© Gavin McBain

How to become an influencer

How to make it as an Instagram influencer

From boosting your following to acing the lingo

The first influencer species evolved from the millennial. They were discovered around seven years ago on YouTube, where they spent their days vlogging about their pets and how many avocados they ate for lunch. They then briefly migrated to Twitter and Facebook, where they were bored and did nothing, before settling in their millions on the glossy plains of Instagram, where they now post selfies wearing athleisure and drinking turmeric lattes in an attempt to lure their primary source of sustenance: followers. Between followers, the influencer snacks on good lighting, symmetry and modishly shabby Shoreditch rooftops. The influencer's special treat is a juicy "paid-for-partnership".

But the influenceris breeding fast. Too fast. Soon, influencers may even be considered pests, like the grey squirrel. The influencer is everywhere, identifiable by the tiny balls of light that flash around their puckered lips as they brandish a selfie stick. They have captured social media and are holding it hostage. According to marketing company Mediakix, (which specialises in Instagram marketing) total advertiser spending on Instagram influencers in 2017 amounted to almost £750 million, with this figure projected to double by 2019. The traditional celebrity, which once wielded power like no other, is now nearing extinction as the influencer sucks its bones.

So, who comprise this new breed? What do they want? How do they live? And, more importantly, what exactly is their game? Welcome to GQ's guide to influencers, where we put this strange creature under the microscope...

How to talk Influencer

The tried, tested and reposted lexicon of Instagram's true blue-tick brigade, dissected for your scrolling pleasure

ShadowbanWhat happens when you use vague, incorrect and conflicting hashtags at once. Did you hashtag #TravelTuesday when you're actually at your desk? Instagram will shadowban (hide) you appearing in the feed for that hashtag. Similarly, if you think more hashtags means more visibility for your post, you're wrong. You'll end up shadowbanned for every hashtag. Stick to a maximum of four.

Flat layEvery influencer's favourite Instagram shot: the bird's eye view, often taken by standing on a chair. The wider view means their charming woven place mat stays in shot with their quinoa pancake.

** Affiliate link** After gazing at a Boomerang (a one-second video that plays backwards and forwards) of an influencer clicking the heels of their new leather loafers together, they'd like you to visit the designer's page ("link in my bio!") and buy them, please, so they can get a healthy cut of the revenue.

Rule of thirdsIf you want your Instagram feed to look neat, apply this rule to every photo. Divide a photo into nine squares using two horizontal lines and two vertical lines. Anything of importance should be placed along the lines or at their intersections, which creates a pleasing aesthetic of balance.

SponShort for sponsored post and a naughty influencer's way of obscuring an advert.

ThrowbackAn influencer's way of posting an old holiday picture in mid-December because their body looked great, without provoking sarky put-downs.

Know your hashtags

**#OOTD ** One of the most popular hashtags on the 'gram is the fabled "outfit of the day", often accompanied by a "candid" shot of the influencer walking along a pristine residential street in Fulham.

**#TBT (Throwback Thursday) ** The only day to legitimately post old pictures without being totally cringe.

**#Instagood ** A seal of excellence. This hashtag should only label your very best photos.

**#FBF (Flashback Friday) ** Often a segue to discuss body transformation. Post a picture of your previously disgusting self next to a picture of your shiny, new self and demand praise for how far you have come.

#TagForLikesThe detritus of TFLers, those tragic upstarts trying to make it big by promising randomers likes in the hope that they will return the favour. Just don't.

**#IGers ** Aka, Instagrammers. A group of people who so greatly value their Instagram input that they must define themselves with a hashtag.

Anatomy of a post

**The pose ** Placing your subject slightly off-centre is far more pleasing to the eye than bang in the middle.

The captionThis can make or break your post. A witty caption can excuse a soppy couple's snap, a narcissistic selfie or a holiday gloat.

**The hashtag ** Using a small number of niche, specific hashtags allows your post to come up in Instagram's "explore" tab for the hashtagged word.

**The emoji ** A fail-safe cop-out for when you're low on puns.

The time to postAccording to marketing platform Later, try 7pm and 10pm on Mondays, 3am and 10pm on Tuesdays, 5pm on Wednesdays, 7am and 11pm on Thursdays, 1am and 8pm on Fridays, 12am and 2am on Saturdays and 5pm on Sundays.

**The filter ** Instagram has 40 different filters of different brightnesses and contrasts, which can make your teeth whiter, skin brighter and hair shinier.

The geotagIncluding your location boosts your post's visibility and is favoured in the Instagram explore tab for that location.

Three things you should never say as an influencer

'Influencer'Say the word "influencer" to a fellow influencer and they'll never feature you in their dog-filtered Snapchat video again. Calling them influencers makes it sound like all they do is trick you into buying Cocowhite teeth whitening kits on Instagram.

'Thanks for buying my house'When faced with a room full of fans who have all paid £31.98 to come and see you speak at the annual blogging event HelloWorld, under no circumstance must you ever imply their now empty wallets funded your recent move. They might be too young to get the joke, but their parents aren't.

'The F word'No, not the curse word. "Famous." As an influencer, you did not seek out this life of money and celebrity. It came to you. You could never have predicted a humble hobby could prove so successful. Thus, there is no hypocrisy when complaining how disrespectful fans are to camp outside your home like you're the latest Apple product.

How to buy friends and influence people

(Or how to spend your way to a loyal-ish following)

For newborn influencers, growing your follower count organically can be like watching paint dry. It can take months or even years. So why do it by the book? After all, buying friends isn't just limited to social media... It got Donald Trump to the White House.

Bot bundlesFor £9.99 at Greedier Social Media (greediersocialmedia.co.uk) you can instantly jump up by 1,000 Instagram followers.For £139 you can get an extra 50,000. But hold up, you need to start low. Add 1,000 a month and match it with bought engagement (likes and comments) to get that "natural"-looking glow. Sorry, growth. You can buy 1,000 likes for £4.50 and 250 comments for £26 at buysocialmediamarketing.com, but remember, they're all fake and follow the same formula: "Wow!" "Nice one!" "Great page!" Plus, a bot is indiscriminate - it can't tell the difference between a gravestone and a plate of smashed avo, so "Great shot!" could appear on both.

The glow upAlternatively, Social Upgrade (socialupgrade.co) promises to spring clean your profile without blowing hot air up your ego. "Don't waste your money on fake followers. Our growth service uses Instagram marketing techniques to get you real, targeted results," it says, charging £29 for 65 per cent growth and £74 for 100 per cent growth.

The podAn Instagram comment pod is an insular pocket of corruption, like Vladimir Putin's, but it works a treat for growth. A number of influencers can join a themed pod (essentially a group chat or the #squad you never had), in which they work together by liking and commenting on each other's posts on a daily basis. In theory, a pod brings influencers with common interests together for the greater good. In practice, a pod is full of random 'grammers with no mutual interests, all trying to get a leg up. Because of the way Instagram's algorithm works, active pods generating high engagement between users means Instagram favours the pods and features them in the "explore" tab. Some pods cost money to join (between £5 and £15) to keep podders active, plus pod moderators enforce strict rules: no generic comments and all comments must be more than five words long and free from emojis. Another risk is shadowbanning, when Instagram deems your hashtags incompliant and makes you undiscoverable to nonfollowers, which means reaching new audiences is virtually impossible and really lets the pod down.

**The sycophant strategy ** This method of growing your 'gram should only be used when things get desperate. As in you've prematurely quit your day job to become famous on social media. It's basically spamming other influencers' feeds with obsequious compliments, tailended by "Follow back", "#LFL" (like for like) or "#F4F" (follow for follow). It also entails following new people every day (stick to the 30 mark or else you'll get shadowbanned for a "suspicious activity surge") in the hope that they'll return the favour. If they don't (check the InstaFollow app for the analytics), then unfollow them. Follow. Unfollow. Repeat.

How to spot a bot buyer in three easy steps

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**1. **Their follower count cuts a neat six figures but you could blow tumbleweeds across the comment section. 2. All their pictures look like a) head shots, b) they're from a catalogue or c) show only the backs of their heads. 3. There is only ever one person in each picture. 4. Their Instagram Stories are as dusty as Theresa May. 5. The account's tagline includes any of the following: "wandering girl", "born to be blessed", "live for the moment" and "live, laugh, love".

And if you're still not sure…

Consult Social Blade, which has accurate data on every user across Twitter, YouTube and Instagram, along with graphs to track growth. It also grades from A to F for popularity. All the brands swear by it. Are you writing notes? You're probably an F.

Money talk. How much cash can you bank on?

Eventually it all comes down to the wedge, the cheque, the bitcoin. But what rate should you put on your press pack? Stephanie Abrams Cartin, co-CEO and co-founder of Socialfly, which pairs brands with its database of influencers for campaigns, talks numbers

25,000+ followers and a two per cent engagement rateBetween £300 and £350 for an Instagram post and £350 to show up for an event.

100,000+ followers and a two per cent engagement rateBetween £1,000 and £2,000 for an Instagram post and £1,500 to show up for an event.

**500,000+ followers and a two per cent engagement rate ** Between £4,000 and £10,000 for an Instagram post and £7,000 to show up for an event.

How to master the seriously dumb Art of Unboxing

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** Some people will watch anything. Repeatedly...**

"Unboxing" videos (where you open a new gadget) and "haul" videos (where you work through a mountain of free gifts) have become a new form of online hypnotherapy. It's like watching Dr Pimple Popper release a unicorn cyst. Sure, they make you seem a bit gormless, but wait until you see the viewing numbers. Here's how to make a living from your post:


1. Moisturise your hands and oil up those cuticles. **2. **Invest in a quality penknife. Watching you struggle with a stubborn piece of cardboard will instantly break the hypnotic spell. **3. **Spend time peeling the protective plastic off your new screen. It's the "haul fetishist" equivalent of an orgasm. 4. Keep repeating how blessed, grateful and spoilt you are. 5. Invest in a large skip for your prospective recycling and sweeten up your neighbours with financial incentives for accepting deliveries when you're out.


1. Start your video by baby talking to your pet, mindlessly scatting or negging your partner as if you didn't know the camera was rolling and then forgot to edit it out. 2. Dither on for more than 16 minutes. Eleven minutes is the optimal time. Six is too short. 3. Admit you're going to sell this all for a profit on Ebay.

How to get represented

** 'Get my damn agent on the phone!'**

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To get serious, you'll need an agent on speed dial. Lucy Lendrem, head of talent at super-influencer management team Gleam Futures - whose roster includes GQ's very own Jim Chapman - explains how to get on her books

Stand out"We get approached about 20 times a day and we have a very small roster so we don't take talent on often. I'll still check out every person. If I'm interested, I'll meet them right away. If I'm not sure, I'll monitor them for six months."

Nurture steady growth"A lot of it has nothing to do with numbers, but growth. I'll check Social Blade to monitor their growth chart over the past six months. If it's slow, it means they're coming to the table with brand and agency relationships already, which makes it easier. If it's a sudden peak, we'll need to check growth continues."

Find the gap"We're really strong on fashion and beauty and have broadened out into fitness, entertainment and food. There's still room for music, sport and the generations above and below millennials."

**Engage ** "You don't need to look a certain way, be confident or funny. You just need to be engaging in some way."

Gleam Futures timeline of talent success

**1. **Agent Lendrem emails new talent to indicate interest. **2. **She then invites prospective talent for lunch outside the office. **3. **Lendrem then conducts a background check. If it's clean, she'll invite the talent to the Gleam offices for a meeting. **4. **After the second meeting, Lendrem will introduce the talent to Gleam founder Dominic Smales: the deciding moment. **5. **If Smales is on board, a contract is drawn up. 6. Each talent is kept on a three-month trial period and called in for a biannual assessment and five-year-plan re-evaluation.

Or...become a micro-influencer: because size doesn't matter

Can't get above 10,000 followers? So what? Call yourself a micro-influencer and everyone will nod sagely

Micro is to macro what hipster is to mainstream. Or what the hipster used to be, before it became mainstream. Call yourself a micro-influencer and you are uncorrupted. You're not just a soulless, walking billboard. You're real. And now savvy brands have caught on. Marketing company HelloSociety has found that accounts with 30,000 or fewer followers have 60 per cent higher engagement rates than those with higher followings. And the higher your engagement, the more visible your post becomes and the more consumers will care. Neither macro nor micro? If you have between 100,000 and 200,000 followers, you're a "power middle-influencer".

How to form a hyper-curated (and tiny) circle of super-influence

A certain pedigree of influencer prunes his profile like a delicate plant, fearful that any unwholesome followers may tarnish his reputation. His profile is on private mode, so followers must request his approval before they are privy to his feed, thus cultivating a sense of privilege and gratitude among his inner circle. His follower count is low, sure, but you can't fault the quality, which extends to the calibre of the comments. And eventually it becomes self-regulating. Would you have the audacity to follow Elon Musk if his followers were made up of 50 of the world's most respected entrepreneurs? Of course not.

How to cope if your partner becomes an influencer

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Sure, you could dump them. You could also piggyback off their success...

**1. Quit your job and become an influencer. **It's the only way you'll be able to tolerate them. Plus, couple vlogs are so hot right now. **2. Quit your job and become their photographer. **The money's good and, when the time comes, you'll be so sick of looking at them the breakup will be painless. 3. Quit your job and become their manager. Influencers' short attention spans mean they never finish reading contracts. Make your money and run. **4. Watch Get Out. **2017's best horror film saw a black man visit his white girlfriend's family. His story begins with a struggle for sanity and ends in a desperate need to escape. This will be your journey, too.

Finally: know the law

Become an LAI: Law Abiding Influencer

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Social media is the Wild West, for now. Here are the three golden rules to keep legit according to chief executive of the Advertising Standards Authority Guy Parker

**1. Get your facts straight ** "If promoting health products, it must be an authorised claim."

**2. And the hashtag right ** "Adverts must be identifiable and therefore must be labelled with #Ad or Ad. #Sp or #Spon [sponsored] are unacceptable."

3. But don't be sneaky"The word 'ad' must be one of the first words in the comment section. It cannot be lost under the 'view more' tab."

And if you still want to play dirty?

**You'll face investigation ** "After a maximum 35-day investigation, the ASA will ask you to edit your social post with the correct label and will need assurance that you have understood the code. No formal apology is needed."

**You might get blacklisted ** "Repeated violation of the codes will lead to you joining the online blacklist of noncomplying advertisers on the ASA website." (Joining the ranks of Groupon, Skinny Coffee Club and Natural Healing Solutions.)

Your ad may be pulled"The ASA can ask search engines to suspend an ad pending investigation if the body thinks it is a danger to society by showing unsafe practice."

Or you could end up serving actual prison time"Serious and repeated violation of the codes will lead to the ASA referring you to the Trading Standards, who can take action under consumer law. Sanctions include fines and imprisonment. All intermediaries are responsible [for the offending post], from the talent agency and the public relations agency to the brand and the influencer - but mostly the brand."

Part of a larger piece originally published in the March issue of British GQ

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