Monday, August 26, 2013

Would You Twerk To Pay Your Tuition?!?

My daugher is now 15 months old, and she is truly the apple of daddy's eye. She can do no wrong. No. Wrong. She craps rainbows and her eye boogers prolly taste like Skittles. She is the world's cutest baby by a wiiide margin, and that's not even up for debate. She's a baaadd girl.[1]

Last night, for the first time, she escaped the crib, which in some odd way let me know she's not a baby anymore. She also talks, sings along the the medley of her favorite Nick Jr. shows, and of yeah, she dances. Anytime music of any sort (gospel, children's music, techno, lullabies) my child immediately starts gyrating up and down. It's a really innocent thing, of course, and the subject of hours of entertainment for our entire family.

And now, in the most awkward segue of all time (don't worry, I'll tie this all together), I present to you, the next candidate for 2013's Most Ignorant Display Of Niggerish Behavior By A Black Male: Southeast Regional Bracket.



Okay, where do I begin here?

1) While I'm happy that Juicy J has somehow managed to re-invent himself and milk his Grammy win, adding another 3-4 years to his career, I can't help but wonder why a 40 year old man thinks this is a good idea. Does he not have daughters of his own? Nieces? Shouldn't you graduate from this sorta sh*t around age 35?

2) That said, I can't really pick on this guy for his age when 40 year old rappers seem obsessed with keeping pace with peers half their age. Patron Saint of all cRappers Jay-Z even had a "come to Jesus moment" and said (then retracted, which only made it worse) he'd stop referring to women as b*tches now that he's got a woman to raise. So, no, rappers don't have the greatest track record of acting their age. Does this mean point 1 isn't valid? No.

3) Isn't this sorta pointless? Isn't the whole "stripping to pay tuition" (as opposed to "because I have Daddy Issues") thing already accepted as a cultural norm? If anyone should be offended, I think it would be exotic dancers.

4) I won't go as far as to say "twerkin'" is ruining an entire generation of young girls, both black and white (I see ya' Miley), but it's damn sure making them look bad. And unemployable. Seriously, if you know of an underaged girl with a #TwerkTeam video on Youtube, please tell her parents to have that sh*t removed. No, it won't disappear from the internets forever, but damn, at least make it harder for potential employers to Google. Cause yeah, potential employers do look at this stuff.

5) I suppose I'm supposed to make some grand point about Miley Cyrus now becoming the most famous twerker of all time, and how this makes her a cultural interloper along the lines of Elvis, Justin Timberlake, and Robin Thicke, and how that's an awful thing. Seriously, I ain't got the energy for all that. If the girl wants to twerk, let her twerk. She will be eating off Hannah Montana residuals for the next 50 years. There aren't exactly the same ramifications for her. And besides, it's twerkin', not jazz, not beebop, not rhythm & blues. It's just twerkin'. In the annals of "sh*t I'm perfectly fine with white people claiming", this ranks right up there with the word "bling", The Harlem Shake, and Wayne Brady. Take em' all. Please.

As for my child, there shall be no twerkin'. Nor will my sons be PIMP Scholars[2]. They will all get into [insert your own prestigious college here] the old fashioned way: Good grades and racial quotas.

Question: Would you allow your child to apply to be a "Twerk Scholar"? Other than a lame excuse to plug Juicy J's next album (#GrandHu$tle), is there anything more we should infer about this publicity stunt and what it says about the state of hip-hop?

[1] The fact that she'll someday be gawked at by boys (and men) isn't lost on me at all. And yes, that sh*t keeps me up at night. And yes, I'm considering getting a gun. Just off GP. And no, that's not a joke.

[2] This was the begining of the end for Nelly. Well, that country music song prolly was, but this ain't exactly help.

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