October 2010 Birth Club

Meet other parents of October 2010 kids and share parenting stories as your... more
Join group

Group Detail

Public Group
14,691 members
96,575 posts
Created: 09/22/2008

Group Owners

All Members ()

Report this group

How much do you govern play time?

Posted 06/04/2013
So, obviously stuff like what/how much my kids eat, what/how much TV they watch, and the way they treat each other needs to be governed. But just how much do you step in during play time? I feel like I'm constantly telling my son, "don't throw the ball in the house," "don't put dirt in the water table," "don't throw dirt at your sister," "don't splash your sister," etc etc etc. It's so frustrating that I dread taking my kids out to play. But I thought about it yesterday, and I'm thinking maybe I'm trying to control too much during play time. Most of the time, my son isn't hurting anyone, he's just doing things that I suppose are normal for a 2 1/2 year old boy. So, when do you step in during playtime? What kinds of things do you and don't you allow?

Comments (9)

Posted 06/04/2013

I too feel like I am constantly governing my little boy's playtime saying "no", "be gentle", "play nice", etc. ALL the time.  I found that we really were never really having fun because there were sooo many rules.  So here is what I do.. i try to say yes to everything.  Well, not EVERYTHING, but as often as I can, this way hopefully when I have to say no or stop, it means a lot more and he knows I mean business.  I have experienced all of your examples and here is my advice:  I took the balls out of the house and I leave them outside.  This way I won't necessarily say "yes" but I don't have to say no either.  The dirt in the water table, well I ask my self is it dangerous or inconvenient?  Once I decide that it's just inconvenient I let him roll with it, (and like the balls, if I don't want it to happen again, I remove the situation for next time).  

I think most of these things are age appropriate and I am trying very hard to manage without managing the situation.  I say let kids be kids, (as long as it's safe and respectful) and watch how much more fun you will have with them.  

The problem I run into is when we go on play dates or play areas and other parents are around.  I sometimes feel judged because I try not to be so involved, (don't get me wrong, I watch him and usually even play with him) but I let him try to make the right choices when ever possible.  I just try to find a balance and set the tone by not freaking out if their kiddos are acting "2" and do something my little guy doesn't like, (take a toy, budge in line, etc).  I find that usually helps to break the ice with other parents and leads to a more relaxed play time.  

And I also have a few friends who have children around the same age who agree that we manage them too much and we have agreed to let kids be kids :)  I don't know if this will help or not but if nothing else, know that you are not alone.

Posted 06/04/2013

i step in if what one of them is doing could hurt another child....nothing is worse than your child being the brunt of an unwatched child at the playground. Another little boy was throwing handfuls of rocks at my son one afternoon..... the mom said i told him to please can hurt.... then she just shrugs and says "boys will be boys!"., no....boys dont hurt other boys...regardless. I hate that saying...its often times just an excuse to let a boy be out of control!

Posted 06/04/2013

Ohhh good question! I wonder this too. Austin (my 5 yr old) plays too rough with Eden. She's very girly (doesn't like to be splashed or dirty, etc) and he's all boy...wants to cut her off when they are riding bikes, splashes her, tries to crash into her with his 4-wheeler (toy) name it. As we speak she has a strawberry on her forehead from yesterday when he flipped her off the wagon (an accident, he was pulling a wagon behind his big wheel and she insisted on riding in the wagon), another bump where he went flying through the water slide and she was at the bottom (he knew this). Along with other various bumps and bruises. It's not really so much mean...(he thinks he's playing) but he does pick on her constantly and she's just too little to take up for herself. I feel like I'm always saying no, stop, blah, blah. Even when he's trying to be good I'm still saying these things to him.

I'm pretty laid back. If someone isn't getting hurt I let stuff go. My problem is Eden is always getting hurt! Another thing is we live in a very quiet culdesac and the kids think it's perfectly fine to play in the anytime they go near the road I'm all "stay out of the road."

Oh how I wish my kids got along!


Conservative momma!

Eden (9/10)                                                                             Austin (5/08)

Posted 06/05/2013

I try not to step in unless it is going to permantely damage a valuable item (like a laptop) or if it is going to hurt someone.  Usually I just wait to see how things will play out.  I think its important to do that because how else will they learn?  Just my thoughts anyways...


Judge a person not by what they were, but for what they have become.  

Gold boobies for BF ( .Y. )

Child Development & Music Major

Posted 06/05/2013

I have read...  that children who hear "NO" too often tend to tune it out because there is no chance for freedom...  Now let me say I have a sister who never said no, or when she did didn't follow through, so I don't think being a pushover is the right way to go... but allowing children freedom to create explore and learn, without setting limits for every action might help with him listening...  What is the worst thing if there is mud in the water table...  just because it has the label water table doesn't mean you or he rather can't use it for other things...  next time let him make a big ol mess and see how long and how quietly he plays...  bet you'll  get the flowers put in the garden bed, or a chapter of your book read...  or if he splashes his sister, can his sister splash him back??  (perhaps she is an infant and can't)  but if she can what's the worst they start splashing eachother and laugh like kids?  Of course you will have to step in because such things tend to escalate quickly, but instead of saying no or don't you can say wow that was fun, now it's enough...  you'll  get to be the "cool mom."  And not the monster mom...  another thing to try is when you really need to say no, such as if throwing the ball in the house will break something really important or you have a lot of windows, get on his level...  Take time go to him get on your knees or squat, and look him in the eye and say throwing the ball is fun...  but (sternly) not in the house...  Sometimes doing the things he is learning that are wrong is a way of trying to get your attention...  and in conclusion(long winded I'm sorry)  he is a kid,,, you are a mom...  we are going to spend a lot of our time helping them figure out what is ok and what is not...  and sometimes that includes being a nag...  (and not just to our husbands)


Mother of Matilda Kay (4) and  Magdalena "Maggie" May (3 )and Charles "Charlie" Henry (2 months.)  We live in Germany. Married for 4 years.

Posted 06/05/2013

It totally depends. If my son will break something I ask him to be more gentle, but he's a very timid child at the playground. I do notice other kids and how parents here (in austria) handle them. They do not embarass their child in front of others, by yelling at them if they do something they shouldn't, they bring them aside quietly and tell them how to behave.  Also when two kids fight over a toy in the sandbox, the parents just watch and see how it pans out. I am impressed that no one intervenes... but in the end, one of them gets it, the other cries for a second and then moves on. (these kids are 3) so they learn. If one had the toy first, the parents will talk about taking turns but if it's obvious they both want the toy and neither was playing with it prior, the parents let the kids work it out.

Posted 06/05/2013

I hold my tongue whenever possible, and when I do need to intervene, I try to say things to help him realize the effects of what he's doing, rather than order him to stop.

Posted 06/05/2013

It's really hard but try not saying anything when he's playing.  And by that I mean use the least words possible.  And when he's doing something you don't want him to do (like not playing with a ball in the house) say, "What a fun game - let's remember to do that when we're outside.  In the meantime why don't we play...(insert fun indoor game). 

If you have a basement, consider letting him play with the ball in the basement.  Little kids have a lot of energy and if you live in a climate where you can't be outside enough, they need to have a way to expend that energy.

Also, let his sister fight her own battles.  Unless she's too little, in which case, catch him being good.  "I see you want to play with her but she's too little to have a mud fight".  Or before he splashes her, "I see you're being careful and not getting your sister wet.  You're a really good big brother."

Posted 06/05/2013
Great tips everyone! I know I tend to be a control freak, and so I tend to keep him from doing things that I would find annoying as a little sister (I am a little sister too, so I can really empathize with her). But as pp stated, the more I say "no" the less meaning it has for him. I guess I'll just try to relax and make his playtime my playtime too :)

What's on your mind?

Create a new post
Learn more
3 years 4 months : Week 2
3 years 4 months : Week 3
3 years 5 months
3 years 5 months : Week 1
Learn more

Your growing child

Your 3 1/4-year-old: Team sports


Latest Birth Announcement

Carter Dow WIlliams
February 14, 2014 at 4:15am
6 lbs 11 oz and 19.0 inches
posted by Mom 2 gavin&addison

Please sign in

This field is required.
This field is required.