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Published April 07, 2011 More Info »
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Published April 07, 2011

Avengers Mansion, New York City - Steve Rogers, otherwise known as Captain America, is an illegal alien and was arrested at Avengers Mansion earlier today. A detail of agents from the US Bureau of Immigration Service were met by the Avengers' butler Jarvis and led into the residence. Upon seeing Cap the agents immediately tasered the red white and blue veteran of World War II into submission. When asked why they tased Captain America the agents replied: "He had a shield and looked like he knew how to use it."

Norman Saggs, Executive Director of the Bureau of Immigration, had this to say about the incident:

It is unfortunate that Cap needed to be subdued in such a matter. However, it is the solemn duty of this bureau to ensure that the laws of this country are executed to the letter. Cap's parents gave birth to him in Canada and never filled out the proper paperwork back in 1916.

When confronted with the fact that Iowa hadn't even begun recording such information in 1916 Mr Saggs responded that the burden is on the foreign resident of the United States of America to ensure that all paperwork is in order. The government does not have the time or resources to micromanage any foreign resident's case file.

Captain America is currently held in the maximum security prison in New York City's harbor, Riker's Island. Not allowed to see visitors, Cap gave a written statement:

America is my country. I have lived all my life here and shed my blood for her. What makes this country great are not the politicians or bureaucrats. It is not the citizens who take their freedoms for granted. What makes America great is the idea that anyone can be an American as long as they believe that we all deserve life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

Cap is to be deported next Monday to Canada. He will leave the Captain America costume and unbreakable shield behind since they are the property of the United States. Once in Canada Steve Rogers will not be able to refer to himself as Captain America since that would be a copyright infringement.

Stephen Harper, Prime Minister to Canada, is elated to see his country's newest citizen. There are rumors that a position has been found in Canada's armed forces for Mr Rogers - a new superhero named The Manly Maple Leaf.

See more at The Newest Newsy News


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