Quiz: match the alcohol joke to the comedian

Here are 10 one-liners on the subject of alcohol. Do you know which standup is responsible for each of them?


A dry martini. Photograph: H&S Produktion/Corbis

  1. 1. “I’m on a whiskey diet…I’ve lost three days already.”

  2. 2. "It only takes one drink to get me loaded; trouble is, I can't remember if it's the 13th or 14th"

  3. 3. "I used to be a bartender at the Betty Ford Clinic."

  4. Richard Pryor and Richard Herring 4. “I had to stop drinking, 'cause I got tired of waking up in my car driving 90.”

  5. 5. "I went to rehab in wine country, just to keep my options open."

  6. 6. "My mom's Jewish and my dad's Irish Catholic alcoholic so I whine on the inside"

  7. 7. "I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, 'Dude, you have to wait.'"

  8. Steve Martin and Demetri Martin 8. “Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.”

  9. 9. 'LA is nothing but a bunch of driving, and I hate all that damn driving 'cause it interferes with my drinking'

  10. 10. "You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name… and you've never been to that bar before."

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