"In Held Twas In I" as written by and Matthew Fisher Keith Reid....
In the darkness of the night, only occasionally relieved by glimpses of Nirvana as seen through other people's windows, wallowing in a morass of self-despair made only more painful by the knowledge that all I am is of my own making ...

When everything around me, even the kitchen ceiling, has collapsed and crumbled without warning. And I am left, standing alive and well, looking up and wondering why and wherefore.

At a time like this, which exists maybe only for me, but is nonetheless real, if I can communicate, and in the telling and the bearing of my soul anything is gained, even though the words which I use are pretentious and make you cringe with embarrassment, let me remind you of the pilgrim who asked for an audience with the Dalai Lama.



Held close by that which some despise
which some call fake, and others lies
And somewhat small
for one so tall
a doubting Thomas who would be?
It's written plain for all to see
for one who I am with no more
it's hard at times, it's awful raw

They say that Jesus healed the sick and helped the poor
and those unsure
believed his eyes
- a strange disguise
Still write it down, it might be read
nothing's better left unsaid
only sometimes, still no doubt
it's hard to see, it all works out

'Twas tea-time at the circus: King Jimi, he was there
Through hoops he skipped, high wires he tripped, and all the while the glare
of the aching, baking spotlight beat down upon his cloak
and though the crowd clapped furiously they could not see the joke

'Twas tea-time at the circus, though some might not agree
as jugglers danced, and horses pranced and clowns clowned endlessly
But trunk to tail the elephants quite silent, never spoke
and though the crowd clapped desperately they could not see the joke

In the autumn of my madness when my hair is turning grey
for the milk has finally curdled and I've nothing left to say
bring all my friends unto me and I'll strangle them with words

In the autumn of my madness which in coming won't be long
and the things which I believed in are no longer quite enough
for the knowing is much harder and the going's getting rough

I know if I'd been wiser this would never have occurred
but I wallowed in my blindness so it's plain that I deserve
It's all so simple really if you just look to your soul

It doesn't matter either way: I'll be a wise man's fool
For the lesson lies in learning and by teaching I'll be taught
for there's nothing hidden anywhere, it's all there to be sought
And so if you know anything look closely at the time
at others who remain untrue and don't commit that crime

Lyrics submitted by divinediscontent

In Held Twas In I song meanings
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  • +2
    General CommentIn Held 'Twas In I is the first name of each of the songs. In-In the darkness of the night..., Held-Held close by that which some despise..., 'Twas-'Twas Teatime at the circus., In-In the autumn of my madness..., I-I know if I'd been wiser...
    But in the segment of "Autumn of My Madness", I feel that it's a non-beatle 'Paul is dead' song. First, Paul McCartney died in November, an autumn month, Next you'll hear a car horn, McCartney died from complications of a car accident, and then you'll hear sirens, people crying, and someone yelling "Paul! Paul! Paul!"
    Warren67on January 26, 2006   Link
  • +1
    General CommentVery interesting. Thanks. Listened to this song all my life and never asked the question why it has such a weird title. Keith Reid could be overbearing and pretentious at his worst, but I think he did a fine job here.
    sonztwinon May 28, 2007   Link
  • +1
    My InterpretationI love this song and have interpreted many ways in my life. I believe this was one of the original type songs that later were made such as in Pink Floyd's The Wall.


    I interpret the first phase as a lonely man who is also an intellectual; he can't quite understand life and the world. He flashes back to a romance with a girl others rejected, and longs for that comfort. His intellectual side begins to analyze that, and then the rest of life and stops short of being too analytic. The tea time at the circus was the start of a manic episode, and then the autumm of my madness is when the manic episode turns to depression. The sirens and screams are paranoia, and the following guitars and organs are the deep depths of despair.

    The following sub song about looking to your soul is when the singer realizes that his soul is good, despite his physical and mental condition. He comes to a denoument that having a soul is better than anything and subdues his intellectual worries and loneliness at the same time. The last instrumental with choir is the rejoicing of his spirit for having overcome such a burden, as if his spirit is engulfed by angels. At the end of the song, the singer is saved from himself through spirituality. The subtheme all along is spirituality coming to the aid of intellectual confusion.

    That's my interpretation of In Held Twas In I. I would very much like it if Gary Brooker read my interpretation. I would love to know what he thought. I also would love to hear more interpretations of this song, one of my all time favorites. John.
    JOrcaon September 09, 2013   Link
  • +1
    General CommentVERY STRANGE - - - Warren67 says this Procol Harum's PAUL IS DEAD song......

    Now, 2015, Paul Mc Cartney is STILL happily wallowing HERE, ON THIS PLANET !!!!!!

    Siegmaron August 08, 2015   Link
  • +1
    General CommentOne of the great existential Procol Harum songs. They always reflect a deep belief in the wisdom of Eastern-style Spirituality, and yet, the singer is always somehow mired in "a morass of self-despair". A strange paradox. He should be liberated from darkness and suffering, and as the last two verses show, he understands full well how to be liberated, but he chooses suffering and despair anyway, knowing that it's self-indulgent. It's like a novel by Dostoevsky.

    Still, the end, listened to in a certain way, can be powerfully inspiring. Because he's right. Life can seem incredibly difficult at certain times, but it really is "all so simple really if you just look to your soul". One of the most uplifting realizations that you can ever have in life. And the sound of the "Grand Finale", with the combination of Choir singing and the Robin Trower guitar solo, is awesome. Almost like an ascent into heaven.

    If they somehow decide to save a few songs the way that they save paintings for posterity to be experienced by future generations as the great artistic achievements, this deserves to be one of them.
    JT1968on April 28, 2018   Link

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