Survive The Affair

How To Rekindle The Romance: A Surprising Trick That Really Works















Honesty, Lies and Your Spouse


Post-Affair Pain Avoidance




Critical Dimensions of Rebuilding Trust


1. Assurance of Transparency


2. Mistrust Triggers

“When the details of what you’re saying are inconsistent.”


How Much Do You Trust Your Cheating Spouse

Trust Cheating SpouseIt’s safe to assume that your answer would not be 100%. Affairs have devastating effects, not just on your feelings, but also on the foundations of your marriage. Nothing breaks a person’s trust like an affair, and you know that without trust, there’s no way of saving a marriage. But, what if you would find out that you could trust your spouse again? Let’s say 25%, 50% or 75%. How would that impact your feelings about the possible success of saving your marriage? Read on to learn about the three forms of trust in a relationship, so you can find out how much you really trust your spouse.

Post-Affair Emotions Impacts Trust

The days that come after discovering your spouse’s infidelity seem like hell and you have a whirlwind of emotions. You still can’t fully believe it but the pain you go through is indescribable. Over time, you realize that you have to heal yourself and try to save your marriage. You work on most aspects of your marriage but sometimes you still ask yourself if you can trust your partner. Reestablishing trust may be difficult, but it is not impossible. There are different forms of trust and there is no “one correct way” of trusting people. Unlike what most people believe, trust isn’t black and white.

Three Forms of Trust

There are areas in your relationship where trust still exists, even after your spouse’s affair. Understanding this can help you feel better. All is not lost and you can work on building up the trust you have left. Despite the infidelity, it is possible to have some trust left because there are different forms of trust in a relationship. There is potential in rebuilding your trust from each of the forms.

1. Physical Safety

If you have, and hopefully never will, experienced, domestic violence, then you may not have appreciated this form of trust. You trust that your spouse will never physically harm or threaten you, and in case of emergencies like earthquakes or fire, you trust that your spouse will keep you out of danger.

2. Financial Security

Financial partnerships naturally exist within marriages. Whatever your agreement is on your income and expenses, whether you pool your income together or each shoulder particular expenses, having this agreement is a great sign that you still trust each other. Financial security means that you trust your spouse to do the responsible thing with the money you. Trusting each other that each of you will do their share in keeping a roof over and putting food on the table, is a definite sign that you still trust each other.

3. Emotional Predictability

You know your spouse well enough to trust him or her to be somewhat predictable in expressing their emotions, and you might have taken this for granted. Imagine if your spouse’s emotional response was unpredictable. You wouldn’t be able to trust that he or she wouldn’t do crazy things in public, like throw things at you because of some random reason. You wouldn’t be able to know how your spouse would react

How Much You Trust Your Spouse

Now that you’ve learned about the different forms of trust, try to rate each of them to find out how much you trust your spouse. Rate your level of trust for each of the three forms of trust on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest level of trust, meaning you trust your spouse 100% to give yourself an idea of how much you still trust your spouse. If you have discovered that you do, on some level, trust him or her, then you still have the foundation to rebuild trust and let it grow once more. This could be the glimmer of hope that your looking for in saving your marriage.

3 Ingredients for Falling in Love Again with your Spouse


Moving Forward towards Love



Ingredients Needed for Falling Back into Love




Conflict Resolution





Why Did My Husband Cheat?

Why Did Husband CheatUnsatisfied Needs: Not an Excuse for Cheating



Cheating is Inexcusable




Your Marriage Needs





Emotional Needs


Try asking these questions:

  • Do you support and provide affirmation to your spouse?
  • How do you show your spouse support?
  • Do you feel that he supports you?
  • How does you spouse want you to show support?
  • How do you want your spouse to show support?

Romantic Needs





Am I Responsible For My Spouse Cheating?

Relationship ProblemsYour Cheating Spouse and Your Responsibilities



Your Responsibilities To Your Marriage




It’s time to put yourself as your topmost priority.

Your Responsibilities Post-Affair


Assuming Responsibility



Accepting Reality



Satisfy Yourself






Negative Images Of AffairWhat images are playing in your head today? Are they the same images you saw yesterday, and do you really want to experience them again tomorrow?

These obsessive post-affair images that are haunting you are very common to experience. As a victim of an affair, it is completely normal to have these images of your spouse and the other person playing through your head repeatedly. Unfortunately, it can be enough to drive you completely crazy, because it forces you to think about the affair constantly.

What makes these images obsessive is that they start to have a grip on you that you cannot seem to release. This article will discuss the best way to get rid of these negative images and stop obsessing over them. There are three steps you can follow to help guide you as you let go of the obsession.

Filling in The Blanks With Fantasy

Even if you do not have specific information about the affair, it does not really matter because you have filled in the blanks on your own. This is completely fantasy and you know this on some level, but it still plays in your mind repeatedly and starts to seem more and more real.

The fantasy you have created can be a wide range of events. It may be your spouse in an intimate setting with his or her lover. Maybe your spouse is gazing lovingly at him or her. You may be imagining your spouse’s lover having a perfect body. You might see your spouse sharing a meal with his or her lover looking happy and laughing together.

Once you start imagining these scenes, it can be hard to get them out of your head. Maybe seeing them repeatedly is helping your figure everything out. Maybe you think something in these images will make everything make sense. It could explain why your spouse cheated, or what made the other person so appealing.

While you are obsessing over these images, you are also wondering why you cannot stop the images. You may be drawn to the images in one way, but on the other hand, they are damaging your self-esteem and causing you a lot of grief. The images are taking a toll on you emotionally in a serious way. Most of all, these images have made you feel powerless and have begun to completely take a hold of your mind.

Take a Creative License With The Negative Images

You can already see how powerful the mind is. Your mind is what has created these negative images in the first place. But it is important to realize that the mind can also manipulate these images and change them.

You can decide whether you want to let these images play out in your mind, or whether you want to close down the theater. The images can only have power over you if you believe that they are real. But you know that you created these images in the first place, so you can change them and replace them with new images.

The best thing you can possibly do to get rid of the negative images after an affair is to manipulate the images. Here are the three steps that will help you do this:

Step 1: Set a Time For the Next Screening

As of now, the negative images are haunting you and popping into your head all the time. You can take control back and decide when you want to see these images. Make a point to affirm to yourself that you will only see these images at a specific time that you set.

Step 2: Have a Private Screening

Now that you have decided when to see the negative images, find a place where you can sit by yourself and not be interrupted. Relax and let the images come into your mind. This is the private screening.

Step 3: Switch the Script

You are the director of this movie, and you can edit it as you want. You can play it in color or black and white, play it forwards or backwards, etc. You can decide to have the actors wear whatever you want. You can put masks on them or silly outfits that will make you laugh.

The idea is to take back the control and feel powerful again. These images do not need to have power over you anymore. Prove that these images are all just a product of your imagination. Once you manipulate the images, you will feel that they start to lose the power they had before.

This process will take time, but keep following these steps until you have gotten rid of the negative images for good.

Please leave a comment and share your thoughts and experiences with getting rid of negative images after an affair.

How To Rebuild Trust In A Relationship




You Try To Avoid Pain After Your Spouse Cheated






Crucial Elements To Regaining The Trust


Element 1: Commit to Transparency



Element 2: Define Mistrust Triggers and Remove Them


An example could be:








How To Get Rid Of Negative Thoughts After An Affair



Have Negative Thoughts Taken Control?




How to Break Your Negative Thought Patterns





Step 2: Examine Your Thoughts


Step 3: Get Rid of Your Negative Thought Patterns





What Is An Emotional Affair?

Emotional AffairWhen your partner has begun an emotional relationship with somebody else, it can be hard defining this type of relationship. So what is an emotional affair anyway? Oftentimes, an intimate, close friendship with an outsider to the relationship can turn into an emotional affair. Despite the fact that there might not be any physical aspect to the relationship, the emotional involvement with the other person can be so intense that it is just as harmful to the relationship as a physical affair.

An affair can be defined as any relationship between a person and someone else besides his or her partner that has an affect on the closeness and overall dynamic of the relationship. This description touches on emotional affairs in addition to physical affairs.

When your partner has established a friendly relationship that has evolved to become deeper with time, the friendly relationship might have crossed the line and become an emotional affair. If your partner develops an emotional bond with a person outside the relationship, that detracts from the intimacy that should only be in your relationship. If the emotional bond with an outsider starts to harmfully affect your relationship, that is when it has crossed the line into an emotional affair.

There may be a thin line between a innocent friendship with someone outside the relationship and one that has developed into an emotional affair. This is why you may be wondering what is an emotional affair, because it is often hard to identify one. If you have questioned your partner about an emotional affair, they will predictably say that they are only friends and may accuse you of not wanting them to have friends of the opposite sex. This will often cause you to doubt yourself even more.

Having friends who are the opposite sex is completely normal and alright, but when one partner goes beyond the relationship to get something they are not getting in the relationship, then the friendship has crossed the line. This fulfillment that is sought out of the relationship does not have to be physical to call it an affair. Intimacy and emotional fulfillment are crucial in a relationship, and when one partner is going outside the relationship for emotional fulfillment, that might be really damaging.

A way to tell if your partner is engaging in an emotional affair is whether they tell the truth about the relationship with the other person. Does your partner try to conceal the friendship from you, or are they totally forthcoming about it? Do they report to you when they have texted or talked with the other person and share what the conversation was about, or do they try to conceal it?

With an emotional affair, your partner will commonly know that their behavior is incorrect and feel the need to hide it. It is common to feel guilty about conversing with someone outside the relationship on an intimate level, so there may be a feeling of needing to conceal the truth about it. Your partner is also likely to get defensive when asked about the emotional affair and maintain that it is only a friendship and say that it should be acceptable to have a friend of the opposite sex.

If you still have any confusion as to what is an emotional affair, just ask yourself whether or not something feels wrong. Your gut instinct will usually be right, so trust yourself if you feel that your partner has been developing an emotional relationship that feels inappropriate. You may just be right and you have every right to know the truth.

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