to consider contacting dps estranged wife and kids?

(102 Posts)
LittleLisa78 Sun 26-May-13 14:54:59

DP has two young children whom he saw lots of when we first met. After a couple of year his ex stopped contact because she wanted alternate weekends and he couldn't do that because of work. He has done nothing to restart contact (ie via court) and it's now been 2 years. It was his daughters birthday the other day and he didn't even mention her, let alone send a card or anything yet was telling me how happy he is with my and our DC. I feel really angry for his DC and our DD who is missing out on a relationship with her siblings. I also resent that his ex may think he isn't having contact because of me when actually I've done everything to encourage it. WIBU to get in touch with his ex and talk about our dcs having a relationship?

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 26-May-13 14:56:20

Why are you involving yourself with a man who behaves like this.

You've posted before haven't you? Was your dh the swimming pool dad who hid?

deepfriedsage Sun 26-May-13 14:57:59

Why did you have a child with a parent who has form for child abandonment?

musickeepsmesane Sun 26-May-13 14:58:17

Leave it. Sounds like you have decisions to make about your future. It is your problem, he seems happy enough. Can you live with someone who, from what you have written, seems to have found it easy to walk away from his kids?

NamelessMcNally Sun 26-May-13 14:59:04

That's what I thought Stay.

WorraLiberty Sun 26-May-13 15:00:30

No keep out of it

You won't change a deadbeat Dad, he has to do that for himself

deepfriedsage Sun 26-May-13 15:02:07

Leave the children in peace, they have been hurt enough by their Father. You chose to bring a child into the situation, go find some play date friends for your child, I doubt the older half siblings will be keen on babysitting for you.

LittleLisa78 Sun 26-May-13 15:09:36

He was seeing them when I fell pregnant but she didn't stop contact because of pregnancy, it had been building for a while. Haven't posted about the issue before. I just don't know how I explain to DD about her siblings when she's older? I'm certainly not going to pretend they don't exist. It's really been at the forefront of my mind lately as he criticises my dcs father to me as he is selfish but at least my children see their dad - dps youngest probably doesn't even remember him

SirBoobAlot Sun 26-May-13 15:10:21

Why are you with a prick who doesn't care about his own children enough to arrange to see them?


looseleaf Sun 26-May-13 15:13:39

I think your instinct sounds very well-meant and those children very likely do feel their father's absence. But if he sees them then carried on being so absent or is uncaring would this be harder for them? Unless the enthusiasm to see them comes from him he may well partly just upset the stability they have?

Sparklypinknails Sun 26-May-13 15:14:08

Hmmm, you could tell your dd the truth? That she has siblings but her dad is too shit to bother with them? Mind you, by the time it comes to tell her about them, you'll probably be telling her about her absent dad too if he carries on the same way and does the same to her.

LittleLisa78 Sun 26-May-13 15:14:33

Me leaving him doesn't solve anything though; he still wouldn't see them and probably not our DD either

SirBoobAlot Sun 26-May-13 15:15:42

No, he probably won't. Because he's a deadbeat.

LittleLisa78 Sun 26-May-13 15:17:36

But what can I do? I want our DD to know her siblings and his kids to have him

Sparklypinknails Sun 26-May-13 15:18:52

You can't do anything. He's a shit. You can't change that.

DioneTheDiabolist Sun 26-May-13 15:19:45

OP YWBU to contact his Ex.

I think a more reasonable and grown up course of action would be to discuss his getting back in touch with his DCs with your DP. Only he can sort this, so speak to him and ask him to.

LittleLisa78 Sun 26-May-13 15:21:48

I have Dione. He says it will get sorted in the course of the divorce...!

Ilikethebreeze Sun 26-May-13 15:22:13

Have you had nice calm conversations about the matter with him?

SlimePrincess Sun 26-May-13 15:23:05

I'd stay out of it if I were you. I doubt he's suddenly going to become father of the year with your encouragement.
Him being able to abandon his children is a gigantic red flag.

I think it's worth contacting the ex to broach the subject of you and her meeting up with the children, to see how she feels about it, but I'd leave your DP (deadbeat partner) out of it.

It'll be nice for you to have someone who understands your situation in a few years when he's fucked off and decided he can't be arsed seeing your kids either.

DioneTheDiabolist Sun 26-May-13 15:26:42

Are they in the process of divorce at the minute?

LittleLisa78 Sun 26-May-13 15:27:26

But maybe I could make him have involvement by saying I can't be with him if he doesn't. But it doesn't change the fact that he shouldn't need prompting to sort this out

Sparklypinknails Sun 26-May-13 15:28:46

Don't be ridiculous. Blackmailing him might mean he sees those children but they won't benefit from spending time with someone who is being forced into seeing them. You are joking hopefully? hmm

LittleLisa78 Sun 26-May-13 15:28:53

Yes they are Dione

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