How do you get a tablewhere and when you want it?

It all depends on who you say you are ...

Elton John
Pizza Express 'We don't take table bookings for just two people. [Even for Elton John?] Ok. Yes ... He wants smoking or non-smoking?'

Nando's 'We don't take bookings for anyone. Hopefully he can get a good table when he arrives. There is usually a table free straight away.'

Burger King 'Actually we only take bookings for groups. [Say that Elton John likes to eat at the best table in the house] I can't guarantee he will get the best table but I'm sure we can find something when he arrives.'

Prince Harry
Pizza Express 'We don't do table bookings. Who is Prince Harry? [Explain] Oh yes, that is OK. [Ask if he can be given special treatment] I don't think he will have special service. He will get the same service as everyone else, which is perfect, the best ...'

Nando's 'We don't give people special treatment. [Say it's for Prince Harry] Wow. Ha ha ha! We have only one floor so he wouldn't be very private. We could put him in the office. Or we can give him a special section of the restaurant to himself.'

Burger King 'Prince Harry. Ahhhh. OK, I will ask my supervisor. [Ring back] There is no problem with him coming in but I can't book just for him. If he came here, we will find a table like all customers.'

Nicole Kidman
Pizza Express'As we don't do table booking it would be a lot easier is she just turned up. We will give her the best table in the house that is available.'

Nando's 'Hello, I'm a little bit busy at the moment. If you want to book a table it is a minimum of 10 and we charge £2 per person. I can't take a booking for Miss Kidman, but I can virtually guarantee she'll find a table. I'm afraid it's a Nando's rule.'

Burger King 'What time? [Say the table is for Nicole] Yeah ... [The movie star] Yeah ... [Ask if that is OK] Yeah ... [Ask if they have had any other celebrities at their restaurant] A few years ago we had one. A pretty one.'