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26 / M / Straight / Single

Germantown, TN

My Details

Last Online
Mar 12
6′ 3″ (1.91m)
Body Type
Catholicism, and somewhat serious about it
Working on university
Less than $20,000
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids
English (Fluently)

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My self-summary
My best supposition is that I'm 26 (best guess, I mean, I don't remember being there), confident in my strengths and weaknesses (overly self aware maybe), and utterly hilarious (you'll find that out soon enough).

Essentially, if there's one thing I know, it's everything.
What I’m doing with my life
I'm working part time to get myself through school for a Criminal Justice degree (almost there, finally). Also, attempting to join a law enforcement agency, most recently the Sheriff's department and MPD. This already feels like I'm being grilled at Christmas by my extensive and thoroughly invasive extended family. Stop asking questions. Or ask more? I'm not sure which.
I’m really good at
1. Grammar and English
C. Making lists in a coherent manner, one line jokes and proper use of the oxford comma.

I hope somebody actually picks up on that. Anyway, I rather enjoy grammar, as stated. I've edited a pair of novels to date, so I had better be good at it.

I'm quite athletic as well. I run a lot and play semi-organized sports like basketball, softball, and bowling.

Oh, also terrible puns. I'm wonderful at those. I could make you groan for hours on end.
The first things people usually notice about me
Actual quote from a complete stranger:

"You have impeccable eyelashes!"

It was a good day.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Oh goodness, oodles of these, but I'll try and be concise.

-Song of Ice and Fire series
-Stephen King novels
-Calvin and Hobbes (it counts, dammit!)

-Space Balls
-Star Wars (the original trilogy)
-Apparently I like sci-fi

-Things that taste good. Usually. Sometimes I just say to myself, "Damn, I could really go for something that tastes like it came out of a dumpster."

-80s synth pop
-Also pretty much any rock from most ages
-This felt weird only having two bullet points. Now there is a third.

-Well written comedies (30 Rock, Arrested Development, Parks and Rec, Archer)
-Some drama-type things (Justified, Walking Dead)
-Sports things. You know how I love watching all those football baskets and whatnot. But seriously, I love sports.
The six things I could never do without
I'm going to answer this as a figurative question, because vital organs would probably cover all 6 in a heartbeat. (play on words, hooo!)

1. Computer
2. Video games
3. Steel-toed boots
4. Mexican food
5. All my good friends (if that's not one as a whole, then eff this question)
6. Music

It has come to my attention that I did indeed put an entire food category above each and every one of my closest friends. I regret nothing about this decision.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
-I wonder how many seagulls I could fight at one time...
-Why does the word "phony" not mean full of phones?
-I bet I could reenact Napoleon's last stand with shadow puppets.
-Yeah, I could bring back the popped collar.
-I think I like bagels, but only as a medium to consume cream cheese.

The list goes on, and none of it is particularly inspiring stuff.
On a typical Friday night I am
I'm usually bowling. That's league night, and I've got a whole bunch of old people to show up. It's how I exert my dominance. Well, that and going into grocery stores and tightening peanut butter jar lids. BOW BEFORE ME, WEAK GRIPPED PLEBIANS!

But yeah, mostly bowling.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I've always believed the world will come to an end when fruits gain sentience and a means of travel. They will be absolutely PISSED about how many of them we've eaten.

Thus, I've practiced Fruit Ninja religiously to prepare myself for the end times.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 21–28
  • Near me
  • Who are single
You should message me if
1. You are a lady.
2. You have actually read this far and are maintaining more than a passing interest.
3. You appreciate a fantastic wit and relatively unrivaled cleverness.
4. If you desperately need someone to sing Girls Just Wanna Have Fun in a remarkably accurate Gollum voice. I HAVE TRAINED MY WHOLE LIFE FOR THIS MOMENT.