What Happened When I Realized Everything We Eat Is Unhealthy

Meat is unhealthy. The animals we get it from were pumped full of chemicals to fatten them up. I can’t eat that!

The same goes for fish. They say that fish are also full of hormones which are meant to raise fertility. But I have enough hormones, thanks. Why do I need the fish’s?

Tomatoes aren’t allowed, they’re solanaceous. I don’t know exactly what this means, but everybody says it’s unhealthy. Eggplants and sweet pepper are the same.

Fruits and berries? There’s sugar, and that leads to diabetes. Oh, and especially in the evening. Never eat fruits and berries in the evening. The sugar at night magically turns into butt and stomach fat. I have mine, I don’t need more.

Potatoes? Starch! Rice? The same. Pasta? Huh, forgot about starch and gluten? Gluten is a future sugar, and sugar is a future butt.

Oil isn’t allowed — neither olive nor sunflower — as well as butter, because of fat. Oh, and cholesterol. Eggs go the same way. Bread and beer — too much yeast. I don’t know why, but yeast isn’t allowed to reside in the body.

Milk contains fat, and hormones get pumped into the cows as well — it’s meant to help calves grow up and become fat cows. I don’t want to be fat. So that’s out

Juice…oh, you know. Forbidden. The same as fruits and berries, except with cellulose.

Cabbage, cauliflower, and broccoli contain substances that prevent iodine absorption, which can damage the thyroid. Urban residents’ thyroids are epic fails. A poor thyroid gives us a fat butt.

So, forget about all of it. What’s next? Spinach…has an oxalic acid that harms kidneys. Poor kidneys = swelling = excessive weight. No-no-no, bad spinach.

Cucumbers! I’ll eat cucumbers. I don’t know anything bad about cucumbers…

Preview photo credit depositphotos
Author Alina Farkas, timbuktoo