Tuesday, June 30, 2009

A Quickie...

no, not that kind...get your head outta the gutter!

Four people got moved to different positions within my company, and the upshot is I still have a shot at the Supervisor position I've been basically doing for the past 6 months...brushing up on my experience, my sucking up, and my people skills, in about that order...when they get their crap together, I'll interview with about half a dozen higher-ups (yeesh!) and then we'll see. Thinking my skills will beat out the other girl I know was looking at the position, but not taking anything for granted...

Survived helping Lil Bro move by being smart and careful on the stairs, not carrying more than I could handle, and moving slow. Sweat a pile of water weight off, and am feeling good, motivated to continue working out in some capacity in the evenings.

Cell phone's down, home phone's plugged back in...we're really tight on money til my next payday :( Plenty of food in the larder tho' so just gotta get creative.

Plugging along...looking forward to another 3-day weekend :)

Monday, June 29, 2009

No gnus...

Air conditioner running about 7 degrees above where it's set...I love living in an old building. AC unit itself is only 2 years old, it's the building that can't take the heat. My enjoyment of the warmth of Florida is finally waning...it was brutal this past weekend.

Work's very busy, and I'm wiped from helping Lil Bro move last night...offering my services again tonight, so brain and body are tired. Real post tomorrow with update on how the company's continuing to use me cheap.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Delicious free friday

Errands...maybe Chamblin's...maybe new farmer's market over at St. Johns...keep TV off, the news is frickin' surreal...

RIP Ed, Farrah, Michael...I know they go in threes, but boy, was this a unique week!

Nice to read blogs and hear about something other than the death of the King of Pop. I'm willing to overlook his weirdness in deference to the amazing talent and creativity, but I really don't give a rat's ass about the opinion of the fan who's been camped out at the Apollo all night...

Have a great weekend, y'all!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Two times a bridesmaid, already a bride

Afraid of posting the picture, don't want to slip into any copyright infringement territory, so here's the site link.

I went to sleep last night thinking about this dress and woke up this morning with it on my mind. I want to be forced to have alterations done on it, because it turns out to be too big when it comes in. I want to have a body that deserves a dress that pretty.

Yeah, ok, obsessing a little. Went bridesmaid dress shopping last night with Christy, my best friend since the 6th grade. They actually had one or two things in my size, so I tried stuff on with the rest of them, and it was surprisingly fun. With my body, I liken any shopping experience to trying on bathing suits, but fancy dresses are definitely different. The one that fit looked really matronly on the hanger, but I carried it better on. But I wasn't crazy about the brooch at the waist and it felt too...bulky or something. So her friend Vonn and I went back out to look some more, and I happened upon this one. It was in a size that Christy could try on for me to see, and I just knew. We're going with a Midnight Pearl color, a really deep navy blue, and while I'm recognizing it's going to be a little more form-fitting than some of the styles we were heading toward, Diana (another friend) was kind enough to note that the sweetheart neckline and cap sleeves (which fall naturally to the sides if desired) will be complementary to my body shape. So pregnancy plans and big body be damned, we ordered it in my current size and it should come in in September. She's not getting married until 10/10/10.

The side-gathered waist with the leaf applique spoke to my earthy nature. The lightly jeweled bodice made me feel like a girl, and I didn't even try the sucker on. Christy tried on and ended up purchasing a gown for the rehearsal dinner, because it looked amazing on her, the style spoke to hers, and I was reminded that it's important to have one/some of these kinds of dresses in your closet. I want to go walking right now, get in better shape, so that when I slip that dress on finally, my thoughts won't be on how disappointed I am in my body. Gotta tone my arms too. And get back on the Bean. And...

Am I being too...something? Probably, sure, but can it be wrong if it does motivate me properly? This wedding, however far in the future, will be a big deal, fancy with serious dough invested. I'm proud to be standing with my pal as she finally hooks her guy. I want it to be an amazingly happy day where my mind isn't constantly on how thank god the cap sleeves hide my flabby arms. Ridiculous, sure, but the negative voices in my head are unmerciful where my body is concerned. I can't have too many reasons to do right by me.

And then we went to Cheesecake Factory and blew any chance of it fitting when it comes in :) I kid, it was a delicious meal, and I was grateful, as I couldn't afford to go dutch this time.

Christy's a jewelry artist, and in the near future I'll be figuring out how to create a website to showcase her talents and hopefully get her selling her beautiful work. Just dawned on me, that Etsy might be more low-maintenance than creating something from scratch. Her stuff's more high-end than some of the stuff you'll find on Etsy, but it's completely handmade, so it certainly qualifies. Might be a nice jumping-off point...

Overheard they're going to be pushing weekend work, so much for my three-day weekend :( We're inheriting more furniture on Sunday...shhhh! haven't told Husby yet! Looking forward to next weekend's 3-day stretch for the holiday, and this weekend's extra work is motivating me to do more with my evenings. Hate when I can't rely on the weekends for wind down though.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Still organized...and a shout out...

Day Two of the Great Clean Kitchen experiment!

Only threw together Hamburger Helper last night because I knew I'd be working late, and I wanted something leftover-y today for Husby, because I'm doing dinner out with Christy. Put away dry stuff, washed pans, wiped down counters...using the washcloth I knitted a while back, and started a new one, because I'm liking having those around. I woke up this morning just knowing that it was going to be one of those morning where time flew, so I steered clear of the idiot box and jumped in the shower, threw together lunch and breakfast easily again. Need to be leaving the idiot box off altogether and doing yoga in the mornings to wake the body up...there's virtually nothing on of interest at that hour anyway, and this being summer in Florida, I already know the weather report (partly sunny or cloudy, depending on your point of view; high mid-90s, chance of rain 40%).

My new work bag is a beeyootiful fabric tote from the talented hands of Beauty That Moves, a kindred spirit from the Nutmeg State. The lousy photo is courtesy of my pay-as-you-go POS cell phone, but I was so tickled to have successfully sent a picture from my phone, I just had to put it on today's post. Yes, Melanie's a shade behind technologically...seriously though, it's a good thing we're back to not having money to blow on stuff, or else I'd be further cluttering up our pit of despair with the typewriter and suitcases in her vintage store. Heather's in the midst of farmer's market season, so her handmade shop stuff will trickle in online in the coming weeks as the bulk of her stock goes to the locals, but it's a fun place to dream, plus she's a good influence in the eating healthy department...check her out!

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Something about a clean kitchen...

Got home from work last night and dove in, plowed through the dishes, cooked a decent meal, cleaned dishes from said meal, put away leftovers, fixed coffee for next morning, filed away idea for next day's lunch in head, and then went and relaxed. It was something like 9 p.m. when I finally hit the couch...and I don't even have kids to wrangle. Imagine the time I'd save if the kitchen was cleaned, oh say, almost every night! (Better yet, every night, of course, but let's throw some training wheels on first).

Having a clean kitchen is practically an aphrodisiac for me...I'm happier, more confident, certainly more organized. I'm able to plan things like decent meals, keeping the cookie jar full...felt so damn good about this simple accomplishment last night, it took me extra long to wind down, but I woke up in an OK mood and was able to have a relaxed breakfast and throw together today's lunch with ease. I'm thinking about baking bread, but that won't happen til Friday probably.

Tomorrow night I'm meeting my best friend Christy at St. Johns, where we'll check out bridesmaids' dresses and grab dinner and visit (she's getting married next year). Hope she's not expecting a lot of trying on...I doubt they have many of size ehem-cough-cough in stock. I'm taking Friday off, just for poops and giggles (originally was driving Mom to get her hand operated on, but it was rescheduled), so Thursday night will probably be a decompression evening. Work's weird lately, new boss, the girl I've been working closely with is on vaca, and there's very little work to be had, so we're kind of at loose ends.

I'm still not minding the heat...who AM I this summer?!

Monday, June 22, 2009

Modifications of Thought

I'm beginning to recognize that I'm not meant to keep plants that require any sort of care out on our porch. Literally, one of the things I'll look for in a house next year is a north-south exposure. My herbs aren't doing well, and the wildflowers never even tried to poke up. The rains haven't been regular since that spurt in May, and I get home from work so fried mentally I forget we even have a porch with attempted herbal food sources on it.

I'd forgotten that the problem with reading Kingsolver's book (Animal, Vegetable, Miracle) is that you then go to the average grocery store and realize that there isn't a single blessed thing there that you feel safe/moral about buying/wasting your money on. I stood looking at the eggs for like, 5 minutes, because I couldn't decide if we could afford organic from a grocery store brand that I didn't trust to be truly organic to begin with, or if we needed the eggs badly enough to go Eggland's Best once more...which are delicious if you can keep from thinking about the cages stacked to the ceiling housing the poor critters that are giving you the protein. We're tight on dough the next couple of weeks, so the Eggland's won out, but I dream of 10 years from now, when I see a mortgage with a decent yard for gardening and a couple of layers to eliminate the issue altogether. Gotta stop talking about that and start making it happen...talking really does only go so far where dreams are concerned.

Native Sun isn't open Sundays, or else I'd have gone there...I'm back to wanting all my veggies from that place. Saturday was a wash, never made it to the market...the whole weekend was a wash, went by like lightening, and I look on the new week with an impatience. The kitchen never even got cleaned. I spent yesterday in a bit of a fog, plowing through laundry at Mom's and missing Dad. Settled my brain with some sock knitting end of day, but I'm itching to get us eating better evening meals again, working a menu plan, making more from scratch...

Friday, June 19, 2009

weekendweekendweekend...t-minus 3 hours and counting.....

Meara's boss, T: "So lemme get this straight...you're having a funeral in the morning and a wedding reception in the afternoon?"
Meara: "Yeah, that's how we roll."

Yeah, ok, little weird...but it's a timing thing. Mom's fam is spread out all over the frickin' nation from California to New England to Florida. My Uncle Mike got married last month and they'd planned their reception for a month later (this weekend). Sandie went to Summerland at the beginning of this month with zero previous plans regarding after her demise, as she had hoped to donate her body to the local university. There was this kind-of "now what?" feeling hanging out there. So since half the fam was going to be in Ohio anyway, celebrating Mike and Susan's nuptials, they figured.....yeah, I know, still a little weird. But death brings family together; all the remaining 9 kids found a way to travel out there this weekend...it'll be a bittersweet time.

That said, I wish I could be there. Haven't seen most of that crowd since 1992. Hence my comment last post about getting savings accounts going...we should be traveling more. Of course, I say that when gas prices are just starting to jack up again.

Work's a bit grueling, sales are down, QC is caught up and then some...no matter how secure your job may seem, having nothing to do is scary. Gets me thinking...

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Food and new bosses and rain and...

Just some randomness...

New boss is prettier than her pictures...unless it's not her. Googled her pretty soon after finding out her name the other day, and the qualifications match...

"I'm not a misanthrope. I just think most people are assholes."
~ Melanie J.

Case in point...we've had two emails so far today about people who left the lights on on their cars. Yes, that leans more toward a dingbat moment than an asshole moment, but I mean, unless you moved to Florida yesterday, you should be pretty used to having your lights on during hurricane season regardless of the time of day. Said to Meara, I must not suffer fools well....until I leave my lights on, that is.

Rediscovered Pioneer Woman today, thanks to another misanthrope, my buddy over at Forthwith, and am drooling over her recipes. Found out today that I'm probably inheriting another cabinet, and while that'll probably freak out the Husby (as I've mentioned before, we're kind of up to our ears in furniture in the smoke-filled pit we call home), I'm really looking forward to stacking it on my current free-standing cabinet so I can have easy access to the rest of my kitchen tools. They both need to be sanded down, minor repairs done, and refinished, maybe even painted. My wheels are turning...

My brain is already in weekend mode...there's boxes to be gone through, neglected plants to be salvaged, cooking and baking and veggie shopping, and lord knows what else to keep me busy. Mom and Meara head out of town tomorrow to Ohio; the family is memorializing Aunt Sandie on Saturday morning and then celebrating my Uncle Mike's new marriage that afternoon. Wish I could've gone, but there's no way...we're back to normal in the money department these days, and now that I'll be editing again soon...I'm a little nervous about the finances. Plus our insurance premiums went up, starting next check. So tack budgeting further onto that list for the weekend, because I've been thinking lately about how I want a) a savings account specifically for emergencies like car trouble, cat illness, and family members dropping dead, and b) to really look at the move, what's standing in our way credit-wise, and how to realistically plow over those obstacles and get our butts up to Charlotte (or Columbia or ...).

Maybe Riverside Arts Market this weekend for the veggies.....and Chamblin's for a book run. Laundry at Mom's...what else...?

Wednesday, June 17, 2009


So. Back to straight editing after about a week helping the new manager transition. I'm pretty OK with it for now. Allows me to relax about my responsibilities a bit, while simultaneously jump-starting my productivity, as I'm pretty sure I've been making more as an interim supervisor than I will in regular editing...meaning I'll have to produce well to make the same money. It sucks, but what can you do in a company that doesn't feel the need to pay the going rate...

It's time to really assess how to manage a move next year. My company doesn't pay fairly for remote work, so freelancing for them isn't a possibility unless Les gets a decent job. He's looking into vocational rehab programs and government career help, but until we settle, wherever that may be, we're in limbo. It's time to truly look at how we can shape our vocational futures.

The next year

So they hired a new QC manager. Another outsider, but this one seems more qualified, more in tune with our business, so I'm keeping an open mind for now. Thing is, it probably boots me out of the position I've held for 6 months. I have an appointment later today with my higher-up to assess my position.

When you're...
a) trying to create small people in your body
b) hoping to move the hell out of your current city within the next year +
c) the sole breadwinner in your family
d) a victim of this lousy economy
...how the frick do you assess where you want to go in your current job?!

I'm not a huge fan of management positions, but I'm not about to shoot myself in the foot either. I'm doubtful they think of the QC supervisor position as large enough to split in two, and truthfully it isn't, but I'm not sure I exactly want to go back to straight editing either. There's a trainer position that was just vacated...I may playfully inquire about it. In the meantime, trying to do my regular job while pondering what the heck I'm going to say to the boss...wish me luck!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Back to reality

Weekend was OK. Survived with few ripples. Kept my mouth shut like a good girl. Sisinlaw's probably not pregnant, just her addictions have screwed up her cycle. I'm not worrying about it. My niece is developmentally behind and still addicted to the tube. Needs nursery school badly once she's potty trained. It makes me sad, that we're not there enough to combat the damage that's being done. Not my problem, I know, but still...beautiful kid. Do what you can, move forward. The inlaws talk about changing things, but it'll take something seriously rocking their world for that to happen, I think. It's a shame, but until I'm a parent and can truly understand their pain, I'm not about to stick my opinion in. Still...

Did get lots of relax time, which was nice. Plowed through a beginner's book on Zen, and restarted Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Kingsolver, which I'm knee deep in now and it's motivating me nicely. Worked on one sock, started another...

Summer's burst through in all its glory down here, temps hit the 90s this week. I'm in a really good place right now and enjoying it, which is really strange for me...normally I start hating Florida with an unmatchable vengance around now and that feeling sticks around til oh, say, October...December if it's a particularly warm year. But for some reason, I'm adapting...like I've said earlier, I think it helps that I'm wearing shirts that fit, don't feel the need to layer to hide myself so much. Certainly not letting anything hang out if I can help it, but I'm comfortable in short sleeves...

Also been getting more exercise, mostly not on purpose yet, and ate better while I was there, so I dropped a couple of pounds and am not so achy, which is REALLY motivating me to continue that feeling :)

Oh, and Figaro's been noisy and needy since we've been back, but did not crap in the tub. Progress :)

Thursday, June 11, 2009

On my high horse

I stopped lying to protect other people's feelings sometime after college. Just couldn't see the point in hedging the truth. Drove Mom and Meara nuts, because we Lyons' kept quite a bit of "stuff" from Dad, things that just weren't worth the tantrum that would ensue if he knew. I had trouble seeing the point of that dishonesty, but I also had the luxury of living outside the house by then, away from the fights. Still, I try to live kind of authentically, so on the big stuff, like Les moving in with me, I told Dad straight-out what was going on, before we even moved back to Jacksonville. He didn't speak to me for 6 months. I was 27. So you get that I kind of get the cost of telling the truth.

But what about when the person involved is doing harm to themselves, and would be doing harm to an unborn child? The argument's still academic; we don't know if my sisinlaw is pregnant or not. But if she is, I just don't see any good discussion coming out of my reaction. I can't be happy for them at all; I think if she is pregnant, she should have an abortion. But if I voice that, her addict mind will see it as jealousy because we're trying to get pregnant. So I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't...

I'm going to be silent. What's nice is I'm not even jealous. Can't imagine being in her sitch, being in love with such a blatant loser and blind to it. The guy hasn't paid child support on his other 2 kids in over 3 years; how can she even think of having more children with him? Neither of them take any responsibility for their lives, and they're both in their 30s. It baffles me.

I've been reading my Zen books and have reached a peace where I believe that I will get pregnant eventually, so I'm totally OK with not being pregnant right now. That will carry me while I'm up there, but I still don't know how I'm going to manage to hold my tongue if it turns out to be true, hold it for 3 solid days.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009


Happy Birthday, Papa!

Would've been 70 today.

New show on FOX, Mental...wouldn't be much at all if it weren't for the Kiwi heading the cast...he's quite yummy. But last night's ep had David Carradine guesting as a patient, so I had to watch. Something in his face reminds me of Dad. Turned out to be a tough one...his character illustrated what my dad had always feared, being trapped in his body in a vegetative state. Dad watched Popie spend a year as a turnip before passing, so he was vehement about the ole DNR. And it turned out Carradine's character wasn't brain-damaged, but was wracked with guilt about his wife's death, so he'd shut down, voluntary catatonia. I could see Dad doing that too...had a blast transferring emotion last night. Carradine played the whole role without uttering a word; it was a powerful performance. I don't give a damn about the sexual proclivities that probably killed him; the guy was an artist.

Prepping for SC...packing light this time, doing laundry here; don't want to put out his folks any more than we have to, as they have enough worries. We head up after work tomorrow night, come back Monday. I'm trying to stay positive, but preparing myself for at least one blow-up while we're there. LilSisinLaw is visiting from Columbia, that'll help diffuse some tension maybe, plus having little niece tearing up the joint...I'm thinking of heading out early Saturday to tramp through Hitchcock Woods, praying the weather holds while we're up there. And that the cat refrains from crapping in the tub while we're gone, as a way of getting back at us for leaving her.

Monday, June 08, 2009


Definitely hopped on my mood swing and went out to play today...

So, ok, I haven't even started meditating yet. It's one of those things that I keep telling myself I'll start, like yoga...except this week I'm actually starting the yoga...probably...::sigh::

After that written explosion about family drama, I was wandering through some of my fave blogs...SouleMama, MommaZen...and without thinking too hard on it, something reminded me to find my breath. So I did. And I started looking up fresh titles at my local library that could help me toward that endeavor. And sure enough, it helped! I'm much more chilled about things to come this weekend, looking forward to seeing family, not obsessing about fights that may not happen. When I catch myself going over and over in my head about their situation, something reminds me that it's not even my problem. I may get drawn into it in little ways, but nothing I do will change their situation, so why worry? Touch of Dale Carnegie there too...

Much better :)

F*ck fate!

I'm trying really hard to understand a god that would tease about my sister-in-law possibly being pregnant while simultaneously making it so hard for me to conceive...

My sister-in-law is an unfit mother. She's 30-something, abuses prescription meds, lives with her folks/my inlaws, and her significant other (who lives with them) is an addict who can't hold a job. Her daughter is my niece, the one I lament is being raised by my mother-in-law and Sprout TV. Mother-in-law's doing the best she can, but she's also caring for her 87-year-old mother, who also lives in the house and is in less-than-perfect health.

I so don't want to visit them this weekend. My SIL, whether she's pregnant or not, won't understand in the slightest that this isn't a blessed event, that most everyone in the family would be on the side of abortion, if it turns out to be true. I know that's lousy to think, but I can't help it....she doesn't take good enough care of her first child for me to think a second child will fare any differently. Her parents enable her and the sig oth by letting them stay there rent-free, but this will be a straw to break the camel's back and explode a significant amount of family drama, probably in the near future. I don't want to be there for that. Call me selfish. It's hard enough to accept that we had to let another month go by. May was a not-trying month for us; Les's head was just too lousy to play through the pain. I don't want to be anti-social, but I see myself spending a pile of time outdoors this weekend, because that house will be way too f*cking small with all of them there. Never mind the chances of her baby being born addicted if it's true. I still can't believe K's developing relatively normally (my niece).

I'm a recovering self-abuser, haven't had those urges in quite a while; but when Les told me they were taking SIL for bloodwork to confirm/disprove pregnancy, I wanted to put my fist through something. Literally saw red for a moment there. I want a child so badly, I'm finally taking steps to improve my health, while my body marches inexorably toward 40, and SIL may be bringing another mouth into the world that she can't feed. I really don't understand.

Friday, June 05, 2009

Well, now...

There are certain life landmarks you're doomed to always remember. June 5 is one for me. We really should've donated what was left of my dad's body to science, because his aorta was a testament to the incredible skills of the doctors at Yale New Haven 27 years ago. We were told when his aorta began dissecting the 2nd time, 2 years back, that it was happening in an area away from the original graft. That sucker held fast while the rest of the aorta gave up the ghost. Never mind the number of people who actually live through an aortic dissection. No wonder we love on Meara so fiercely...it's kind of amazing she's here at all.

I was 12, starting to feel the pangs of puberty, and only semi-looking forward to a day of errands with Dad. The guy softened a lot as he got older, but back then, he was quite awkward and hard to talk to. We lived 2 lives, the life when he was traveling and the life when he was home, and the two didn't exactly mesh. You were always on guard for a verbal explosion. In his defense, the guy had cyclical headaches that he only treated with aspirin back then.

I've told this story here before...Dad has seizure, we meet EMT or floating RN lady at the Chuck Wagon, where the three of us huddle in the car in a rainstorm while she checks his vitals and assesses his stability. Ambulance arrives, we're transported to New Milford Hospital, I give them as much info as I can in my bewilderment, we can't track down Mom because she's on a Cub Scout field trip with Cyril...Marnie, my best friend's mom, comes to get me. The things you remember in one of these situations...the sarcasm I felt when they said that Father Smith was the pastor on call and would Dad like to talk to him? Father Smith was a hell-and-brimstone reverend, our least favorite of the three priests at that church. Marnie drove home propped up on pillows, because when she came to get me, Bill and Christy were out in her car, and she couldn't get Bill's seat to move forward.

I thought I understood mortality back then. Instead I understood the fear associated with impending mortality. Is that redundant? I guess it's not possible to grasp death until you're presented with it in someone truly close to you. I went to plenty of funerals, it seemed, when I was a kid...there was a stretch there where there was always one person or another dropping. I'd see the person in the open casket, move my lips along with the rosary or the Stations of the Cross, but something didn't sink in. At that age, I suppose it's normal...brain only takes in so much. Open caskets don't help either...I remember just touching Popie lightly on the forehead with one finger...it was cool and eerie, but it also just seemed like he was sleeping, so there was an unreal quality to the proceedings for my 9 or 10 year old mind. When Popie went, that hurt, to be sure, and I was sad and missed him, but it didn't have that "wait, you mean, I'm NEVER going to see him again in this life" finality that death has on me now. I remember experiencing confusion when I saw Nanie break down at Popie's casket when they started lowering him. I was so young.

June's hard. There's today, Dad's birthday on the 10th, Father's Day later this month, and in between, these stretches of truly gorgeous weather as summer kicks it up a notch and hangs out in all its green glory down here. Something catches in my chest as I remember Dad can't appreciate any of it anymore. But beyond that is this anger welling inside me that I don't take better care of myself. I have this stranglehold on life, don't have any intention of leaving this plane of existence for at least my alloted 90 years or so, if my genes continue to cooperate, so why do I insist on trying to shorten it with too much food and not enough activity? I think about how Dad enjoyed the outdoors, how every weekend took him outside to putter in the garage, mow the lawn and edge, with his straw hat on and his determined posture. He knew his time had been shortened, that he was on a damn tightrope now, so he plowed forward with life the only way he knew how. It wasn't running away, it was coping. I used to think he was so afraid of life, but now I see it differently, because I've inherited the same personality trait. Something comes up to block our paths, we assess it, set it aside, and move forward, because dwelling on it ain't gonna make it go away. So ok, it's there, what's next? There's a level of acceptance there that has nothing to do with giving up. The difference is I still have plenty of tools in my possession to change my fate. I won't expound more on that, because it's been done here, ad nauseum, until I feel like a failure before I've truly started.

So...this weekend. Man, I love Fridays. There's a bit more cleaning to be done, some more reorganizing. I'm thinking of hitting Chamblin's this weekend, because I'd like to look for a copy of the Pagan Book of Living and Dying. Plants have been neglected a bit, so I'll water and trim the herbs, try round #2 on the wildflowers, and ponder starting the veggies again. We'll stay close to home this weekend, because money's tight, but I'm poking the husband with a stick more. It hurts that I can't afford to go up to Ohio to the memorial they're planning for Aunt Sandie. It's why we need more than just a savings account; we have to start truly saving. I emptied it for Husby's birthday, and that's OK, definitely needed to be done, but it's time to really start planning and budgeting, because between baby trying and move planning, these next 15 months are going to fly by.

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

And the wheel turns again...

Godspeed, Aunt Sandie!

To paraphrase my Lil Sis, I think I'm getting a little tired of funerals...

My Mom is 4th of 10 kids ( 6 girls, 4 boys), a pigpile of descendants of Irish, English, and German lineage with strong Roman Catholic ties. My grandfather was a child prodigy, graduated high school at 15 and studied law at Fordham; Grandma was a full-time child wrangler. My grandparents grew into functioning alcoholics and the kids ran pretty wild, though I'm sure it seemed wilder to my Dad when he visited than it actually was, as his upbringing was considerably more buttoned-down. He was friends with Moe, 3rd from the top in that clan, and found my Mom through him.

Agnes (Sandie) Lane Gassman was #7, the 5th girl. Divorced, one daughter. Bleeding heart liberal, peace-loving flower child. She suffered from Reiter's Syndrome, a form of reactive arthritis. The research I did this morning, coupled with the family's take on her condition, leads me to believe she contracted it from a virulent strain of conjunctivitis in her youth. It's also likely genetic, but quite rare. Her body broke down piece by piece over the years; she had both hips replaced at least once, as well as repair work done on one ankle that left it fused permanently. She lived on Social Security disability after the divorce, and struggled with alcoholism and depression. We won't know what took her; they're not asking for an autopsy. She was found yesterday in her apartment.

She had a screwy sense of humor, was quite opinionated, and loved to interact with people, so it was hard on her when her daughter got married and started her own family... no one's fault of course, just life, so she'd combat it by calling every sibling and friend she was in good relations with to chat. She loved flowers and her grandkids, and because her condition limited her ambulation, she became quite the Internet troller.

I had the pleasure of traveling with her a few years back. My brother was in the Army, stationed at Fort Leonard Wood in Missouri, and was graduating from basic training. Meara was in school and couldn't make the trip, and my folks declined as well, so I traipsed over to MO by Greyhound. Sandie lived in St. Louis; I met her there, we drove to Fort Leonard Wood, got a hotel, and went to his graduation the next day. She couldn't have been living on much, but she gave Cyril $100 as a present for graduating. I think that was kind of her all over, giving of herself where she could.

The realist part of me doesn't really believe in Summerland or heaven, but I use it for comfort. My Uncle Joe mentioned my dad's name in a post on the family website among the people that Sandie's with now...I was walking back to my desk a while ago, and the thought came to me, "well, now Dad will have someone up there to really debate with." My dad was as conservative as she was liberal, and I know he respected her opinionated nature, even while thinking she was completely misguided. I imagine some lively debates coming up as Obama proves himself and we as a country dig ourselves out of our economic mess. Wish I could see them in action...

Monday, June 01, 2009


Arts market with RoboMommie...really nice...new earrings...Gene's Hot Dogs rock!...

Sunday, tucked into dining area...unearthed table in dining room, finally put files into filing cabinet...took all day, but that area's manageable now...reliefreliefrelief...

While I didn't do a significant amount of heavy lifting this weekend, I've been experiencing significant all-over soreness...taking it easy for a day or two...