Date: Thu, 28 Oct 1999 19:42:10 -0400 From: Charlie Subject: Andy-12 (Young-Friends) XII Andy Returns Andy was chattering endlessly as he and Evan drove from the Wilmington airport to the Conner farm. Evan thought he'd never seen a boy so happy! "I'm not sure I understand," Evan said to him. "As I understand it, you've only known these people for four months, have only lived with them for two. Why is it that all of you are so determined to be together?" "I don't know, sir." Andy replied, "It's just... well, they were so good to me and all. It's just one of those things, ya know? We all knew from the start that it's like a perfect fit. And then there's Charlie." "Their son, right?" "Yes sir. He is the most awesome kid I have ever known!" Andy went on to tell about Charlie. From Andy's perspective, Charlie was only a small step below sainthood, was perfect in every respect. No one could sing better, not one was more handsome; no one could drive a tractor better and no one was a better mechanic. No one was a better farmer and absolutely no one was more feeling, passionate, tender-hearted! And now, finally, this wonder kid was going to be Andy's little brother! "You make him sound perfect." Evan observed. "He is." Andy replied without a moment's thought, "Wait'll you meet him." "I've never seen a twelve year old boy yet that's anything more than a twelve year old boy. Some are talented, some better looking than others; but they're still twelve year old boys, with all the pain-in-the-ass tendencies of all the others." "Not Charlie!" Andy answered confidently. Charlie was not in the house when Andy arrived at 1:30. He had gone to the machinery shed to make a small adjustment to a combine, which would be harvesting soy beans as soon as they could get to it. There were tearful hello's and embraces from Karen and Dennis, and then Dennis turned to Evan as he held Andy tight. "Thank you, Mr. Turnbull!" he said, "You've given us back our son." "You're most welcome. But please, call me Evan." "I expect you're looking for Charlie." Dennis surmised. "He's out making an adjustment on the combine. He should be in soon because we have to get him cleaned up and to the hospital." "Hospital?" Andy queried blankly. "Who's sick?" "Oh that's right!" Karen observed. "Things are happening so fast I forgot you didn't know. Andy, you'd better sit down." A cold chill went down Andy's spine. He knew it was Charlie, and he knew it was serious. Surely after all this time, after all they'd become to each other... surely he wasn't going to lose Charlie again! Or was he? There was no question that he wanted to stay here, Charlie or not. But would he be welcome? Could he fill the very large shoes Charlie would leave? Could Andy keep a positive attitude without Charlie to constantly encourage him? And more important, why had he already assumed that Charlie was going to die? "Charlie is going in the hospital tonight." Karen explained. "They think he has... uhh... Andy," she said as she began to cry, "Andy, they think he has cancer." "NO!!!!" Andy shouted, "No! Not Charlie! They've made a terrible mistake!" "They're not sure yet." Dennis reminded them. "He's going in tonight, tomorrow morning they're going to do a biopsy, and if that's positive they'll be doing surgery right away." "Surgery? What're they gonna do?" "They think he has cancer in his testicles. They'll be taking them off if it's cancer." "Oh damn!" Andy exclaimed, "He must feel terrible! I gotta go see him! Please excuse me?" Without waiting for an answer Andy flew out the door and across the yard. "He sure thinks a lot of your son." Evan said. "No more than we all think of him. He's had a bad start, Evan. But there's a good boy under all that facade." "I didn't see any facade." Evan said, "He was as genuine and real as any boy I've met, including my own two. But while they're gone, there's something we need to discuss. Did you know about the annuity? "Annuity?" Dennis questioned blankly. "Then I presume you didn't know about it?" "No. Exactly what annuity are you talking about?" "That's the reason getting Andy back here was so difficult. The orphanage didn't want to give him up because your young friend... er... SON has a sizable annuity." Evan went on to explain that Andy's grandfather, whom Andy hadn't seen since he was two, had put in place a fairly large insurance policy which would provide for his keep and education. The grandfather, Evan said, had known from the start that Andy's mother would never keep him. The orphanage, he said, had been skimming the allowance for years, putting it in the general fund. "I've threatened legal action, maybe even criminal charges if they don't replace it and soon. But there's lots of time to discuss that later. The important thing is Andy's back here where he's safe and loved." "Does Andy know about it?" Karen asked. "The money I mean?" "No. I was going to tell him, then I decided it'd be better coming from you. But to show good faith to Social Services, you're going to have to tell him." "Why would we not tell him?" Dennis asked, "After all, it's his money." "Andy!" Charlie screamed as he flew into Andy's arms, "Is it two already?" "Not quite, lil bro. We were early. How're ya doing?" "I'm fine now big bro. I was so scared you wouldn't get here in time." "In time... oh yeah the surgery. Man, Charlie, I dunno what to say. That really sucks!" "Not really. Doc says I'm gonna be rid of all that pain, and maybe if I'm lucky I'll get rid of the diapers too." "Really? For good?" "Uh-huh. He said something about a muscle spasm or something caused by the pain. I'm gettin' kinda excited about the whole thing." Andy pulled himself away from Charlie and held him at arms length. Would he never stop learning from this kid? He had just been told he had cancer, was scheduled the very next dayfor surgery that would change his life forever. "Charlie," he said as he looked into those bright blue eyes, "Are you sure you understand what's happening to you?" "Sure I do, man. What d'ya think I am, stupid? Heck, I've castrated dozens of calves, it's no big deal." "But you're not a calf. You're a boy; a human being!" "Gonna stay one too, Andy. Like the doc said, with cancer in them, my testicles have become a liability that will kill me. I figure it's better to be a eunuch than to be a corpse. Besides, it ain't all bad. In some ways it's kinda exciting." "Exciting? How in the world can you look forward to this and say it's exciting?" Charlie looked Andy in the eyes, and there he saw deep concern and worry. "Andy," he said with a smile, "Relax! It's gonna be fine! Doc Fisher says I can live fine without `em." "But... you'll never be able to have sex!" "Don't matter. Dad says I'm kinda lucky that way `cause I'm so young. He says I won't miss what I've never had." "Never?" "Well, almost never." Charlie grinned sheepishly. "But what about children? You'll never be able to be a father." "Sure I will. They gave me a hard time about that too, but I got it figured." "Hard time? I don't understand..." Charlie went on to relate the scene in the hospital. "They wanted to bring some nurse in to beat me off!" he said with disdain, "And then when I wouldn't do that they wanted me to do it by myself! Right there in the hospital!" "Why? Are they some kinda perverts or something?" "No, they said they wanted to get some sperm from me and freeze it. They asked me all sorts of questions about could I shoot yet, even asked me if I'd had an orgasm the night you and I... well, you know." "What'd you tell them?" "Nuthin' man! I told `em it's none of their business and it didn't matter anyway, cause if I ever need sperm I can use some o' yours. And," he said with a wide grin, "I KNOW you got enough for two!" "Charlie!" said a blushing Andy, "You didn't tell them that, did you?" "Course not Andy. I told you, I didn't tell them anything!" Charlie confessed then that the real reason he liked his diapers so much was that they gave him freedom: freedom to go where he liked without constantly worrying about wetting his pants, going to the bathroom every half hour, being embarrassed in school. "Now," he said, "I get a chance to be a normal kid, and maybe for a long time." "A long time?" Andy queried. "Yeah. Doc Fisher is not real sure how much I'll grow. He says I will eventually grow, but he doesn't know how much or how fast. He said the fact that I'm so small now is an indication that I might not have all the growth hormones I should have." "But they have drugs for that! I know kids in foster care that are taking growth hormones." "Doc says I can't have `em cause they help the cancer to grow. He says hormones are kinda like a fertilizer to the cancer." "I sure wish you were staying home tonight." Andy said quietly. "It's gonna seem like forever when you're in that operating room." "I was kinda... well, I was hoping you'd be there with me. Mom and Dad are gonna be there." "Be with you? Would they allow me?" "I dunno. But I think I can talk `em into it. They are kinda doing whatever I want, long as it's reasonable. Will you come?" "Sure, man. Anything for my lil brother!" "Is that your sick young son coming across the yard?" Evan asked with a smile as he looked out the window. He saw two boys: Andy, and a much smaller but no less happy boy. They were both laughing, joking, trying to trip each other, slapping each other on the back, acting anything but sick. "That's Charlie!" Dennis said proudly. "Andy is like a tonic to that boy!" "Dad," Charlie said when Evan had left, "Why do I have to go to the hospital tonight?" "I'm not sure," Dennis answered, "I guess originally they wanted you there to try and harvest sperm. But since you're not gonna do that.... you haven't changed your mind have you?" "No, Dad, I haven't" "Then I guess the only other reason is to get you drugged up for tomorrow." "Drugged up? But I don't wanna be drugged up!" "Charlie, they have to give you something to help you relax." "I'm already relaxed! An' I'll stay more relaxed if I can stay home tonight and tell Andy what's goin' on here. Why can't we go in early in the morning? You got John and Todd doin' the milking and all, so we could be there by six or seven." "You've got a good point, Charlie. But on the other hand, they're gonna start to get annoyed if we keep changing things. Maybe we should just leave things the way they are." "I don't really care if they like it or not, Dad. Why can't we tell them my brother just got home and I want to spend some time with him?" "All right, Charlie." Dennis sighed, "Let me call the hospital." Fortunately, Dennis got in touch with the head nurse on the floor where Charlie would be staying. She told him that Charlie had been scheduled to stay two days, mostly for more tests. She also told him that she would appreciate his NOT coming in tonight because they really had no time to do anything with him, so it would be very boring for Charlie. He told her he'd have Charlie at the hospital at 7 am, thanked her, and hung up. "Charlie!" he called. The boys were upstairs on the computer, where Charlie had one more email to send to a friend in France before shutting it down. He came bounding down the stairs, leaving Andy to finish shutting down the computer. "Yeah Dad?" he said, "Time to go?" "Charlie," Dennis said, "Why is it so important for you to stay home tonight?' "Dad, I thought that'd be obvious. I'd much rather be here than in any old hospital; and besides, Andy's here." "Does that mean we can expect a repeat performance of what happened once before?" Charlie turned fire engine red. "Dad!" he whined, "What kinda question is that?" "Under the circumstances," Dennis laughed, "I think it's a pretty normal question for a father to ask his son." "Well I'm not gonna lie to ya, Dad. But I'm not gonna answer the question either. The truth is I don't know. But I don't think it's fair makin' me go in case something might happen." "I don't either, son." Dennis laughed, "But you can't blame your old man for trying to find out what his sons are up to." "That kinda reminds me Dad." Charlie said faltingly, "Can we talk?" "Of course we can talk, Charlie! Here? Or in my office?" "Your office, please." "Ok," Dennis said when they were in the office behind the closed door. "What's up?" "I was just wonderin'... he stammered, "After I'm... uhhh... after I'm a castrato, is that gonna make me gay?" "Make you gay? I don't think so, Charlie. Are you concerned about that?" "Sorta. I been on the Internet again and lots of guys think if you don't have your... er... balls, you're kinda a sissy." "That's just tough guy man talk, Charlie. But what's a sissy got to do with being gay?" "Well, most sissies are gay aren't they?" "Charlie, c'mere." Charlie obediently approached his father, who picked him up and placed him on his lap. Odd for a twelve year old? To quote Andy, not when the twelve year old was Charlie. "In the first place," Dennis began, "I don't think losing your testicles is going to change the way you think. They say it'll reduce your sex drive, but at your age you don't have that much anyway. But it won't make you a sissy, and it won't make you gay. And remember this, Charlie, being a sissy and being gay are two totally different things. Some sissies are gay, some not. Some gays are sissies, some not. But gay or straight, sissy or he-man, you are what you are, and removing a couple of small body parts isn't gonna change that. And whatever you are, you're still our son and we love you." "Do you think I'm gay, Dad?" "I don't know. If you're talking about what you and Andy did, I doubt that we can draw any conclusions from that. Do you think you are?" "I dunno Dad. But Andy..." "Andy has already told me he doesn't know if he's gay either. And before you even ask, it won't make any difference in how we love you, either one of you. A lot of people would say I'm a terrible father, knowing what you two did and allowing it to possibly happen again, but I don't think that way. I know if you really want to do it, you'll find a way. If not in bed, then in the barn, or in the bushes by the back field. If you were doing it all the time I'd have to intervene; but at the moment I think you both are just discovering yourselves, so the best support I can offer is to back off and just let you know we love you." Charlie looked intently at his father. "I'm scared, Dad!" he admitted. "Of course you are! That's why I've arranged for you to stay here tonight. We don't have to be at the hospital till 7 am." "Ya mean it? Really?" "Uh-huh. But why don't you forget I told you and tell me why you're scared?" "I dunno... I been reading some stuff about castrati... they were treated kinda bad by people..." "That was a long time ago, Charlie. I think things'll be different for you. I think you're gonna be just fine!" "But what if that doesn't get all the cancer? What'll they do then?" "That I can't answer, son. But don't forget all those songs you sing on the stage. Don't they have a lot to say about putting your faith in God?" "Yeah, I guess they do. OK thanks, Dad. Are we through?" "Only if you say we are." Charlie's mind still wasn't fully at rest with all that was happening, but he couldn't think of any more questions. Besides, he couldn't wait to tell Andy that they weren't going to the hospital until morning. That, Andy agreed, was the best news of the day. Charlie was only allowed a sandwich for supper, but Andy ate enough for the both of them. "I really wish this wasn't happening to you." Andy said as they undressed for bed. "Yeah," Charlie agreed, "Me too. I'm kinda nervous." "I don't wonder. I think I'd be scared to death. Is that what you were talkin' to your dad about?" "Yeah. An' it's OUR dad now!" "Guess that's right. Did he help?" "Yeah, a little. But..." Andy stopped undressing and sat down on the bed with Charlie. Charlie threw his arms around him and held him as he started to cry softly. "I'm so afraid.." he sobbed. "Afraid of what? I thought you were handling it pretty well." "That's what you're supposed to think. I'm supposed to be able to handle everything! Keep on keepin' on, an' all that stuff." "Are you afraid of dying?" "Heck no! Actually I think I might be afraid of NOT dying! Sometimes I get to thinking it'd be better to be dead than to live as a eunuch." "But I thought you were ok with it... I mean not being able to be a father, your voice not changing, all that stuff!" "I am ok with all that. It's just... just..." "What Charlie? What else is there?" Charlie didn't answer for a long time. He held Andy tightly, then when he had regained some of his composure he said one word: "YOU!" "Me?" Andy questioned, "What about me?" "I don't wanna lose you! I'm afraid you won't respect me when I'm never gonna be a man. I'm gonna be... well... mutilated!" Andy pulled away from Charlie and looked him in the eye. "Is that what you think, Charlie? You think that I only want you for that? Just because we did it once, you think I'll lose interest if we can't do it any more?" "But you said... you enjoyed it so much..." "Of course I enjoyed it, Charlie! I was in bed with the most beautiful boy in the world! We were giving each other such pleasure that it just blows my mind! But I don't think that's gonna change. You'll still have that incredible blond hair, that gorgeous body, those bright blue eyes. You'll still be the smartest farmer in the world. You'll still be Charlie, the boy I love. And if what we did last time doesn't work for you any more, we'll find new things to do. Remember, I was here all summer without any sex, and I never tired of changing your diaper, taking your orders, working with you. Just being close to you is enough, Charlie! I mean, one of us might very well lose interest in sex. One of us might get interested in a girl. But that doesn't mean I'll lose interest in my lil brother. I love you, Charlie!" Charlie didn't say anything for a long time. He looked at Andy. His body seemed to have matured over the two months he'd been away. His shoulders were a little broader, his arms a little more muscular. He still sported the tan he'd got from going shirtless most of the summer. His hair was much longer now. He hadn't cut it because Charlie had said he liked it long. It glistened from constant brushing, just covering his ears. Charlie thought he'd never seen anyone so gorgeous! He didn't even realize it, but his hands had begun to investigate some areas that were still covered by clothing. "I might never be able to do it again after tonight," he whispered, "Can we... uh... Andy, I want..." "Me too, Charlie. I thought you'd never ask." * * * If you wish to comment on this story, please send your comments to me at