both a food cart AND recycling.

by Anonymousreply 7109/12/2012


by Anonymousreply 7209/14/2012

I love Portland. But it's not for people who are used to big city life.

by Anonymousreply 7309/14/2012

Portland is a long way from L.A.

by Anonymousreply 7409/16/2012

Some of you must not be very attentive readers. It is clear that these multiple "I'm" posts are not written by the same person; different writing styles, different levels of wit.

And finally, R59 explains it.

Thanks for going through the trouble of reposting, R59. Some of these are very funny.

by Anonymousreply 7509/16/2012

I'm Silverados!

by Anonymousreply 7609/16/2012

The evil Hank Paulson, Bush's treasury whore, owns the Portland Timber MLS team.

BTW Portlanders go overboard trying to mimic Euro soccer fans at their games. Organized cheers, flag waving, stupid stuff.

by Anonymousreply 7709/17/2012

Some of you are truly miserable people.

R67 pretty much nails it. Beautiful city. Tons to do. Great beer. Amazing food all the way from the uber cheap food cart to the swanky 3 Doors Down or Departure. It's as liberal as a city can be. Laid back. Very outdoorsy. You are an hour and a half from both skiing (Mt. Hood) and the oceans (the sleepy Oregon coast towns are beautiful too). You will find as much to do there as you would in San Francisco or Seattle, but without the enormous expense or horrific traffic of those cities.

You must be willing to deal with about 9 months of rain from September to May, but the summers make it worth it. Clear skies in the summer months and temperatures don't usually exceed the 80's.

I lived there for five years and miss it. When we are finished in Europe, the partner and I will be settling there again.

The naysayers have either never been there, or are just spouting off for the sake of being nasty cunts.

by Anonymousreply 7809/17/2012

The vide at R36 is astounding.

by Anonymousreply 7909/17/2012

I want to live in Portland. I loved it there.

by Anonymousreply 8009/17/2012

Notice not one of the dipshits with the shovels is trying to shovel the STREET, only his own sidewalks.

by Anonymousreply 8109/17/2012

As opposed to New Yorkers fighting over who gets to shovel the street?

by Anonymousreply 8209/17/2012

It would be nice to be in a medium sized city that has a good rail system.

by Anonymousreply 8309/17/2012

R78, I am a Portlander and I was honest about it. The phonecall IS coming from inside the house. Shock horror, there are even Portlanders who dare to criticize PDX from time to time (verboten within city environs, but wtf).

by Anonymousreply 8409/17/2012

Here you go -- the cover story from this week's Portland Mercury: "Portland as Fuck: Are Portland's Favorite Institutions Actually 'Portlandy'? Or Not 'Portlandy' ENOUGH?"

It's staggeringly unfunny and self-indulgent. Naturally, the locals love it. Check out the comments.

by Anonymousreply 8509/20/2012

Does Portland have a bad part of town? Seems like everything is gentrified.

by Anonymousreply 8602/15/2013

Wow that is some pretentious writing. And Mapplethorpe never anything to do with Portland. And neither did his penis.

by Anonymousreply 8702/15/2013

Home of Tonya Harding!

by Anonymousreply 8802/15/2013

I got fucked 7 times by 5 guys there this weekend.

by Anonymousreply 8902/15/2013

Thank you, r89, that adds a lot to this thread.

by Anonymousreply 9002/16/2013

Although Portland might have a few things going for it, I didn't find them when I was there for a visit. I do like the streetcars, but I generally found the people to be oddly unhelpful, especially at one gay bathhouse where queen clerk refused to let me enter for some weird technicality I think he made up on the spot; I generally got the impression that the gay life there is very stunted. The rain doesn't bother me, I like the fact that they have kept the military and a professional baseball team out, but they can't seem to find the wherewithal to label streets and major traffic arteries properly so that you are not lost within a few blocks. Women there are generally shrewish and the men give an impression of slight retardation of a nordic variety one might find in the Dakotas, Minnesota or Montana, sort of like Charles Lindbergh in his quasi-nazi mode.

by Anonymousreply 9102/16/2013

[quote]Does Portland have a bad part of town?

No, it doesn't. The only real minority group are Asians, and everybody else is white so there aren't any bad parts of town.

by Anonymousreply 9202/16/2013

There are poor white trashy parts of town with lots of meth and visible prostitution. Felony Flats is one area. Outer southeast is pretty dismal. Meth labs, car theft, home invasions. Not a lot of violent street crime or muggings as far as i know.

by Anonymousreply 9302/16/2013

Pretentious in its unpretension.

by Anonymousreply 9402/16/2013

Portland has always suffered from severe middle child anxiety....being the frumpy sister city to San Francisco and Seattle(not that Seattle is that great) has given it real self-esteem and identity issues.

For years it has clamored for attention and approval from what it views as more sophisticated and hipper cities...and now with "Portlandia"....

Well, I guess now that it's received SOME validation from the "cool" kids one might understand why PDX has developed just a little bit of a 'tude.

Face it'll never be world're Cleveland with a mountain view.

And that's OK.

by Anonymousreply 9502/16/2013

It was a perfectly nice little city before the hipster types tried to make it more than it was. They're boosterism's grandchildren with tats and skateboards and as with Grandpa, they go to the dark side of civic pride. Don't mistake Portlandia for anything other than the Chamber of Commerce appeal that it is.

by Anonymousreply 9602/16/2013

I wrote some of those R49, but not all of any entry, which means someone saved cut and pasted all their favorite comments from old threads. That's some kind of dedication or obsession. Does Sam Adams post at datalounge?

by Anonymousreply 9702/16/2013

R67 is probably Dan Savage and has no business calling anyone else "pretentious."

by Anonymousreply 9802/16/2013

I thought Portland has a significant meth/drug problem along with lots of street "rent boys" applying their trade in order to get the meth.

by Anonymousreply 9902/16/2013

[quote]Pretentious in its unpretension.

Indeed... and completely undiverse in its "diversity." Diverse in Portland means that everyone has his or her own special tattoo.

by Anonymousreply 10002/16/2013

heh heh

by Anonymousreply 10102/18/2013

Portland sux!

by Anonymousreply 10202/18/2013

My partner and I (we're guys and have two little kids) are thinking about moving to Portland from the Bay Area (because it's become so ridiculously expensive...) Any thoughts from current Portlanders?

by Anonymousreply 10312/18/2013

R103: Don't move to Portland! Beyonce does not live there.

by Anonymousreply 10412/18/2013

OP, my wife and I moved here from Boston over 20 years ago. I had a job offer and they paid us to fly out here and check it out. We stayed about 2 weeks and decided to take the chance with the idea that we could always move back if we didn't like it.

Have you spent any time here? Now would be the time to visit during the rainy season because these grey skies are round for a lot of the year.

I love it here and wouldn't want to move, but you have to be able to deal with the grey skies.

by Anonymousreply 10512/18/2013

[quote]Portland's Argentine steakhouse Ox recently Instagrammed the list of customer allergies in response to its New Year's Eve prix-fixe menu, with Post-its describing tables' worth of off-limits items, from mangos to crab to eggs. In addition to vegetarians, pescetarians, and lactose- and gluten-intolerant folks, many tickets revealed the allergen-prone stick together, with tables of "one vegetarian, one no pork and no shellfish."

by Anonymousreply 10601/03/2014


This made me laugh. I take it Portland is full of granola eating, Birkenstock wearing frumps? Asheville NC is pretty much the same.

by Anonymousreply 10701/03/2014

Great R106 a whole city full of eating disorders. Sounds like city full of pretentious douchebags.

by Anonymousreply 10801/03/2014

The traffic is some of the worst in the United States. Interstate 5 and I-205 are clusterf*cks each and every day. The suburbs west of Portland, such as Beaverton, Aloha, etc. have some of the worst suburban blight you will ever find. 82nd Avenue is skidrow. Powell Blvd. is NOT a highway and don't expect to get anywhere soon if you end up on it due to a suggestion from a GPS.

by Anonymousreply 10901/03/2014
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