Thursday, June 19, 2008

The Ric Young/ Juan Conde Incident

(The people involved in this post may only interest my Richmond readers, although the drunkeness involved will pretty much be a universal interest. Also this post isn't very PC, so just squash the urge to point that out to me. )

Last Friday I had my first night off in months. The plan was to start drinking at 3 Monkeys and then... Wait, that was the plan. So I met some friends (a mixture of guys and girls) and we got to drankin. I started off with a Ketel One Martini and when I start off with a big bowl of vodka, craziness will generally ensue.

We left 3 Monkeys around 6 PM and decided to have dinner at Metro Grill. As we walked down Robinson, being loud and obnoxious, we spotted who appeared to be local newscaster and anchor for channel 8, the man, the myth, the legend--Juan Conde. In our drunken state we began shouting his name and making yelping noises (Seinfeld- Joe Dimag Episode) to see if it was really him. He turned around and it was actually local newcaster and fill in for channel 6-- Ric Young. Okay, okay so Ric Young is black and Juan Conde is... umm. Really tan? Spanish? Asian? I still don't know what he is (Calm down, it was an honest mistake) . Ric Young scowls at us and we keep walking and of course laughing our fucking heads off.

We tuck into our table at Metro and think nothing of this. It wasn't over yet though.

So in walks Ric Young and his brother (his real brother, not his "brotha"...nevermind) and they end up sitting a few tables behind us. Now admittedly, at the beginning of the meal we were not being responsible adults and we were being a little rude. My two buddies, who are 30 I might add, kept saying "Juan Motherfucking Conde" in our conversation and they were saying it with some volume. We weren't yelling anything and we didn't think it was that loud, but I guess it was. Next thing you know, Ric Youngs' brother is standing over our table with his arms crossed like Mr.Clean, just staring us down. Ric Young and his brother are two huge dudes, so we politely shut the hell up, and then the rest of the meal Ric Young and my table kept exchanging strange glances.

Here's the kicker though, we befriended our waitress who also happened to be Ric Youngs' waitress. After they left, the waitress came up and told us what a complete asshole Ric Young was to her and how local celebrity Ric Young only left 4 dollars on a 50 dollar tab. Now I understand he was probably annoyed with us, but don't shaft this sweet little waitress you big shot. And another thing, get the fuck over yourself, you should be happy people recognize you and if you can't handle some drunken kids then stop being a "TV personality".

Also, and you knew this was coming, 4 dollars on a 50 dollar tab???? I really hate to say this again because I'm not even remotely racist, but way to go Ric Young-- Maintaining stereotypes one tip at a time. Seriously though, don't misconstrue this as hate, I have many African American friends and I don't want to be put in the same boat as this new Jocelyn Balls character.

Anyways, I'll be tuning in to my boy, Juan "Motherfucking" Conde from now on.


Jack Goes Forth said...

Ed Note: I've been contemplating taking this post down due to the appearance of this Jocelyn Balls person (which is clearly satire), because I really am offended by her and I don't want to be seen as some sort of racist.

The point of the post is to be funny and to show what a douche Ric Young is. Although I understand that mixing Juan Conde and Ric Young up could also be considered offensive.

I'm leaving this shit up because I can, but don't read to much into it.

Anonymous said...

Stay strong JGF, don't let the man censor your material.
As for the post, amazing stuff. Don't mean to split hairs here Donnie, but I actually think the first "juanmotherfuckingconde" blast actually came in the street. That is officially my new favorite thing to say.
You gotta feel for Ric Young, just when he thinks he finally can escape Juan Conde's large shadow and stand on his own two feet as the "other" light skinned ethnic newscaster, something like this happens and he's back to crying himself to sleep. I'm pretty sure after this incident Ric had the worst newscast of his life (according to the waitress he had to work that night). I imagine him showing up half drunk and midway through, after misreading the teleprompter, ripping his earpiece out and saying in a pithy tone "Fuck it, why don't you just have Juan Conde finish the newscast".


PS-I don't see how the age of the harassing parties is relevant.

Jack Goes Forth said...

funny response as always JM.

Well I mean, you are 30. I felt that it would make me seem more mature and responsible in contrast. Didn't work...

Juan "Motherfucking!!!!!" Conde

genevelyn said...

Two posts in a week that reference crappy tips left by blacks, what about a little balance? (Other than the lame argument I have black friends.) If you google "good tip + black people" or anything close to this phrase, the only hits you get are for "bad tips left by black people". So, this isn't exactly a groundbreaking post, just repetitive and offensive.
First,I have waited tables for years and can name several locals who are black who tip about 30% (Leonidas & Doug, to name two).
Second, as much as I loved making about 50,000 a year waiting tables, I knew that tipping was (spoiler alert:This is going to annoy you!) OPTIONAL and that the good tippers far out numbered the non-tippers. Yes, it was disappointing to get stiffed, but an occupational hazard one gets over quickly when looking at the cost/benefits analysis of the job. If tipping was taken out of the equation, waiters would make about $12 dollars an hour, or about 25,000 yearly . I'll take my chances on being stiffed a few times in order to clear close to 50,000, or hell, even 30,000 with a lot of that income in cash.
Also, consider that part of tipping is the experience. People are going to tip less if they are being judged or harrassed at dinner. Someone at the restaurant should have requested that you keep your comments to yourself instead of waiting for the pissed off diner to walk over and glare at you.

Anonymous said...

If Ric Young had any sense of humor he would have ordered you a round of drinks and come over and said "you got me with Juan "fucking" conde thing...................If you kept it up after that then you would then deserve a beat down.

Jack Goes Forth said...

G- I have already acknowledged that there are many world-class black tippers. I know many and they are great customers. Thanks for the revelation.

And on the OPTIONAL tipping comment. People should not be going out to restaurants and getting WAITED on and CATERED to if they cannot afford to tip. Stay the fuck home and make your own turkey reuben. In the end, you are right, it is an optional exercise.

And yes, I also anknowledged that Ric Young may have tipped less due to our behavior, but even so, you don't shaft the poor waitress for some rude patrons behavior. At the very least give a measly 12 percent.

Lastly, if you don't like what I choose to blog about during a give week (minorities and tipping), then there is a very easy way to rectify this situation. Don't click on JackGoesForth anymore.

Jack Goes Forth said...

ugh, take the top comment(me) and shove it up my dick. I'm not offended at all by Jocelyn Balls. I'm not racist either.

I needed to clarify this.

genevelyn said...

I'm not attempting to censure your blog, just pointing out that you could turn your powers of observation and your creativity elsewhere. Blacks as bad tippers is old hat, causation without correlation and a boring read. You do not come across as rascist, just immature. But hey, say in in ten more posts if you like, it's your blog. I'll take your sagacious advice.

Anonymous said...

hmmm. 30 year olds, drunk yelling at newscasters, on top of that being racially offensive.

Sounds like you've really got something to say...I at least hope you are getting enough pussy to rationalize your existence.

Anonymous said...

i've served ric young before... and received a similar tip but not quite as low a percentage. just so you know his very pathetic tipping wasn't because of your table... it's just him.

Anonymous said...

Jack, funny blog. I want to share a hilarious moment from another newscaster in a smaller market, he happens to be black but that is irrelevant. I have friends in the TV field and it's a chew-you-up-and-spit-you-out industry, just Google the weatherman heroin adventures up the road in Roanoke. This poor guy is trying to conduct a serious report when a big-assed bug lands on his tonsils, hilarity ensues... NSFW (language). Enjoy.


Mighty Dyckerson said...

You think Juan Conde is bad? Gene Cox once threw scalding hot coffee on me in the Carytown Starbucks for "looking at him the wrong way." But I got him back. I snatched his toupee and gave it to a homeless man in Monroe Park.

Anonymous said...

Hey, JGF, Ric Young sounds like a big douche but you and your friends are just as douche-y. Perhaps that's what you're aiming for...