How Gay Marriage Affects My Traditional Marriage

One of the arguments against gay marriage is that it will affect traditional marriages negatively. This is how gay marriage will affect my non-gay marriage.


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Gay marriage is a hot topic in Australia at the moment and in many countries around the world. At present, gay marriage isn’t legal in Australia, and to be honest I’m a little ashamed. We live in a country with free healthcare, incredible standards of living, one of the most accepting countries of multicultural backgrounds and yet here we are, in 2017, having a debate about gay marriage. In fact, we are about to spend a total of $525 Million dollars deciding if gay marriage should be legalised.  

Editor’s Note: Here at Project Hot Mess we usually steer clear of controversial topics because we strongly believe everyone is entitled to their own opinion and entitled to live a life they see fit. We create an environment that builds women up and makes them feel empowered to be the best person they can be. But to do that, they need to be empowered and accepted by their own government. And that is why we are publishing this article and sharing our views.

If your views are different, that is totally okay. You are allowed to have your own views. If gay marriage isn’t for you then don’t enter into a gay marriage. But we will never discriminate against someone based on their views, lifestyle choices, religion, political beliefs etc… as long as it doesn’t negatively affect others.

One of the things I’ve been pondering is how legalising gay marriage will affect my traditional marriage. After all, this is one of the ‘reasons’ legalising it has been opposed. Debating that it will compromise the ‘tradition of marriage’. I still can’t wrap my head around this.

In no way do I believe that the marriage of someone else has any bearing on the marriage I have to my husband.

I don’t need a legislation to tell me what worth my marriage has. Or that it is any less valuable if those who identify as LGBTQ are allowed to get married.

No one else’s marriage has any impact on mine, and if I thought that it did or that it would, that speaks more of the insecurities and concerns I should have with myself rather than with others.

How does gay marriage affect my traditional marriage? It doesn’t. It’s really that simple.

But because keeping things that simple seems to lead to much misunderstanding, here’s more detail about the things I do believe hold a threat to ‘traditional’ marriage.


Things That DO Affect Traditional Marriage

Outdated views that are dangerous to mental health and safety.

I’ve been divorced, which means by some standards I’ve failed at marriage. I grew up going to a Catholic school where I was taught that divorce is wrong. I’ve had friends who have been shunned from their church due to divorce and ones who have felt they would have no one to turn to if there were to get a divorce because their family ‘didn’t believe in it’.

I don’t believe a marriage should be entered into lightly, but sometimes things do change. People change. Circumstances change. And staying married can be a danger to your mental health and physical safety.

If I had stayed in my first marriage I would have been a very depressed and very different person. My son wouldn’t have had a mother who was vibrant and upbeat. I would have been a shell of the person I am today. Divorced by 26 wasn’t exactly on my ‘life goals’ list, but being the best person and best mother I can be certainly is.

I’ve also seen where a friend (unfortunately she lived in another country too) was in a domestic violence situation. She posted in our small Facebook group about being terrified of her husband, that she had to lock herself and her two daughters in a room because he came home drunk and was smashing things, that he often forced himself upon her and said it was her job to do her ‘wifely duties’, that he cut off all access to money when he heard she wanted to leave and cancelled all of her bank cards.

She also told us that when she went to her church for help, she was told to pray for him and pray with him and that divorce wasn’t the answer.

THIS is what affects traditional marriage. Acceptance of domestic violence because you are married and because somehow it is seen that divorce is a far worse option than being beaten by your husband.

While it is my understanding that many churches are much more forward in their approach to domestic violence and divorce in general now than they have previously been – these views still pose a much larger threat to the ‘traditional marriage’ than gay marriage ever will.

TV Shows Like ‘Married at First Sight’

Did you happen to watch this filth being aired on TV? In a country that is arguing that gay marriage is wrong, that a marriage should be between a man and a woman that love each other, that gay marriage will destroy the ‘sanctity of marriage’ THIS TV show went to air.

If you’re not familiar with it, the whole idea is that two complete strangers are matched up and the first time they ever see each other is on their wedding day. Yup, they get married to each other. Without ever having met one another.

But somehow two people who do love each other, who are committed to each other and want to spend their lives together are more of a threat to the ‘sanctity’ of marriage than a show that is designed to use ‘arranged’ marriages as a form of entertainment and business.

**For the record, I am aware that these couples weren’t legally married, however this is not something that was made incredibly clear in the show, considering it’s called ‘Married at First Sight’. **


Making People Feel Like Love Is In Some Way Wrong

Love is a wonderful thing to celebrate. When I see a couple in love it gives me all kinds of butterflies and makes me so happy for them. Because there is nothing in this world that compares to that feeling.

How many times have you been told or heard ‘you can’t help who you fall in love with’? Why does this only apply to heterosexual relationships? Like you can’t help who you fall in love with, but you have to make sure it’s only a person of the opposite sex? Confusing much?

The fact that I am able to marry the man I love makes me incredibly happy, and that’s a happiness I believe everyone deserves to be able to experience. How can it be that a government can tell you that who you love is wrong based on their gender? And if they don’t believe that the love you have is ‘wrong’, then why are you denied the same rights as someone who is in love in a heterosexual relationship?

Only 52% of the population identified themselves as ‘Christian’ in the 2016 Census, with over 30% identifying as having ‘no religion’. I am incredibly accepting of people’s religions and truly believe that anyone has the right and opportunity to practice whatever religion or belief structure they see fit. But it leads us to question whether or not accepting fundamentally ‘Christian’ beliefs as part of our political decision making process has a place in our country anymore.

Religion and politics have never mixed well. And as long as politics don’t prevent you from practicing your religion, I can’t see why the government should dictate one particular religion’s views. Especially considering how multicultural Australia has become. It is something we are proud of, something we promote as part of being ‘Australian’ but still use one religion to establish our political views.

If (when) Australia finally accepts gay marriage and makes it legal, I can assure you that in no way will it affect my traditional marriage. If anything, it will make my belief in marriage even stronger because I will feel like more people have been empowered to share their love and declare their love to the person they have chosen to spend the rest of their life with.



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