Corrosion spreads in MPs' expenses row

I don't know which is sillier - the House of Commons explaining to itself how it is absolutely vital that their pay and allowances are increased (apparently failing to give them the moolah would bring about the swift end of representative democracy in this country) or MPs clambering into sackcloth and flagellating themselves with barbed-wire flails.

As they were yesterday. Gosh, they felt guilty. "There is a strong feeling among the public that we are on the make," said David Winnick. Tim Boswell talked about the "corrosive effect this is having on public trust in the integrity of all politicians". Tony Wright, the mild chairman of the public administration committee, said it was "rather a large understatement to say that we are in a bit of a mess".

He thought it was impossible to overstate the danger and the corrosive effect on all of politics. They loved that word "corrosive". You'd think parliament was a rusting old banger with holes in the floor and a crumpled bumper.

David Heath, the Lib Dem spokesman, thought that the public was sick and tired of MPs discussing their allowances and ignoring the much bigger issues that faced the country. Mind you, like most other MPs, his harshest words were saved for Gordon Brown.

It was the prime minister who had appeared on the internet to announce what MPs ought to be doing without bothering to tell them first, then told the other party leaders what was going to happen - and, when they told him they weren't having it, declared that he was going to go ahead anyway.

It's not too late to catch his performance on YouTube (look for "Gordon Brown doing standup") and the weird random smile, as if his mouth were being manipulated by a drunk ventriloquist. "Reminiscent of David Brent," said Mr Heath. "I sat there flinching as I watched - it was terrible," said Gordon Prentice.

To be fair some MPs did feel hard done by and disinclined to blame themselves. Angela Watkinson tried to jerk some tears by describing the life led by those who represent outer-London boroughs, having to drag themselves home late at night then back first thing in the morning. Barry Sheerman talked about the dark ages, a few years ago, when Labour MPs could afford nothing better than shelter in a trade union hostel.

"We slept in little cells, in shabby little bedrooms," he said. The words "rat-infested" hung unspoken in the air. If MPs were not paid for a decent pad, family lives would be destroyed. Clearly Palladian mansions should be set aside for MPs, if only to stop their children weeping through the night.

The weirdest speech came from Derek Conway, who was temporarily banished from the house for paying allowances to members of his family who were not exactly assiduous in their duties. Or even present. Mr Conway seemed aggrieved. There had been a far more rigorous investigation into his case than into several others. There had been "long-distance calls to Canada!" he said, together with "witness statements".

This was all too much for Sir Patrick Cormack, another Tory, who looked physically ill. "The hon member has accepted the punishment of parliament, has apologised unreservedly, and has paid the money back. Is this speech not an abuse of the house?"

When grandees fall out, it is not always a pleasing sight.

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