23-Apr-2003 (Wed)
Wherein the Plumber Conspiracy is revealed.

Some corrections:

  • Apparently the sensor on that toilet has been missing for a while: it didn't vanish at the same time the partition was most recently knocked down.

  • Apparently Paradise Lounge's main room actually opened for business last saturday!

So, speaking of the toilet sensors... in addition to the one that's gone missing, we've always had trouble with the sensors on the toilets and sinks: with them activating too often, or not often enough, or with the batteries in them dying way faster than they should.

Yesterday, Jason was calling around trying to find a plumber who is an authorized dealer in these sensors, and what he learned is that we're apparently on a plumber blacklist! He left a few messages, and when he finally got an appropriate plumber on the phone, the guy said, ``Sure, I can come out tomorrow. Where are you?'' Jason told him, and the guy said, ``Wait, is that a nightclub?'' Yes... ``Which one?'' DNA Lounge... ``Oh. Sorry, I can't make it. <click>''

How did this come about? Well, we have a theory...

We did a lot of business with the plumbing supply place down the street from us: we bought pretty much everything plumbing related that's in the club through them, from toilets on up, and we had a pretty good relationship with them. Then one night, several months ago, that business's owner and his pregnant wife showed up here, and we comped them in. He handed Barry a CD and said, ``Hey, get the DJ to play our song, ok?'' The night was Qoöl, a progressive house/trance night, and the song he wanted to hear was some salsa thing. Barry said, ``Well, I can ask the DJ, but he's probably going to say no, because it's not the kind of music they do. It's their party, not ours.'' Plumbing man got mad and said, ``Hey, you're the BOSS, just fucking TELL them to do it!'' Barry tried to explain that that's not how it works. Plumbing man got absolutely furious and started screaming. He wouldn't settle down, to the point that the security guys had to throw him out.

So I guess he called up all his pals and got them to agree not to sell to us! Amazing...

Fortunately the main distributor of the sensors doesn't know anything about this nonsense, so he's willing to help us out. But get this: when Jason explained to him the kinds of problems we've been having, the first thing the guy said was, ``You're not using these sensors with stainless steel sinks, are you?''

Why yes. Yes we are.

``It says all over the box and manual that you can't use these in a reflective environment. It makes them go nuts! Your contractor should have known that!''

We have so much love for the plumbers and general contractor we used during construction. So much love. Man, those guys robbed us good.

7 Responses:

  1. atakra says:

    Best. DNA. Update. Ever.
    Brilliant... The Plumber Conspiracy. Who would have thought?

    • icis_machine says:

      not only that, but until now i failed to realize how sexycrazycool it was to be jwz.

      i must get a peice of that by at least going to the DNA and baptizing myself in the sink. oh wait, damn sink won't turn on.

      • tfofurn says:

        Just bring a swath of matte black garbage bag with you to temper the reflections (and plug the drain) and you'll be all set. Just be careful to not get too much water on the clean, clean floor.

        I must agree, that is, by far, the funniest DNA update. As for the plumbing supply jackass, I wonder how his employees would respond to being told to wear flamenco outfits at work. You have to admire the belligerence of a guy that cares nothing for the artistic sensibilities of the DJ, nor the listening tastes of the paying audience. On the plus side, the bar might've done a brisk business during that song assuming everyone didn't leave.

  2. Well, a just thing to do would be to try to get all the night club owners in the area to boycott his plumbing company.

  3. baconmonkey says:

    "look, he's from france right? so you go back there and tell that jackass pierre to my my kids some french fries. I don't know what this ex car go crap is, but my little johnny is not gonna put that in his mouth. you're the boss, right, go force him to make me some fries."

    BTW, the small mens room toilet overflows alot, and the lounge bathroom has no ventilation and gets really stinky.

  4. vxo says:

    Be glad you are not dealing with neo-Cuban Miami plumbers there.

    I had two work on my addition at home. Both were quite interesting...

    The first one would repeatedly install stuff that could be absolutely guaranteed to NEVER pass inspection, then go ahead and call for the inspection to occur. One of the Miami-Dade County building code inspectors vowed to never come out to our house again after three calls with failure to have anti-backflow devices installed on outdoor spigots. Perhaps this was in response to our accidentally flushing a toilet onto his feet when he was standing in the trench with our sewer line disconnected. Woosh!

    The second one was... interesting. He spoke not a word to us, and brought six other guys with him... to plumb a bathroom. Four of them used our yard AS a bathroom, despite the presence of a Porta-Potty. Actually, I'd rather piss in my yard than in a porta-potty.