Halloween, Oh Halloween… | Joe Altaffer

Halloween, Oh Halloween

by Joe Altaffer

If you haven’t noticed, it’s October; aka it’s basically Halloween. For many, it’s a special month full of carving pumpkins, scavenging for a costume at sketchy stores, and of course, free candy. However, for me, that was never the case. Ever since I could remember, Halloween was something I hated. First off, I hate horror movies and the whole spiel of going to overpriced places like Scream Zone for fun. Why would I pay money for something to scare me? Honestly, my idea of a good time isn’t constantly anticipating for something to jump out and scare the living day lights out of me, but that’s just me. Even if the Exorcist might be considered one of the greatest movies of all-time, I’ll pass.

I feel like October is ruined by Halloween. The whole month we literally just wait for this one day, this one day that makes every other day irrelevant. Whenever I go to Rite Aid or Vons, there are those plastic witches that’ll confront you right when you get into the store by saying something like “Come here my pretty!” I always just want to break one of them, but then I’d have to pay for another thing that I hate. Also, I always feel demonized to buy at least some form of candy. I never want to buy the Jumbo Kit-Kat pack, yet I don’t feel like pulling toilet paper out of my trees on November 1st either.

Halloween always cuts my day short. I treat it like I’m in the movie The Purge, locking myself in my house by 5pm and dimming the lights so no 10 year-olds suspect I’m in there. In the past, I at least made an effort to put out candy for some kids. We’d put the sign “Please take one,” and it would work out just fine until those little barbarians would show up. They’d throw all of the tootsie rolls and crunch bars into their bags and then scatter. Like dude, you could at least close the gate while you’re at it.

The other problem is if Halloween is on a weekday. I’m a junior now so I’ve learned, but around middle school I was still not too sure if people dressed up. I remember I dressed up as three hole punched paper from the tv show The Office and I was basically the only person in my 7th grade Spanish 1 class who dressed up. Let’s just say the traumatic experience has led me to not dress up since.

The point is I kind of hate Halloween. It’s arguably my least favorite time of the entire year and I flew to Berkeley last year just to avoid it (and to see a football game, but that doesn’t matter). I hate the little things we have to do each year for it. However, those “little things” that I hate, are the “little things” that many wait the entire year for. Halloween lets anyone dress up and become whoever they want to be, making it pretty okay, I guess. Halloween allows neighborhoods to compete to make their house look the scariest, which isn’t too hard for many. Halloween brings cavities to children’s mouths yet joy to their hearts. As much as I want to deny it, I still have the firefighter outfit from when I was six in my closet, complete with little plastic axe and badge. However, as of right now, I still truly hate Halloween.