Thursday, January 29, 2009

Between Love & Goodbye / SHOWBOY

With a background in mainstream entertainment, and a loyalty to it that has yet to die, I do take in a good show from fellow artists that I'm a fan of when I can.

Such is the case this weekend since I plan on going to see Casper Andreas' new film, "Between Love & Goodbye". I didn't even know the whole storyline before deciding that I was going to go see it. I just found out what it was yesterday when I ventured to the website for the 1st time. It's one of those cases where you hear a certain name connected, and you decide you don't need anymore information. All you know is that that name has you making plans. In music, it could be a singer, producer, and/or composer. And in movies, it can be an actor, writer, and/or director. Hence the reason I've made plans to go see "Between Love & Goodbye". I liked Casper's 1st film, "Slutty Summer", and I also liked, "A Four Letter Word". So there's no reason for me to doubt that I will get the same joy, if not more from watching his latest.

What draws to me to a film even more is when the writer also wears the hat of director, which has been the case of all of Casper Andreas' films so far, except for "A Four Letter Word" where (by it being co-written by Jesse Archer) he wasn't the only writer. But even then, the reason I favor films where the writer/ director are the same still comes into play just as it does this time around.

When a writer writes a movie or play, he/she has a vision of what everything looks like. Once they hand it off to a director, the writer is basically telling that director, "Mr. Director, YOU be the one to give it a vision." Thereby, the writer must have faith in someone else to make his/her vision real. In the case of a writer/director like Casper Andreas, you know that whatever vision he had when writing that script is what you're getting on the screen. There was no need for the writer to entrust someone else, thereby risking a conflict in visions with the director.

That also has me looking forward to the Q & A of director and cast members scheduled after the 7:15 screening on both Friday and Saturday. I haven't decided which show I will attend, but I most definitely plan to attend one of those. I find the mind fascinating, especially a creative one. So it should come as no surprise that I like knowing what goes on in the head of a writer, director, or actor during the movie-making process. I believe that will get my weekend off to a fun start.

So maybe I'll see you there. And if not there, maybe I'll run into you Monday evening.

My friend, Michael Carmine has revamped his one-man show, SHOWBOY for a new venue. You may recall me doing a review of it before. And as much as I enjoyed it then, I'm sure I'll enjoy it again. In fact, I have convinced 2 friends to come along with me this time. One of whom doesn't even go out during the work week. So if my review peaked your interest before, imagine what the real thing will do now. You can go to his website, make reservations, and find out.

As you can see, I'm looking forward to indulging myself with some great entertainment. I think after my "anti-gay-for-pay"crusades, I deserve the break. And after the tumultuous year 2008 has been for so many of us, I believe we all deserve the break.

So why don't you all come out and join me.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Urge 'N' My Ass - Again

Last Wednesday night, I decided to go to the bar, Urge here in New York City. Wednesday nights are called "Ass Wednesdays" because they have a contest where best ass wins $100. One week back in the spring of 2004, I actually won that contest. Now that I'm in porn, as much as I would like to enter for the hell of it, I avoid doing so because I feel that my being in porn makes me a bit of a "professional" at being seductive in showing it off, so I leave it to the patrons with hot asses who aren't in porn to have that fun now.

That night, I was standing at a table, and the drag queen hosting the contest, Rajene walked past me to go outside and smoke a cigarette. On the way back in, Rajene stopped and asked me if I wanted to enter the Ass Contest. At first, I said that I was thinking about it, but decided not to. Rajene tried coaxing me some more by telling me I was hot. Boy, doesn't flattery just sometimes start breaking your ironwill, which is why I started stammering in trying to say, "Well, I'm a bit of a professional".

Rajene asked, "Why, do you work here?"

I replied, "No, umm - I do gay porn."

Rajene said, "What's the problem with that? No one has to know your business."

So while trying to stand my ground and decline, I left it at saying, "I'll think about it."

Then as I stood there for a couple of minutes, I thought about it, and caved. I signed up for the Ass Contest.

When I initially signed up I was only the 3rd person to sign up with one of the others being an actual female. Then it quickly became 6 people with 2 of them being actual women. However, when it came time for the contest to begin. Only the original 3 that signed up, including myself and the actual woman, made their way to the stage.

When the 1st two were put against each other, the woman got no applause, while the other guy got it all, so the woman was quickly eliminated. Which surprised me, because usually as a gag, audiences in male-dominated gay bars let the female win. That left me and the other guy. When I was brought up to the stage, to my surprise, Rajene mentioned the fact that I was in porn. That seemed to get the small crowd there going. When we were put against each other, I got all the applause and the other guy got almost none. So while I won the $100, I was hoping that my win was really about my ass, and not the fact that it was a porn actor's ass.

After the contest, I hung around, and lusted after the go-go boys there like recent Next Magazine coverboy, Shay, tipping them just a tad of my winnings. Another go-go boy, a tall, bald, muscular Latino with just the kind of juicy ass I would love to grope while getting his dick repeatedly rammed into my ass, was really working his charm. He even asked me at one point, "So when are we making our porno together?"

If there was one grain of true sentiment in what he was saying, he has no idea how easily I would have obliged to give his big muscular self my ass to pound in a variety of positions - on and off-camera. So I just touched his skin and felt his muscular thighs to help in the fantasy I knew I was going to be beating my meat to in the very near future.

I have to say winning that $100 was a sign of good karma. You see, earlier in the evening I gave my friend Andrew $30 to tide him over because he left his bank card in his day-planner, and the day-planner was left at work. So I gave him the money to say THANKS for all the times he's offered to pay for rounds of drinks, before I could even offer to pay for one. What I got in return was karma giving me back the $30 and 2 1/3 times more on that very night. All brought on by the reunion of The Urge and my ass - again.

Just goes to show that you never know when and where karma is going to rear its head. Whether it's in bitch mode, or beautiful mode like it was last week.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

To Wolf Hudson's Challenge I Say....

Well, it has come to this. A heated online debate about "gay-for-pay" via comments on a popular gay porn news site - between 2 gay porn actors.

Commenting on a post at, I found myself in a heated debate with Wolf Hudson over referring to gay-for-pay porn actors as "gay-for-pay bitches in self-denial". I don't regret this not one bit, because I haven't called them anything that I haven't called myself during my years of self-denial about my sexuality. Hence why I had suicidal thoughts all those years. Because that self-denial caused me to loathe myself immensely.

I was challenged by Wolf to bring this debate "from behind your computer". Now, if my comment was read fully (after all, it wasn't that long), the fact that I want that would have been known, and the macho facade put on by Wolf to make such a challenge would not have been necessary. I wrote it off as any psychologist would as over-compensating.

I am ready to make this a public debate for everyone in and out of the porn industry to see. I don't care who wants to defend this stupidity. I will rehash every fact I have mentioned in every blog I've written about this matter and then some. NO ONE WILL SELL ME ON THE RIDICULOUS NOTION THAT "GAY-FOR-PAY" IS OK. And I will hit them with enough facts that anyone who is secure enough with their homo- or bi-sexuality to deplore the "gay-for-pay" genre as I do, will not be swayed to embrace such foolishness.

So to Wolf Hudson's challenge I say - BRING IT ON!

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Saturday, January 24, 2009

Analysis of Tyra On "Gay-For-Pay"

I'm sure after one of my most recent post about "gay-for-pay", I'm sure that I was on quite a few of your minds. Even my friend and fellow blogger, Ka-os wrote a post about another friend's blog, MOC Blog giving a humorous play-by-play of the minutes of the Tyra Banks show where she featured the topic of "straight" men working "gay-for-pay". One of the guest on the show was Kurt Wild, who ignorance I have criticized before, and Ka-os mentioned in his post of how he would have preferred to see ME interviewing Kurt Wild, instead of Tyra Banks.

And I must admit, I couldn't agree more. In fact, Victor Hoff of MOC Blog suggested that I try to get an interview with Kurt Wild. Well considering what I'll say about Kurt Wild and all of these guys as you read on, the challenge-loving Aries that I am would not walk away satisfied from the interaction.

While I am a fan of the Tyra Banks Show, I was a bit disappointed by the way this turned out. For starters, she admitted to not knowing of the term "gay-for-pay". With that being the case, she should not have used to counter-attack the attitude of being "gay-for-pay is A.O.K" with people with the "Porn is bad! Porn is bad" mentality. Instead, they should have had people within the industry like myself to counter-attack the ignorance of these "gay-for-pay" actors. You see, I'm not say that porn is soooo good, but when done right, it's not soooo bad. But bringing these gay-for-pay actors into the fold and promoting that behavior is a time when porn is bad.

Let's say that they might have tried that, but couldn't find any gay/bi porn actors honest enough with themselves YET HAVE A BIG ENOUGH PAIR OF BALLS to express their malcontent about the "gay-for-pay" genre. If that is the case, with the strong words that I've written in this blog on this matter, it's obvious that her producers didn't look hard enough. Because I should not have been at home watching Kurt Wild, Aaron James, and Dean Coxx spewing their dim-witted bullshit. Instead, I should have been right there, confronting them face-to-face so I could have returned the serve of that bullshit (like in a good tennis match) with an aim to make sure it splattered all over their faces.

There are way too many examples I can give of the stupidity that came from each one of these guys, but I'll narrow it down to one example from each.
Is it just me, or is Kurt Wild the stereotypical dim-witted hick? Here is a so-called "straight" man who can't give you a straight answer. Tyra asked him what will he tell his kids when they grow up and discover this about him. He can't give a straight answer. He also goes on to say that he doesn't want them or anybody to do porn. THEN HELLO, why are you doing it? Do bills have to be paid in these hard times? Yes, they do. BUT do you ever sacrifice something as sacred as your sexual identity? NO, you shouldn't, UNLESS you're dumb enough to not hold it sacred. Which is 1 way that shows that him and all the others are full of shit. As for my "stereotypical dim-witted hick" comment, I have friends from the Midwest and the South, and the reason they are my friends is because they are not that negative stereotype that Kurt showed himself to be. In addition, if I seem more hard on Kurt with the name-calling, it's because I don't care about the ignorance of him or his fiancee for putting up with it. They're supposed to be adults who can defend themselves. However, the 3 children and 1 on the way are defenseless against what their parents denial will cause them in the long run.
Aaron James asked who is he hurting. I could have easily answered that question. In fact, I've already answered it in past blog posts before he even asked it on the show. His being a "gay-for-pay" performer hurts all those young gay men who are looking to porn as not the only source, but 1 source to help them figure out their sexual identity that they might not be sure of. After all, most males, no matter what their orientation use porn as a guide to realizing who they are sexually. The person watching initially feels (as they should) that to appear happy by going through the motions of living the more socially acceptable "straight" life while living a secret life as a gay man is wrong. So what is Aaron doing that's so wrong? He makes it appear that it's OK to do so. It's OK to live the double life, instead of taking the steps to once and for all find out who you really are - be you straight, gay, or even bi - and live by that fully. "Gay-for-pay" porn actors make it seem like why should you make that effort? And I answer by saying that not making that effort is torture. It is why I was suicidal for almost 15 years of my life. If gay-for-pay was as popular now as it was the 7 years ago when I came to my sexual revelation about myself, then that sexual revelation would have never come. Along with forced religious convictions, the carelessness and greed of "gay-for-pay" actors, producers, directors could have possibly stalemated me. So the confusion from all combined that I would have still been lingering in may have very well killed me. And my concern is for those who are now at the point of discovery that I was back then.
Dean Coxx didn't say enough to get as much of a harsh critique as the other two. My annoyance with Dean is his claiming he's 100% straight makes him part of the problem the same way as Aaron James. After all, he has resorted to taking a cock in his ass, and sticking his cock in another man's ass. Then bust a nut when all is said and done. Am I missing something here? I think not.

This brings me to comment on the women in their lives. What is wrong with them? First off, all these guys say that they tune themselves out when doing a scene. What self-respecting woman wants a man who does that. To these women I must make them realize that if he can claim to do that with a guy because being straight is more socially acceptable, then what's to stop the possibility that he is really tuning you out when he's with you?
Plus the last time I checked, one of the most mentally stimulating things anyone would look for in a potential mate is that potential mate knowing themselves. Now if you must play parent or teacher, as these women are obviously doing by putting up with these guys, then you have a self-esteem issue that makes you need to be needed, instead of desiring to be desired - sexually, as well as emotionally, and mentally.

For instance Dean Coxx fiancee putting up with his denying his possible bi-sexuality. People don't realize how important sexual identity is to one's character. And denying it to any degree has terrible consequences. May I recall "gay-for-pay" porn actors now with a criminal record, Mark Dalton, Marcus Allen, Nickolay Petrov, and Double R. I'm not saying Dean Coxx is going to beat the tar out of anyone, but that denying of himself can cause him to snap one day to the point of self-ruin.

Now in Aaron James case, his (recently) ex-girlfriend putting up with his "gay-for-pay" life even though she had a problem with it is a classic case. I believe subconsciously, she knew she was doing herself an injustice by being with someone who was so in denial of himself. But I believe the reason she broke up with him when he decided to do the Tyra Banks Show is because she didn't want that injustice to herself known to the public at large, and I don't blame her. To go back to Aaron asking "How am I hurting anyone?"

My response is "Look at your newly ex-girlfriend? That's how!"

If you're wondering why I'm not talking about the straight bartenders working in the gay bars is because that was another flaw I felt was made in the choice of guests. Sean Kennedy whining about why are they working in gay bars was ridiculous. It would have been something to complain about if they were straight and rude to their gay clientele, but they seem to be successful at what they do because they are not rude. Sean Kennedy's complaint was stereotypical gay over-dramatizing in my book because, while Sean Kennedy was saying that gays go there to have a place to be amongst their own, and not be judged, he's forgetting these bartenders role in the bar. THEY ARE NOT PATRONS, therefore they are not part of the social scene seeking that place to be amongst their own. They are bartenders - whose jobs is to respectfully serve the patrons without bias and without compromising their certainty of who they are, and I believe these guys do that. Meanwhile, the "gay-for-pay" porn actors do not, because from what those bartenders say, they don't go against their claim of being straight by boinking a guy or getting boinked by another guy.

As I always try to give credit where credit is due, because one of the few wise things Aaron James said in response to this was how we all have to live in this world together. And I repeat, as long as these straight men as bartenders serve their gay clientele respectfully, then let them work there. Anyone who has a problem with that, like the Sean Kennedy's of the world (like whoever on Tyra's staff thought that these bartenders belonged on that panel) show that this particular problem lies within the complaining patrons.

After what I wrote a couple of weeks ago, I didn't think I could stomach watching this episode of Tyra. Well I got through it, and it didn't make my blood boil as it may seem. It was more like an annoying buzz of a stupid fly you need to squat because it's intruding upon your territory. In this case, the presence of these gay-for-pay actors intrudes upon the pride I have in being honest enough with myself and you to say that I am a predominately gay bisexual, and my gay predominance has been proven to you in 8 features so far. And those few who have seen me at sex parties, and had one-night stands with me know that a dollar doesn't rule my predominately gay behavior. Nor will it ever rule my straight behavior, and that's the way it should be.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Muscled Cocks and Ass From The Past, Part 1

Last week, I told you guys that I might wind up at a sex party, and I did. And once again, it was a special experience. Partly because of the learning, the other because I ran into a very particular person from my past. I'll tell that story at another time, and I can't give you a clue of when that time will be, because then it will be too obvious of who this person is. But for now, let's stick to the one who was the learning part of the experience.

I went to NY Jock Party and ran into the muscular guy who was pleasingly aggressive with me from my 1st time there. I glanced at him when he was just getting undressed after checking in. I was walking by and saw this tall, muscular, and shirtless figure. By that time, I hadn't chose anyone in particular to be one of my conquests for the night - that is until now. Even with just that quick glance. As it turned out, he felt the same way. And the funny thing is that I didn't realize it was him at first.

There was a bunch of us behind a curtain where alot of action goes on, and I just turned ever so slightly, and grazed someone. This shocked me because to my knowledge, there was no one behind me, and when it turns out there is this big tower of muscle. Just that graze was all he needed and then he started touching me. I didn't really look at his face yet, I just saw it enough to realize that he was the guy I saw when I walked past the clothes-check area. I kept reaching behind me to rub his thighs, which got me hard thinking about how much power must he have in those muscles to thrust into a willing ass - like mine was becoming every second I stood by him.

This was of course just a stop along the way to what I really wanted to feel, which was THAT ASS. I mean this guy is over 6 feet tall, and muscular - that's an ass that an ass-man looks to grab just because it's there. I doesn't require being a nice bump, or well-rounded like someone of a slimmer build or shorter height like myself. And once there, it felt SO FUCKIN' GOOD. After rubbing against his chest and crotch, I turned around, and that's when I realized who he was, even in that darkness. I played with his chest, and my licking his nipples drove him crazy - in a good way. And then came the unveiling from his jockstrap of his cock. It suited his proportions well, because it looked as if his workout routine also provided muscle growth to his cock as well. Now it wasn't too hard to suck, but once he we moved upstairs to get on a bed so he could fuck me, my ass knew the difference.

I needed to brace myself for taking him in. At first, it was not going into my tight hole so easily. Even though I thought in preparing for his thick member that I was already lubed so much that I felt like I my ass was sprayed by an oil truck. I guess to accommodate this monster, I needed 2 oil trucks. Either way, it was worth it. He first did me doggy-style, and I found myself going further and further onto the bed. Once I found myself practically laying on my stomach, I fell away from his cock, and turned over. This only gave way to my favorite position as a bottom - missionary.

I was stunned by the sight I saw. I never saw a muscular torso like that fucking me before. And with his physique being identical to that of Titan Exclusive, Dean Flynn (even down to the amount of chest hair), it was like seeing Dean's torso up-close. I just realized that I occasionally fantasized about it, but never actually had a muscular guy before until I was actually in the midst of having one. And he fucked my ass with the intense pounding I figured those muscular legs would help him to achieve.

Well they say be careful of what you wish for, because when I last wrote about this guy, I said that I wouldn't mind getting with him again. As you can tell, my wish was granted. Granted so that my hole was almost in no shape to take on the other person I'll be writing about soon, because that muscular guy fucked the shit out of me. He fucked me so good that he inspired this slideshow featuring the Michael Jackson-penned Diana Ross song, "Muscles".

Now after inspiring such a thing, somehow I did accommodate this other guy. And yes, I'm teasing you about who this other guy is. And the only clue I could give you is that he's important enough that I left the party with him. Now of all the sex parties I've written about here, I've never left a party with a guy.
So that should tell you - this guy was something worth revisiting. Enjoy all the post until Part 2 ---- whenever that is.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Unusual Inaugural Emotional Swell

Many emotions were had by viewing the inauguration of President Barack Obama, and I am no exception. But mine might not seem so common. That shouldn't be a surprise, because after all - how often am I common?

Today I was watching some of the inauguration of our 44th President at work. I got there just in time to see him take the Presidential oath, and listen to his as usual, truthful and eloquent speech that followed. While I obviously have heard his speeches before, I have never really felt the overwhelming emotion that I've heard so many speak of. Well within the week after the election, it hit me for a moment while talking to some co-workers. I kind of forgot about it, but I doubt if that will happen again. Because during his speech at one point, I felt the same thing again while in that conference room full of people watching the CNN coverage on the screen.

A lump entered my throat. My eyes didn't well up with tears. Not one tear fell from my eye, or one tremor from my mouth like many do when they're about to cry. But there was a lump in my throat nonetheless.

That moment made me look at myself, and wonder why have I not been so revealing with my feelings of elation over this great moment in our nation's history. And the more I thought about it, the more I came to a very possible conclusion.

I have always used my faith in God to make him the one and only power in this universe capable of hurting me. I've allowed my fellow human beings to only be capable of disappointing me. I believe that's how I survived all the broken promises made to me while I was growing up about how I was going to get something, and when the expected date arrives - nothing. And once I grew up and started becoming more social, then seeing how many people at work, in romance, and friendships let me down, I build up a special wall that few people understand.

You see, while I am capable of love, giving and receiving, in whatever form of a relationship - when I feel I'm about to be let down, I guess you could say that a wall comes up to protect my heart, but allows one to metaphorically scar my skin covering the heart as a reminder of the harm that person is capable of doing. I was probably thinking better the scar as a reminder, than the hurt I would have felt if they were allowed to cut through the skin and actually break my heart. Because scars usually heal faster, and the faster they heal, the more they are just disappointments. However, the bigger the scar, and if it is deep enough to become a cut - then you're hurt. It stings and the pain lingers. And that's what I've been protecting myself from.

Now extreme as that is, and since I have often said in quite a few entries this blog that I am an extremist, it would be safe to say that it would take something extreme to cause me a breakdown in emotions when it means I must take the risk and have faith in so many of my fellow human beings at one time. And I believe that being in a room or area filled with the energy of so many people taken by this turning point in history, and realizing the same thing is just the kind of extreme measure to bring me near that emotional breakdown.

I hope that great moment in history where after over 200 years of this country's existence with so many smart people of various colors making it what it is, that many at long last saw a qualified non-White man, Mr. Barack Obama, and saw fit to let him become President Barack Obama, that we American citizens as a whole are ready to show that we've come to a point in the issue of race, where while I will still have to continue bringing up that wall to allow disappointment, but not hurt - maybe now, we've reached a point where I won't need to bring it up as often.

Friday, January 16, 2009

We Love The Asian Persuasion

For a moment there, I thought I was ahead of schedule with blog posts. Then I realized the one I was working on ahead of schedule was quite ahead of schedule. About a month to correlate with my celebrating my 7th anniversary of my sexual awakening. Once I realized that, I realized I had to post something to get you guys horny for the weekend, and then I came across something (to be more exact, someone) that caused another sexual awakening in me.

The other day, I went to one of my favorite sites for still pics, And what did I see? This fine specimen of manhood.

They said they should be ashamed of themselves that in their 1.5 years online, this hottie Peter Le was the 1st Asian-American they've ever featured. I did give my opinion about that. I said because of his hotness, that they were forgiven. What I left out in complimenting them (because I didn't want to be too political) was how at least their got the clue before so many American porn companies out here of how Asian men are hot as well.

Entranced, I scrolled down the page to see the rest of the pics. When I reached the bottom of the post, and saw that he was also featured on their more explicit brother blog, That made me hear angels sing, because that meant I was going to be able to beat my meat to the fantasy of wrapping my hole around that cock, and having a closer-to-true picture of what his cock would look like if he was to ever dip it in me.

If some of you are wondering why I seem to be make such a case for the sexiness of Asian men, I'll explain because some of you might either be new to reading my blog, or forgot the fact altogether that on the night of my sexual awakening I also lost my virginity - in a 5-man orgy. And the guy of that orgy who I had sex with was - you guessed it, Asian. And it was good. Rubbing that naturally smooth skin, and squeezing that hairless butt, was such a turn-on. And every Asian guy, I fooled around with since, while I'll start by rubbing the torso, it's just a starting point to make my way to smooth butt - before, during, and after the sex.

Now don't get me wrong. I for the most part have no real problem with little or alot of body hair, but at least I'm not one of these lame-brains who act like Asian men are lacking in manhood because of them having little to no body hair. And I see no lack of manhood in the sight of Peter Le.

So if you don't have a playmate tonight, take a look at this, and you'll be fine.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Sex Party Etiquette: Never Obsess

In past posts I have talked about the fun I've had at sex parties while learning new things about myself in the process. Well with a 3-day weekend approaching, that includes a possible trip to a sex party, I felt the need to remind guys of some rules of etiquette that some need to follow.

I mentioned in my last post about my going to NY Jock Party of how someone kept touching me even though I never responded. It happened again at my last visit. It may have been the same guy or someone who looked similar, but the behavior was the same. I was expecting Steve to show up, but during my wait, I did some fooling around with a few people. While I was fooling around with those people, EACH AND EVERY TIME he felt the need to touch me, and I never reciprocated. Not even by giving him so much as a smile. Then my friend Steve arrives, and while I was making out with Steve, this guy has to touch me. Steve fucks me, there are his hands on me AGAIN. Then while doing the after-sex make-out with Steve, AGAIN - this guy's fuckin' hands are on me. And everytime while I'm fooling around with someone else - ONCE THE FUCK AGAIN - guess what? Mr. Dumb-As-A-Bucket-Of-Rocks' hands are on me. This guy was the negative sterotype of a tall muscular guy - all brawn and no brains. I mean at what point does this retard learn that I AM NOT FUCKIN' INTERESTED?

Steve didn't notice the aggravation this guy was causing me at all. At one point he asked me if I wanted to go somewhere else. I responded to him with an emphatic, "YES!"

I told him how that guy was always touching on me, and Steve replied with a calm reassuring tone, "Hey, he likes you."

Steve didn't realize that I didn't need reassurance, but from this guy, I needed distance. So I told Steve, "No, you don't understand, he's been doing it since before you even got here. I can deal with 'like', but damn, that guy is obsessed. And it's not cute. It's fuckin' annoying."

At one point in the night I got to see this guy in the light, and he had a very nice body, and wasn't at all bad-looking. BUT as I thought back to his obsessive behavior towards me throughout the night, he became more and more ugly by the milli-second.

Another rule of etiquette that some people need to be reminded of is something I was reminded of in a recent blog post from my friend and fellow blogger In Bocca Di Lucas from the blog, Top To Bottom. He reminded us in that post of how some guys like to pull "the ol' shoving-my-head-into-their-crotch gesture, seeking oral satisfaction". And how unless you initally show that you like to be pushed around, that this gesture is a rude gesture.

I experienced this very recently at a Hot Jock Party. I was fooling around with one guy, then this other guy comes along with his hard-on and puts his dick in my face. I was so into the mode of being sexually insatiable that I didn't give the care I usually would of who it was. So actually, this guy got lucky to even pull that trick and get me to suck his dick at all.

This is where this bonafide so-half-assed-even-for-a-half-wit fucked himslef over royally.

Not only did he grab my head to try shoving his cock down my throat, but he grabbed me to make me devote more attnetion to him. This is the drawback to being a pornstar whose presence was not promoted at a sex party, because then you don't know if that behavior is because of that assinine assumption of "he's a pornstar, so he'll have sex with any of us without delay", or if that behavior is because the guy is simply a fuckheaded asshole because he oversteps his bounds often. I don't care which one it was in this case. Either way, I didn't appreciate it NOT ONE FUCKIN' BIT. And he got that shown to him every chance he tried approaching me thereafter.

I'm sitting on a bed and jerking my hard-on, and he stands in front of me with his big hard-on as if I'm just going to lovingly gag myself with it. - uh WRONG, MUTHA FUCKA!

He started out being a good-looking older guy who with proper conduct, could have stayed good-looking in my eyes, and got my tight hole wrapped around his thick dick. But instead of him - another tall, good-looking, older, hot-bodied, and better-mannered hottie got that pleasure. And his better manners helped him to maintain his good looks and add to his H.Q. (Hotness Quotient).

These obsessive behaviors make me wonder that while I know why I'm single, if these guys are also single, that it might be because of that obsessive and desperate behavior.

The bottom line of all this is to remind you that YOU MUST be ready to take "no" for an answer sometimes. No matter how great you think you look, or whether you think because your prospective hook-up is a Porn Actor that he/she will give it up without fuss, or because you believe that at a sex party "there is no such thing as 'no'", going to a sex party following any or all of these credos makes you an ugly and undesirable creature. You are not a man by any means behaving like this.

So respect others space, so you can demand the same in return. And if you're not desired right away, move on to another prospect. NEVER OBSESS.

Now go have some safe and sane fun fucking each other senseless.

Monday, January 12, 2009

What Recruiting Bitches Deserve

Recently, there was a post on Fleshbot about "gay-for-pay" porn actor Pat Bateman/Matt Murdock. It expressed anger over how he was doing his bottom (bonafide dumb ass, Marc Stone) doggy-style and using the bottom's back as a table so he could watch a girlie mag while fucking him.
In response to that, I posted this comment:

I think that to all media, producers and viewers who are dumb enough to be recruiters by making the whole gay-for-pay scenario seem like good entertainment, this is exactly the kind of behavior you deserve. Having this rubbed in their faces with such humiliation. I'm glad to see it.

If viewers make enough noise about their anger towards this as they have here, maybe these producers will hire some gay or bi MEN. I emphasize MEN, because a real man is secure enough to admit that he is gay or bi, instead of the bullshit "I'm straight, but I find gay sex fun, too."If these guys find gay sex fun as well, then they should stop being wimpy bitches and admit to being bi.

As I've thought it over, viewers shouldn't be making noise over the fact of how his simply doing it for the money was put so blatantly in their faces. They should be making noise over how the "GAY-FOR-PAY" GENRE SHOULDN'T EXIST AT ALL. This genre is a clear display of self-loathing and hetero-phobia.
Self-loathing because it's the whole "misery loves company" psychology. These producers, directors, viewers, and forms of media who support the "gay-for-pay" genre are using a beautiful thing like sex as a way to make a man who professes himself as straight to "walk a mile in a gay man's shoes" shall we say. When in all actuality, all anyone regardless of their sexual orientation needs to understand a gay man's plight is to be humane enough to not revel in seeing someone oppressed for any unjustified reason, such as the sexual going-ons between consenting adults. But the gay males (far from being men) who feed this "gay-for-pay" machine are so weak in taking their stand that they hate their lives, trying to make a so-called "straight guy" do what they do is their revenge. When in turn, all it does is further displays self-loathing amongst gays that right-wing politicians can use to plead their case of how gays are "diseased in the head", and further allows the so-called "straight guy" to deny his homo- or bisexuality.
Hetero-phobia because it's a clear sign of how these producers, directors, viewers, and media supporters don't live by the principle of "live and let live", which is the same principle they claim to want straight right-wingers to do for them. We are supposed to all be adults here, and it's a damn shame that I must remind you of how 2 wrongs don't make a right. Making a self-professed straight man have sex with another man by throwing big numbers of dollars in his face is wrong. I have always given credit to Jake Cruise for his website, "Straight Guys For Gay Eyes". It is a website for those gay men who are secure enough with their homosexuality that they don't need to see a self-professed straight man have sex with a guy. The gay male viwers of this site are man enough to use their imagination as to what it would be like to have sex with that man IF he was willing to pound male ass the way he does that pussy.
And Yes, I said the P-word. Pussy! Pussy! Pussy! Pussy! Pussy! Now, stop being punk bitches and being afraid of it. After all, you came out of one, so if it wasn't for the beauty of pussy, you wouldn't be here.

Maybe that's what the "gay-for-pay" supporters problem is - ENVY. Envy over how they can't naturally pro-create. WELL GET THE FUCK OVER IT. It's one of the cons you signed up for when you decided to be true to your homosexuality. Now, man-up and deal with it as I do.

What astounds me most about this is how it is a clear sign of how when people are doing something insulting to others, they always tell on themselves. That's what this director at Falcon's was doing here. He told on himself as to how he lacks respect for a straight man by not letting him really be a straight man and have sex with a woman, and admire the beauty of his manhood that way. Instead, he took away the beauty of whatever manhood Pat Bateman had. And Pat Bateman/Matt Murdock and Marc Stone were both dumb enough to let him.

So while Pat Bateman is an ass for agreeing to be a "gay-for-pay" porn actor in the 1st place, many people's anger in this situation is misplaced. It belongs directed towards the producers and directors of not just, but all sites and video companies that cater to this genre. And get angry at yourself as well, if you're enough of a trifling dumb-shit to support it. This is the gay porn genre that incites gay-bashing. Think about it. Any man walking into a porno shop sees the posters of both straight and gay porn, whether that straight man wants to admit it or not, he catches a glimpse of that poster for a video by company specializing in "gay-for-pay". What impression does that give him of gay men, if a big advertisement for the "gay-for-pay" genre is held as such a big attraction for gay men?

It says, "Gay men live to recruit."

And in return the straight guy may say, "Not me."

So the slightest gesture from a gay man no matter how nonthreatening can incite violence in that straight man to protect his personal space, because that ad made this straight man feel that gays want to intrude upon his sexual nature. And one's sexual nature is something that should be held sacred in every human being.

Damnit, do unto others as you want done to you.


Friday, January 9, 2009

New Year, New Cocksucker


Not you, me.

That's what I've been calling myself after the New Years I've had. And I'm not insulting myself when I say it.

Now I won't get into the all of the details of the debauchery directed at me caused by my walking around Daniel Nardicio's Masked Ball practically naked wearing only a mask I designed, then as an after-party, how I wound up in a 4-man orgy that included one of the uncut go-go boys from the party, and didn't get back home to The Bronx until it was nearing 7 PM. While my cock is getting hard just thinking about the asses I played with, cocks I saw filling willing holes, and balls I saw fill up and felt ready to shoot big loads - instead I want to tell the tale of how I've come to notice the bettering of my cocksucking skills over the course of these events.

When I walked into Daniel's party at about 11:30 PM, I at first wore my mask and boxer-briefs with plans to slip into my next to nothing outfit a little after midnight. The 1st thing I noticed were these 2 tall slim guys totally naked except for wearing mask. I though to myself, "Well, they're starting early."

Then I saw a short guy with a nice juicy ass and a tattoo on his right cheek also wearing only a mask. After seeing that, I bothered the clothescheck guy almost 5 minutes after checking my clothes to add my boxer-briefs what was already checked in. Leaving me wearing only the Vizeau underwear (if you can call them "underwear")that you see below, but in Black. From the looks of the clothescheck guy to the right, as thanks for putting up with me being an annoyance, maybe I should have given him a good rimming as a way of saying "Thanks". The question is who would have been more serviced, and therefore thankful - him or me?

Anyway, when I returned to the party with such a revealing outfit on, as I tried to make my way through the horny crowd, I got felt up by a variety of unseen hands. And this time, even though I was not "on the clock" as you could say (because I was a patron that night, and not a go-go boy), I actually didn't mind, because after seeing my 3 inspirers, the horndog that I am quickly started to surface.

As the night progressed, at some point or other, I did get a chance to get near my 3 inspiring bods. I only got to cop a feel of the short guy's juicy tattooed ass, but I was especially fond of the 2 tall slim guys. You see, I don't believe I've mentioned it before, but I have a thing for tall, slim guys. Not skinny, but slim. A circle of guys that included those 2 were fooling around, and as I always do, I stood on the outskirts hoping to get invited in. One of the guys named Nathan, did invite me in. He reached for me, and planted one on me. And the other guy reached for me as well. Then with my dick hard as a rock from being in the presence of 2 guys I lusted for since I first walked in the door, the other asked me something that floored me a bit. He asked, "Are you Tré Xavier?"

What shocked me was the fact that the last 2 times I was asked that question, it was a Black man asking it. While I'm aware that I have White readers, I was glad to see one in person who is willing to make their presence known.

I confirmed that he was right, and he complimented me on how good he finds it to be. Well, this was a case of how flattery will get you everywhere, because this hottie definitely bought himself some time alone with me for that compliment. I started sucking his cock to the point that he shot a nice big load. That load made clear of what motions certifies that you've hit the spot when sucking cock. If you make that muscle in a guy's cock contract in your mouth, usually from moving your tongue along the frenulum, THEN you are a bonafide cocksucker. And I made him do just that, then later on I had the pleasure of catching a moment alone with Nathan, and making him shoot his load as well.

That cocksucking was me using my mouth to fuck their cocks as compensation for the fact that I wanted them to fuck me in my ass soooo bad. Because while I have a thing for tall slim guys, I have yet to have the pleasure of one off-camera. I've had tall and athletic off-camera, and tall and skinny on-camera, but not tall and slim like these hotties.

Maybe there's some more fun soon to be had with these 2?

My cocksucking skills were also on display at my "after-party" for the Masked Ball. All I will say about the orgy was that I sucked off one of the guys so good that he said if I puts his cock in my ass, he would come as soon as he got inside me. Looking back, I should have let him do it. I would have had no problem letting him put on a condom, cum instantly with his cock throbbing in my ass, and stay there until it goes so flaccid with my asshole closing around it that it can't stay inside me anymore.

After all these reactions to my cocksucking, I've been wondering at exactly what point did I become that good. An even greater question is when did I start to like it so much? Because there was a time for me that blowjobs were a tedious task, and no matter how much I liked the guy, I couldn't be happier to be done with it. But that's not more story now. I still prefer receiving or giving a good fuck in the ass, but I don't mind a good taste of some clean, horny cock as an appetizer. So as the saying goes, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it".

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Typical American Gay Male - His Own Worst Enemy: Racism

Just as I pointed out in a recent post of how I'm single because of so many gay men following the rules of a certain culture. This can be seen as a continuation of that. It's sad to say, but my experiences not only with tricks, but even real relationships have always been more successful with men who are not American-born. There is a reason for this I'm sure, and I planned on using this series to explore how these behaviors have led to the typical American gay male's mindset to make him his own worst enemy. Today, hoping to conclude this series, I will deal with one of the biggest problems in the American gay community - racism.

As much as I am relieved by Barack Obama being elected President, I am well aware that racism in this country, and maybe even more so in the gay community hasn't gone anywhere. As brilliant as I believe Barack Obama to be, I'm sure the viewpoint of the overload of racist people in this country and the gay community contributed to Obama's win by knowing with the choices of Obama and McCain, they didn't have much of a choice. So with the country in dire straits, they overlooked race for once. Others took the stand of a cantankerous asshole I once heard at Will Clark's Porno Bingo folding his arms like Grumpy of "Snow White & The 7 Dwarfs" saying he wasn't voting because he "don't like any of 'em".

You would think that being that gays are oppressed just like other minorities that there would be enough of an understanding that racism within the gay community would not be one of the "-isms" I need to speak on. Yet here I am. It is constantly shown throughout gay media, be it magazine ads, movies, TV series, forms of erotica, etc, because as I said before, the gay media is a reflection of the ideals of the American gay community. And it shows by how this racism is disappointingly accepted by members of the American gay community.

It was only a matter of time before this became as widely talked about an issue as it has lately. With people annoyed by things like the untimely cancellation of shows featuring a more positive image of gay men of color because contrary to stereotypes are secure with their homosexuality like "Noah's Arc", instead of giving more hyped press to shows like "The DL Chronicles" displaying gay/bi men of color who are insecure, thereby acting more true to the stereotype. Or people's annoyance with websites and porn companies either featuring all White or light-complexioned men, and if they use men of color, it's for the sake of tokenism where while they use a variety of body types in Whites, all non-Whites are muscular. Or well-known American gay lifestyle magazines seldom using a non-White as a cover model or model in a fashion spread, and when they do (sadly once again) it's as a token model.

Let's be realistic. We live in the melting pot called, "America"! SHOW IT IN YOUR SO-CALLED ARTISTIC WORK!

Now before I proceed and this argument over my dislike of "The DL Chronicles" ensues again (as it did on my friend's Ka-os's blog) with the fact that I've never seen an episode, let me make one point clear. While "The DL Chronicles" may be a quality show (so I've been told) for showing a variety of ethnicities living "on the down low", the way it was marketed fed the bullshit racist belief of how men of color are so much the ones living life in that fashion. Because truth be told, who contributes more to escorts and male prostitutes? Men of color on the dl, or White men on the dl? Now close your mouth, since you can't give an intelligent reply to dispute that it's White men, and let me proceed.

The practices of racism from companies like the aforementioned companies and too many others in the gay media can't keep using the same type of White or light-complexions again and again without people becoming annoyed. Because with the variety of ethnicities we have in this country, people are going to become annoyed to a boiling point. And that boiling point is overflowing as we speak. And I couldn't be happier, because racism creates and ugly chain. It has lead to ethnic-Americans making companies that exclude Whites. This however leads to a "damned if you do, damned if you don't situation", because to some extent the exclusion of Whites by media companies featuring ethnics makes them part of the problem instead of being part of the solution, while on the other hand, if it wasn't for those ethnic-featuring companies, I and many other darker-complexioned men of color would not work in any form of gay media.

There is a price to pay for racism, and I'll use what it has done to the gay porn industry as an example of how it effects all gay media. Such as the fact that I have done a form of boycotting that a Porn Actor is thought to not be politically correct in not only just doing, but even worse to admitting to.

I have in the past said that I no longer buy American-made gay porn, because of the racism, and will continue to do so until the racism in the gay media is bettered to my satisfaction. So in retaliation, I download my porn from file hosting sites. YES, YOU READ CORRECT. I take what the pirates offer online. Because I feel that if my color, or ethnicity isn't good enough for your movies, then my money isn't good enough to go from my colored hands and into the pockets you wear to cover your bigoted White skin. And I feel every minority that feels shunned by the major studios should do the same. It is the one definite way that they'll wake up, and realize how great a contribution we make to their income. My stand is that if you make quality product, and sell it for a reasonable price, then I'll pay my hard earned money for it. Since the major studios showing me practically always the same type of ONLY White guys fucking in a country as rich in ethnic diversity as America is not putting out quality product, you guys are unfit to demand any money from my beautifully colored hands at all.

It was that lack of racism in Ben Marksman of Knight Stick Films that make me postpone leaving the adult industry, which I why after meeting, I agreed to become part of the cast of "ALL OUT ASSAULT".

It was a diverse cast that was a clear beginning in displaying the ethnic diversity that not only New York-based major studios have failed at showing, but Amercian-based major studios have failed at as well. So since I want you to get your money's worth and contribute to the growth of studios I find worthy of growth because of their lack of racism, I decided to take the stand that I will not be a part of a movie that you shouldn't pay for.


While predominately White companies are the most known culprits, that doesn't mean that non-Whites are safe from my wrath against racism. Because they can be perpetrators as well. I know, because I worked for one, and I have often admitted that I was once myself racist against other Black men. So I am proof that YES a Black man, a Latino, an Indian, or any other minority can be just as much a racist as a White one. And if you believe otherwise, trying to give me that bullshit of how minorities don't have the power to be racist, then YOU NEED TO GET IT THE FUCK FIXED. Because you deserve the same punishment for your ignorance.

What is that punishment? I will just breifly remind you that KARMA'S A BITCH. For now, I'll justdo my part by whipping you with words of truth here.

These words of truth may very well get me blacklisted by the companies I used as examples, their supporters, and other media companies that practice the like. Because 1st and foremost, it clearly displays their guilt. But I could care less, because as they say, "the proof is in the pudding". I've never backed off from telling you a truth I've carefully observed in the past, so why should I start now. With this new year upon us, if anything, I should be more inlcined to be honest. Besides if I did, I'd be stroking their egos. Egos that because of their racist mentality should be obliterated rather than stroked. Along with those of the people who think this behavior coming from them is OK.

So be you Black, White, Latino, Indian, Asian, or whatever, know this - your racism makes you (as it did me at one time) a worthless existence to not just the gay community, but to humanity overall. And as long as that racism flows through your veins, and you use your money, power, or so-called art to express it, every breath you take is a waste. Knowing that in your heart of hearts, this is the point where you buy more drugs to run from that truth.

I have many hopes in starting this blog series. Hoping that the guilty parties companies will be shamed into doing better. Hoping that their supporters who lower their human-worth by purchasing their products will also be shamed into doing better. And by saying "do better", I mean that they'll see the beauty of all color and nationalities, and put aside preconceived notions when they meet someone of a different color or nationality. I myself am not a walking stereotype of a Black, a gay, or a bisexual man. So why wouldn't there be a plethora of others who live their lives with the same individuality?

So American gay males, earn the rights straight people have, but gays are fighting for by respecting each other and revelling in the beauty of our differences. Because right now, you don't deserve them. Minority groups have always had to do more work in proving themselves fit for the rights and privelges that the majority takes for granted. And the LGBT community as a minority group is no exception.

With that in mind, I hope this conclusion, will truly be the conclusion of this blog series. It is now 2009. Can we finally get it together?

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Prologue to "...His Own Worst Enemy: Racism"

Hi there,

I think I've given you enough consecutive sex tales that now it's time to get to some of the harsh realities we need to deal with in 2009. Such as racism amongst American gay males.

I recently read a profile on Manhunt from someone who disputed people saying "No Blacks or Asians" or any kind of pushing aside of a person of a specific ethnicity. He asked a very valid question that I've always had. That question being as to whether or not one feeling that way is really based on one's individual preference, or is it the influence of the nation or cultural sects rules dictating those sentiments.

Well, I agree with this gentleman in saying that it's the nation and cultural sects. I mean how many Whites go for a specific look in other Whites, or rarely go for other colors, and if they do, it's a specific look. With every look they're searching for being one that is propagated by the gay media, but rarely amounting to a relationship worth having.

And please don't think I'm unaware that non-Whites are guilty of this as well. It's just that they're not as dominating a force to be symbolic of gay media as Whites are.

The problem with all of this is that this needs to stop NOW if we are going to be truly unified and deserving of the rights that straight people take for granted. We need to take this newness of 2009, and make it the time to kick the individuality of our minds and tastes into high gear.

I hope you'll travel with me as I further explain this in my upcoming blog post intended to conclude my "Typical American Gay Male...His Own Worst Enemy" series about racism.

So please check out back here this Tuesday at 5:40 PM (EST). Thanks.

Tré Xavier

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Friday, January 2, 2009

No Feel Or Pic Of Dick Required

At my last appearance at Will Clark's Porno Bingo, I had a pleasant exchange with the winner of the final round named "Manuel". I was especially pleased because he wound up winning the copy of the Starz book series that I was interviewed for, ULTIMATE STARZ. Not only that, but who turned out to be cute.

Recently, I received an email from him. He mentioned how when he saw I the guest for that week that he'd do an online search for info on me. I was as I should have been very flattered by the fact that he not only research me, and liked what he saw, but he liked it enough to come out and see me in person. What heightens my flattery is the fact that I'm sure quite a few stayed away because it was freezing cold that night, and instead of watching me strip, they opted to make some heat of their own by either stripping with their significant other or by beating their meat to a porno already within their grasp.

He also stated in the email that I had a nice butt, and that he was a bottom. He found it weird to be a bottom who likes asses. I told him that although I'm newly versatile off-camera that I've always been an ass-man. Yes, you read correct. In fact, I've always been such an ass-man that my rule was and still is that if you're a good-looking guy with a nice ass, I'll give you my ass to get fucked (especially in missionary) with no feel or pic of dick required. It's an exchange of pleasures. You give me the pleasure of groping your ass, and my thanks will be by giving you the pleasure of being inside mine.

This sexy guy also questioned as to whether he's a bottom by nature or circumstance, and that he admits to topping a few times, but not with the same confidence he has as when he bottoms. First off, he's short like me and many big tops prey upon guys like us assuming we must be bottoms. That was me once upon a time, but even from that night I lost my virginity, I knew I would one day have a tight asshole wrapped around my dick and I would love every millisecond of it. Plus, one must take into consideration how much less performance pressure in on a bottom. While a bottom's performance does entail the responsibility of douching, it doesn't really include maintaining a hard-on like it does for a top. And that hard-on is a must for sex with a male in the supposed aggressive role whether the sex he's having is straight, gay, or bi.

That pressure may very well be why some guys topping at sex parties and clubs hate to be touched while their fucking. As much as they don't mind being watched, they don't like the added pressure from being touched by possibly undesired hands that they have to take time away from focusing on the ass they're enjoying and giving pleasure to in order to confirm. I've seen myself start losing a hard-on the second a hand touches me, then when I realize it's a guy I'm into, I stop losing it, and regain it. However, if it's a touch by someone I'm not into, one thrust too far back from me, and my limp dick slips out of the ass I was enjoying. And it's not easy to get back in 1-2-3. Most likely because that unwanted intervening shook that aforementioned confidence it took in me to become a top.

Based on my experiences as a total bottom, and my wish to be versatile as I am now and beyond, my assessment of my studly juicy-assed Latino fan is that he needs some more practice as a top, because a bottom who loves ass, most likely craves to fuck ass. And what I forgot to mention is that he did say that he wouldn't mind hooking up some time. Based on these pictures he sent me, and OK'd my posting them here, I'm kind of craving to take him up on his offer, and not just being a savage on his ass. BUT allowing him to be a savage on mine. I can definitely see myself in missionary position massaging that plump butt while he's sliding that hot and sweet pinga in and out of my eager hole.

So I'm leaving you today with a slideshow of asses that inspire this post. The song is "So Deep" by Jim Verraros, which I've said before should be a bottom's sex anthem. As for the pics, I know some of these guys personally, some I've had sex with, some I don't know personally, but have seen pics of their cock (which for this post, I'm ignoring the sight of for them to qualify), but most I don't know but just a pic showing that cute face, nice body, and beautiful bare ass will have me on my back with heels pointing to heaven should a meeting ever come to fruition. No questions asked. No feel or pic of dick required. Every guy you see in this slideshow can just "plug it in, plug it in".

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