Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Not an exciting aspirin story

The other day I almost hit for what I call the cycle, the body sound/smell/fluid cycle. Went to one room and a little lady whose 90 year old dad I was examining let out a tremendous fart (stinky too). She did say excuse me. Then the next young lady burped in my face while saying "ahh". (tonsil exam). In order I then drained a volcano of pus, swiped vaginal secretions, and checked the poo of a GI bleeder. As I sat quietly waiting for the incontinent chronic vomiter to come in to the ED, I reflected and gave thanks for all the glory, and glamor, one wonderfully stinky shift can bring.

This following is not medical (except for the death and injuries to the victims) but this conversation possibly was maybe overheard last month:

Secretary picks up phone- "Hello.....Oh my God!....I'll turn it on right away."
She picks up another line - "Mr. Garagos, turn on the TV, there was a tiger attack at the San Francisco Zoo!"
Mr. Garagos-"Oh, that is horrible, those poor people."
He picks up another line, and calls his wife - " Honey, call the Mercedes dealership. Tell them I do want the ball-sack warmer. If they have any questions, tell them tiger, dead kid, zoo. They'll know what you're talking about."


  1. OMFG 'cat! you do boil it down to the important stuff in a uniquely pithy manner sir!

  2. My ball-sack DOES get cold in the winter... I need one of those.

  3. 'cat,
    i think you and i drive the same vehicles... you know, big, gas-guzzling pickups etc... i am not aware of the "ball-sack warmer" option even on my top of the line model. can you get an aftermarket ball-sack warmer"? one that maybe plugs into the cigaretter lighter?
    hoping for a 'yes'.

  4. yes. but the places that sell them required me to wear a fake beard and sunglasses so as to not be recognized.