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My Seven-Year-Old Won't Eat!

My Seven-Year-Old Won't Eat!


Dear Rachel,

My seven year-old son won't eat. He's as thin as a stick and the only thing that I can get him to eat is spaghetti. I'm worried that he's not receiving enough vitamins and minerals and that he is too picky of an eater. Do you have any ideas?


Dear Estie,

You sound to me like the classical, concerned Jewish mother and I'm sure that there are thousands of mothers out there with the same concerns as they tell their children, "Es my kint (eat my child)". For some reason, it seems to be that mothers are always worrying about their children getting enough to eat (and something new that was never heard a few decades ago-about eating too much). I've been there too, sitting with my child, trying to coerce him to take, "one more bite of chicken." While coercion might achieve short –term goals, i.e. you got your child to eat two bites of chicken, it certainly isn't going to achieve long-term goals-having your child like and eat chicken when he grows older.

The more a parent pushes, the more the child pulls. It's the nature of life. If I keep telling my child to "eat, eat, eat" the child is not going to eat and if I tell the child, "stop eating so much, that's enough" the child is going to find ways to sneak food and eat even more than he would otherwise. So how do we do it? How does one achieve short-term and long-term goals?

First-know what your obligation is as a parent:

A parent's obligation is to provide nutritious food for their child and to make sure it is available. If a child is hungry, they'll eat. (Also I would ask my pediatrician if the child is really under/overweight or if he is just too thin/heavy in my eyes. If the doctor is not worried, you shouldn't be either.) If you are not filling them with candy and snacks and they have no other choice I guarantee you that by the end of the day they'll eat something that you give them.

Remember as well that children have small stomachs! They might need to eat smaller amounts in more frequent sittings. Also sometimes kids are so active and are having a good time playing that they forget to eat. You can call them, have everyone sit down and say, "It's meal time now." No force, if someone is hungry they eat, if not, they don't, but this is what we are doing now, sitting at the table.

The issue then is not about the food, but about the activity. There are times to eat and times to play. On the other hand if you find your child overweight and eating all the time you can do the same. "It's playtime now, not time to eat. If you are hungry, let's sit at the table and eat." If the child is hungry, they need to eat. If they are eating too fast and want more, you can suggest, "Let's take a few minutes to digest and if you are still hungry I'll be glad to give you more." After a few minutes they might realize that they are full and again instead of making an issue about the food, the issue is about eating slowly and listening to your body's natural level of satiety.


If we force our children that they absolutely must eat their chicken and peas because we are worried about them receiving enough protein, I promise you they will hate them and it will be an ongoing battle. What you can do is teach your child about the importance of vitamins and minerals. At their age level explain what iron does for the body and why we need calcium. Explain to your child what sugar can do to their teeth and the advantage of eating whole grains.

I started explaining to my child even before he was three about trans fats, artificial coloring and preservatives, and the importance of fiber and whole-wheat. The same year he told his pre-school teacher who offered him a white flour pita that we only eat whole wheat bread because "it's healthy and we want to be strong". At five he comes home with treats from school and asks me, "Mommy, does this have trans fats?" If the answer is positive he himself throws it in the garbage. Educate your children so that they themselves can make wise decisions.


This was the hardest one for me, the Northern Californian organic granola hippie child. If your child receives treats from friends' birthday parties and from school, don't take them from him and say, "No, no, no, no!" You will get the reverse affect and make the treats even more desirable to the child.

I have one neighbor whose children ask other children to hide their treats for them so that they can eat them when the mother is not looking because she is so strict about sugar. While I would never encourage my children to eat junk food, as long as it's Kosher, I won't deny it to them either. I will go as far as to read them the ingredients (see above for educate) and I will offer them substitutes as an exchange. If they take it great, if not, I let them eat it. Nine times out of ten they don't even end up eating it and the junk goes into the garbage (where it belongs). I find that the more relaxed I am, the less they want it.

Of course if your child has an allergy or medical condition being relaxed doesn't apply and in that case you need to take the food away from the child.

Fourth-Choose your battles:

Like I said earlier, don't make issues about food; instead make issues about values . You just cooked a wonderful dinner and your child looks at it and says, "Yuck. I want spaghetti." Again, don't argue about the chicken and the peas, but you can teach your child about consideration for others and about being happy with what one has. Instead of forcing them to eat the dinner you can say, "Mommy worked hard to make a special dinner and this is what there is, if you are hungry, you can eat it and if not, then don't, but I can't make anything else."

You can teach your children the importance of saying a bracha (blessing) on the food before eating it, thereby elevating the food from a mundane item to a median for bringing more holiness into the world. Let them know that where the food comes from and that one should never take having food for granted. After eating ones says another blessing. Both blessings acknowledge our gratitude to G‑d for creating and giving us the food we eat. Another example of a lesson that they can learn-"We have an order in our home, first the main meal and then dessert." No mention of the food item, the value is not the food, but that in life there is an order to doing things.

Fifth-Involve them and be patient-they'll grow out of it:

Involve your children as much as possible in making meals. If they put in their own energy to make them, it will be more of an incentive for them to eat them. Have a child peel vegetables or make healthy zucchini or banana muffins. Let your children pick menus if that is reasonable and works well for you. If they want spaghetti for three weeks in a row, they won't die of malnutrition. Give them whole-wheat spaghetti with plain tomato sauce and know that after a few weeks they will be sick of it and want something else. You can try to throw some cheese on it and make it a complete meal. Supplement with a multi-vitamin if you are really worried and call it a day.

Sixth-Last but not least...Set an example!

Do your best to also eat healthily! Setting an example for your child is the best way to get the message across.

Bon Appetite!


Dear Rachel is a bi-weekly column answered by a rotating group of experts. This question was responded to by Elana Mizrahi.


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Discussion (46)
September 8, 2015
This was an excellent article. Thank you. Tonight is the first time that I am going to say no to my 7-year old son who is driving me crazy because he wants a different meal everyday. He just might go to bed hungry, but I refuse to cook two meals tonight. We'll see how it goes.
Traciy Curry-Reyes
May 18, 2015
8yr old daughter....wouldn't eat
My 8 year old daughter was / is having this thing where she is extremely picky when it comes to meal time. Some nights she eats no problems, and others she eats like a bird. She will blame it on "not liking" a certain part of the dinner. She is the oldest of our children so I decided to bring her shopping and have her pick out what we would eat for dinner. This way she couldn't blame it on not liking something because it was her creation. I kept it decent, no ice cream and things like that. But she picked a main dish and 2 sides for several nights of cooking. Also it made her feel more like the oldest having a special responsibility.
April 26, 2015
some good advice, some not so good
As a parent of a picky eater a lot of what you say is wrong and flat out bad advice. It's old school. My mom says "if they're hungry, they'll eat." It's not true. Parents who do not have picky eaters -- shouldn't be writing advice on the Internet. My child is a super picky eater and there's some evidence it's genetic -- they have different tastebuds. My husband was a picky eater until the age of 15, he was anemic twice in his life because of it, and had a hard time outgrowing it. Several pediatricians would tell my child to eat. Well, the last one said that her percentages were down. I felt awful and totally panicked so I stopped following the "no stress, let it go, if they're hungry mantra" which is NO HELP AT ALL. I started convincing her to try things, basically negotiating with my child. The most important thing I did was offer a fortified drink. I kept a chart of meals. I monitored it closely. In just a little over a month -- she grew an inch!!!
April 14, 2015
It's so frustrating when people say, "If a child is hungry, they'll eat." My child will not eat when she is hungry! Some children have real eating issues and I'm so tired of hearing this "advice".
April 4, 2015
6year old won't eat
It's good to see other parents struggling with their children eating. But at least your kids are EATING! What if a child doesn't want to eat at all or eats way less than he normally does? Not like the foods, he normally eats? I would love for my child to eat spaghetti all the time, pizza or mac and cheese. But hardly anything at all if not nothing at all is worse.
Michael N Chin
Savannah, Texas
March 18, 2015
Fussy Eaters
The trouble is that fussy eating covers a range of different eating patterns, from normal fussiness in young children to other children who have a genuine problem with eating, related to sensory sensitivity and child's need for predictibility. This is called Avoidant and Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID). Children who meet the ARFID criteria are very difficult to move on with food choices.
February 1, 2015
My 7 year old will eat nothing either! The exceptions are spaghetti, pizza,mac n cheese and flavored oatmeal packs.... it's beyond stressful at this point! He has sat at the kitchen table for so long ,he fell asleep! I hear people say that once he get hungry enough, he will eat...this is NOT true with my son...he has gone to bed many nights without eating bc he refused what we had that evening... it's almost as if he has an aversion to food! Any tips would be great...
December 14, 2014
My seven year old won't eat.
When I find children don't like to eat I find what they like and I keep changing that dish a little each time. spaghetti I would add things like red and green peppers chopped small and Brussels sprouts cut up small enough that there not going to pick them out. adding hamburger or chicken or turkey , you can also add celery etc I call that cheating but it get the veges and meat in. I stir them all in together and call it spaghetti because everyone knows it's the sauce that they like so much, try the garlic bread with it. Or instead of the meat, add the parmesian, let the child watch you sprinkle it on yours and offer it to them. Honestly you can't loose weight eating my spaghetti, I dare you to try. I also sometime make it with elbow noodles kid love it.
Bernice Needham
London, Ont/Can
November 21, 2014
It is so frustrating when your child won't eat healthy options. I have a blog that addresses picky eating and invite you to take a look. Also, I created TippiTopper, an all natural seasoning blend for picky eaters in kid friendly flavors. It is made for kids to season their healthy meals with flavors they love. One of the key ingredients to enticing a picky eater is to add familiar flavors to new ones on their plate.
Rochelle Rosen
Boston, MA
February 4, 2014
reply-big sis
Thankyou for your outlook. I will try see if we can take her to a pediatrician then. Thank so much :)
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