Bill Kristol Spews, America Heaves

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Yeah, you better watch your back.Bill Kristol’s inaugural New York Times column appeared today and it confirmed our suspicion that Kristol’s head is so far up his ass that he views the world from inside his own mouth, which might, actually, explain his world view. He’s like to thank Obama for opening up a can of whup-ass on Hillary in Iowa, not that he in any way likes anything about Obama and, oh, by the way, he has some really, really good reasons for that:


Bill, may I be the first to ask: what the fuck world you you live in? Victory in Iraq? The good done by the Alito/Roberts court includes what exactly? A sphincter says “what”? Exactly.

Also, by the way, Mike Huckabee totally sucks and no one wants to vote for him but everyone likes his real-guyness and his ability not to change his mind on his policy positions and play the guitar. Oh, and Bill’s Republican friend in New Hampshire is “savvy” (way to kiss ass, Bill) enough not to vote for Huckabee but thinks he might be the best candidate. So, Huckabee is the anti-intellectual candidate that no one will vote for but he’ll win anyway? How does that work, exactly?

Bill also, like, totally knows that if Huckabee wins the Republican nomination this summer that Bloomberg will run as an independent and take votes from Obama. Naturally, it totally won’t be too late to really get in the race or anything and those rumors that he’s considering running aren’t just a ploy for positive press or anything, they’re a real interest of Bloomberg’s despite the fact that he still hasn’t actually done anything about running in all these months it’s been “rumored.”

And he quotes that other great conservative intellectual, Michelle Malkin, because nothing solidifies an argument like quoting Malkin. Seriously, the reason I don’t read Dowd and Friedman is because I find their work tedious, annoying and unenlightening, which I guess makes Kristol actually the perfect addition to the New York Times. I’m sorry to have doubted their wisdom in hiring him.

President Mike Huckabee? [NY Times]

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