Disclaimers: Yucky Ohs? That doesn't sound like a good cereal. Oh, you were talking about Yu-Gi-Oh? No, I don't own it.

So, picking up where we left off, Yugi, Joey, Tristan, Tea, Mokuba and Bakura all went to Heaven after dying in a most terrible shipwreck. The others went to Hell for various reasons. Kaiba, for running a corporation. Yami Marik, for being pure unrestrained evil and wearing that gaudy cape. Yami Bakura, for being a thief and being the rapist in too many Yaoi rape fics. Pegasus, for being annoying and stealing peoples' souls. Marik, for all of the reasons listed above. Except for the corporation part. And maybe the cape.

"Wow... it's beautiful. Where are we?" asked Joey.

"Uh, look around. We we're drowning a second ago, and now we're all in clouds." Tea explained. "What do you think?"

"Uh... Pizza Hut?"

"NO! You moron, we're in Heaven! Look, there's the pearly gates!" Tea pointed out the big shiny gates that were literally inches in front of them.

"Wowee! Is that St. Peter?" Yugi asked.

"No, Yugi, that's a cloud with a beard." Joey said, a hint of 'duh' in his voice.

"Joey, you didn't even know we were in heaven ten seconds ago," Yugi said. "You have no right to imply that I'm the stupid one."

"Hey, there he is!" Tea pointed at the old man with a beard next to the pearly gates.

"Hi there!" Tristan yelled right in St. Peter's face. "We're duelists!"

"Hello, newly dead ones." St. Peter warmly greeted, ignoring Tristan's obnoxiousness. "May I have your names?"

"I don't know, I don't like giving people stuff unless I know 'em better." Joey said.

St. Peter laughed. "No, I meant, tell me what your name is."

So the gang all told St. Peter their names and he wrote them down on a gold clipboard with perfectly white paper.

"Okay, you are allowed in, but be forewarned. The Lord likes ducks, always has. If you step on a duck, the Lord with chain you to somebody undesirable for one thousand years. Be very cautious." St. Peter warned ominously, opening the gate.

So the guys all walked into Heaven. They decided the first thing to do would be to look around.

"Look! We are Toys!" Mokuba squealed happily. "It's like Toys r Us, but with perfect grammar!"

Mokuba tried to run into the store, but a duck was in the way. He ended up tripping over it and, immediately, a golden chain appeared around his leg. On the other side of the chain, Janis Joplin.

"NOOOOO!" Mokuba roared. Janis just smiled her weird, lip-less smile.

"Hey, Alanis Morrisette!" Joey said.

"Uh... no. She isn't even dead." said Janis.

"...Fiona Apple?"

"No. She isn't dead either."

"...Kurt Cobain?"

"Hey, let's go to Paul's Mall, y'all!" Tea suggested. Everyone happily agreed, since they were all teenagers, and went with Tea to the mall which was bigger than Los Angeles and was full of even more consumer shit as if that were even possible. Unfortunately, while messing around in the playing card section (where the fuck did you think they would go), Tea accidentally stepped on a duck who was playing Pokemon with another duck. She ended up getting tethered to Jerry Falwell, who they had to borrow out of Hell for a thousand years. Unfortunately, Jerry Falwell was still burning in eternal hellfire as he walked around with her, so she had to hear his wails of terror for a thousand years.

"Hey, guys, I'm going to go to McDaniel's for a chicken sandwich, I'll catch up with you later." Tristan told the others.

"Okay." said Bakura. "So what do you chaps want to do now, wot wot?"

"I'm going to the electronics section." Yugi said. The other guys went with him, while Tea went to the lingerie section of the store a few miles away with the still suffering Jerry Falwell.


Back in the electronics section, Yugi, Joey (who has been chained to an ugly stripper for stepping on a duck) and Mokuba were wandering around the movie aisle, which is monstrously long since Heaven is home to every movie that has ever been made in the history of human kind. Hell, it never stops growing. You could be wondering around at the beginning and the next thing you know you have an extra twenty minutes before you can get to the end.

"Wow, every movie ever made is here in this one tape!" Yugi said, holding up a tape made of gold and silver.

"Cool, but I'd rather take this one." Joey held up a sparkling Platinum tape labeled All the Good Movies Ever Made.

"Well, that one is cheaper. Let's get it!" Yugi said. But, as he was walking to the counter, guess what happened. I'll give you a hint: it involved a duck.

So, Yugi, now chained up with the burning Pegasus, walked to the mansion where the Yu-Gi-Oh gang would be staying in. St. Peter gave them the address, it's a massive 30 story gold mansion in a neighborhood of other 30 story gold mansions. Everyone was already there, in the hot tub, including Tristan who was now chained up with...

"A mountain troll?" Joey roared in astonishment.

"Wow, Tristan, what did you do?" Yugi asked.

The mountain troll looked up at Joey and Yugi and said:

"I don't know what he did, but I stepped on a duck."

Then he jacked off and vomited blood all over Tristan.