The Wax Conspiracy

Crashing helicopters fail to dilute strength of Almighty

Rendering a verdict that still claims, to this day, a resolute finality, the leader of the Catholic church, Pope John Paul II, remains dead and lifeless. Despite the late rush of a feeding tube to sustain some semblance of a diminishing life, the Pontiff wistfully sang out a final "Amen," before walking off into the heavenly embrace of his particular God.

News organisations and betting pools flustered into overdrive along the final days of his raspy voice. Counting down to his eventual death, the jockeys found sudden bursts as notices of his every deterioration in health proved hopeful in their mission of a close out. Tallies and counters broke down with heavy betting and wild gestures of a stock market floor of yore.

Propagating news channels around the world in the Mediterranean of an annual day of foolish festivities and general tomfoolery further complicating matters. Hours before the final sighs, Vatican officials were on hand to deflect the constant barrage of rumours concerning the exact state of rigor. Cardinals holding out with faith only long enough to ensure that all across the world, April 1 had finally seen another year go by.

After twenty-six long years straddling the throne as the head of the Catholic movement, there now exists a gaping hole above the neck. The Church now faces the task of finding and appointing the successor to Pope John Paul II.

Airing out the apartment has already begun in earnest as the pilgrims and thieves have started to flood the Vatican city.

Ethan Switch

Written on Monday, 4 April 2005

The Wax Conspiracy

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