London 2012: the best and worst Olympic kit

What might be good to buy and what decidedly isn't - it is all a question of taste
Do you want a Wenlock police constable figurine? Of course you do! Public Domain

1 Wenlock police constable figurine

It's true that the mascot works the police constable look with aplomb. But the figurine itself begs the question: who would want this? The under-fives aren't big on ornaments as a rule and adults who desire a 50mm mascot figurine for their desk are in effect declaring themselves beyond redemption on the taste front.

2 London 2012 purple pictogram women's T-shirt

It takes a certain kind of design skill to truly balls-up a T-shirt. So congratulations to 2012's merch team for dreaming up this car crash of a basic: unflattering cap sleeves, too-tight cut, pointlessly skew-whiff print. Unfortunately, the boozy colour is so 2011. Fashion fail. Zero style merit. Proof that Olympic designers should steer clear of stuff to wear and concentrate on stuff to use.

3 Team GB Olympic dynamic bed linen

Let's be clear: on a single duvet in a kid's bedroom this is reasonably nice: more young athlete dreaming of being a national champ than BNP. But "dynamic bed linen" on an adult's double bed? Let's not go there.

4 London 2012 Games Scalextric Team GB Velodrome race set

This one's a keeper. Straight from the classic-with-a-modern-twist school of merchandising. Who doesn't want to bring out their inner Chris Hoy? Plus, it looks far easier to play than getting to grips with what on earth is going on in that strange keirin event.

5 London 2012 Wenlock nations kid's T-shirt

At a squint this Wenlock print looks a little too X-rated to be appearing on kids' clothing. It's two parts Philippe Starck sex toy, one part Manga gunshot victim. It's not what a stylish six-year-old should be wearing, despite the educational flags. The rule of thumb with kids' clothing is: "Would Romeo Beckham wear it?" If the answer is no, avoid.

6 London 2012 Olympic Games Links of London sweetie bracelet

Newsflash guys: silver bracelets with multi-coloured gems made to look like "sweeties" (what's with the nauseating kiddie speak?) have a niche audience. If you actively want to wear something that looks like it came from the 99p store yet costs upwards of 100 quid then go ahead. And if you can figure out how it relates to the Olympics then please let us know.

7 Team GB Olympic replica kit red Athletics gymbag

Nothing wrong at all with the design, and the function is likely faultless too seeing as it's a direct replica of the bags the actual athletes get. But a word about the semantics here: carrying it says you think you're at your physical peak. Chances are you're not. It's the sartorial equivalent of impersonating a doctor.

8 London 2012 Olympic Adidas shard men's hoody

A proper chameleon of a hoody this one. From behind the spongy grey marl hoody has that real E15 pre-development east London feel to it: perfect for blending in with the areas that haven't seen much of the Olympic pound. But from the front – ta-da – it has that optimistic E20 modern vibe about it. The even bigger surprise is that it's not actually that bad.