Royal Wedding &#39;Too Boring&#39; for AmericaS

Just when America's stricken media industry thought it finally caught a windfall in royal wedding hoopla—Collector's edition magazines! Bridezilla-bait TV specials! Ads for Rogaine!Page Six reports this:



Hasn't the media suffered enough already? How dare these inbred jerks wed without a single mental breakdown or sexting scandal between them! England, we will give back Piers Morgan, Skins, and Delaware if you can produce even one juicy tidbit from this mindnumblingly bland regal affair. (Sneak laxatives into the royal fruitcake, maybe?) You're the nation that produced Shakespeare and Amy Winehouse. We expect more engaging entertainment from you. [P6, photo via Getty Images]