Saturday, November 3

The Daleks' Master Plan Part 12/12: Destruction of Time

Hello and welcome to part twelve of That Fucking Dalek Serial! It has been a long time coming - I watched part one on September 19th. Today is November 3rd. I'm beginning to forget that sometimes this show has things other than dubious Dalek plotlines. I have vague memories of some chick called Vicki and another one called Katarina and my soulmate called Paris, but they're all either dead or abandoned. The names Susan, Ian and Barbara ring a bell, but I don't think I cared about them very much. At least the first Doctor has been a constant throughout this emotional turmoil, because he's a really cool character who's always in the know and is a kind and gentle soul and I like him a lot.


Sigh. Steven and Sara are being herded into a secret cave on Kembel by Mavic Chen, who pretended to be dead for two minutes and then appeared again to threaten them with a gun. The Daleks, who pretended to have left, are chilling out in said secret cave for unknown reasons. Fuck knows where the Doctor is, the last few episodes he's just been sneaking off on his own for a while. Maybe he has some personal things he's going through, idk.

Mavic Chen is starting to look a little crazy. He seems sure that the Doctor is trying to take Mavic's place in cohorts with the Daleks and is going to take Steven and Sara to the Dalek Supreme so he can get a pat on the back for foiling the plot, or something. So the three of them make it to this underground control room where the Daleks are preparing for a bunch of invading and tries to show off his excellent prisoner-capturing skills. The Daleks do not give a shit.

MAVIC CHEN: Once again, I, Mavic Chen, Guardian of the Solar System, have helped the Daleks with their conquest plan!
DALEK SUPREME: Our alliance has ended.
MAVIC CHEN: What? But I have helped you time and time again with your absurd incompetence! I, Mavic Chen, will decide when the Alliance is at an end.
MAVIC CHEN: You, Dalek Supreme, tell them they're to take their orders from me.
MAVIC CHEN: I assume that this silence means that the orders have been passed. Good. You, Dalek! Bring me the invasion reports.
DALEK: ...
MAVIC CHEN: It is essential that I know what stage the countdown has reached. Now, move!
DALEK SUPREME: Yo, someone take this dude away and kill him, yeah? I'd do it here myself but I don't wanna fuck up my invasion equipment. Kthx.

Mavic Chen realises that, hey, maybe these machines of death actually mean business, and runs away. A few Daleks follow him, and while they're distracted, who should sneak up behind Steven and Sara but the Doctor! He gives Steven the TARDIS key and tells him to take Sara and run, head right for the TARDIS. Steven asks what the Doctor is going to do while they do that, and the Doctor smiles his crazy smile and tells him that he's gonna set off the Time Destructor. Definitely has some issues he needs to work through, man.

The Daleks exterminate Mavic Chen (cheers can be heard throughout several galaxies) and head back to the control room, where the Doctor has just activated the Time Destructor. The Daleks are pretty wary of the crazy man with the LITERAL TIME BOMB, so the Doctor makes them do what he says otherwise he'll blow shit up. Using trickery and cloaks (because Dalek floors are made of metal; if they lose contact with the floor then everything stops working), the Doctor engineers his own escape and traps all the Daleks in a room while he runs away with the Time Destructor in hand.

On his way back to the TARDIS, the Doctor bumps into Sara, who left Steven to go back and help the Doctor. The Doctor chastises her for this foolishness, but Sara says that it's cool, Steven was pretty much back at the TARDIS anyway, he'll be there waiting for them.

UNFORTUNATELY, the Time Destructor, being activated and all, is starting to destroy time. There's a crazy wind a-brewin' and the Doctor and Sara are beginning to age like crazy.

They make it a good way, but they get in pretty bad shape, both falling to the floor and pulling themselves along. But then LUCKILY they turn a corner and find themselves in the clearing where the TARDIS is! Steven, who was inside the TARDIS and watching the crazy shit happening outside on the scanner, is pretty happy to see them, and rushes outside.

Fucking hellllll, so the forest has just turned into a bunch of dust now, and before Steven can get to Sara and the Doctor, Sara DIES OF OLD AGE and TURNS INTO A SKELETON which then COLLAPSES INTO DUST, which is terrible, because she was my new favourite character. Shit. RIP, Sara Kingdom, your bloodthirsty badassery will live on in our hearts.

Steven, whose hair is getting a little grey, fiddles desperately with the Time Destructor, trying to make it stop forcing death on them all. After a while he gives up and throws it aside, and hurries over to the prone figure of the Doctor. The Doctor is barely conscious, but manages to shove Steven towards the TARDIS and stagger after him.

Once inside, it turns out Steven's pressing of random buttons actually started reversing time instead of accelerating it, so things aren't all bad! Except Sara is just scattered particles and will REMAIN SO, god.

Suddenly, Daleks. Steven and the Doctor are now inside the TARDIS, safe from the Time Destructor's effects, but the Daleks, not so much. They start firing their egg whisks at the Time Destructor, trying to turn it off, but that doesn't seem to be working. The Time Destructor works its reversey magic on them, and they start falling apart, their outsides collapsing and showing off the tentacley insides and then THOSE turn into dust and that scatters in the crazy wind like the Saradust did and golly gosh. I don't really know how the Daleks planned on using this thing to take over the Universe, but there's no denying it's a powerful bit of space junk.

After a while, the Taranium inside the Time Destructor runs out, and the Doctor and Steven emerge from the TARDIS.

DOCTOR: Mavic Chen's Taranium Core has finally burnt itself out.
STEVEN: I wish Sara could have seen the end.
DOCTOR: Yes, my boy, so do I. You know, Steven, the one thing that Sara lived for was to see the total destruction of the Daleks. Well, now it's all over. Without her help, this could never have been achieved, hmm?
DOCTOR: Look! Millions of years of progress reversed back - that's all that remains of a Dalek!
STEVEN: Lets go, Doctor. I've seen enough of this place.
DOCTOR: Well, my boy, we finally rid this planet of Daleks!

It's done! We made it! There were casualties on the way, it's true, but every great journey has risks. Was it worth it? Not really. But we never have to do this again. The rest of season three has a bunch of four-parter episodes, and they are wonderful things. I will see you with the first episode of the next serial - The Massacre - tomorrow. With a name like that, we're definitely in for a more cheerful time, am I right?

This show, Jesus.


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