14 Pains Worth Enduring

Every man gets hurt, but he's made stronger in the process

Friday, April 19, 2013, 12:00 am

Every man gets hurt, but he's made stronger in the process. Start the new year with some new scars.

Going All In, And Losing
Your rush will fade as fast as your hopes—and remind you that gambling is actually nothing more than entertainment you can control the duration of. Why hurry?


Splurging on a Thousand-Dollar Suit
You'll wince at the hit to your budget. But once you own a suit worth being buried in, you'll start finding ways to make sure someone will be at the funeral to tuck a flower in your lapel.

Watching The Notebook
Sure, Ryan Gosling spends every day recounting the tribulations of his relationship with Rachel McAdams. (Groan.) But listen, there's a reason women fawn over this film: On the screen, unconditional love and devotion always prevail. Watch the movie. Fast-forward through the slow parts. And then impress her by remembering the plotline.

Buying a SaladShooter
Even a strong man can succumb to a late-night huckster. The useless plastic doohickey you bought still serves a purpose, though: It's hard evidence that many things in life really are too good to be true.

Fumbling Through a Bad Date
You show up late. Your jokes bomb. You take a dig at her favorite band. Here's your three-step plan to recovery: Apologize, self-deprecate, and move on. Unless you dwell on your slip, she'll only see you for what you really are—human.

Eating Ramen Noodles
Anything that comes in brick form and costs 50 cents is a building material, not a foodstuff. Slurp up a bowl of sodium-soaked strings and you're guaranteed to appreciate a costlier (and healthier) feast.

Dating a High-Maintenance Bombshell
She'll drain your savings and sap your sanity. Then you'll learn why a woman who looks good in sweats and loves Chinese takeout is a keeper.

Running for President
Or campaigning for any long-shot score—a huge job or a bar beauty's phone number. The strain is humbling, regardless of the outcome. But take a lesson from John McCain's failure: If you lose once, don't stake everything on a second try. You'll grow bitter if you insist on traveling only closed roads.

Drinking Green Beer
Yeah, we love St. Patty's, too. But once you try holiday booze and its novelty wears off, you can move on to more authentic fare. Ask the 'tender to pull you a Beamish or pour you two fingers of Redbreast. You'll enjoy what you're drinking (for once) and look way more debonair in photos.

Taking All-You-Can-Eat Wing Night Literally
Oh, the heartburn! Cramping! Stinging toilet sessions! There's no better endorsement of moderation than a Kobayashi-size food hangover.

Undergoing a Colonoscopy
You got a free pass for decades. Time to man up.

Visiting Disney World

Lying to Your Mother
If you always told your mom the truth about where you were going, you never would have touched your first breast.

Training Poorly, Then Competing Anyway
Sure, you should have worked up to a taper before that 10-K road race. Probably should have stretched better, too. But there's nothing like being passed in the stretch by that 52-year-old, 14th-place masters-class finisher to motivate you the next time out.