Saturday, January 30, 2010

When Life Hurts- Part 1

Imagine a terrorist snatching your child off the street, right under your nose. The vicious monster holds her by the neck, a knife to her throat, and mocks you as he races away into the night shouting, "You can't stop me."

If that sounds overly-dramatic, then you haven't lived through the nightmare of a wayward child.
There are no words that can accurately portray the absolute agony parents endure when the child they've nurtured from infancy sets out to destroy herself. It is similar to the death of that child, except this death keeps happening over again. There is no closure, no time to dwell on happy memories, no instant empathy from everyone you know. Instead you fear that everyone is wondering what you did wrong. You wish you knew.

And for parents who've raised their children in a Christ-centered home, the sense of betrayal is overwhelming. What about the verse that says, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it?" We did everything right. How could this have turned out so wrong?

I'm not referring to the inevitable teenage attitudes or a mistake that is later rectified. This is more than a "phase." This is a headlong race toward evil, extending over a long period of time by the child you've treasured since infancy, taught the Scriptures, and instilled with a sense of right and wrong.





    I've been there.


  1. You breathed aloud all the things I felt in my heart. No one understood how I mourned the loss of my child like death. Thank you for giving voice and validity to my pain. Thank you.

  2. Ticia, I'm glad it helped. Thank you for commenting.

  3. Thank you for this, Lea Ann. You are exactly right.

    Some friends and family know some of what is happening with our 22 year old daughter. Some don't. They all ask the same question . . . "How are you doing?" How am I doing? I'll tell you how I'm doing.

    I'm confused and scared and angry and terribly sad. It feels as if my broken heart is tearing a hole through my chest. I cry endlessly and sleep very little. My sweet husband deals with his pain in ways that can only work for a man - and a father. But for me, as her mother, it's so different.

    I am grieving . . . grieving the loss of a daughter I will always love - deeply and unconditionally - but whom I don't even recognize anymore. Her looks have changed as a result of her addiction and she acts and speaks as if she is a complete stranger. I see a tiny flicker of her light in that frail body, but just a tiny flicker.

    I want to help her. I want to scoop her up in my arms and hold her and make all her troubles disappear - just as I always have. But she doesn't want that from me and she pushes me further and further away. That is her right I suppose - her free agency to make her own decisions in life and to follow a path she chooses for herself, even if it is dark and cold and lonely. Why would she choose this for herself - and or over the amazing relationship we once shared? I do not understand. I cannot understand. I don't know how I ever will.

  4. Thank you for articulating the unspeakable range of emotions I feel from my daughter's abandonment.

  5. Thanks, Sabrina. I'm glad you found some help here. Blessings as you let God turn this into good in your life.

  6. Wow. Finally someone understands. These are the words I haven't been able to speak to anyone. While I feel like my child is dead, I haven't been able to grieve like a parent of a dead child would.... instead I'm left with every single feeling and thought you described in the post. It saddens me to know others have had to go through this.... but brings me a bit of comfort knowing I'm not alone and reading your post... thank you <3

  7. I was beginning to feel guilt on top of guilt for my white hot angry response to my adult daughter's disgracefully mean and vengeful behaviour towards her ex boyfriend until I read your article. I am in the clutches of my deep need to be honest and true to my thoughts and feelings about her egregious behaviour and the so-called unconditional love of a mother. How does one reconcile the two? However, your article seems to help me understand that it is normal and understandable to harbour feelings of anger towards our wayward children and that it takes time to work through these feelings and hopefull one day I will fall in love with my adult daughter again..