Shared Prayers, Mixed Blessings by Kevin Sack

Best of Friends, Worlds Apart by Mirta Ojito

Which Man's Army by Steven A. Holmes

Who Gets to Tell a Black Story? by Janny Scott

A Limited Partnership by Amy Harmon

At a Slaughterhouse, Some Things Never Die by Charlie LeDuff

When to Campaign With Color by Timothy Egan

Reaping What Was Sown on the Old Plantation by Ginger Thompson

Growing Up, Growing Apart by Tamar Lewin

The Hurt Between the Lines by Dana Canedy

The Minority Quarterback by Ira Berkow


Why Harlem Drug Cops Don't Discuss Race by Michael Winerip

Bricks, Mortar and Coalition Building by Mireya Navarro

Getting Under My Skin by Don Terry

People around the nation share their thoughts.

Discuss the articles in this series.

Tell us about your experiences with race.

Read comments from the reporter.

Thoughts from the photographers in this series.

A questionnaire for students, lesson plans for teachers and more.

Past articles from The Times.

A selective guide to race-related sites.

Living Race

A frequently updated selection of responses to the
questionnaire on race.

rowing up, did your parents talk to you about race? What did they say?

My family wanted to me have and expereince everything...especially because I was a black female. My family traveled all over the country, I took ballet & dance classes, performed all over the country, attended a college prep high school, and was often times the only black child on stage or in class.
-- Lauren
African American

I grew up in the Deep South in Alabama and was raised to believe that the world was 50% white and 50% black. Of course, we had no idea that Catholics, Hispanics, Asians, Jews lived in the USA. My parents taught me that slavery was a good thing for black people because now they didn't have to live in godforsaken Africa. I invited a black kid to play basketball with me when I was in 6th grade and when my father got home he told me to tell my friend that he had to leave so none of the neighbors would think we were 'nigger' lovers. At 18 I went into the Army and saw how screwed up the thinking in the South is. My grandmother told me I could marry anyone as long as they weren't black.
-- Nick
Opelika, Alabama
European American

I come from a small town in Washington state and my parents did not talk about race too much. There were virtually no Blacks in our town until one family moved there with the U.S. Army that had a small Nike site there. They had a daughter named Sarah my age, who was in my Girl Scout troop. I loaned her an old bathing suit one time to go on a swimming trip but we never visited each other. My Mom was sort of anti-Japanese because of WWII although she seemed to like the Japanese people she knew personally. My Dad never said anything one way or the other. My grandmother (who lived next door) once told me that God wanted the races to be separate and that's why he created Africa. I told her that in that case, I didn't believe in God. She was very angry. I still don't believe in God.
-- Linda
Seattle, Wa

My parents were very open and forthcoming about the subject of race. We were always made very aware, but taught to judge each and every person on their own merit. We were taught never to paint with a broad brush; while I understand the context of many of the racial experiences, I deal with them as individual occurances. As a person of color you have to be very careful to not lose your faith in humanity due to the actions of a few or of the broader community.
-- Lindsay
Cambridge, MA

My first clear recollection of my mother discussing race concerns The Mickey Mouse Club. Like all children in the fifties, I dreamed about being on the The Mickey Mouse Club. I must have badgered my mother about getting me on the show because she turned to me angrily one day and said: "you will never be able to go on that show." When I asked her why, she responded: "because you are negro & negro children are not allowed to be on the The Mickey Mouse Club." I was stunned because I knew very well that I was Negro & that there was a difference between Negro and white people but I had always been told that with hard work, nothing can stand in your way. All at once, I understood that no matter how hard I worked, I would never, ever be a Mouseketeer. To say that I was devastated is an understatement!!!!
-- Marilyn
Jersey City, NJ

I was actaully adopted by a white family who was very racist. They thought I was white or so they claim but I assure you that i didn't look like a white child, i looked biracial/black child. My parents always spoke negatively about people who were nonwhite therefore i grew up feeling like i had to conceal who I was, by lying to myself telling myself I was white, but I never looked white, and I always tried and still do to some degree measure myself against white standards of beauty which is soemthing I can never achieve.
-- Kristine
Chicago, IL

My family was the first black family in a 6-block radius when I was in 2nd grade. My teacher warned my mother that by the time I graduated, I would be "white" on the inside. My mother worked to make sure my love of the Beatles, for instance, was balanced with love for the Temptations, but she admitted years later that I am "whiter" than she would have liked.

For many years, I was told not to tell my friends, who were white, when we had chicken for dinner, or watermelon at a picnic because that's what white people thought we ate all the time. I was also told that my new friends wouldn't be my friends for long. I thought my family was nuts, but as we entered 6th grade and discovered the opposite sex, the predictions came true. By 7th grade, all but one white family on our street had moved far away to all-white communities. Our schools remained integrated, but not always by the whites who were originally there.
-- Karen
Cleveland, OH

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Was there an important good moment in your life regarding race? What was it?

Being in a multicultural chorus for a few years was a very positive experience. It allowed me to meet on common grounds with persons from many different economic and social backgrounds, learning from each one I met. We learned the music of many cultures, really coming together as a big family, which was especially helpful since my childhood upbringing did not allow easily for such a diverse set of interactions.
-- Paul

I was part of a group which integrated my high school in my home town of Pittsburgh. Many people went beyond the bounds of simple common courtesy and became friends, girlfriends and mentors. In my 9th grade civics class, the teacher made a point of announcing to the class that he had only given one 'A' after the first grading period. He then announced that I was the one who had earned that grade, to the sound of gasps throughout the classroom. I was one of only two blacks in a class of 35. Our school was also considered one of the top public high schools in the country at the time, certainly the top school in Pittsburgh. If I was ever tempted to be intimidated in predominantly white settings, this incident assured me that I could compete. (the teacher never announced grades again, I understand he was giving the white students a social studies lesson that wasn't in the book, and appreciate his effort).
-- Ivan
Reston, VA

On a high school trip to perform at a band festival in Atlanta our group stopped at a restaurant in Meridian, MS. We had been on the bus all night and the group was tired and hungry. The group had both black and white members and included some interacial couples. The reataurant refused to serve us and we were compelled to go elsewhere. Finally, after stopping and finding a suitable restaurant in Birmingham, AL, several customers in that establishment upon hearing what had happened earlier from the bus driver paid the cost of our meals and indicated that we were welcome there anytime.
-- Michael
Raleigh-Durham, NC

There wasn't really a defining positive moment in my life regarding race, but over the years in work and grad school I have met many white people who have been genuinely nice and helpful to me. I try to make a conscious effort not to judge entire groups of people by the actions of a few, and rather concentrate on how individual people treat me.
-- Darryl
Los Angeles

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What was your most painful or uncomfortable moment have to do with race?

Working as a college administrator, I was heading to the New Brunswick train station one evening after a particularly long day. In addition to my administrative duties, I was also in a doctoral program, and after class this evening I had conducted a workshop before heading home. Ahead of me walking in the same direction was a 6'5" white male, dressed in a bomber jacker, and sweats, wearing a painter's cap backwards on his head. I am 6'2" and was in a sportscoat, tie and carrying a briefcase. A petite white female was walking toward us. She passed the white male without incident, but when she saw me, she lowered her head and fled to the other side of the street. Why was this most painful, when I have experienced racial profiling type police stops, and had a childhood friend lynched? I believe because the message that young woman gave me is that it did not matter how accomplished I had become on the campus, how I dressed, how much education I obtained, in her mind there was only one important quality about me. In addition, I feared that in my capacity of career counselor, I might actually aid this woman to achieve a successful position in the society, from which she might discriminate against my child.
-- Ivan
Reston, VA

When I was 8 years old (approx. 1956), my mother & I went on vacation to Cape May, NJ. I was in 7th heaven because you could walk to the beach from where we were staying. I loved the beach & I was so excited to be able to walk there whenever I wanted. My excitement was short lived, however. There was a sign on the boardwalk with a line down the middle. One side said "Whites only" & the other side said "Colored only". It was almost as if there was in invisible boundary drawn in the sand because the white side of the beach was spotlessly clean & the colored side was absolutely covered with dragonflies. I remember staring at that sign for a long, long time. Coming from NYC, I had never seen a sign like that; in fact, I didn't even know that signs like that existed. As I stood there, I wondered what would happen to me if I went on the "Whites only" side. I never got to the beach on that vacation; I refused to go on the "Colored side" because it was dirty & I wasn't brave enough to go against that sign & go on the "White side."
This year, I returned to Cape May for the first since that summer. That segregated beach made such an impression on me that I half expected the sign to still be there. Of course, it's gone but I still remember the incident like it was yesterday.
I still didn't go on that beach; I don't know if I ever will.
-- Marilyn
Jersey City, NJ

One of my most uncomfortable moments with race has to do with my own understanding and learning of my own ethnic group and how they view the outside world. I am very uncomfortable with the level of ignorance and prejudice ethnic groups have towards other groups, particulalry towards African-Amercians and Latinos. In my own culture, I have learned that social class is of importance as well as being financially successful. I think social economic well-being is ignorantly associated with race, perpetuating prejudice towards Blacks and Latinos. Many of the deragatory comments, behaviors and attitudes are subtle and often times I find myself trying to address them or discuss them with the people I observe them from.

In addition, my culture tends to be insular and is sometimes not open to change or can be uncomfortable around different groups. I think this is a way for them to fit in and find community. However, this makes it difficult for me to fit in my own ethnic culture, because my national origin is of the United States. In many ways, this can be very isolating.
-- Grace
Los Angeles

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Think about the casual derogatory remarks people make about people of other races. How often would you say you hear such derogatory talk by people you know?

People are too sophisticated these days to make racially derogatory remarks about others. These days, racism is more sophisticated: for example, subjection to unequal terms or conditions, disparate treatment, ostracism, sabotage, etc. Point is that even though the expression is in a different form, the origins and roots of the behavior is the same: racism. To say that racism is expressed today only in the form of racial slurs, or racially derogatory comments is pure casuistry. Racism and racial attitudes takes many different forms, and wears many differnt masks.
-- Hyun
Chicago, IL

I hear soemthing derogatory at least once a day and its usually directed at me. Granted people don't think theyare being rude when they get in your face and are like "WHAT ARE YOU" and then you tell them and then they argue with you."your black" they say with sadness intheir voice oh no You must be mixed with somthing" Like the only thing that validates me as a person is because I have some white Blood, "good hair" and the always acceptable light skin. What is very sad to me is that i expect comments like that from white people but more and more Black and hispanic people are making remarks to me about my skin color and my hair. But I guess its true what they say "ignorance is bliss"
-- Kristine
Chicago, IL

Blacks seem to use a lot of derogatory language about themselves and other blacks, such as "ho" and "bitch" to describe women and "nigger" to describe each other. I do not like that word and grew up learning that it was a very bad and painful word for blacks. I t is a cancer in the language and attitude of young blacks.
-- Arnold
Columbia, SC

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Think back over the last 10 years. Judging from your own personal experiences, would you say race relations have gotten better, gotten worse or stayed about the same in that time?

I don't think they are better, but I would have to say that there is more cooperation in this state between American Indians and whites, particularly because of shared interests, such as environmetal concerns. Both sides see the value of cooperation in this area. However, in many other areas, there is still a great deal of racism and discrimination on the part of the whites.
-- Marian
La Crosse, WI
Native American

Worse! As we become more multiculture people are begin to really divide themselves based upon race. It is not good enough to be an America, we all must have a hyphen in our description and with that you create natural chasms. Racism has gotten more difficult to detect because it has become less overt.
-- George
Indianapolis, IN

Overt racism is declining. However, hidden racism in all aspects of society is increasing greatly. The war on drugs/racial profiling is especially to blame. I can't drive across the US in a rented car without getting stopped at least twice. It's always the same story: Cop is on the shoulder, sometimes facing the opposite direction, sees me go by and pursues. Gets up to my car, sits directly behind me for about ten seconds, then moves into my driver's side blindspot and sits there for about another 10 seconds. Then they pull up even with the car and look in, at this point I'm so nervous I don't know if I should look at them or what...I usually look over and as soon as they see my face they drop behind and turn on their lights. They then walk up to the driver's side and inch up to the window while visually examining the inside of the car and ask for my license and registration. I hand these to them and they go back to their car where they sit for another five minutes. Then they usually come back and make up some excuse for stopping me (I don't speed anymore because I dont' want to give any more reason for getting stopped--my white friends think I drive like an old lady): no front license plate (its a rental), the out of state plates weren't showing up on the computer, I was weaving, I was following to close to the car in front, I was speeding (my cruise control is always set to one mile below the speed limit). Then the questions about drugs and weapons come. Do I mind if they look in my trunk?? If I say no, I'll be there for four hours...If I let them look, I'll be out of there in 15 minutes...I usually let them look. Once they don't find anything they hand back all my paperwork and tell me to drive more carefully. It's all a sham...This has happened to me in Indiana, Oklahoma, Texas, New Jersey, and California. I drive alot for my job: I'm an Ivy-league educated researcher.
-- Harvey
Tempe, AZ

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