Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Forced marriage

Forced marriage

Hi. I’m a 22 years old girl. I have had a very bad past due to which my father didn’t trust me much during the last year. I’m in love with a guy, I’m sunni and he’s shia. We liked each other very much and wanted to get married. I told my parents and my dad due to his trust issues with me rejected the proposal and abused me a lot. Then he kept on bringing different proposals for me. I rejected almost 25 people but then one day I was emotionally tired so I said yes to a guy he brought. And he got me engaged the next day. He was treating me very badly whenever I used to say no to a proposal but as soon as I said yes he was perfectly fine with me.
My problem is that I don’t want to marry my fiancé because I’m still in love with someone else. But my father will never break my engagement because of his reputation in the society and his ego. And he will start abusing me again and say me wrong things about my chraracter and everything else.
Please help me. I’m so confused


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9 Responses »

  1. Let me be sincere with you woman . You're not forced to marry anyone that is the truth you're the one who answer yes and the fact that you copy western people's culture or watch too many movies of maybe Indian or something else .. friends and the rest are those who cut you in to saying I had to love someone before I marry him and I can't marry someone I never met before which is not Islamic . Many Prophets,Sahabas and scholars didn't engage in love before marrage and whoever told you it is halal in islam he is a liar and when you love a person out of marriage is a Shirk against Allah's will but many things if they'll be called shirk people will say that Sheik make everything a Shirk and that's not it.My mother never loved any body before marriage my sisters never did not those my brothers even me i never did and never will be
    In life who's ever said he had a choice didn't believe in Allah
    Who bring you to this world
    Who take care Iif you before you reach this level of morals
    What did he Ask you to do ? Did you do it
    How many years are you now
    And how many Verses of the Qur'an have you memorize
    Did you know the Tafseer of the Qur'an
    Are you kind to your parents
    How many hours do you sleep
    How many books have you memorize of your primary,high and university?
    You've food,money are you thankful to Allah ?
    If you are thankful you wouldn't be saying such words
    Choice is from Shaitan who tell you that Don't believe at religion of your all the history is made of like novels and why would some people arrange a marrage for you while you had the chance to be free , freedom is Shaytan tactical way to get you.
    The only time we'll bbe free is when we worship Allah and see ourselves in paradise but in this world there's no freedom that's why the prophet said I am a Slave so were you but a Slave of Allah and for me .
    Everyday of My life in every moment I Ask Allah to make me amongst those he choose as his slaves so why would I have a choice ?
    The only person that has a choice is a disbeliever who thinks he is free

    The poor says I want to be free have my own choices
    The rich had money health but is not happy why because freedom is in the hands of Allah and he only give it to those who surrendered to him
    Surrender means become his slave
    Prophet Dawud use to pray by saying Ya Allah have him his servant and all prophets do .
    The rich with all the money but steal fornicate and still aren't happy....

    I wish I have a women who never think of Love or ever felt it or think of it, And that's when your marriage will be awesome because you never have to care about Shaytan .Why because her choice is with Allah that she'll sleep 2hours a days and spent her night praying we pray together not like women sleeping for more than 3hours a day and I hate to see a women sleeping at night instead of asking Allah for forgiveness of all he'd bestowed upon her

    • Muhammad Yusuf:

      Your advice is biased, unintelligent and wrong. There is nothing wrong with caring for and having some kind of emotional attraction to the person you want to marry. Almost every word you wrote is based on some strange concepts that you seem to have made up in your mind. No one should marry someone they don't care for. It has nothing to do with Hollywood, Bollywood a book or a poem.

      I am asking the sister who posted the question to totally ignore what you wrote and to be careful of ignorant, biased men who make moral judgments that make no sense. These are men parading themselves as knowledgeable men who are not. Beware of these narrow minded people. There is nothing wrong with making choices based on our own personal circumstances, needs and preferences. There is nothing wrong or haram with loving the person you marry. There is nothing haram or wrong with being rich.

      In closing, I feel sorry for any woman who winds up getting married to you. Her life will be a hard one full of misery.

      • I agree with Roses.

        Sounds like some naive and idealistic but unpractical advice of a young person who has not experienced the harshness of the dunya. "I wish I have a women who never think of Love or ever felt it or think of it." That's a recipe of a disastrous marriage.

        Getting married to someone with whom you are not emotionally, physically and religiously attracted to will end in nothing but suffering.

        • Assalamu
          Mr WarGlaives you gave a good advise and may Allah reward you for that . i am sorry if i made you incompatible with my advice earlier i hope you forgive me

  2. Dear Sister in Islam:

    Your father is manipulating you into marrying someone HE picked out. By the way, your father is not going to spend 5 minutes of his life living with the man he wants YOU to marry. And in Islam, the woman decides who she will marry, no one else. If you are in love with someone else, it might be best for you to once and for all realize you are either never going to marry him because your father does not approve of him or to decide you will marry him and have a terrible family life. It is best for you to immediately contact the man you have agreed to marry and explain to him you have changed your mind. You will be asked over and over why, but you don't have to go into a long explanation. Just saying "I don't want to" is enough. It is time for men throughout the world to realize when a woman is being forced manipulated or coerced into a marriage and she says Not Now, she does not owe anyone any other explanation. We should treat everyone, male and female, the way we want to be treated.

    Tell your father you have changed your mind and accept he will be difficult with you. I wonder if your father went to Jerk University because he is quite good at it. Being married to someone you don't want is much worse. Consider asking or telling your father you would like to take a break from the marriage search for a while. I do not understand what the rush is, but I suspect your father wants to convince you to marry someone else as a way of getting the man you say you love out of your system. But what your father is doing is not working. He does not realize that, obviously. He is in my opinion being very unfair and unkind to you. All while losing respect. He may be one of those men who think like Muhammad Yusef that you don't have to have affection for someone that you are suppose to show affection to. Which makes no sense. Who wants their daughter to sleep with and have sex with a man she does not even like? And that somehow you will accept it and like magic learn to love him? That is what he is asking of you.

    • Assalamu

      • Assalam Alaikum brother. I love that you are so humble and can apologize so quickly. There are not many people who can do that anymore. You are right that we should be grateful o Allah for all our bounties. But no woman and even men will stay awake all night being grateful. After all the work and chores of the day, it is our obligation to rest so that we can get up and again take care of our families the next day. Islam is not so hard and harsh as to demand that we stay awake all night. Remember, even our sleep is counted asIbadah if we pray Isha before going to sleep. Please never expect that from your wife. If you cannot spend only 2 hours a night sleeping, do not expect it of others. And remember, all women, and men think of having a kind and loving spouse. The Prophet SAW had them and he was one himself.

  3. Sister Shia's are not proper Muslims and some of them are Non Muslim's, there aqida is completely different. Some. Of them believe that Quran has been changed. All shia's abuse Shaba especially Abu bakar, Umar, uthman .. RA so Fear Allah first its a haram relationship not only haram they are Mushrik Nd kafir.
    If the proposal is good then go ahead marry himif not then wait for proper proposal.
    Allah swt is first to us and parents obedience is must.
    I know it's hard to break haram relationship but you must do and live a happy live.

  4. Tell him the truth, that you're not over the last guy and aren't ready to commit to marriage.

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