What (I think) your Christmas tree says about you


Today is December 15th. By now, I've seen countless Christmas trees on Facebook, Twitter, blog posts, Instagram, newspaper online galleries, etc. And, instead of just scrolling by without a thought, I've been thinking about what Christmas trees - shape, fullness and ornaments that adorn it - says about the person who owns them.

Let's start with the tree itself. Also, please don't take any of this seriously. Ready? OK.

Round, fat and full. You have a zest for life and a hunger for a challenge. You don't back down when facing adversity, and you possess more than enough energy and positivity to tackle most situations. Others look up to you, and often admire your tenacity when it comes to life in general. You're a riot at a bar, but oddly enough, you're a little lazy in love.

Slender, tall and full. You have somewhat of a Napoleon complex. You're afraid to have a short tree and thus have that be judged as a projection of your personal shortcomings. You carefully inspected its fullness, just in case you ran out of ornaments, because those things are expensive - and you're a detail-oriented perfectionist. The last thing you want while sitting in your oversized chair, sipping scotch in your cashmere sweater and gazing at your Christmas tree is to spot a section of wall through it. Your tree must be perfect. Hell, slap some wings on it, and your tree could walk the damn Victoria's Secret runway.

horrible, but WE LOVE IT.

horrible, but WE LOVE IT.

It has some (a lot of) bare spots. It was either 1) the first one you spotted, 2) on sale, 3) the one your loved one and/or kids chose or 4) you felt bad for it. But you know what you think? Nothing in life is perfect. This tree is now part of your family, and YOU LOVE IT - so screw everyone who has anything bad to say about it, because you are someone who goes against the grain on purpose. You also might be a hipster who wears a lot of striped shirts.

Short. Your tree is very short. You probably are, too. A tall tree just wouldn't make sense. But, in your dating profile, you nix anyone under the height of 5'11" because you "like to wear heels." Your Facebook profile picture is you standing next to your tree in heels.


No color theme, but allllll of your family's ornaments collected throughout the years - even the ones you've glued back together - are the only things donning your tree. Your tree may wind up being kind of ugly and smell really stale, but man is it rich with tradition. And, that in itself, is kind of beautiful, you think. You're someone who values the deeper meaning behind things and people. You don't believe in living frivolously - you cut coupons, sew missing buttons back on and have a lot of money in the bank you'll never spend, but it's set to be donated to a cat shelter in your will.


Your tree looks different every year. You have themes. Your tree should be in Vogue every year. You've spent time dreaming up a design and have facilitated that dream and then some. You are someone who enjoys making things beautiful enough to gather compliments, because hey - compliments feel good. You are stylish, but sometimes a bit gaudy - and everyone loves you and thinks you're "nice." At least that's what they tell you to your face.

It's a big ol' mix of new and old. You like nice things, but value tradition as well. You consider yourself to be a well-rounded person, and others probably do, too. You like going out to dinner or staying at home and making fondue. Frank Sinatra and Katy Perry are on the same playlist you made. In other words, you have zero idea of who you are. You're also the first person to pop a wine bottle on Christmas.


You use a LOT of garland. You still wear tapered jeans and ribbed turtlenecks. You admittedly have no style when it comes to anything in life. You most likely have a very technical, non-social job and you anonymously email lifestyle blogs to ask its readers what you should wear to every.single.wedding you're invited to, even though you always wind up wearing the same shapeless black velvet dress. You want to venture outside of your comfort zone, but never really jump over the ledge you crawl to. You laugh too loud at people's jokes. You're a really good baker, though.

I think that just about covers it. In all seriousness, I love that there are just as many different kinds of Christmas trees as there are people. Variety is the spiced eggnog of life, and all that jazz.

Stop looking at your Christmas tree now. It's fine.