Wednesday, February 24, 2010

[Cookie 066] Hazelnut Cookies


Movin' right along, aren't we. Well, as you can tell, I had leftover Hazelnuts from the last recipe so what better cookie to make than the one with this very nut as its name. Yes, that sentence was poorly written, but you probably caught on that I am referring to Hazelnut Cookies (note to self: do not write blog entries past 11 pm, especially when sick).


Yeah, I'm sick with a cold. Boo hoo, so is everyone else in the world. But all I really want when I'm sick is a nice cup of soup (Matzo ball, anyone?) and then a cookie. Unfortunately, I don't think this one cuts it. Nope. And the recipe isn't even listed on the Martha Stewart website, and for good reason. It's another bizarro recipe that didn't work, and this time it wasn't my fault (I think/hope).


So, I was all gung-ho about the idea of a egg white-based nut cookie at first. I was imagining a meringue (which Martha did a bang up job making a recipe for, if you remember) with finely ground nuts mixed in, but I think the recipe got the order of the steps all wrong. First, you beat up the eggs until soft peaks--no prob. Then--then--she has you add a bunch of sugar, without any cream of tartar and without doing the subsequent whisking over a pot of simmering water. Ever made marshmallows before? Well you're about to.

It got gross, guys, I'm tellin' you the truth. I add the sugar and then these eggs just don't stiffen up for the life of them (I want to make a "that's what she said" joke here, but I don't think I know how...). They just got gummy and gooey, like taffy, and it was nasty. I whisked and whisked with my little red electric mixer, but to no avail. They just wouldn't stiffen (that's what she said! Hmm...the "they" part of that sentence just makes that joke gross). Anyway, I pushed on and added the nuts and flour and all that. Yeah, no way, this was not working.


However, I think it could have worked if the ingredients were added in a different order. Maybe if you whisk up the egg whites until they form stiff peaks and then fold in the dry ingredients, then the dough wouldn't get gummy and it would be more edible. Who knows. I'm open for suggestions, as always!


End results? They tasted hard and chewy. The exact polar opposite of the category they were listed in: "light and delicate." FAIL. Okay, Martha, I don't know what's up with this, but thanks for trying. I did dip these in my coffee, and that made them a little more edible, but coffee makes everything better. Seriously, yesterday I took a DayQuil, an Airborne tablet, and then drank 2 cups of coffee, and let me tell you--I was ready to FLY! Whoooooweee! Probably not the best medical advice, but if you want to feel like a rockstar for 5 hours, drink that medical combo and avoid making these cookies. Done and done.


(No recipe, because it's not on the MS website, but you wouldn't want it anyway.)

But wait! Don't go! Cheer up, I have a really tasty super yummy delicious chocolatey goody happy snappy fabulous recipe for you after this one! Get ready! I'm gonna go take a NyQuil and pass out--but keep an eye out, I'll be posting this next recipe soon! Until then, lovelies...

{End Results}
Baking Difficultly: 3/5
Ingredient Accessibility: 4/5
Tastiness: 1.5/5
Attractiveness: 2/5
Is it worth it?: No

Drink: Coffee--Hazelnut coffee, if you're really crazy. Throw in a DayQuil for good luck!
Song: Haven't Got a Clue -- The Flaming Lips
Activity: Have you ever ate an AirBorne tablet without water? It's insane, but probably better than these cookies.


ali said...

you kill me! Can we be friends?

And that one was totally Martha's fault

Adriana said...

LOL... i laughed a lot... message received, don't make this...

i talk to everyone about your blog and how you're honest about when recipes are a total failure... i laugh really hard with your comments! :)

Taylor said...

dick jokes + the idea of eating an airborne tablet without water make this post a success, whether the cookie was good or not

Lizzie said...

ali- yes, we can.

adriana- thanks for spreadin the word!

taylor- dick jokes + airborne tablets ALWAYS make things better

Anne said...

Taylor, your comment embodied everything I wanted to say in such a succinct manner. Lizzie, once again your blog has garnered me some nasty looks from studious berkeley library patrons as a result of my repeated outbursts of laughter. Thanks, really.


lol This was too funnyingenswo

Niki said...

That happens to me all the time whenever I try to make meringue (The one with whipping egg whites till stiff with sugar). What I learned is that the bowl has to be super-duper clean and that the egg whites must be fresh. Those are the secrets to making good meringue for these cookies I suppose. :3