Social Question

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Sometimes it's all about you, and sometimes it's still all about you... WHY?

Asked by WillWorkForChocolate (22673 points ) August 25th, 2011

Why is it that some people turn every single situation or remark into something about them?

Also, why is that that when they do this, it’s either bragging about being special or bragging about being a victim?

Is it just narcissism, or something else that drives them to do so?

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42 Answers

Keep_on_running's avatar

I think it shows there is something deeper troubling them.

lillycoyote's avatar

Sometimes ego and narcissism is about just that and sometimes it’s a cover for their own personal insecurities. Who knows?

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

In some ways, that’s a topic people know most about, themselves.

Hibernate's avatar

Don’t think so. For example I do this when replying to questions here. Sometimes the questions ask for a particular thing but I prefer talking about events that were about me. [a question asking about how to deal with kids and I reply what I used to do as a kid].

I could give a .. what others are thinking but some things are private or I don’t want to share. Yeah I know I can chose not to reply that question but if I bother reading it and I have something to add I chose to say it [sometimes it’s irrelevant but who cares? isn’t the question all about me; isn’t it?]. Oh well.

Hibernate's avatar

People prefer to put themselves in that situation or explain how it was/is for them.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@Hibernate I don’t mean something where you’re supposed to be relating a personal experience. I’m talking about people who make the most retarded comments just because they want attention.

Just a normal question: Don’t you just love it when it snows?
“Me, Me, Me” answer: Oh, I guess you can like it, but I’m still traumatized by a surprise snowball when I was a kid.

WTF? A simple yes, no or not really would have been fine.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

I might do this. I’m not entirely sure, but I think I might do this. I think my way of relating to people is by showing that I understand, or that I empathize, or that I’ve felt/been through/seen what they have. Whenever I see a really extreme version of this, it irks me. I don’t like people who do this, but I’m still not 100% sure that I don’t do it.

Hibernate's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate Oh. Those are just attention w**es.
Or maybe their social life is that bad they need attention on a forum. Most times I encourage those and help them express their feelings. One might never know if a real problem is disguised under something like that.

SpatzieLover's avatar

Maybe they just don’t know how to be grateful or positive at all. I know a lot of sad, negative people. Their lives are ruled by things “haunting” them.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@ANef_is_Enuf I don’t recall seeing you do what I’m referring to. It’s not so much about using the words “I” and “Me” as it is the way they are used.

I know this girl who always has something to add to a conversation, along the lines of “I wouldn’t know, but I’ve been told I have a beautiful voice”, or “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told that I have sexy eyes” or something really whorey like “I don’t think I’m very attractive, look at my picture and tell me what you think.”

She also says stupid things like “I can’t stand dramatic people” yet she’s a total drama queen. Or if you innocently bring up the topic of sex, she gets all teary and dramatically turns her head away slowly, saying things like, “Did I ever tell you I was once raped?” Everything is about HER. I just want to smack her.

Jude's avatar

Do I do this? :P

SpatzieLover's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate Have you ever watched Emma? The type of person you’re describing sounds like Mrs. Elton in the movie.

Jude's avatar

Well, it turns out that I don’t. Yay.

Ayesha's avatar

True. Might i add, i despise people like that. They’re too involved in their ‘own’ world, a world created by them in which they’re supposedly ‘happy’. Such people have a very poor relation with reality. Choosing not to make things better around you, with a little bit of effort put in comes as a great disappointment to me. Such an attitude brings a kind of fragility to their personality, which they don’t realize of. It’s sad, if you ask me.
Matter of opinion, don’t intend to hurt anyone.

Cruiser's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate I think it is more than just narcissism as it is more like a perfect storm of selfish manipulation to bring more attention there way as it is always all about them with lies peppered in to make them look so much better than anyone else they may be involved with. Heaven forbid any of your feelings get in the way as those will be used against you at some point in time.

@Ayesha Hit the bulls-eye with her answer! GA

janbb's avatar


Your_Majesty's avatar

Could it be my beauty drew them to do that? Yes! It must be!

CaptainHarley's avatar

Just a craving for recognition. Who knows why?

gailcalled's avatar

You’ve just had major surgery? Huh. Let me tell you about my operation.

Tbag's avatar

Maybe some people need the center of attention? I was just talking with friends about this and we concluded that ‘center of attention’ would make them do that. As you all said, narcissism plays a role too?

john65pennington's avatar

This woman asked me how my back was feeling, after a bone was taken off my hip to slip into my neck vertabrae. I stated I was doing okay.

Then it started… was my knee surgery, it was my hip replacement, it was my broken toe. My, my, my, my, everything. She could not stop talking about all her ailments and surgeries.

I am surprised she even asked how I was doing.

These people are obsessed with themselves and no one else.

CaptainHarley's avatar


True. I absolutely hate it when one of my… senior friends starts in on their ailments. It’s almost as if the aliments are some sort of badge or award!

poisonedantidote's avatar

I do this quite a lot, specially here on fluther. It’s just the way my mind works, I always make comparisons and examples, and what better to compare and give examples with that with something in your own life.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

I really think I do it, too. And I’m positive that it isn’t as malicious and self obsessive as everyone seems to think. It’s one thing if you are trying to one-up people all of the time, but it is another thing entirely to try to relate to other people through your own experiences. For me, anyhow.

AmWiser's avatar

I don’t understand it but I know my husband is doing a lot of making everything about him lately. It’s driving me crazy as it makes it hard to talk to him about anything. And yes he is becoming the victim (in his mind). I think retirement is not agreeing with him.:\

JilltheTooth's avatar

Wait…what? Are you saying it isn’t all about me? My universe, of which I am the center, has just imploded.

CaptainHarley's avatar


Sounds like he just needs something to focus his attention on rather than himself. Perhaps a very involving hobby?

MilkyWay's avatar

They feel insecure or are not confident about themselves.

Coloma's avatar

I am always involved with highly narcissistic people, it’s a curse, and I temper myself well. lol
Funny, this, I was just thinking to myself this morning that someone else I know is really grossly self absorbed, to the point of near oblivion.
I swear, this is my arena of challenge, Colomas curse of the oblivious zombie people. hahaha

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@ANef_is_Enuf “it is another thing entirely to try to relate to other people through your own experiences.”

Well yeah, but that’s not what I meant. I understand the whole “need to relate” thing and most of us do it. The person I was thinking about isn’t “relating” to someone or something when she talks about herself. She’s just talking about herself. Nonstop. Herself. Her problems. Her sex life. Her past, which always translates into herself as a victim. Everything revolves around Her. It’s beyond irritating.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@JilltheTooth No darling, it IS all about you. Calm down. Everything is ok. Come on over and we’ll eat chocolate and talk about… you. =0)

JilltheTooth's avatar

I’m so shy…

chyna's avatar

I love this question. People seldom see themselves in questions like these.

cookieman's avatar

Because they’re my mother.

janbb's avatar

@chyna So are you saying that sometimes the biggest narcissists don’t realize that they are narcissistic?

chyna's avatar

@janbb Exactly!

janbb's avatar

Hmm – that’s very perceptive.

Coloma's avatar

@chyna I agree, but it doesn’t make it any less frustrating when they are holding court. lol

JilltheTooth's avatar

@janbb and @chyna ; Well, you guys know what I want to say!

snowberry's avatar

In my son in law’s case he does it with a twist. He has a very low self image, and is a total drama queen. He compensates by bragging, and yes indeed, any conversation quickly becomes about him. Any subject that comes up he’s experienced it, or is an authority on the subject.

The funny thing is, he really has done some of the stuff he talks about. He really is a liscenced massage therapist. He really is a few classes short of a master’s degree. He really was a contender for the Olympics in biathlon. He really does play the violin THAT well. He really does know how to make a violin from scratch. He does regularly win national competitions in bag piping, And so on. But he’s a braggart, and a great many other things he says he’s done or knows about is simply not true. He’s talked himself out of more jobs and more friendships than we can count! It’s simply awful.

Coloma's avatar


I so relate to what you are saying! My latest person in question, it was amazing yesterday…called her to share something going on with me and the second she answered her phone it was instant launching into all about her and her stuff, how busy she is, basically just a 10 minute monologue of all about her. I barely said what it was I called about and it went in one ear and out the other. No comment, no feedback, other than a quickie blip of ” Good luck with that! ” hahaha

OMG! The good news is she is not someone I have to see or talk to much, but, as far as a deeper friendship, not gonna happen with Miss ‘all about me and my stress.’

This is one of those types that can create an epic novel surrounding the most basic life stuff, like buying a birthday present or making a few biz. related calls. Gah!

I am ready to move to an island and cut off all outside communication. lol

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