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Blog: Perfectly, deliciously evil
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Many would like to cut a dashing figure, but few succeed

Bright I have gotta admit, I do love me a bad man who understands How to be roguish, whether it’s on account of the shirt with the ruffles, the satin jacket, and the fine brass goggles, or more because of the bare-chested, wild-eyed, shaggy-headed nature boy, and it’s not something I think I have any conscious control over really, no matter how strict I try to be about holding myself back. I ask you, is there anything better than a mustachioed supergenius gloating over his latest conquest over the poor benighted stumbling masses, who laughs in the face of a cruel, indifferent universe which he embodies? Especially if the rogue in question is wielding an alien disruptor rifle in one hand and holding the leash of a fully grown sabre-toothed cat in the other while perched comfortably atop a small mountain of human bones, am I right? Nothing close comes to mind, let me tell you here and now, whilst I lie back on a comfy sofa upholstered with the lightly tanned pelt of my enemies and arrange to have myself fanned with a spiderweb-pattern folding fan designed of course to enhance my own personal aura of ultra-feminine roguishness.


Good things come in small four-footed packages with long tails

Rat The chief thing about rats as allies is the way they you get them in bulk, more than great big massive things like krakens or even vipers? under most circumstances. Thus, if you need to have a huge flowing carpet of your forces cascading down the side of a haunted hill directly at your enemies, you can arrange for this often without having to break the bank. Their small size is deceptive as well. Most of the time, individual rats do not register upon a horror-stricken adversary's mind as individuals, so the effect upon them is that of one enormous multi-mouthed animal with thousands of claws bearing down them all at once. Add to this the rat's nearly unparalleled talent at squeezing through tight places and gnawing their way in and out of ostensibly secure holding areas, and you can see how they really can shine once you give them their minimal requirements.


Helping every kid become the next Genghis Khan

Bondage The crucial thing to remember when considering How to raise a playground bully is to take into account the individual variations among youngsters, not just blindly assuming that your little monster will automatically be a master at extortion, intimidation, inflicting physical and mental pain, petty larceny, and everything else that falls under the umbrella of bullying simply because of the way traits are handed down from yourself. These kinds of skills take time to learn, I strongly believe, and it takes some adjustment for a young thug to integrate them into what you would call an entire package that you could take to the playground with confidence, knowing the stakes that are up for grabs in that special sort of power structure. In my experience as a discipline problem, a nightmare pupil, and a budding sociopath the realizations come to you unpredictably, sometimes by observing the tough kids who would go before you, and sometimes by random chance as you work out which things work and which ones just don't. It is all a delicate balancing act, this business of bringing a new villain into the world of evildoing, and if you think about it one of the most important things we ever get to do in our rotten careers.


Your puny immune systems are no match

biohazard Monstrous entities of a nonbiological sort are nearly all very fond of the details of How to spread a pestilence, if they pay the biological lifeforms of the planet any mind at all. It offers the notion of a new sterile starting point, or at least one where the dominant species no longer impinges upon ones plans, and the simplicity depicts an attractive elegance to many. Most individuals who research the matter know that the chief impediment to these plans is the presence of isolated outposts of people who have little or no contact with the main mass of urban humankind and are thus stubbornly resistant to most vectors of contagion. Some are willing to accept these defects so long as they are in the one percent or less range, while others insist on a second wave of destruction proceeding not via the pathogenic path but perhaps a chemical or physical assault on the organism. These more refined measures are beyond the scope of the evilHow article at hand. The most basic advice one can give to a supervillain intent on wiping out the species of Homo sapiens is to embrace the most foolproof plans rather than the ones which rely upon a delicate configuration of factors which one must set into motion just right. This avoids the high probability of a costly and embarrassing fizzle come doomsday.

I do plan to say something soon about alternative ways to wipe out huge numbers of inferior biological entities besides this. I am really just getting started with this pestilence article at this time.


Sometimes the loot comes to you

Apocalypse There are times where the art of How to rob a stagecoach can come in extremely useful. For instance, when time traveling back to the nineteenth century, if one runs short of local currency, or is engaged in abducting a noble heiress from seventeenth century France. In times past, people were mentally attuned to the likelihood of having to surrender all their personal effects to a daring band of highwaymen, as opposed to modern times where one robbing an innocent victim is far too likely to encounter a can of chemical mace or, worse yet, a taser. Being accosted by desperadoes was in some areas and some time periods simply accounted as a cost of personal travel. But if you are the type of villain who either frequents out-of-the-way backwaters in the time stream or can gain access to those parts of the 21st century world which share the old-fashioned traits that made highway robbery so successful a line of work in times past, there are few more glorious ways to pay homage to our thieving heritage. Unless it involves actual piracy, with square-riggers and buried treasure and the whole lot, an option easily available only to those not prone to seasickness.

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