R. Kelly certainly released some major bangers throughout his career

Its the minor banging that was the issue.

R.Kelly has tested positive..


R Kelly likes his women like he likes his scotch

12 years old and mixed up with coke

Did you know R Kelly had a chance to become a professional Hockey player?

The only problem was.. is that he never wanted to score after the first period.

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Why can’t you get out of a sex cult with R Kelly?

One you’re in, urine.

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So I heard R. Kelly couldn’t even put up $100k for bail.

He’s been pissing away all his money, apparently.

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What do you get if you cross a pirate and a paedophile?

Arrr Kelly!

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The Pope and R. Kelly die on the same day

Due to a minor mix up, the Pope is sent to hell and R. Kelly is sent to heaven.

Unfortunately, St. Peter tells the men he won't be able to get the issue sorted out until the next day, meaning that both men have to spend the night in their respective places.

The next day after the issu...

What key does R Kelly prefer to sing?

B minor.

R. Kelly in the news again--tested positive for the COVID-15 virus

...apparently COVID-19 was a little too old for him.

Why don’t R Kelly wins races?

Because he is always coming a little behind.

All this rubbish about R. Kelly allegedly marrying a fifteen year old are ridiculous. Everyone knows he prefers twenty nine year olds.

Mostly because there are twenty of them.

R Kelly is really changing the rap game

He takes the art out of rap artist

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After seeing Machine Gun Kelly’s success switching genres, Korn has decided to put out a new experimental album

It will be called PopKorn

Why didn't R. Kelly catch Covid?

R. Kelly would have caught Covid if it were younger. But fortunately for him. Covid is 19.

R. Kelly has asked to be released from prison after being concerned about catching COVID-19.

I bet if it was COVID-13 he wouldn't mind catching it at all.

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Buck was selling his car and and girl name Kelly was interested in buying it. He said it’s $4,000. She thought a minute and said, “How about $3000 and a blow job?” He said that sounds great . . .

He was happy he got the Kelly Blew Buck price.

R. Kelly has just tested negative for Covid 19

Bet if it was Covid 15 he'd be all over that though.

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Captain Blackbeard and his first mate Kelly capture a ship searching for precious jewels...

The ship is carrying three groups: guides, soldiers, and miners. They are transferring the three groups over in three boats. During the transfer, the boat with the guides capsizes, followed by the soldiers, but the miners cross safely.
A bloom of jellyfish passes by and stings the men in the wat...

What did R. Kelly say to a new girl he met?

Urine for a treat

I heard that Kelly McGillis won’t be returning for Top Gun 2. Guess which other Top Gun actor won’t have a cameo in the sequel?


If R-Kelly was a computer file

He'd be a .pdf file

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What does a party with R. Kelly and Michael Jackson always have?

Hee hee and Pee pee.

You sick fucks.

R.kelly says the recent accusations have ruined his relationship with his kids.

They must have been crushed to hear hes cheating on them.

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Lots of people are upset that R. Kelly posted bail, don't worry though

It's better to be pissed off than pissed on.

Did you hear about who went to DMX’s funeral?

There was Brenda, LaTisha (uh), Linda, Felicia (okay)
Dawn, LeShaun, Ines, and Alicia (ooh)
Theresa, Monica, Sharron, Nicki (uh-huh)
Lisa, Veronica, Karen, Vicky (damn)
Cookie, well I met her in a ice cream parlor (aight?)
Tonya, Dianne, Lori and Carla (okay)
Marina (uh) Selena (uh...

What chord must you play to get R. Kelly's attention?


I will see myself out.

I believe I can Fly, Bump and Grind, and Ignition by R Kelly were all written in the same key

A minor

So John Kelly claims that the lack of an ability to compromise led to the Civil War...

I wouldn’t say that’s 100% accurate, but at least 3/5ths.

What's the difference between greyhound racing and R Kelly..?

The greyhounds wait for the hare.

What is R. Kelly's favorite vegetable?

Black-eyed Peas

What's R. Kelly's Wifi Password?


What do R.Kelly and Walmart have in common?

They both have kids pants half off.

Drake, Onision, and R Kelly walk into a bar...

Drake, Onision, and R Kelly walk into a bar.

The bartender immediately gets them all a drink.

Drake asks the bartender why he didn’t ask for their ID.

The bartender says, “age is just a number around here.”

How do you say R. Kelly in Korean??

So-Young Poon

R. Kelly has been denied bail

The judge believed he was a flight risk.

Why wouldn’t R. Kelly make a good blackjack dealer?

He hits on 17

My Mum is R.Kellys Biggest Fan

Mum: “I really love R.Kelly, he’s ahead of the game”

Me: “Yeah, his music is fantastic, I just hate him as a person, I can’t believe all the disgusting things he’s done”

Mum: “he’s a musician?”

What’s the difference between R. Kelly and a small fencing sword?

One is a little rapier.

What did the FBI agent say to R Kelly upon his arrest?

Urine trouble now!

My brother came up to me and asked if I knew what they say to Cosby's victims, he said "Stay woke". I asked what about R. Kelly's victims?

"Grow up"

I was playing bingo with R. Kelly...

Apparently B 13 is his favorite number

Why should kids never have been allowed near R Kelly?

Well he ain’t PG13 Kelly, is he?

Have you heard the Irish joke about R. Kelly?

It won’t take much time; it’s only a wee joke.

What has R. Kelly done more successfully than any other musician?

Using A minor

What is R. Kelly’s favorite band?

Alice In Chains.

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A train ploughs into the side of a catholic girls school bus.

A train ploughs into the side of a Catholic girls school bus, killing them all. At the gates of heaven, st Peter asks the girls "have any of you ever touched a penis?"

The first girl, Paula, shyly says "I once touched the head of a penis with the tip of my finger." St Peter says "Okay, dip y...

I asked R Kelly if he thought I was pretty.

He said "you're an eight"

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What do R. Kelly fans and Mormons have in common?

They both defend sexual predators.

Did you know R Kelly trained to be a violinist from the age of 6?

Even back then, he was an excellent kiddie fiddler

When CBS interviewed R. Kelly, he claimed "I love my kids"

However, he seems to also be in love with other people's kids as well

What is the difference between a pirate and R. Kelly?

Pirates go for big booty

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R Kelly has been charged with sexual abuse

I guess there was something wrong with that bump and grind.

R Kelly likes his girls like he likes his professional footballers

Young, fit, and not allowed to come out.

R. Kelly went from being trapped in a closet to being trapped in a courtroom.

Can’t wait for the sequel, trapped in a jail cell.

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R. Kelly has made a song denying any sexual misconduct charges that lasts 19 minutes.

Which is unusual because he usually insists on 18 or under.

Did you hear that Fergie and R. Kelly are collaborating on a new album?

They are calling their group the Black Guy Pees.

What do R. Kelly and current temperatures have in common?

They're both in the teens.

Who does R Kelly blame his current legal troubles on?

His body...

His mind was telling him no, but his body, his body was telling him yeeeehhhss.

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I heard that R Kelly criticised Justin Bieber's music.

He pissed off a lot of little girls.

In R.Kelly’s defense.....

He said that he didn’t see nothing wrong with a little bump-n-grind.....

I can't resist peeing on women.

It's my R. Kelly's heel.

What would you call it if 21 Savage and R. Kelly fought?

Alien vs. Predator

What do you call a pirate that likes golden showers?


I ran into R. Kelly while he was filling out a March Madness bracket.

He was picking primarily the 14s and 15s.

Turns out he’s really into #1 too.

What does R. Kelly have in common with Malaysian Airlines?

They both think they can fly.

How does R. Kelly respond when girls ask for a rating on a ten scale?


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How do you piss off everyone who knows Megyn Kelly today?

Dress up as Blackface Santa.

What is R. Kelly's favorite sandwich?


so I hear r Kelly's music has been removed from Spotify for hate content

when asked what he thought of this he said. ''if I could turn back the hands of time,....

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I found out R. Kelly had sex with that girl because she reminded him of his mother

He has an Oedipiss complex.

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what's the main difference between r.kelly and your average redditor?

there are some things r.kelly can't piss all over.

What’s the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean.

R. Kelly’s never been arrested for having an underage garbanzo bean on him before.

It so hot...

I’m sweating like R Kelly at a PTA meeting

I like how you think.

Ms. Kelly is teaching her first grade class about addition and subtraction. As the lesson concludes, she calls on each student to answer a simple math problem. Finally, she gets to Johnny.

"Johnny," Ms. Kelly begins, "if there are six birds on a telephone wire and you shoot two, how many ar...

Lucky day for Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly.

Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly was watching the news when he witnessed something astounding. A young Syrian man had just thrown a hand grenade over 100 yards through the window of a building into a room that housed a sniper. He was so impressed that he had the man found and brought into t...

Astronaut Scot Kelly grew 2 inches after being in space for a year

You'd think they'd be doing more important stuff in space other than measuring their weenies.

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"That I am"




"Where in Dublin", says the other feller

"Temple Bar"


"So d...

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How does R.Kelly end a joke?

Ba dum *piss*

A woman wakes her husband up at 2 AM, saying

"Quick, who's scored the highest number of goals in football, ever?"

"Klose", replied the groggy husband.

"And how many episodes of Breaking Bad are there in total?"

"Huh? Wait, let me...55, no, 62, there's 62 total episodes" he replied.

"Who was that girl in that 'Saved ...

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What do pirates call a rapist?

Arrr Kelly
