View Full Version : Failed friendship

12-26-2011, 03:29 PM
Im really struggling with a friendship issue.

Last year a friend returned from uni. We hung out a lot and it was gd.

We then got an invite to go away with a mutual group of friends abroad for xmas. It was awesome and id hoped id become close to the people i went away with over this year.

I came home and stopped eating not because of them at all just hit a big depression and hated myself. Over the course of the year the friendship i had disintegrated. My lack of confidence meant i cancelled a fair few times on her as i couldnt get out the house as i was so self conscious. She understandably got angry by this. She also lacks in cinfidence in her weight and in may said she was jealous of me which led to me feeling more self conscious and competitive.

The friendship has pretty much disintegrated since then which hurts a lot.

She has in turn spent a lot of time with the people we went on hol with and talked about me and now as i move through recovery im feeling v dropped by people i thought would be my friends. It hurts so much.

Ive tried to restore things and even had her and some other friends for a meal the other week despite the fact id become so self-conscious eating around her due to what she said in may. Since then she hasnt said thankyou or even contacted me and i feel so hurt by that. Its been a month and i feel so upset as i reslly went all out.

I feel like this is all to do with me being a horrible person and seeing things on facebook makes it even worse. I feel so lonely.

Does anyone hav any tips to cope or can tell me what thwy think?

12-26-2011, 04:50 PM
It's always so painful when what were once meaningful relationships deteriorate and change. I'm sorry you're going through this, but here's how my interpretation of the situation:

This friend of yours, although of course you care about her and enjoyed her company, sounds like she may not be a healthy friend to keep while you're in recovery. A friendship which involves jealousy is difficult at best, and I think she sounds more than a little bit oblivious. You said that you were deep in depression when you weren't eating. A good friend would be able to be there for you. Yes, she did have a right to be angry when you cancelled plans with her, but at the same time I feel like that's what 'forgive and forget' is there for. Also, maybe the ED has made me an unusually sensitive person, but when my friends are going through something, I might not be able to tell what it is they're feeling exactly or to know what is happening in their lives, but I can almost always at least tell when something is wrong. And vice-versa. So maybe she doesn't have that ability, but regardless she should have been more sensitive to the fact that you were struggling.

As far as the back talk, that's never okay. It sounds like she is still jealous. I'm not gonna psychoanalyze her, but these issues with jealousy/gossip step from HER stuff, not from the fact that "you're a horrible person" (which you're not). People with an ED tend to be very hard on themselves in many regards, but regarding this I think you have a right to be a little bit angry back at her instead of being angry at yourself.

12-26-2011, 05:00 PM
Ok my computer keeps dying so ill reply in parts

I think your right it just hurts a lot. I feel so upset since the meal she hasnt reciprocated. Its also meant ive had to walk away from the group friendships as im too sensitive and just get upset if she is there as she ignores me.

Ive blocked her on facebook as ifelt so leftout seeing her do things with people who were once my friends and now have dropped me too

12-26-2011, 05:05 PM
It just got too much seeing things id been left out of.

Its hard too we go to the same church and since she said shes jealous of me i feel so slef conscious of gaining weight and that she is staring at me and noticing every kilo input on. I know i have to get over myself for this but its so hard.

I think i wish too people would see i did step out and invite her and she hasnt reciprocated. I have no idea what she is saying to them so my mind goes into overdrive with me thinking she is.

I know i have to walk away but gosh its hard and i do keep thinking it must be me:(

12-26-2011, 05:07 PM
Finally i said sorry lots and my meal was also an apology i dont feel i can kp apologising anymore as i feel she needs to move on and recognise this year i hav been ill anorexia and depression are not fun things. I feel tho its hard to move on with this always there but i know i need to walk away