X-rated Computer Mail Found In Child's Drawer

March 16, 1994|By Ann Landers.

Dear Ann Landers: I am in my late teens and very much concerned about my 12-year-old sister. I was looking for something in her desk and found a bunch of pornographic letters written to "Margie" from some man across the country on the on-line computer interactive network that my parents subscribe to. These letters are not merely suggestive. They are sexually explicit. This man is in college, and I'm sure he has no idea that my sister is 12 years old.

It makes me sick to think that Margie's mind is being polluted by this scumbag. Should I tell my parents? If so, how? They know Margie communicates with several pen pals on this computer network through electronic mail, but I'm sure they have no idea that this sort of trash is being sent to her.

My sister and I are not close, and I wouldn't be comfortable confronting her. I am not able to sign my name or the city I live in. I need your help.

Worried and Waiting for Guidance

Dear Worried: You don't need to be "close" to your sister to tell her that you have become aware of her "correspondence" with an adult male and are worried about her. Explain that it is unhealthy.

According to Chicago attorney Joan Hall, there is no federal statute that prohibits sending pornography by computer. It's too bad the law hasn't caught up with the technology.

About `false memories' . . .

Dear Ann Landers: I am saddened and angry about your response to the recent letters regarding "false memories." Your response was that "while some memories of early childhood abuse are real, many accusations are false."

Of course, there are some incidents of false memories, but most therapists will tell you that they are few compared with the number of people who truly were abused and repressed the memories.

Almost all families, when confronted with a disclosure regarding sexual abuse, will deny it. Even abuse survivors whose memories are intact are often not believed. The pain of being rejected by one's family for telling the truth is agonizing.

I am a survivor of abuse who repressed the memories for many years. I was anally raped by my stepfather. My therapist did not "lead" me to recall my memories. I went through 18 months of nightmares and terror as the memories surfaced. During this time, my mother began attending "false memory syndrome" support group meetings in order to discredit me. No one wants to believe that this could happen in their own family.

Your response gave the impression that the majority of abuse memories are false. If you would consult some mental health professionals, you'd find that the vast majority disagree with you.

A Survivor (Wexford, Pa.)

Dear Survivor: This is a subject about which I do not need to consult any mental health professionals. I have been receiving letters from both the abused and abusers for as long as I've been writing this column.

I chose recently to focus on those who were falsely accused because their side is rarely presented. It is indeed true that most of the memories of early child abuse are rooted in fact and not fiction. The majority of those who repressed memories, however, were abused when they were very young-not teenagers.

