So You Got Hit With The Let's Be Friends Text

Yeah, that notification was right, that message is correct and no matter how much you wish it wasn't it is babe. It's a shit thing to go through, getting feelings for someone for them to turn round and just want to be friends, I think when it comes to sitting yourself down and understanding why it hurts, I think the worst thing is neither of you has control over it. I'll admit that I've taken my heartache out on the person before, but the more times it happens and the more times I sit myself down and think about it, it really is just luck in some sense. 

At the time of me writing this, am in a conflict of feelings with someone. I wish I had actually taken the advice am about to give you. Especially the last one, to anyone reading this who told me they just wanted to be mates the ice cream I had to help was really nice thanks x 

You can never change anyones feelings, nor should you try and change your own for someone else. It's hard to accept that your feelings aren't the same as the other persons because neither of you can control that. It's not as simple as deciding you don't want a relationship, or that the timing is bad. Well is anything in relationships and love ever simple? But it's that frustration that you can't change or develop their feelings that I think makes it worse. 

When you step back, this happens a lot of the time. Say, for instance, you meet that person in uni you sit next to each other a lot and one day they don't sit next to you. Maybe they've moved to the front of the lecture theatre, which by the way don't ever do middle is the middle for a reason it's common ground. But in that situation there's a difference in feelings, however, not many people sit there and cry their eyes out with ice cream over this. 

It can be hard to heal and get over it when it's just happened. Over time you'll adjust back to life and the feelings you had will become irrelevant. Taking a step back and analysing everything, for the flaws and pros that it helped with the process in my opinion. Last year I fell for someone and it wasn't until I fully removed myself and removed them from everything that I could reflect on how toxic it all was. Yes, this might have been a bit more helpful in the earlier days, but it allowed me to be wary of people. 

It's good to understand that at the point where you feel it slipping, or when you get that lovely let's just be mates message that you are the priority and it's time to stop seeing their side of life.  I know a lot of people myself included at times that fall for people quite quickly and make this person a priority. Although that is all well and good, they might not be on the same page and it comes across as intense. I learnt this the hard way, and through time you start to learn that that person isn't the be and end-all of your life. They'll still be there to talk about Brooklyn 99 and upcoming gigs after your seminar and coursework are due or whatever else is going on. So don't feel like you have to make anyone but yourself a priority. 

The final step I think you have to face when you get that text, and I advise sitting down getting a few biscuits and a drink (I'd say alcoholic in this situation) and thinking about if you want to be friends. Not necessarily do you want to be friends, but can you be friends knowing that you wanted more. It's hard because you get on great so a friendship would work, but when there are feelings involved it creates a can of worms. This is something you can't just decide on in 2 minutes flat, I'd suggest a bit of self-care and at least 1 season on any tv show before you make your mind up. At this stage, you've accepted the situation, understood yours and their feelings and you can hopefully see things a little clearer. 

Whatever you chose make sure it is in your best interest, feelings like this won't just magically disappear overnight sadly. For those of you wanting some time to heal, there's plenty of offers on ice cream at the moment and sex education and Russian doll is worth a watch on Netflix. 

Until next time, Chloe! 

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