Thursday, 21 February 2008

Search and You Will Find

Search and You Will Find is a soap opera I am writing (for fun) using phrases, questions and words that people Google and strangely end up my blog. Everything in italics are my words, the rest is owned by the best script writers in the world, the people searchers of the Internet. And you thought life was dull. Well it seems for some people, it clearly is not.

In the first episode we meet TREY, the handsome, debonair plastic surgeon who is married, in the loosest possible sense, to the beautiful but fragile SELINA, a former cocktail waitress. We also meet Selina's sister TWILIGHT, a rather mixed up and over surguried up and coming fashion designer who is married to 55 year old retired Formulae One driver, BLADE. Oh and did I mention the gorgeous pool boy, 18 year old JACK?

TREY and SELINA are relaxing on lounges on a hot Sunday afternoon by their spectacular pool. Music plays softly in the background.

Trey: Sighs contentedly. Sometimes Sel, I think life is too good to be true.

Selina: Groans and puts her drink down on the table beside her. Well, that's because you just can’t handle the truth about your life! You are so in denial, Trey! It’s like you are wearing a lampshade on your head. Too much white powder has clearly affected your brain.

Trey: Exasperated. Why are you so uptight Selina? You need to chill out and stop worrying. And while I’m at it, I've had enough of your ridiculous questions. You ask way too many questions for a normal person.

Selina: Trey, why don’t you remind me to try and suck a little less every day. You kill me with your put downs. Besides, you are the last person who has a right to judge what’s normal. Out with it then, what kind of weird questions have I asked you in the last week?

Trey: Laughs loudly in a mocking way. Questions? I could write a book. How about, if you run backwards will you gain weight? Are you telling the truth when you lie in bed? Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected? Can fat people go skinny-dipping? Does double sided tape hide fat? How do I get Angelina’s .....

He is interrupted by the persistant ringing of the doorbell. He slowly slides off the deck chair, wraps a towel around his waist and heads towards the house.
Trey: Muttering to himself. Why does a man continue to stay with a woman he got caught cheating on...

He opens the front door. It's Twilight. She looks decidedly the worse for wear and is clearly agitated.

Trey: Ah, Twilight. Don’t tell me, trouble in Paradise?

Twilight stumbles into the hallway in her five inch stilletos and stops in front of a large ornate mirror. She drops her bag on the table and pulls her hair back tightly with her hands. She moves close to the mirror and contorts her face into a myriad of possibilities.
Twilight: Oh mirror, mirror on the wall ...looks like I am my Mother after all. How did that happen Trey? Do you think I would still be beautiful if I had more surgery on my nose? How long after rhinoplasty would I have to wait before getting my teeth done?

He smiles knowingly, all too familiar with Twilight's neuroses. She was a carbon copy of her sister after all. He forcifully grabs her arm and leads her through the house to the pool area. Selina jumps up from her chair and walks over and hugs her sister.Selina: Twilight, are you alright? You've been drinking! It’s only three in the afternoon for chrissakes. What’s your problem this time? Does your dog likes the maid more than he likes you? Or can’t you find the right shoes?

Twilight: She makes a face at her sister and heads to the bar and fixes herself her favourite cocktail. I'll have you know Selina, that I do some of my most creative work when intoxicated. And at a time like this I need to be creative. I’m traumatised. And this time it’s nothing to do with morphing into my Mother and wanting another nose job. Jack’s in trouble. Big trouble. The police are after him. How am I going to tell his parents that he’s going to be arrested all because of me? Do you think he could hide in your house so they can’t find him?

Selina: screams, Jack is going to be arrested? For what?

Trey: Turns away and lies face down on the lounge chair. He sighs loudly. Oh, here we go again. This pair need to get professional help or I need to run as fast as I can.

Twilight: You see, well....Jack found out...that I’m having an affair with my husband and...he didn’t take it well at all. One thing led to another and Blade is now in hospital. Oh why do these things always happen to me?

Selina: Oh my gosh, Jack attacked Blade?

Twilight: Yes. My lover tried to kill my husband. He shot him. You see it's all my fault. I finally realised that the grass wasn’t greener on the other side after all. Jack is so, so sexy but it was wearing a bit thin and I missed being with a man who makes me laugh every day. So I rang Blade and one thing led to another....and

Selina: Oh, please .... have you forgotten? The good old days with Blade were not good enough. Leave the past where it should be, firmly behind you. Do I have to remind you about Blade, the motorbike and the blonde? And the fact they got arrested for indecent exposure on Highway 24? Or what about the time he hired a nude housekeeper when you visited our grandmother in Venezula? Or what about the time you went to a witchdoctor to find magic potions to keep your husband faithful? Are you crazy?

Twilight: That’s the $64,000 question. I know. I’m mixed up and need help. I may have lost my mind. And Jack and Blade all at the same time. Maybe its gratuitous concurrence. Maybe its karma. Maybe I am an alcoholic. Maybe I am confused. But one thing I know for sure is that Jack is never.....

She is interrupted by loud yelling and banging at the front door...........they all look at one another and Twilight steels herself for what is to come by taking a quick gulp of her Cosmopolitan......
to be continued....depending on what the next few month’s search terms are - who knows where this story will lead....


  1. I can't wait to read more!

    Please let us faithful readers know if you're needing to borrow any of our google search phrases. I'd be happy to let you borrow:

    "Suck husband's toes".

  2. Lilly that's interesting and certainly a way to reinforce those search terms. I finishing a somewhat similar writing. I did a post based on song titles. I notice those games "what's on your Ipod" and "what are listing to".

    It was fun. With the time zone difference you may have already left on your break so here's a link.

    Hey Joe What's Up

    Thanks in advance for taking a look.

  3. Oh Lily, Hollywood is calling. I think you might just have a new career here :-)

    Thanks for the fun post. I've never seen this before!


  4. This is so funny becaus I just read that George Clooney flies every weeend to Miami to see a cocktail waitress. Surely that is not Selina. LOL made me smile when I read it.


Thanks for your comments.