Gossip Girl
The Backup Dan

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Runaway Snide

Exhibit B: When most people lose a parent they inherit sorrow loss and a closet full of outdated clothes but on the Upper East Side death's sad chapter comes with a silver lining or a gold one if your relatives invested wisely in precious metals.

Conclusion: Write drunk, edit sober, don't ever do coke when you're working.


Serena: "Chuck, have you seen Blair and why are you even here?"
Chuck: "No, but have you looked everywhere? Even the roof?"
Serena: "Yeah, because of that movie The Hangover that came out when we were in high school. I also climbed through an air duct."
Chuck: "Well, while you were doing that I was just lurking. Oh, a voicemail from the Empire. Seems Blair has turned up there, just as I always knew she would."
Serena: "I have her phone for some reason. And a video camera. Turns out a whole slew of technology will fit in my giant purse. I think maybe I have a problem with stealing things that don't belong to me."

Dan: "Huh? Oh sorry. Wasn't listening."


Lola: "Oh my God, are you stalking me?"
Nate: "I have fallen in love with you for literally no reason. Let me help you with the cleanup of this huge wedding and reception for which you are solely responsible."
Chuck: "Are you seriously still trying to sleep with this random girl? Doing manual labor, at that?"
Nate: "I got so stoned before Blair's wedding that I started freaking out and I figured I should just dedicate myself to a task."

Serena: "We just came down to the loading docks for no reason. But since we're here, I might as well tell you Blair is at the Empire and we're going there."
Lola: "Well, the streets are filled with paparazzi, so it might be hard to get there."
Serena: "No, they aren't. We keep cutting to the exterior of this hotel and there's nobody there."
Lola: "They are invisible. Those new wolves-on-motorcycles paparazzi. But luckily I know a shortcut for caterers."
Serena: "Chuck, knock this random girl out and we'll use her van to get to your hotel."
Lola: "I will happily drive you, because you people are insane and I want to see what happens next."
Serena: "Thanks, random girl."
Nate: "I will come along, and later on we will do it."



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