top 200 commentsshow 500

[–][deleted] 332 points333 points ago

When commenting on a pic, always point out something obscure in the background of the photo. Reddit loves that.

[–][deleted] 135 points136 points ago

Yeah be the white knight who notices something other than the girl's cleavage.

[–]Pizza_bagel 282 points283 points ago

picture of butthole

You have beautiful eyes. :)

[–]relytv2 54 points55 points ago

Very brown

[–]RulerofReddit 18 points19 points ago

You talking about the butthole or the eyes?

[–]LordWartusk 48 points49 points ago


[–]relytv2 34 points35 points ago

You're not me, but yes is correct.

[–]Minkzilla 65 points66 points ago

These make me laugh so hard

[–]TheFilmSpocks 7 points8 points ago

I have special Eyes.

[–]wh1skeyk1ng 171 points172 points ago

Beat the horse until it's dead, and then keep beating the said horse.

[–]rednaxt 124 points125 points ago

ill fax it to you lololo

[–]KillerPalm 65 points66 points ago

Tom Cruise?

[–]Zakkyzebra 38 points39 points ago

Fax Cruise

[–]BroadstreetStar 43 points44 points ago

Mom's spaghetti.

[–]Drock967 18 points19 points ago

Every thread

[–]daffen 14 points15 points ago

I broke both my arms :(

[–]peon72 12 points13 points ago


[–]NextArtemis 5 points6 points ago

Do you want me to get the box? I'll get it for tree fiddy.

[–]Upvote_For_You_Sir 5 points6 points ago

Tree fiddy? Are you fucking sorry?

[–]Rayfondo27 2 points3 points ago

Can someone explain these to me?

[–]Drew_Eckse 1 point2 points ago

Fax jokes are about an askreddit post asking people about what old machien was still being used. People just ended up responding to other's people's posts with an answer that incorporated a faxmachine use or a fax machine pun into it. "Tom Cruise" came from an AskReddit post asking which famous person was secretly a homosexual. Everyone said Tom Cruise.

Mom's spaghetti

Broke my arms is a reference to the story of a man who...broke both of his arms, so his mother actually helped jerk him off. This was also from a post on reddit.

[–]kksgandhi 3 points4 points ago

Na na na na na na FAXMAN!!!!

[–]cat_penis 46 points47 points ago

-someone apologizes for something-

must be canadianHAHAHAHAHAHAAH. Same with Australia and 'cunt'. We get it, shut the fuck up.

[–]burntheking 18 points19 points ago

I'm sorry you're such a cunt.

[–]ThatGuyYouDontC 8 points9 points ago

I'm sorry /u/cat_penis is such a cunt

[–]jayfeather314 2 points3 points ago

Do Australians say "Shut the fuck down?"


[–]TURBULENT_DISPLACE 7 points8 points ago

Done, what do I do with the body?

[–]realmceric 29 points30 points ago

Fax it to him

[–]Bloodysneeze 55 points56 points ago

Default to hating everyone on here and adjust accordingly afterwards.

[–]Thisonework 19 points20 points ago

I used to hate you til now

[–]ONE_GUY_ONE_JAR 289 points290 points ago

Upvote every meme until it becomes mainstream, then downvote it furiously.

[–]TURBULENT_DISPLACE 125 points126 points ago

And every comment that mentions doge...just wow

[–]Dembofant 25 points26 points ago

I am at least 3% sure that doge is included in "every meme".

[–]Roady54321 74 points75 points ago


[–]Sonlin 71 points72 points ago

Such... okay, no, not doing it.

[–]alekzander01 121 points122 points ago

The Doge slowly die out

Hunted to extinction for its Karma rich pelts

[–]Bloodysneeze 20 points21 points ago

This reaches far beyond memes.

[–]CrabbyBlueberry 24 points25 points ago

"Memes" doesn't just mean the stuff in /r/AdviceAnimals.

[–]lvysaur 27 points28 points ago

You whippersnappers don't remember the days when memes were memes and image macros were image macros

[–]BenedictCumberland 7 points8 points ago

And slender was just some documentaries on YouTube.

[–]Recka 8 points9 points ago

Except it started on Something Awful, not YouTube.

[–]Sadsharks 2 points3 points ago

Victor Surge...never forget

[–]Ritzen 244 points245 points ago

Do not confirm your agreement with another user by stating "This."

It never ends well.

[–]CDC_ 175 points176 points ago


[–]GirPhralad 45 points46 points ago

Up up

It's the code word.

[–]jack-a-roo 19 points20 points ago


[–]youssarian 108 points109 points ago

This picture says quite the opposite.

[–]BladedDingo 21 points22 points ago

I really don't know what I expected.

[–]wavinfreedom 8 points9 points ago


[–]naimnotname 36 points37 points ago


[–]jackrc11 14 points15 points ago


[–][deleted] ago


    [–]Theguyinthebushes 8 points9 points ago

    But there are no women on reddit.

    [–]Officer_McLovin 30 points31 points ago

    Exactly, saying "literally this" is the way to go.

    [–]gmooa 146 points147 points ago

    Don't post the picture of the safe unless you already opened the damned thing.

    [–]TURBULENT_DISPLACE 36 points37 points ago

    I promise guys, Ill open it soon!

    [–]CrabbyBlueberry 52 points53 points ago

    It got opened. It was filled with dead spiders and disappointment.

    [–]Cliffhanger_baby 30 points31 points ago

    and the salt lake made of Redditors tears.

    [–]Mac-- 13 points14 points ago

    ...Orrrr maybe I'll just move away from this damn thing and not tell anyone.

    [–]MikeRivalheli 11 points12 points ago

    It was opened!

    [–]Pizza_bagel 236 points237 points ago

    Don't defend yourself. The more you try to explain, the worse it'll be.

    [–]TURBULENT_DISPLACE 79 points80 points ago

    What do you mean by that? Care to explain?

    [–]tahlyn 34 points35 points ago

    The more you try to explain, the worse it'll be

    Care to explain?

    I see what you did there.

    [–]The_Petunia 23 points24 points ago

    The more you try to explain, the worse it'll be

    Care to explain?

    I see what you did there.

    I don't, care to explain?

    [–]tahlyn 39 points40 points ago

    Well you see... the first guy said... WAIT A MINUTE!

    [–]TURBULENT_DISPLACE 10 points11 points ago

    What are you saying??? Care to explain?

    [–]pap_daddy 2 points3 points ago

    the poor dead horse

    [–]Pizza_bagel 104 points105 points ago

    Like if OP gets caught in a half-truth or posts something controversial they'll usually post a response, but it ends up back-firing. They'll over explain things and it makes them sound desperate or else they'll post something even dumber. I used to work with this black girl, so I can say with some authority that minority posters do this more often. I'm sorry, but it's true. I once saw this girl get in trouble and lie repeatedly to try and get out of it. It came pretty naturally to her, as is to be expected, but my boss wasn't having it. He could tell she was lying even though he was a dumb dago. So yeah, never defend yourself, or you'll get down voted by a bunch of dagos.

    Edit: Did I mention she was black?

    Edit 2: Oh, I see how it is.

    Edit 3: Seriously, I dated an Italian woman once. I have nothing against them. Y'all are too sensitive. PC bullshit.

    [–][deleted] 19 points20 points ago

    I see what you did there...yet I still feel that you should go fuck yourself. Paradoxical.

    [–]CDC_ 94 points95 points ago

    1. Any mention of The Hulk should be followed up with a reference to The Hulk fisting someone.

    2. Nothing costs exactly $3.50. Be skeptical of anyone asking for such an amount.

    [–]ayePALINDROMEeye 15 points16 points ago

    I have been creeping your posts. I saw this comment and I was just wondering if the story about your girlfriend and mcdonalds was true, since you said that the meal was 3.50.

    [–]CDC_ 12 points13 points ago

    100% true. I added in the $3.50 thing because because numerous people mentioned that they thought the story was going to end with her charging me $3.50. Me being a person who can't resist a good laugh, I was compelled to throw it in there.

    [–]riddle_me_this_goose 24 points25 points ago

    Can you fax this to me?

    [–]KillerPalm 25 points26 points ago

    Only for tree fiddy.

    [–]CorporalEd 113 points114 points ago

    Never try to be funny in a serious thread. Try and judge the environment before you comment

    [–]cat_penis 62 points63 points ago

    Unless you're actually funny. Then the seriousness only makes it funnier.

    [–]DouchebagMcshitstain 44 points45 points ago

    I used to think I was funny. Then I joined Reddit.

    [–]berfels 12 points13 points ago

    "I used to think I was funny. Then I joined reddit"-/u/DouchebagMcShitstain 2013

    [–]SilverTides 2 points3 points ago

    ... Or is it 2014?

    [–]Late_Night_Grumbler 368 points369 points ago

    Don't ask why someone downvoted you.

    [–]CrabbyBlueberry 58 points59 points ago

    Eventually, somebody else will reply with "I don't know why you're getting downvoted. You're absolutely right because x y and z." And then your karma will go positive.

    [–]ONE_GUY_ONE_JAR 117 points118 points ago

    Right, if you ask about your own downvotes you will be downvoted hard.

    BUT, if you ask why another poster was downvoted, you both will be upvoted. It's really weird.

    [–]nliausacmmv 119 points120 points ago

    I don't know why you're being downvoted, you're perfectly correct.

    [–]ReferencesCartoons 253 points254 points ago

    And don't edit your downvoted post with:

    "Edit: Downvotes? Really?"

    [–]arachnid507 75 points76 points ago

    Just don't mention the d-work

    "Edit: How did I even mistype that? I meant to say the d-word."

    [–]ReferencesCartoons 104 points105 points ago

    I'll give you the d-work

    [–]GirPhralad 57 points58 points ago

    Brown chicken brown cow.

    [–]alekzander01 107 points108 points ago



    [–]Seraph_Grymm 32 points33 points ago

    Did the Titanic sink bravely?

    [–]Reilic 24 points25 points ago

    Actually like a little bitch but the crew died bravely.

    [–]righteous4131 10 points11 points ago

    Ow ice it's too much fuck this I hate everything

    [–]lhamil64 12 points13 points ago

    I've had people comment on my posts saying "I don't know why you're getting downvoted...". I honestly wouldn't even know because I don't go look at my previous posts unless someone comments.

    [–]archibald_tuttle 20 points21 points ago

    Also for the love of god: Don't complain in a separate comment. This will just double the number of downvotes you receive.

    [–]go_bwaaah 5 points6 points ago

    Even if it's on a post on a totally legitimate argument against geraffes?

    [–]citizen511 29 points30 points ago

    Don't use your age to make your argument unless you're prepared to be downvoted by everyone older than you.

    [–]ThatGuyYouDontC 8 points9 points ago

    What if you are currently the oldest living person that uses reddit?

    [–]Thisonework 12 points13 points ago

    But… but… I'm 253 years old

    [–]unafragger 130 points131 points ago

    Do not write unwritten rules on reddit, for when you do, they are no longer unwritten.

    Edit: Shit!

    [–][deleted] 29 points30 points ago

    But you never edited it

    [–]319223149 23 points24 points ago

    If edited within 5 and no replies, it doesn't show as edited.

    [–]Joseph_Santos1 20 points21 points ago

    2 minutes. They're called ninja edits.

    [–]_______QUEBEC_______ 6 points7 points ago

    That's not how it works. If you edit before one or two minutes , there won't be the asterisk.

    [–]TomRiddleJr 215 points216 points ago

    don't edit your comment with 1500 points to say


    [–][deleted] 116 points117 points ago

    My first Gold was for the comment "El Poopacabra"

    [–]Cliffhanger_baby 27 points28 points ago

    You're telling me you've had more than one? Stop hogging and share the love!

    [–]I_Live_In_A_Balloon 11 points12 points ago

    Yeah there are people me who haven't gotten my their share!

    [–]TURBULENT_DISPLACE 9 points10 points ago

    What about with 1600?

    [–]FishInhaleTheirPee 117 points118 points ago

    you can either get karma or a good discussion, never both.

    [–]DatFoon 17 points18 points ago

    I think it's dependent on the subreddit, really. If it's anything on the front page like /r/funny (especially /r/funny), then this is true. However, head over to say, /r/TrueAtheism, and you might find the users there are more open to an actual discussion.

    [–]FishInhaleTheirPee 11 points12 points ago

    that's true. i think as a rule of the thumb you can say what i stated is true for the default subs and a lot of the big ones. in the smaller ones you can actually have a good discussion and state controversial opinions without being downvoted to hell (if you don't behave like a psycho-asshole)

    recently i discovered /r/TrueReddit which is an awesome sub imho

    [–]elbobsterr 48 points49 points ago

    Everyone will ask for [oc] no one will like it

    [–]meades15 70 points71 points ago

    OP must deliver

    [–]xalgorafan 25 points26 points ago

    Unless (s)he is delivering information that will contradict the hivemind. Then you're damned either way.

    [–]SamFroogle 8 points9 points ago

    Reddit noob here... What does this actually mean?

    [–]Theusernamemen 18 points19 points ago

    Like if OP is asked for a photo or explanation of something

    [–]SamFroogle 9 points10 points ago

    Ah ok, thanks

    [–]CrabbyBlueberry 13 points14 points ago

    OP stands for "original poster". Suppose OP posts a picture of a mysterious safe that he discovered in his basement. OP had damn well better follow up with pictures of the inside of the safe.

    [–]PheerthaniteX 9 points10 points ago

    Another reddit noob here. Did this safe thing actually happen? I keep hearing "the safe was opened" but know nothing about it other than that there was a safe, and it was opened.

    [–]Br3wster 10 points11 points ago

    It happened.

    [–]lo4952 3 points4 points ago

    I believe that the safe was opened by a different Redditor, who found only spiders an disappointment inside.

    [–]Aniquin 2 points3 points ago

    The safe was first posted on March 16th, 2013 by /u/dont_stop_me_smee to /r/pics. In his post OP stated that his friend moved into an old gang house and found this in the garage. Many people wanted OP to break into it somehow. OP claimed to have "contacted a safe expert", but took ten months to actually open said safe. After opening the safe, OP posted pictures of the empty safe.

    Needless to say, Reddit doesn't like /u/dont_stop_me_smee anymore...

    [–]nakedwithclownface 116 points117 points ago

    grammr correcktly and dont speling mistakes.

    [–]reallygoodgarbage 32 points33 points ago

    I defiantly it's misteaks.

    [–]Toxicstein 14 points15 points ago

    No, their my-steaks.
    I'll show myself out.

    [–]a_sneeky_beever 8 points9 points ago


    [–]NiceGuyMike 9 points10 points ago

    your wrong!

    [–]DERPYBASTARD 17 points18 points ago

    Where is it? I lost my wrong!

    [–]-eDgAR- 22 points23 points ago

    Don't lie in the title to make it seem like OC if you are reposting

    [–]yakuchombo 36 points37 points ago

    Whenever there is a relevant XKCD, post it.

    [–]Sane-eyes 6 points7 points ago

    Sub-rule: there is always a relevant XKCD.

    [–]borhoi 63 points64 points ago

    If you in any way agree with any kind of feminist ideology whatsoever you're a ridiculous feminazi who hates all men.

    If you disagree in any way with any kind of feminist ideology you are a fedora wearing, neckbearded, chauvinistic jerk who hates all women.

    There is no in-between.

    [–]Joseph_Santos1 18 points19 points ago

    I'd like to add to this by saying that if you disagree with too many sexist comments about women, you will be labeled a white knight and ridiculed.

    [–]nicblair 17 points18 points ago

    don't let mean people on the internet effect your daily life

    [–]lindzmarie33 43 points44 points ago

    No spoilers for movies, shows, books, etc. without a warning.

    [–][deleted] 42 points43 points ago

    [–]abandonedaltair 7 points8 points ago

    how do you do that??

    [–][deleted] 52 points53 points ago

    It's a special feature for those who have bought Reddit Gold for another user.

    Why don't you give it a try?

    [–]abandonedaltair 31 points32 points ago

    I've been here long enough to not fall for that

    [–][deleted] 11 points12 points ago


    [–]abandonedaltair 16 points17 points ago

    But not long enough to find all of the text formating tricks reddit has

    [–]Bossman759 3 points4 points ago

    [](#s "spoiler)

    [–][deleted] ago


      [–]alekzander01 14 points15 points ago

      Joffrey dies after choking on a throne of Dicks.

      True story, I read the books brah, all 6 of them. My favorite one was A Crash of Prime Ministers.

      [–]dudeitsabe 36 points37 points ago

      If you have a religion and make any references to it, you'll be severely ridiculed

      [–]yuloforce 9 points10 points ago

      Oh, so you turned to Christianity for hope after your mother was diagnosed with breast cancer? Fucking religious scum.

      [–]dudeitsabe 5 points6 points ago

      "Seriously!! Don't you know about SCIENCE?!?!?!"

      [–]ThePolishJag 45 points46 points ago

      NEVER speak your mind, agree with the mob, the mob is your friend.

      [–]morphotomy 47 points48 points ago

      we call it the hive, thanks.

      [–]DoctorRimJob 43 points44 points ago

      Yeah! What he said!

      [–]PlushSandyoso 162 points163 points ago

      Tip your fedora before saying m'lady.

      [–]Dasbaus 30 points31 points ago

      [–]ONE_GUY_ONE_JAR 44 points45 points ago

      +fedoratip 50 fedoras

      [–][deleted] 17 points18 points ago

      Under no circumstances should you EVER mention the...
      Edit: I say not to mention it and look what everyone does... jeez.

      [–]SyanticRaven 20 points21 points ago

      Spanish Inquisition?

      [–]Thisonework 10 points11 points ago

      I didn't expect that

      [–]Br3wster 8 points9 points ago

      Nobody did, especially the dirty Jewbags that poisoned the wells.

      [–]MidnightDaylight 12 points13 points ago


      [–]meowzers12 4 points5 points ago

      Fact that Leonardo DiCaprio hasn't won an oscar?

      [–]I_EAT_GUSHERS 31 points32 points ago

      If you have a shitty opinion, make sure to start it with "I might get downvoted for this, but..."

      [–]davis98[🍰] 12 points13 points ago

      "I'm getting downvoted to hell for this, but I think child molestation is wrong."

      [–]calnamu 7 points8 points ago

      No, it's actually: "I know I will be downvoted into oblivion for this, but..."

      [–]boobiesucker 16 points17 points ago

      Don't murder

      [–]TURBULENT_DISPLACE 15 points16 points ago

      Welp, I tried.

      [–]terattt 14 points15 points ago

      Repeat whatever phrases you've seen other people repeating lately. This will make you funny and clever.

      [–]riddle_me_this_goose 4 points5 points ago

      And the karma.

      [–]dummystupid 6 points7 points ago

      Get some karma, never get a lot of karma.

      [–]R1runr 7 points8 points ago

      Don't hold up your spork! EVER!!

      [–]MidnightDaylight 6 points7 points ago

      Don't express a religion-supporting opinion. Ever.

      Also words and stuff.

      [–]KillerPalm 5 points6 points ago

      Always ask the same questions on this sub.

      [–]roastedbagel 77 points78 points ago


      That's the cringiest shit on this entire site.

      "We did it guys! We made front page!"


      "Wow I keep reading these, they're great! Keep them coming!"

      You're not the curator, we don't care what you think of the post, and aren't paying attention to you.

      Guys? No, we're not on your team. We don't give a shit that this is your first front page post. You're a blip on our radar and we will forget you in 2 minutes. Nobody cares. Stop with the post-edits.

      [–]MileHighBarfly 17 points18 points ago

      I want askreddit mods to take away the entire edit function. Maybe others think its harmless or useful or even cute, but I am so fucking tired of "hooray my reposted question made the front page!" And "thanks for the gold!"

      [–]roastedbagel 9 points10 points ago

      Please share your thoughts here

      The only problem with us disabling editing at all is we have tons of users who put their answer in the description which we don't allow, so we tell them to fix it which requires them to edit it and remove their answer.

      [–]sweeppick09 32 points33 points ago

      Unpopular Opinion Puffin never manages to be a truly unpopular opinion.

      [–]ONE_GUY_ONE_JAR 30 points31 points ago

      Holy shit, how many obscure advice animals are there now?

      [–]rufus_ray 9 points10 points ago

      billions and billions

      [–]Minkzilla 5 points6 points ago

      If some one asks you to fax it to them, you definitely should.

      [–]TheIrwinComission 5 points6 points ago

      If a female redditor mentions her body, at least five lonely males must ask her to PM pictures.

      [–]sumnlikedat 15 points16 points ago

      Don't write "this".

      [–]riddle_me_this_goose 12 points13 points ago


      [–]enlighghtened 10 points11 points ago

      And the other

      [–]morphotomy 13 points14 points ago

      Don't mention jolly ranchers or doritos.

      [–]Refriedspleens 8 points9 points ago

      If you see anything related to broken arms and a mother's love, be sure to reply "Every fucking thread."

      [–]peculiarpisces 9 points10 points ago

      Don't speak out against alcohol or weed unless you want to get downvoted like craaazy

      [–]SpencerCe89 3 points4 points ago

      Apparently, Imgur is the only acceptable image host to use, and if you don't use it you are the devil.

      [–]Yamnave 4 points5 points ago

      Your comments will always go unnoticed.

      Source: my comment history

      [–]relytv2 13 points14 points ago

      That America is the worst place ever, all law enforcement is evil, and everyone of everyone's liberties are being oppressed.

      Edit: Universal healthcare is literally a gift from God Sagan and no other system could ever possibly work. Not just the far from ideal one in the US now, but literally any other system.

      [–]794613825 9 points10 points ago

      /r/atheism is literally Hitler.

      [–]litlitlit 16 points17 points ago

      Actually, it's figuratively Hitler. Bitch.

      [–]callddit 11 points12 points ago

      Don't thank people for gold, apparently. Although I don't see why this is a problem.

      [–]CookiesWithMilken 12 points13 points ago

      I have given gold on a number of occasions, always anonymously, and I always appreciate a "thanks for the gold" edit

      [–]GirPhralad 13 points14 points ago

      Don't be OP.

      [–]sconce2600 2 points3 points ago

      Have the most popular opinion.

      [–]CaptainM0 2 points3 points ago

      Post an askredditt question like "what can I do for 10 minutes a day that would make me a better person"

      [–]LinearSimcon 2 points3 points ago

      Don't hate on cats, it will come to claw you. Hard.

      [–]Tapecaster 2 points3 points ago

      Jennifer Lawrence . . .

      [–]mojavesnowfrog 2 points3 points ago

      Ooh! a paradox... if I write it, it won't be unwritten anymore!

      [–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

      Do not brag about your karma, do not brag about making the front page, do not post until you have been on for a month and mostly know the ropes.

      [–]Snorma 5 points6 points ago

      Been on here months and still dont know the fucking ropes.

      [–]Vallessir 8 points9 points ago

      Don't complain about downvotes if you get downvoted.

      [–]TURBULENT_DISPLACE 10 points11 points ago

      "Edit: Downvotes? Really??" With a ton of upvotes already.