Friday, August 19, 2011

I'll Do It

According to Politico, the discussions about who will be the vice-presidential running mate for whoever gets the Republican nomination next year are already starting up.  Marco Rubio of Florida seems to be the favorite so far.  He's Hispanic, conservative, and from Florida, one of the king maker swing states, so he's very desirable for the second spot on the GOP ticket.

I've decided to indicate my interest in the job.  Here's what I can bring to the ticket:
  • I'm from the upper Mid-west, but I've lived all over this great land of ours, so I can speak to and appeal to lots of crowds.
  • I've actually held down a non-governmental paying job in my lifetime.  That alone give me a big leg up.
  • I'm ex-military, and I'm not afraid to go all Gunnery Sergeant Hartman on a wayward general or admiral.  
  • I'm socially moderate, meaning I don't care who sleeps with whom or how they find their personal high as long as they don't bother the neighbors.
  • I'm fiscally conservative, meaning that I truly believe that every penny that flows out of Washington should be tax money, not borrowed money, and that we should only spend on things that are absolutely necessary.
  • I'm not afraid to be a hatchet man with anyone.  Seriously, I would love to make Wolf Blitzer cry like a little girl on national TV.  It's a life goal of mine.
  • I know how to keep my zipper zipped, so you won't have to worry about me embarrassing you with a sex scandal.
  • I'm a heck of a nice guy, unless you make me angry.  Don't make me angry.  You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
  • I've never held elective office, so there'll be no embarrassing record for your opponents to grab onto.  Hey, it worked for Obama.
  • I'm a true American mutt.  I can campaign at Oktoberfests, Norsk Huskefests, Saint Patrick Day Parades, and anywhere else they need someone to tap a keg or pour the whiskey.
  • I know when to shut up, which is a great improvement over the current guy in the VP's office.
  • I don't want to be president, so you won't have to worry about me undermining you so I can run against you in four years.  Not to say that I'm not ready to take over as president and get the job done.  It's just that I don't sit in my living room at night fantasizing about all the neat things I could do while sitting in the big chair in the Oval office.
Yes, I won't agree with everything my running mate may do or say, and I won't be shy about it.  But if elected, when given a priority by the president, I'll get it done, with or without the use of high explosives, but preferably with high explosives.  I've been used as a training aide by Army interrogators, so I know a thing or two about locking a recalcitrant White House staffer in a room and getting him to agree to support something without leaving a mark.  I'd make a great guy for you to point to and say "Hey, you can work with me on this, or I can unleash the Bear.  It's your choice.".

I even have some good ideas for fellow bloggers who could round out the cabinet and get fresh ideas for our country.  Getting a few non-career politicians into the Departments of Defense, Interior, Justice, and Treasure Treasury would go a long way towards making things make sense again.

So what do you all think?  Would I make a good second half to a presidential ticket?


Old NFO said...

LOL- They would shit a brick... sorry for the scatology, but that is the ONLY way I can put it :-)

Ruth said...

I'd vote for husband agrees!

DaddyBear said...

It's OK NFO. I've heard the term before.

Ruth, thank you for your support.

Borepatch said...

I would pay cash money to watch you go all Gunnie on an Admiral ...

Irish said...

I'd vote for you.. I would love to see you dope slap both of them on January 20,2013 :)

Also I want to be nominated for the head of:

"Dept of Useless Blog Posts"!

Six said...

Best political planks I've seen yet. Now if we could only find a like minded candidate for President.

Aphael said...

I'd vote for you, if only for the same reason I'd vote for Palin: it would cause every last necktie in DC to spontaneously panic.

Stretch said...

Tam for Secretary of Snark!
Robb as Secretary of Pantlessness.
SecDef Jay G. Imagine the Friday Gun p0rn!!

mdev said...

I like it you could really pull some strings and employ gun Bloggers all over the place. What if Oleg was the white house photographer and Dragon holsters were issued to secret service agents. Then again you could always replace the secret service with rotating gun bloggers you could summon them like they do for jury duty.

I like it already

Dan said...

How 'bout, DaddyBear for VP, with The Czar of Muscovy heading up the ticket? Now there's a team I could get behind!

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