Caption Contest: Steve Ballmer goes on kill-crazy rampage at Microsoft Store

In the photo above you see Microsoft's Steve Ballmer performing a ribbon cutting at the company's new store in Bellevue, Washington. Shortly after finishing with the ribbon, Ballmer proceeded to rampage the store and patrons, leaving 17 dead, 6 wounded, and a stunned Miley Cyrus wondering if she had made the wisest career decisions. Ballmer was finally subdued by Dave Matthews, who knocked the CEO unconscious with an 8-foot bong.

Josh: "I'm a PC, and I'm going to mess up your insides so bad, you'll pray for death."
Ben Bowers: "Anyone else want to claim Windows 7 was their idea?"
Chris: "To the cloud! With Windows 7 and Windows Live, Microsoft can mix and match its CEO's best faces until it's able to piece together a photo it's proud to share."
Ross: "Using the power of Control-X while mobile is just one of the many superpowers Ballmer has and Windows Phone 7 users don't."
Darren: "Moments before this tremendous occasion, Ballmer begrudgingly confirmed a prompt questioning his true intentions to dismantle a red ribbon."
Nilay: "Touch my junk and I'll have you arrested."
Don: "There can only be one!"
Vlad: "I love this company! I love it so much I'm gonna cut it up into little pieces and eat it!"
Joe: "Clearly event organizers hadn't planned for every possible emergency."
Thomas: "Baby Ballmer cuts his own cord thankyouverymuch."
Myriam: "Developers! It's time to get cut and paste into Windows Phone 7..."