Joke of the day

Joke of the day

Every man needs a go-to joke.

Joke N° 3638
Hairy Chest
The ambitious coach of a girls track team gives the squad steroids. The team's performance soars. They win the county and state championships until one day they are favored to win nationals. Penelope, a 16-year-old hurdler, visits her coach and says, "Coach, I have a problem. Hair is starting to grow on my chest." "What!" the coach says in a panic, "How far down does it go?" She replies, "Down to my testicles. That's something else I want to talk to you about."
Keith G.
Joke N° 3639
What Do I Look Like?
A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband just looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like, Mr.Plumber?â€ A few days went by, and he comes home from work and again his wife asks for a favor, "Honey, the car won't start, I think that it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" "What do I look like, Mr.Goodwrench?" was his response. Another couple of weeks go by, and it's raining pretty hard. His wife then finds a leak in the roof. She pleads with him as he's walking through the door. "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He just looked at her and said "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" and sat down with a beer and watched a game on TV. One weekend the husband woke up and it was pouring pretty hard, but the leak on the roof was gone! Speaking of leaks, he also went to take a shower, and he found that the one pipe behind the sink wasn't leaking anymore either. His wife was coming home just then, and as she walked through the door, the husband asked, "Honey, how come there aren't any more leaks, and the car's running?" She replied nonchalantly, "Oh, the other day I was picking up the mail, and I ran into one of our new neighbors, Jon. What a nice man. He came over and fixed everything." "Wow, did he charge us anything?" asked the husband. "No, he just said that he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or had sex with him," she said. "Cool. What kind of cake did you make?" asked the husband. "Cake? What the hell do you think I look like, Betty Crocker?
Markian B.
Joke N° 3640
5 Men
An Indian, a rabbi, the Pope, an Italian, and an Irishman all walk into a bar together and sit down. The bartender looks at all five of them and says, "What is this... a joke?"
Alex C.
Joke N° 3641
Nickel Or Dime?
There's a little fellow named Junior who hangs out at Tim's Grocery Store. The owner Tim doesn't know what Junior's problem is, but the boys like to tease him. They say he is two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles shy of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they offer Junior his choice between a nickel and a dime. He always takes the nickel -- they say because it's bigger. One day after Junior grabbed the nickel, Tim got him off to one side and said, "Junior, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?" And Junior said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd quit doing it!"
Ben M.
Joke N° 3642
Disappointing Frog
A woman storms into a pet shop demanding her money back from the owner. â€œYou sold me this frog and told me it would be able to satisfy all my sexual desires!â€ The clerk tries to calm her down and asks, â€œDid you do what I told you to do?â€ â€œYes, dammit! I got naked, lay back on my bed, and put him between my legs just like you said, and he did nothing!â€ she shouts. The owner, looking confused, replies, â€œItâ€™s a perfectly trained frog. I canâ€™t understand whatâ€™s wrong.â€ He takes the woman and the frog to a back room in the shop, where he places the frog on a small table next to a bed and asks the woman to please lie down and remove her panties. â€œWhat?â€ she shouts. Turning to the frog, he says, â€œNow watch carefully, because this is the last time Iâ€™m showing you this!â€
Michael G.
Joke N° 3643
Some Bad News
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news. Patient: Well, you might as well give me the bad news first. Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live. Patient: 24 hours! That's terrible! What could be worse? What's the very bad news? Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.
Nathan B.
Joke N° 3644
Blonde Police Officer
A blonde female police officer pulls over a blonde gal in a convertible sports car for speeding. She walks up to the car and asks the blonde for her driver's license. The blonde convertible driver searches through her purse in vain. Finally she asks, "What does it look like?" The blonde police officer tells her, "It's that thing with your picture on it." The blonde driver searches for a few more seconds, pulls out her compact, opens it and sure enough sees herself. She hands the compact to the blonde cop. After a few seconds of looking at the compact, the blonde cop rolls her eyes, hands the compact back to the blonde convertible driver and says, "If you would have told me you were a police officer when I first pulled you over we could have avoided this whole thing!"
Steve Bopp

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