The walking, talking ashtray that is Abby Lee Miller returned to our television sets last night on the season premiere of Dance Moms. She's still screaming, she's still bitching, and she's still accusing her students' parents of being bad moms. Having had a taste of reality television success, Abby knows that she has to amp up the drama, so she decided to tell one working mother that she needs to quit her job in favor of attending her daughter's dance rehearsals. Yes, it's ridiculous, but really, no more ridiculous than said mother keeping her child at Abby's studio. We've already questioned why these moms subject their children to Abby, but now we're wondering why they subject themselves to her. The answer, of course, is obvious: to be on television. The horror these people suffer at the hands of Abby is worse than that of the contestants on Fear Factor. I'd rather eat bull testicles than have to listen to that beast rasp about how she had to learn about menstruation from her father.