American Idol: "Chicago Auditions" Review

The Windy City auditions blow.

The folks at American Idol had an awful time in Chicago, and we the viewers paid the price for it. I know the show is largely manufactured, but the lack of memorable characters made this installment feel especially forced and dull. With only 13 golden tickets being given out over two days, the Chicago auditions really should have been combined with those of another city.

Now, nobody can seriously think that Simon, Randy, Kara and guest judge Shania Twain saw 12,000 people, yet they continue to present the episodes like that, with Ryan implying that these kids only show up once and they all get in to see the panel. In reality, the people that perform on television have already made it through a couple auditions with Idol producers. I think everyone knows this by now, but we still have to be subjected to all that "How did this guy even get in here?!" crap, and Ryan "wondering" if some of these people are "for real" or not. It's just so played-out.

Of course, if we'd seen some memorable characters like we did in Atlanta, the overly-familiar (and clearly designed) pattern of "After such-and-such many bad singers in a row, the judges were getting depressed—until little So-and-So walked in the door…" wouldn't be so tedious and glaring. Unfortunately, this was a pretty forgettable bunch. When one of your "lovable losers" is a guy doing an imitation of Tiny Tim, a novelty act whose cultural relevance peaked 40 years ago and whom at least half the show's audience has certainly never heard of…well, you're in trouble.

Worse, the show started with Katelyn Epperly and her mother cynically using mom's marriage problems to give her just the sympathetic hook she needs to stay in our minds. I just didn't buy any of it—how Katelyn has been "forced" to "choose" between her parents, even though she's, at 19, a legal adult. She actually sang quite well, but the most telling part of her audition was afterward, when mom shouted, "We're going to Hollywood!" right along with her daughter.

Amy Lang

Wacky Amy Lang's failure to get through highlights the end of last year's experiment with oddballs like Tatiana Del Toro and Norman Gentle. Amy was witty, strange and had a decent enough voice to get through to Hollywood based on Season 8's less-stringent standards. She was as good as Guitar Girl, wasn't she? Still, I'm fine with a return to more traditional candidates, and Vote For The Worst still shouldn't have any trouble finding enough vocally and/or personality-challenged kids to champion week to week.

Not only did the judges only put 13 kids from Hollywood through, a couple of them barely squeaked by. I was with Simon when it came to "self-indulgent" Paige Dechausse, but Kara and guest judge Shania Twain coerced Randy into putting her through because allegedly, she's going to listen to their criticism and be more true to herself. Let's hope so. I've honestly had my fill of suburban white kids singing Sam Cooke's "A Change Is Gonna Come" on this show. Paige's sob-story hook was that she'd almost died of an asthma attack as a teenager. The Idol producers didn't put together a mean mock-reenactment of her brush with death though, presumably because she's not a hick.

I thought Shania did a good job as a guest judge, actually using technical terms to critique some of the kids, though she did join in on the laughing and pointing. Curley Newbern was terrible, but it was sad how he just slinked out before getting their official no's. Still, I appreciated Shania's general enthusiasm, and how engaged she seemed in the whole process.

I liked Charity Vance and John Park, but wonder if either of their voices are strong enough to go very far. Hopefully this is the season that Angela Martin's personal drama doesn't get in the way of her succeeding in Hollywood Week -- wherefore art thou, Hollywood Week?

1. Charity Vance
2. John Park
3. Angela Martin

1. Alannah Halbert
2. Chantelle Graczkowski
3. Brian Krause

IGN Ratings
(out of 10, not an average)
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