

Paedophile hysteria on MN-should DH quit?

(99 Posts)
socharlotte Tue 13-Nov-12 12:04:17

DH is a qualified gymnastics coach.Something he got into when our teenagers were small.He always works in the company of other coaches and there is a parents viewing area.
However most of the gymnasts are little girls (there are a few boys).the jog obviously involves physical contact with the children supporting their flips and vaults etc.But I am thinking he should quit after reading some of the posts on MN recently .A dad hanging round a nursery and a headteacher hanging round a classroom are viewed with suspicion.Are people saying this about DH too.How sad it is that men can't work with children without being viewed as weirdos sad

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 13-Nov-12 12:05:38

I hear ya, I hope there are still lots of sensible people around who do not view men in that way, I certainly am one of them smile

bitsofmeworkjustfine Tue 13-Nov-12 12:08:38

i would allow my dd to have a male coach, so long as he didnt go in the changing rooms, and i would watch the training sessions.

i would allow my dd to go in the choir, but would be uncomfortable to leave her alone with a priest.

i would allow her to a family party but i wouldnt leave her alone with my brother.

this is how i feel. Its not wrong, its just how i feel. other people feel really differently.

EchoBitch Tue 13-Nov-12 12:09:36

What a shame that all men are viewed this way by some people now.

I don't and he should stay in the job he is qualified to do and obviously loves.

Why would a headteacher being around a classroom cause suspicion,surely that's part of their job too.

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 13-Nov-12 12:10:38

You wouldn't leave DD alone with your brother?

Just because he is a man? Or do you have reasons for this?

If the former I am incredibly shocked.

EchoBitch Tue 13-Nov-12 12:11:28

Not all men are abusers and most abused children are abused by someone they know who is often close to them/family.

bitsofmeworkjustfine Tue 13-Nov-12 12:11:36

because of family history... there is no proof that he did or he didnt, but i wont take the risk with my dd

IvorHughJanusAndABulgingSack Tue 13-Nov-12 12:11:47

You're wondering if your husband should quite his job because you've seen some comments on an anonymous internet forum which constitute- in your opion - a 'paedophile hysteria'?

Well, no, would be the answer to that, surely. confused

Another one who is shocked someone wouldn't leave their DD alone with their brother?? Really?? Your reasons for this are.....?

I agree it's a shame and no your DH shouldn't quit!

Sorry, x posted!

I think it's sad that people feel that way. My DH is amazing with children and really wants to set up as a childminder. But we really fear him getting no business just because he is a man.

fluffyraggies Tue 13-Nov-12 12:14:02

I've no problem with male teachers, coaches, TAs, doctors or any other certified member of staff dealing with my kids.

I do have a problem with hangers on, male or female, when there is meant to be close supervision going on.

megandraper Tue 13-Nov-12 12:14:45

'but i wouldnt leave her alone with my brother'

Oh dear bitsofme. That sounds problematic. Sorry about that. Dreadful.

I wouldn't / am not bothered by male coaches and am quite happy with the physical contact required for all sorts of sports coaching. However, I would be bothered by a coach or other person (male or female) who
- found repeated and unusual reasons to try and be alone with my DC
- made inappropriate comments about my or other DC
- was unnecessarily present while DC are changing clothes/using toilets etc.
- made my DC feel uncomfortable / creeped out in some way
- made me feel uneasy about them (has only happened once or twice and not with reference to my DC but for me as a teenager, turned out to be with good reason)
I think that's just common sense. It's certainly the safeguarding advice given by Kidpower and other knowledgeable bodies.

Hysteria and blind ignorance are not the only two options. I think most people are trying to steer a sensible path between the two.

bitsofmeworkjustfine Tue 13-Nov-12 12:15:31

having said that, my sister used a male childminder and was so pleased with him!

I meant that every individual situation needs dealing with as you see fit as a mum/dad/carer.

If someone makes you or your child uncomfortatble then you should deal with that situation.

weeblueberry Tue 13-Nov-12 12:16:12

Paedophile hysteria is pretty much everywhere sadly. My DP is a photographer and virtually any time he takes his professional camera out in a public place while he's alone, he sees parents scurrying to make sure their children are 'hidden'. It's not reserved for MN.

We were in a cafe one day and he was doing street shots while I went to get coffee. The couple behind us actually moved their entire table around so the child wasn't facing him and so the dad was in his way. I watched them whispering away from my place in the queue and when I came back and sat down at the table (which apparently made him less likely to be dodgy) they visibly relaxed.

He's also been asked if he was taking photos up girls skirts, if he has a 'licence' to be a photographer and to erase his images because someone's child MAY have been in them when he was taking photos at the Botanic Gardens. He's come home really pretty upset about it a good few times now and yet never seems to have these issues when he's with me. Man on his own - dodgy. Man with woman - safe it seems...

scaevola Tue 13-Nov-12 12:16:15

Gymnastics coaches shouldn't be working alone anyhow.

As long as there is another adult present, and he remains in public areas only, I do not see why there should be difficulty in his working as a coach.

Nancy66 Tue 13-Nov-12 12:16:26

No, don't be daft.

MN is full of hysterical women who don't let their kids walk to school until they're 16 and ring for an ambulance when their baby has a cold.

Hopeforever Tue 13-Nov-12 12:16:43

Not all offenders are male

Guess that means we can't leave our children with anyone

Rushes off to fetch children from scho.........

bitsofmeworkjustfine Tue 13-Nov-12 12:16:58

and if i felt wierd about a situation i would always err on the side of overprotectiveness for my dd.

MrsMelons Tue 13-Nov-12 12:17:26

I don't think anyone would have an issue with this situation as it is clear he is supposed to be there as the coach and is not randomly hanging around there.

I think with how society is these days it is necessary to take precautions with regards to not being left in vulnerable situations especially for the teacher/coach involved ie not being left on your own with a child etc. Not because I am thinking something may happen but sadly because people make up terrible lies and it protects the adult involved from this.

The dad handing round the nursery is a genuine issue in the same way as any random parent handing round the nursery when potentially they are distrating the staff away from doing their job.

dottyspotty2 Tue 13-Nov-12 12:17:44

You do realise it's not just men that abuse children don't you I never had a problem leaving my daughters with males and females known and trusted by us and I was severely abused by a family member.

marquesas Tue 13-Nov-12 12:17:57

I don't think he should quit, my DCs had a male swimming teacher who went in the pool with them and obviously had to hold them as they learnt. I can honestly say that in all the years I went to swimming lessons I never heard anyone ever mention that they weren't happy with male teachers.

When they were at nursery there was for a short time a male nursery nurse who didn't stay long as he struggled with the all female environment which I still think is a shame as he always seemed to be just as competant as the female staff.

MummyPig24 Tue 13-Nov-12 12:18:07

It's really bloody sad when someone won't risk leaving their dd with their own brother! What is the world coming to! There are no male teachers at ds school, serious lack of male role models in society for children. Women can be abusers too unfortunately, but we cannot suspect everyone of something sinister or we woud never live a normal life, neither would our children!

NigellasGuest Tue 13-Nov-12 12:20:36

have not seen the hysterical threads of which you speak, but my DD has 2 male ballet teachers and like your DH, they HAVE to be hands-on.
I trust them and they're never alone with DD anyway.
I'm guessing your DH is never alone with the gymnasts - that there's always another adult there?
I hope so - for his own protection too.

squeakytoy Tue 13-Nov-12 12:20:47

I feel very sorry for any man who wants to work with children these days. It seems that automatically he is under suspicion. sad

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