Life without Anorexia

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Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Losing your sexual interest during an eating disorder

As the title says, losing sexual interest during an eating disorder. If you arent interested about just this topic, then its just to skip this post :)

When you have an eating disorder, whatever type it is easy to lose your sexual interest. 1) Because your mind is so focused on other things, obsessed with food and weight and other negative thoughts 2)You dont feel very body confident and so the thought of someone seeing you less clothed or someone touching your body doesnt appeal to you and 3) when your hormones are messed up whether its from starvation, binge eating, over exercising, restrictive eating etc then you dont feel very sexually interested.
  Not to mention the fact that you might feel sort of disgusting in yourself..... For me personally, despite being young i felt disgusting in myself. I couldnt imagine anyone looking at me and liking what they saw, i thought i was too fat. I had self harm scars covering my body, and i thought who would ever want to kiss me knowing that i purged and abused things like laxatives as well as having rumination syndrome.
  Then there was also the fact that mentally a relationship was the farthest thing on my mind.... i couldnt sit still for a minute, i wouldnt have been able to eat with a partner, i wouldnt have wanted him to be close to me or touch me. I remember in 2010 or 2011 i wrote  a post on my blog saying how i would much rather exercise than have a boyfriend... that i couldnt imagine ever having a boyfriend because i knew i couldnt sit still.

But back to sexual interest, I found THIS post about this topic which you might want to read. The important thing to remember though is that if you are underweight then as you begin to gain more weight, have a healthier body weight then you will start getting your libido back. If you think about it like this... if your body is unhealthy, whether you are a guy or a girl, then your body doesnt feel safe. For a girl she can lose her period and also her libido, this is basically the body saying its not healthy and there is no point having sex because you wouldnt be healthy enough to have a baby. (Because well, generally speaking sex is for pro creation, though now a days its about so much more! )
However its not just the weight gain or normalizing hormones and getting a healthy body, but its the mind as well. Because if you dont feel happy or confident in your body, the chances of wanting someone else to touch you or look at you are very slim. So you need to learn to be more body confident and love your body. You can find some posts here:
How to love your body
Love your body at every size
Love your body
Learning to love myself
Learning to love yourself

When your mind and thoughts become healthier and you begin to love yourself more, then you start getting your libido back.

If you have lost your libido due to your eating disorder, then dont panic... it will come back if you begin focusing on recovery and healthy body and mind. Its nothing to be ashamed about in all honesty i think most people go through a phase of low sexual interest during their life, however when you have an eating disorder it can carry on for years. If you are in a relationship and dont have any sexual interest, tell your partner that... if he/she loves you well then they will be there for you during the tough times and when you are struggling.
  Generally speaking it is tough to have a relationship while you are sick.... for some people that is what saves their lives and helps them recover, for others it just breaks them down even more because their partner finds its too tough to see you struggle. But i think knowing that someone is there for you and supports and loves you can be a great motivator to recover!!

Also remember that, not everybody is interested in sex and that is OK. You do whats best for you :) You should never feel pressured to do something you dont want to do and not everybody has sexual interest or even wants a partner. Thats ok :)

HERE is another article about eating disorders and sexual interest which might be good to read if you want to know more :)


  1. Izzy thank you so much!!! I thought I'm an alien because of no sexual interest. I mean... I'm recovered, maybe not fully so I cannot say that it will never change but for now? I just don't think I want it. do you think its okay? I mean if I'm recovered and still don't want to, maybe not hate myself it just don't feel comfortable after this illness (anorexia)... It can be a consequence? It's not harming of course because I'm okay with it. But I'm scared I won't find a partner who will understand this... :( I mean the world is so sexual! Haha.

    1. If you are ok with not doing anything sexual, then that is a choice YOU have to make for yourself and no one should force you to do something you arent comfortable with. If you have a partner they should accept that and not force you into something, then you need to ask yourself if that person is right for you if they cant accept your decision.
      Even if you never feel you want to do anything sexual there will be someone out there who will be ok with that :) But maybe all you need is some more time and body love, getting comfortable in your body and your life and finding the right person... because if you find someone who you feel very close to, then those things might just happen naturally and you dont think about them so much. But also when you dont think so much about how your body looks or you are happy how your body looks and feels then being close to someone isnt a problem, though everyone is different and not everyone likes intimacy.

  2. Izzy! Please,could you tell more about the rumination syndrome? How to fight this? :( how did you do that? How long did it take?

    1. I cant really remember how it passed.... it was just something gradual. It happened alot in recovery as it just sort of happened but i had to tryt o be conscious and not let it happen and as my stomach and body got used to eating and getting food and not being extremely full it helped. However it was such a long time ago that i dealt with it and it was something that i gradually stopped with.

      If anyone else has any advice, please comment :)

    2. I have had this for about two years! Happens after every big meal! Eating in public really helps make sure it stays down! It seems to get worse when I am stressed out. Never knew how to explain that I wasn't bulimic or making myself sick, it just happened without trying. I knew it was a disorder when I started spitting it out (when I had an eating disorder). Drinking a lot of water and deep breathing helps, and like any bad habit it takes time to go away..

  3. Thanks so much for this. I'm in a much healthier place in my mind but my weight is still playing catch up. I can really relate to this-I've been in a relationship for about 8 months, and when my weight dropped again before christmas and I completely lost interest in sex. I'm still struggling with this, but its yet another reason to prioritize a healthy weight.

    1. When you reach a healthier weight then those feelings might come back, so yes another reason to priortize gaining weight :)

  4. So true. I hate when people touch my stomach which makes it a little awkward when I'm in a relationship. I also have issues eating in front of people so I avoid going out on dates that involve food. This was a problem once cuz I went out with a guy going into a counselling career so he caught on real fast that something was different haha. My ex also picked me up once and I was so uncomfortable because I kept thinking "what if I'm too heavy". I am pretty much recovered now but some things still bother me. But I've actually just met a guy that I feel super comfortable around. Which is important. Even if you're not interested in sex it is still good to feel comfortable being around your partner.

    1. Im glad to hear that you are doing better and that you have found someone you are comfortable with :) And of course being with someone you feel comfortable and enjoy spending time with is the most important... whether someone wants to do sexual things or not is up to each individual and people should respect that :)

  5. Hi Izzy! I'm more or less recovered from anorexia, and don't feel sexual attraction, but thats because I identify as asexual, but even though I've come out to my parents, they seem to think I'll change my mind, and they talk down to me whenever I bring up the fact that I don't and never have felt sexual attraction, even to my boyfriend that I broke up with years ago. I'm not sure how to go about explaining to them that it hurts when they do that, because I've explained asexuality to them thousands of time but its just a waste of breath.
    Do you have any advice on talking to parents about this?