How to Tell Your Girlfriend You Have an STD

Co-authored by wikiHow Staff | 12 References

Updated: March 29, 2019

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If you have a girlfriend, telling her you have a sexually transmitted disease (STD) can be a difficult conversation. You don't know exactly how she's going to react. However, you owe it to her to have the conversation, and you can take a few steps to make it a bit easier.

Part 1
Prepping for the Conversation

  1. 1
    Learn the facts. Once you know what STD you have, learn what you can about it. That way, you can be prepared for any questions your girlfriend may have. Plus, you'll need to know that information for yourself anyway. Your doctor may have handouts on the STD, or you can find reliable information on certain websites, such as the Mayo Clinic or the Cleveland Clinic. You can also find reliable information on the website for the Center for Disease Control at
  2. 2
    Understand why it's necessary to tell. First of all, it's the right thing to do. Even if you're using protection, your girlfriend is at risk for catching your STD. Also, it could be illegal in your state to withhold that information.[1]
    • In addition, once you're treated, you could catch the disease again if your partner has it.[2]
  3. 3
    Practice ahead of time. You are probably going to be nervous when you start the conversation. Take some time to write out the main points you want to say, then practice saying them. Working on what you want to say will help take some of the stress out of the situation.
  4. 4
    Think how it would make you feel. That is, put yourself in her shoes. If she told you she had an STD, how would you feel? Thinking through the emotions can help you be more sensitive when you do have the conversation.[3]
    • For instance, you might feel hurt or angry. You may also feel resentful at your girlfriend for bringing it into the relationship.

Part 2
Having the Conversation

  1. 1
    Pick a good time. Your girlfriend shouldn't be busy doing something else while you're trying to have a conversation. Wait until she can give you her full attention. If you're not sure when a good time is, simply ask when you can have a conversation with her about something important.
  2. 2
    Pick a good location. You don't want to have this conversation in a public place. You are divulging sensitive information, and your girlfriend may get emotional. Stick to a place where you'll both be comfortable and where other people can't overhear you. Also, make sure you minimize distractions.[4]
    • However, don't pick a location or time that is too intimate; that is, you don't want to be on your way to having sex when you stop to tell her. You should definitely tell her before you get too intimate.[5]
  3. 3
    Be straightforward. Don't try to obscure what you're trying to say. Just go ahead and say it, making sure to do so in a sensitive way.[6]
    • For instance, you could say, "I wanted to talk to you because I received news about my health that affects both of us. I have herpes, which is a sexually transmitted disease."
    • It's also important to talk about who you got the disease from if you already know. If you're not exclusive, you may have gotten the disease from someone else. If you are exclusive, it's possible you caught the disease from your girlfriend, so you need to bring it up in the conversation. It's also possible you've had it for awhile, even before you got together with your girlfriend, as STDs may not always show symptoms right away or ever.
  4. 4
    Apologize if you may have passed it to her. If you think it's likely you passed the disease to her, it's appropriate to apologize. Tell her your sorry for bringing that into the relationship.
  5. 5
    Be sure to offer some of the research. If you did your homework, now is the time to use that information. For example, if you know the disease is curable, it's a good time to bring it up. If you have other information that may help her sort out what she's thinking, talk a little about it.
    • Some information that may be helpful to add is how the disease is spread and how it looks when it shows symptoms.
  6. 6
    Let her talk. Once you've had your say, give her some time to react. She's going to want to talk about it and ask questions. Let her get through what she has to say without interrupting her.[7]
    • Encourage her to speak her mind. You could ask her how she's feeling or if she has anything she wants to ask you.[8]
  7. 7
    Step back if you need to do so. Information like you're delivering can be overwhelming. Your girlfriend may need some time to think. If she looks like she does or she says she does, that's the time to give her some space.
    • For example, you could say, "I know this news is hard to hear. If you need some time alone to think, I understand that. I just wanted to let you know so we could be safe and so that you could be tested."

Part 3
Following Up

  1. 1
    Ask if she has any more questions. In the time she's had to think, she may have more questions. Check back in with her within a day or so. She's also had time to research the disease herself. See if she has anything else she wants to ask you.[9]
  2. 2
    Emphasize she needs to be tested. Even if she needs space, you need to emphasize the fact that she needs to get tested. Encourage her to do so when you first talk, but don't be afraid to ask her if she's done so the next time you talk to her.[10]
  3. 3
    Practice safe sex. Now that you have an STD, you need to practice safer sex while you still have it. You may want to abstain from vaginal and anal sex altogether if you're having a flare up. You can also use a condom or dental dams to practice safer sex.[11]
    • In place of vaginal and anal sex, you can kiss, fondle, and use sex toys, as long as you don't pass them back and forth.[12]

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    Article Info


    Categories: Sexually Transmitted Diseases

    In other languages:

    Português: Contar à sua Namorada que Você Tem uma DST

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