Wrestling Wrap Up: Brock Trashes Triple H's Office

Plus, Sheamus gets whipped, Kaitlyn gets gifts, A.J. gets speared, Punk gets lied to, and the WWE wants to charge for YouTube?

I know RAW's a really long show but last night's episode felt reaaalllly long. And that's without a pizza tracker or any sort of clumsy, overt fast food product placement. We weren't shown how to download anything. There were no definitions of "app" or demonstrations on how to use "apps." In fact, I don't even know where the hell they were last night... Did they even say? Was it that shameful to give out the name of the arena? Were they in Indiana, Pennsylvania? (By the way, even Taz questioned the very existence of that place during last week's TNA Impact second-taping)

Maybe I'm just going through Undertaker withdrawal. We had a nice little week-long run there of the Dead Man and now we're left with the Cena/Ryback mess. Although, I will say that their match now being one of those Last Man Standing deals opens up the possibility of Cena losing. Because whoever loses that match, or any type of match that doesn't involve getting pinned, has an out. And Cena's injury gives him a double-out. Of course, they'll probably just have Ryback lose and give him the out, setting up for their rematch at the June PPV, "WWE DTF."

But last night was all about the breaking twitter bombshell that Brock Lesnar and Heyman had invaded WWE headquarters. As if they weren't employees. Granted, what they did inside was unbecoming of a guest, but you can't really sell the set up as being something noteworthy. "What the hell is Brock Lesnar doing at WWE HQ???" Naw, man. That doesn't work. It's his place of business, crazy. Now if they'd said "What the hell is Brock Lesnar doing at Frito-Lay???" that would be interesting. "Why has he travelled to Irvine to visit the offices of Taco Bell?" "What business could he have at the technology firm of Pratt & Whitney??? Who's he there to see???"

Anyhow, Lesnar and Heyman, via shaky cell phone cam, went into Triple H's office and busted up the place. They even roughed up the staff a little bit. And if the staff were smart, they'd take a page out of Heyman's playbook and sue Lesnar for "manhandling" and "humiliation." If this was a really real thing that happened, of course. I know it's a trope of the business, but sometimes when these "real life" events happen without the law getting involved, it just comes off kind of silly. In the end, I just feel bad for this dude....

Man, he got Lesnar's fat Frankenberry hand right in his face. Must have smelled like deli meats. Must have smelled like a cow pooped a fish. That's like getting slapped in the face with baseball mitt covered in old chili.  This guy deserves a raise and a spa day. Provided the spa has Silkwood showers.  I wouldn't be surprised if he broke out in face fungus.

Brock, after pawing that poor man's mush, went into Hunter's office and acted like a red-assed baboon.  He was like sniffin' things. Rubbin' things on his butt.  Chewing on objects to check and see if they were food.  Computers, not being shiny enough, confused him a bit and caused him to get violent.

The kicker here is that we're somehow supposed to feel bad that this happened.  As if (running with this as if it's real) Hunter couldn't just pick up the phone and say "Hey, replace everything he broke in my office and fix my wall and desk."  Like we're supposed to weep for Paul Levesque's work computer.  God, he's probably thrilled.  No more spreadsheets!  No more power point!  Hallelujah!  Lesnar probably thinks blatantly wasting ketchup packets at McDonald's makes the cashier feel bad.

They did manage to throw in a little moment, a little nod, to Lesnar vs. Rock, when Lesnar walked past the framed hallway posters...

Again, apropos of nothing.  This feud was supposed to be germinating right now, but it's been put on hold. Possibly indefinitely. This was just a little knowing aside.  Eyebrow vs. Flat Top Crew Cut.

I should probably mention that it's virtually impossible, if you're of a certain age, to listen to Heyman say "And further, and further, and further..." over and over without immediately thinking of "And knitting, and knitting, and knitting..."

So that was the big happening on RAW.  Other than that, we got Ryback vs. Kane, with more Cena/Shield shenaniganalia at the end.  Cena opened the show with more of his "comedy," which I'll always put in quotations in order to let you know that ranks right below Super Gonorrhea H041 in terms of side-splitting hilariousness.  Then Ryback came out, with his Team Rocket beanie and his Halloween Store teeth, and did some grimacing.  He's taken to saying "Ryback Rules!" all the time now, but not in any sort of natural way one would say "Ryback Rules!"  He uses it to, like, answer questions and such.  "I'm not falling for that one again because Ryback Rules" or "A bird in the hand is worth two in the Ryback Rules."  Maybe it's his full name.  Like Ryback Tiberius Rulez.  Maybe he's just introducing himself over and over like Ziggler used to do.

The next weirdest part of RAW was the way they set up Mark Henry and Sheamus having a Strap Match at the PPV.  Henry, having been humiliated, decided to grab an object from ringside to attack Sheamus with.  But instead of grabbing a desk monitor or the ring bell, or any weapon from under the ring, he grabbed a trainer and literally stripped the man of his belt.  Hell, just take his shoe at that point!  But no, Mark was of a singular mind. He needed that man's pants loosened!

And by the by, a strap match is just about the worst thing you can put Sheamus in.  This was the result of last night's attack alone...

Lord, that's unappetizing. If more than three people had skin like that within 50 feet of one another the government would napalm the town out of fear of an aggressive skin-eating virus.  It's like he has a five year-old's red sharpie sketch on his back. At this point, it probably be better if someone just finished whipping him with the strap to fill in the white gaps.

More from RAW, including A.J. vs. Kaitlyn, Ambrose's new finisher, and more...

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