WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. — Harmoni Sandlin knows so much about her

husband — that he likes licorice tea, for example, and mango


She's comfortable enough to chat with him on her cellphone while

she's using the restroom (sometimes she tells him; sometimes not).

During the day, odd little occurrences remind her of him, and she

makes a mental note of them. Thinks, I've got to share this with


For his part, Tim Sandor knows much about his wife. He knows the

faces she makes when she slips into photo booths. He knows her affinity

for wordplay, indie bands and macaroni and cheese. He knows she's

drug-free, a teetotaler, spiritual but not religious.

Sadly, he knows that if he were to climb into his car and drive to

her, it would take 37 hours.

Harmoni lives in Las Vegas, and Tim lives in West Palm Beach. They

first met 2 1/2 months ago in an online debate room. Now, they

communicate in some way every day. They may e-mail, chat over the phone

or exchange music and photographs. They've even talked about creating a

calendar together (her poses would include a dominatrix-type shot of

her in a Catholic school uniform, another perhaps as a cheerleader;

he'd pose as a priest, he says, and a gritty farmer sitting on a


They're at that point in their relationship where they've got pet

names for one another — he's her Analog and she's his Apron —

and yet they've never met face-to-face.

Theirs is a fictional union, a digital farce.


One online personality

"wedding" another. There is no legal backing behind their union, no

long-term commitment, no signed marriage certificate, no tax benefit to

reap or prenup to deal with.

Just a guy who likes an online girl and a girl who likes an online


Together, they're exploring what could be the latest frontier in

relationships: online marriage.

The unions are increasingly common, thanks to highly interactive

online games (i.e. World of Warcraft), social-networking sites (like

MySpace.com) and virtual worlds (such as SecondLife.com). One

Beijing-based publication estimates there are 100,000 online married in

China, a country where the practice seems to be mushrooming.

"They're not looking for monogamy or any kind of serious deal," say

online dating gurus Jamie Kiffel ("Miss Gemini") and Larisa Fuchs

("Miss Scorpio") of geminiandscorpio.com. "They want a chance to lay

claim to someone they found online without any of the real-life,

dirty-sock-and-underwear-on-the-floor problems that real relationships


Most virtual spouses fall into the under-18 set. Among adults, the

unions go a step beyond chat room friends, e-mail acquaintances and

instant messenger buddies. They range from farcical, spur-of-the-moment

unions (a role-playing dwarf in San Francisco might marry an orc from

Miami in World of Warcraft, for instance), to long-lasting, substantive


Or, as in the case of Tim and Harmoni, two Gen-Xers might genuinely

identify with one another, get "married" on a whim, and, whether they

intended to or not, end up experiencing real feelings — like

tension, bliss, passion and longing.

"A part of me realizes that this whole thing is just ridiculous, but

I'm so fascinated with it," he says. "I'm very much attracted to this

girl, and I'm fascinated by that attraction. Whether or not there's a

point . . . I can't really speak to the long term for that because I

don't know. I can't see that far ahead. But as for right now, it's

like, I'm happy with things as they are."

There's no doubt that Tim and Harmoni have a meaningful

relationship, but their interactions raise questions: Are they wasting

their time in a fantasyland? Are they afraid of real-world

interactions? Why invest so much time in something that promises no

physical intimacy?

They didn't get into a relationship expecting romance, and they've

deconstructed their behavior every step of the way. That's partly what

attracts him to Harmoni, he says, her ability to step outside of

herself and analyze what they're doing.

"We're both into sociology and well-versed enough in human

interactions to know that there's definitely a lot of unreality to the

whole virtual community," Tim says.

Their development of feelings for one another, that just sort of

happened. It's a new form of love, perhaps, in a digital age. Call it

binaric swooning, cyber enchantment, avatar amore. Whatever it is, the

two are ready to take it a step further, toward reality.