Tag Archives: Needs a Story

REVIEW: Bumper Knights

Bumper Knights ($1.00) is a bit of an oddity. A top-down version of bumper cars (supporting up to four players locally) with springboard walls and very light RPG elements, coated in a medieval adventure frosting with a story so light, you don’t even know what’s going on or who’s who until you read the biography cards that you unlock upon completion.

To start, you choose from four different adventurer types, split evenly among the sexes. Each comes with their own default weapon (a lance, axe, etc.). You can then set off on a pre-written quest, or christen your own. In theory, that adventure then becomes ‘your adventure’ in the naming, with a procedurally-generated layout and enemy spawns. I say ‘in theory’, as your quest takes you through several forest, town, and castle-themed rooms, most of which were reused during the three different quests I saw through to the end.

Combat is somewhat simplistic, but fun, using momentum (think of winding up a toy) to launch your hero around the room, striking enemies and ricocheting off walls and objects in the environment. Enemies combat you in the same manner. Some have more powerful weapons and attacks than your hero (such as a health-draining freeze spell), so there is a bit of strategy involved in taking down multiple foes and dodging their retaliatory stabs.

Bumper Knights - Screen2

Evil King is Evil.

There’s also some added variables in the form of powerups. These drop randomly, and offer health refills or the possibility of a stronger weapon. Bumper Knights is anything but difficult, though, and you can easily press start on a second controller to continue the fight as another adventurer, should you need to. You’re not missing much, as each character gets the same stock animation ending.

It’s that same simplicity in design and the short attention span of its quests (funny one-liners galore) that derails Bumper Knights’ completely-metaphorical tire-wrapped vehicle. It might’ve fared better with a more-involved combat system and plot, or additional environments. As is, twenty minutes of bumping into people with swords and spears does not a good adventure make.

REVIEW: Battlepaths

Man, calling your game an RPG used to mean something. Androgynous party members, high-fashion battle-attire, 80-hour hairstyles… er, main quests, and mostly melodramatic storylines that nevertheless gave you a reason to Fira and Dia your way through literally thousands of fights.

Not recently. With the exception of Penny Arcade 3, every other XBLIG RPG covered here (which, yes, now comprises a grand total of 3) has suffered the same non-story fate. Battlepaths (80 MSP) lumps itself together with that crowd, though with the distinction of being mechanically-sound and far more customizable than most.

Your name changes depending on your starting stat preference, but the hero always looks like a step above Neanderthal. Villages are under constant threat from Orcs, Skeletons, and your typical RPG villains. The world is large (three huge areas, accessed once a certain quest is completed) and vibrant, but not very emotive. Don’t expect long chats.

Fighting is turn-based, fast, and seamless. You look like you’re bumper car-ing into foes (BRPG). And that combat is more or less a miniature war of attrition multiplied several times over; just thumbstick-mash in the direction of your target. Don’t fight outside your weight class, don’t get surrounded or suckered by ranged attacks, carry potions or a regenerative spell, and you’ll generally be okay (penalties for death aren’t severe). Though with that ease, comes repetition.

What nixes that tedium and makes for a more interesting formula is the idea of acquiring loot, then better loot, then epic loot. Combat and dungeon crawling are redeemed entirely with the chance to find top-notch stuff, and Battlepaths gets that part right. Every treasure chest and enemy drop is a chance to raise your standing in the world. A higher-rated armor piece or weapon isn’t necessarily the obvious choice either; like Torchlight, it’s all about stat-boosts and modifiers. Leveling up is equally inclusive. You are as lethal or as guarded as you want to play.

There is some backtracking if you’re not careful. Without a map, you can get lost, though the game does a serviceable job of pointing you in the right direction. Which is part of the problem. Complete a quest, pick up another quest, bumper car through it, loot some, and repeat. The overarching storyline is there isn’t really one. Which is a shame. Beneath the gorgeous art and well-done RPG aspects is a shallow series of missions that never escalate the conflict (whatever it is) into anything resembling a must-play.

Desert… Pyramid… Ah, I see what you did there.

And that’s okay. To be clear, Battlepaths is far from a bad game. I’m fine with it. I liked it. It takes some time to get going, and the story never does, but if you love your loot and level grinding (Me! and… Me!), you can stamp that ticket here. At 80 MSP, you get a respectable RPG-like to sink an estimated 20+ hours (whoa, and with additional challenge rooms, whoa…) into. How many of those 20 hours are memorable, though, will fluctuate from player to player.

REVIEW: RotoSchutzen




The trailer says (or doesn’t say) it all.




REVIEW: Monster King




As in Meat Loaf?




REVIEW: Mortal Legacies




Casting Devastating Blow? Yeah, to Fun.


