<![CDATA[DELPHA D. LEADERSHIP LIFESTYLE - Blog]]>Tue, 13 Jul 2021 07:33:35 -0400Weebly<![CDATA[Grow Where Planted]]>Tue, 29 Jun 2021 12:07:58 GMThttps://www.delphad.com/blog/grow-where-planted
Sometimes, while we are in the flow, we can’t see the forest for the trees.  We feel stuck, like we are not moving.  Folks, the seed feels the same way when planted.  It can’t move, its surrounded by dirt and its looking for nourishment.  It pays attention to the little things:  the water that filters through, the nutrients it can absorb from its surroundings.  Eventually its able to grow, break through its shell and climb out of. The dirt to the sunshine.  In life we go through a similar process.  Here are some tips to know when it’s time to grow where you are planted:
  • Be still:  Take a step back.  Look around you and determine, am I trying to get to something that is not there (yet) because I am planted?  Take time to notice the people and circumstances that are in your favor.  Just because it doesn’t look like your vision doesn’t mean it’s not the right thing (you just can’t see it yet; you are in the “dirt”).
  • Absorb:  You are being given a unique opportunity to grow in an environment that may be a little alien to you.  Take advantage of the wisdom of those ahead of you and beside you.  You are there for a reason and really in the flow if you see this as part of the movement forward.  Taking pause to gain nourishment through experiences helps you to build momentum for your breakthrough. 
  • Let yourself grow:  We tend to plan, have a vision and goals but really what matters most is to have taken the opportunities given and grow into what we were meant to be, not what we planned to be.  When you allow yourself this grace, you can achieve so much more than you ever thought possible!  Knowing what you should be is a little boring- what happens once you have achieved it?  When you let yourself become, you are constantly excited to see what comes next and can notice and appreciate all the opportunities that come your way.
So- are you planted and didn’t notice?  Are you willing to let yourself become who you were meant to be?

Photo by qinghill on Unsplash
<![CDATA[Good Things Come In Waves….When You Let Go]]>Tue, 25 May 2021 13:09:42 GMThttps://www.delphad.com/blog/good-things-come-in-waveswhen-you-let-go
​Being in the flow is a real thing.  When you are in the flow things seem easier, they just happen.  But being in the flow requires some action on your part.  You need to let go.  Yes, letting go is hard.  What should you let go of?  Do you even want to?  Why let go when the world tells you that you need to stand up and fight/argue/defend/state your truth……
Here are some thoughts on letting go that may help you make this an easier process:

  • Identify what is causing resistance:  This one requires you to be honest with yourself.  If your hopes, desires, wants give you angst because they are not happening the way you want or fast enough…..LET THEM GO.   Anything that is causing you anxiety, sleepless nights, negative thoughts.  Yeah even if you want it so bad that you are “standing up for your truth” and getting worked up about it.  LET IT GO.  This is not easy since it will feel like defeat.  Know that it is not.  Honoring those negative feelings is self-defeating.  Letting them go is your win to open the door to the RIGHT things for you.  
  • When you let go, DO NOT look for something else to latch on to:  I hear this all the time.  “Well that did not happen for me so I need to focus on something else.”  So really, you are replacing one thing you just let go for another.  Really (scrunch face emoji).  When you let go there is a feeling of emptiness or silence that can be difficult if you have never been alone with yourself before.  Sounds very yogi of me but hear me out.  Most of us live in a world or noise, chatter, distractions and hyperstimulation.  Part of that world includes the things that we are “working towards” that are just not happening at this time.  When you let go, it makes room within your psyche to re-evaluate, love yourself and really get to know what makes you happy.  So, make that room and get comfy in that quiet positive void.  Drop your artificial timeline and stay there for a while.  Being in a quiet space leaves room for you to notice the good things that are coming your way.  You will notice that they come effortlessly and although unexpected they will feel right.   
  • When the good unexpected things happen, accept them and don’t try to look for what is missing:  You wanted that new job but instead you got a great opportunity to help the community. Yup, not what you were looking for but also did you know that this may be the path to your ultimate goal?  A lot of the time we miss the forest for the trees.  Receive the blessing, new opportunity, the unexpected and move forward.  Don’t look back or to the sides to see if there is something different.  
So, are you willing to be introspective and let go?  I promise it will be one of the best things you will do for yourself and will help you know that you are back in the flow.
<![CDATA[Knowing Your Worth is Not Arrogance]]>Wed, 28 Apr 2021 18:30:00 GMThttps://www.delphad.com/blog/knowing-your-worth-is-not-arrogance
​I am not sure why there is conflict between self-awareness and humbleness.  The reality of it is that we receive conflicting messages all the time on these two areas:  Stay humble = Put others first, don’t talk about yourself too much, do your work and you will be noticed (eventually).  Self-awareness = Know yourself, know your weaknesses, think before you speak (or email), know what you bring to the table, etc.  However, we refuse to say that self-awareness and staying humble can in fact show up in knowing and articulating your worth, speaking up for yourself and others, putting YOURSELF first because in doing so you are in fact better able to help others.  Maybe we need to go back and understand the meaning of humbleness, especially in the workplace.
Dictionary.com defines humbleness as:


      The quality or state of being modest and lacking in pride or arrogance: We need to teach a      
       different kind of leadership, one where humbleness is more important than confidence.

     The quality or state of being or feeling low in rank, importance, status, worth, etc: We  
     observed the humbleness of the local homes, but also the hard-working ethic of the people  
     who lived in them.

Even these definitions give off the sense that humbleness = less than and less than somehow is a good thing.  The first example shows how engrained this idea this is in our culture.  When humbleness is more important than confidence, who is the one taking risks, who will pose the provocative ideas, who will move the needle forward with passion and vigor if that can be construed as the opposite of humbleness, arrogance?  When did being confident become a bad thing?
So what can we do.  In order to balance the scale between humbleness, self-awareness (including articulating your worth) and not coming across as arrogant, consider these:

  • Don’t give into the hype:  Yes, this is hard but the reality is that you need to live with yourself and your decisions first.  Don’t apologize for who you are, your value or your awareness of it.  Don’t conform if it’s not a good fit for you.  
  • Challenge thoughtfully:  It’s great that you have a voice, but are you using it wisely?  You want to be thoughtful as you put out your ideas and be opportunistic on when and where you articulate your worth (Yeah, opportunistic is not a bad word or behavior so long as you are thoughtful and are not taking advantage of others).
  • Know your audience:  It’s fine to challenge and or speak your truth, but know your audience first.  If you know your audience is already set in their ways around awareness vs humbleness, think about what is your intent in pushing the envelope with them?  A lot of times we are screaming at the top of our lungs to be heard in front of those that unfortunately are not willing to listen.  So why are you there?
  • Consider asking what humbleness means:  When you are getting feedback about your behavior I would ask you to ask questions.  If the “issue” is you need to be more humble, when you ask- tell me what I did that made you think I am not humble- it causes the other person to really think about their definition of humbleness.  Being assertive, confident, aware of your worth, innovative, etc. does not mean that you are not humble.  It may mean that your communication style needs tweaking or that you and that person need to come to a consensus on how you and your intentions are perceived.  *** Ladies, unfortunately arrogance is used more frequently when describing strong, confident women so we do need to brave up and have these conversations more often. 
So, how are you showing up today?  I propose we start showing up confidently self-aware and mindfulinstead of humble.  

<![CDATA[You Can’t be Angry Forever]]>Mon, 29 Mar 2021 22:23:25 GMThttps://www.delphad.com/blog/you-cant-be-angry-forever
You have been wronged.  You know it.  You feel it.  You are angry.  All very valid feelings.  Now, what are you going to do about it?  Life is full of ups and downs.  Bad things happen.  Things out of your control happen.  Other’s perceptions may affect you negatively.  For years……. And then, you need to move on.  Here’s why:
  • Being the victim does not serve you:  Feeling defeated, deflated and angry is great for about 10 minutes, but then everything you are thinking about already happened.  Its not what is in front of you.  Your ability to move from a victim mentality to a mentality of power through owning your present path and future actions is what will get you to a place of healing and peace.  Staying angry, sad and continuing to perpetuate the past will never move you forward.  It will leave you stagnant. 
  • Karma will deal with it: You can get to the truth, if you want, and look at your accusers and let them know that you know what they did.  You may feel some sense of closure and yet, more than likely you will still be angry.  The best advise I ever got was to let go, let God (or the Universe) and go to sleep.  When you disconnect from it something magical happens.  Peace.  You can see a new vision for yourself and move towards it.  So let Karma deal with the bad.  After all, you know what they say, Karma is a B*tch.
  • Moving on with grace is YOUR win:  Moving on and being your true self, succeeding as your true self is a gift to you and the world.  So whatever happened you may feel like you lost momentarily but you will be a winner for life when you let go and move on to your highest version of yourself.  Success = Self love + (Action + Grace) so any movement toward success is your win. 
So- what are you letting go of today?  What anger are you finally done with and moving away from?  
<![CDATA[When the Culture is Based on Perception]]>Thu, 11 Feb 2021 00:26:17 GMThttps://www.delphad.com/blog/when-the-culture-is-based-on-perception
One of my favorite workplace culture definitions comes from toolbox.com.  This HR organization defines workplace culture as:
“……the cumulative effect that leadership practices, employee behavior, workplace amenities, and organizational policies create on a worker/internal stakeholder. It can be measured as either positive or negative work culture.”
 What is very interesting in workplace culture is that polices can be active/visible like the list of core values the organization defines or passive/invisible like workplace social norms that affect how people are viewed in the organization.  These passive/invisible yet tangible norms create perception, the unspoken rule that can drive success or stagnation in careers and company development.
Let me be clear- I believe that every company culture is ultimately controlled not by the values it holds but how those values are embodied by the employees and then how those employees are perceived by the leadership of said organization.  There is no culture without perception and for individuals in these ecosystems, there is no career trajectory that is unaffected by perception. 
Consider this:  We have all known that one person (or several) that seem to have that golden ticket.  Nothing they do is wrong.  They float to the top of the corporate ladder in what seems an effortless way and yet you can see how that person is not perfect.  They are perceived as having the “ability” of being more successful even when there are others of similar skillset not moving as fast in their career track.  You may have equated this to likeability, or looked at it as that person functioning in a company blind spot where their opportunities are missed.  Heck, you may have voiced concerns and been told that you are out of line because no one else sees what you see.  What’s really happening is that individual is managing his or her perception within the company norms in a way that is efficient, effective and creates the right feelings around them to generate success. 
So how do we get good at the “perception game”?  Does this conflict with being yourself at work?  The answer to these questions is not simple.  Yes, you need to be aware of perceptions and how your workplace places value in perception.  You also need to make a decision:  Do you want to “trust the system” and play to how best be perceived to get where you want to be in the organization or do you want to manage how you are perceived while staying true to yourself?  Do you want to push against perceptions to create a new norm?  I will tell you neither answer is wrong.  It is a choice.  You can have a balance of being yourself and setting boundaries of how much a culture influences you.  Just do it with eyes wide open.  Perceptions eb and flow so don’t think that this work is ever over.  What you don’t want to do is loose yourself in the perception game.  Since perception is fluid, you may be high on the perception “meter” one day and falling like a rock the next day.  If your work life is all about the perception game you are in fact playing Russian roulette.  The perception game is not sustainable.  You can actually see this in the Diversity, Equity and Inclusion movement.  There is a big push on being your whole self at work and cultures are being tested to be more accepting and inclusive of people that do not fit the “perception” mold. The square peg, round hole philosophy is no longer working.  Organizations are moving to redefine what positive and negative perceptions are. 
Here’s what I think.  At this point, with the flux happening across industries, it is a great time if you are someone that wants to showcase your work and your personality without compromising either.  We are in a time where asking “why not me” is more important than trusting the system.  The system is changing.  Be part of that change. 
So, where are you on this?  Are you standing in your truth and owning any perceptions, are you shifting to meet perceptions or somewhere in the middle?
<![CDATA[New Year, Same You]]>Sun, 03 Jan 2021 21:22:14 GMThttps://www.delphad.com/blog/new-year-same-you
I am sure you have heard this before “it’s important that you fit in.”  Whether at work or on social circles, “fitting in” and being accepted seems to be the golden carrot.  Yet we hear conflicting messages all the time!  The current voices in diversity, inclusion and equity are shouting from the rooftops “be your authentic self!”  And yet, you still hear whispers that maybe you are too boisterous, too direct, too quiet, too emotional, too much of “you” and not enough of someone that “fits into the culture” or better yet “represents the shared values of the organization.”
Let’s get some things clear:
1) You do not have to pretend be anyone else:  What happens when you are not your most authentic self?  You build anger and resentment against yourself and others.  It builds over time.  It affects your relationships and eventually you start compartmentalizing who you are.  You at work is a completely different person than you at home or with friends.  Frankly this can happen if you feel you need to be different people in order to fit into your different life circles.  Be careful……it can cost you a lot.  

2) Not being yourself is like holding your breath:  You may be able to hold your breath for a long time but you cannot do it forever.  When you take a breath again you are taking it in gulps.  Not being yourself requires you to be extra of who you are in other places, occasions or alone so you can bring your spirit to homeostasis.  Think about it.  You may be exhaling when you leave work and then what are you doing?  Anything in excess?  More emotional than usual? Just saying……….You need to take big gulps after holding your breath for so long.

3) Others will judge you:  When you are yourself fully, others may be uncomfortable.  I am proposing to you that this discomfort arises from those individuals not feeling the freedom to truly be themselves and when confronted with someone that is, it may bring up the emotions listed in #1 of this list.  So have a little compassion BUT do not cave to conform to make them feel better.  Instead show them how it’s done.  By the way, you are not everyone’s cup of tea.  That’s fine.  Your job is to find your tribe, not pretend to fit in. 

4) You can lose yourself:  This is probably the saddest part about this.  You do this long enough it starts changing what you think are your wants and needs are.  You change your behaviors enough that you may not recognize yourself.  I equate it to conforming to an abusive relationship.  You may have seen it, or experienced it yourself.  That nervous breakdown, panic attack deep depression are all a physical manifestation of your inner self rejecting the path you are on.  I know, I have been there.  When you brave up and exit, its risky, and you may need help to find your way back to who you truly are.  You will need to learn to love yourself again and trust your instincts.  Make sure that if this is where you are that you know that you are not alone and that there is a ton of help out there to help you move forward. 
Let’s make a new year’s resolution together.  Put yourself first.  Yes I said it.  YOU come first.  You are no good to your friends, family, team or co-workers if you are not your whole self.  You do not need to hold your breath to fit in.  If you feel like you need to hold your breath then look at the environment you are in.  It may be toxic.  So get out there and take on 2021 with a new lease on life.  Be yourself.  The world needs you. 
<![CDATA[Doors & Windows]]>Wed, 16 Dec 2020 00:39:44 GMThttps://www.delphad.com/blog/doors-windowsWe all know this quote, usually attributed to Alexander Graham Bell, “when a door closes, another opens.  But the full quote is much deeper than this:

opened for us.”  (emphasis added)
You know you’ve done this.  As much as you can think that you have moved on, sometimes you look back and think about the “what if.”  What if I would have said it/done it differently.  What if I would have gotten that job/opportunity/made that change.  Here’s the thing.  Once the door is closed the question is, “are you through the door or still standing in the same room?”.  I want to propose to you that when a door closes we are facing it from the other side and we are staring at it instead of turning around and looking into what the future holds.  You are not trapped.  Its’s just that you are still not facing the right direction. 
So why don’t we turn around?  I would argue that the main reason is tied to those “what ifs” we long for.  Think about it.  Even if you get what you most want you still wonder what else could be out there. When you feel like the door has been slammed in your face you stare at it and go through an exercise of self-evaluation, maybe blame yourself or others, then go through the grieving process.  All this while not turning around to see what’s ahead. 
Here’s my suggestion, take a moment and breathe, then do think about your “what if.”  But only stay here for a designated period of time.  This time will vary based on how you feel.  Do put a timer on it because this will be key in your ability to move forward.  Once your “time out” has elapsed, turn around and see what’s ahead.  Maybe that slammed door is a huge favor that gives you the closure (punt intended) to move away from that part of our life and into the next path.  Windows are even better.  A window opens lets you fly!!! So don’t think “well it was not a door but I’ll take the window.”  In my experience when a window open your are being gifted the ability fly into a future that is brighter and better only if you stop staring at that door next to the window.    
So, what door knob are you still trying to twist open?  Time to let go and look around you.  Greater things are meant for you than what’s behind that door. 

<![CDATA[Confronting Courageously]]>Tue, 29 Sep 2020 01:26:34 GMThttps://www.delphad.com/blog/confronting-courageously

Things in life happen.  We all have ups and downs.  Relationships move forward, take steps back and sometimes end.  Most people would say “That’s life.  Move on.”  This can leave you feeling like you need to “deal” with what happened, your feelings and what comes next as something to manage alone.  Not the best place to be especially when dealing with a big or traumatic event.  I’d like for us to take another avenue, that of confronting courageously. 

When you think about it, most inter-relational events happen not in a vacuum but as the culmination of a series of smaller occurrences.  A lot of the time the series of events happens almost imperceptibly.  Here are some questions to ask yourself:
  • What is this REALLY about?  Asking this takes courage.  It requires you to look at the continuum of events in sequential order to get to the root cause of what happened.  Is this really about you? Is it about them? Is it the current environment or something else?  Maybe there are unconscious biases showing up.  Maybe the biases are conscious and manifesting because of the current environment.  Lay off the judgement on this question and really dig deep to get at the truth.
  • What is the real lesson here? The lesson for YOU.  Not what you think the other person/people should learn.  This is the question that takes the most time.  It requires you to be honest with yourself.  The lesson can be many things:  It’s not a reciprocal relationship aka you give more than what you get.  Maybe you are taking more than what you are giving. 
  • Do I really want to fix/deal with this?  The real question tends to be- am I invested enough in the relationship to continue or not.  This is the hardest step.  We all want to be liked, to feel part of the group.  Sometimes we work really hard to “fit in.”  The truth is that under stressful situations or after a series of events, there may be a hard truth to learn.  They are just not that into you.  Once you come to a realization like this you need to decide wether this is a place/people that 1) deserve you and what you bring to the table and 2) whether you want to do the work to continue to grow the relationship and 3) find out and accept whether THEY are willing to put equal effort or not.  If any of the answers are no, you know it’s time to move on.  It will not feel good.  But you will feel at peace with your decision.  

Working through an exercise like this after an event or situation can be emotional.  I have found it both emotional and cathartic.  I’ve been able to accept some hard truths about myself and others and made decisions accordingly.  We grow not just when things are going great but when things are hard.  Lean into the difficult times knowing that you will be a stronger version of yourself afterwards.  

So, how are you confronting courageously? 

Of note:  Some relationships, group dynamics and environments are toxic.  You may need the assistance of a friend, coach or professional to help you identify this and deal with it.  Toxicity is not where we live our best lives.  If you feel like you are in a toxic place or relationship seek help. 
<![CDATA[Network Diversification]]>Tue, 04 Aug 2020 01:33:43 GMThttps://www.delphad.com/blog/network-diversification
Who’s in your network?  We have talked about those that influence, connect and support us.  But are those folks in your network all from the same or similar background, same level and or the same company that you work for?  Here’s the thing, you are not maximizing your network or its power if its comprised of the same type of people.
For example:  Imagine if one day you decide that you want to become a consultant in your area of expertise.  Who would you reach out to that has already paved some of the way, done the work to start up or has a clear line of sight at some of the hurdles?  If you haven’t added people with entrepreneurial spirit and experience in your network then you will be starting from scratch. Now let's push this example a little further. Maybe you do not want to go the entrepreneurial route.  Do you think you could benefit from the experiences of someone who has started a business or two, has developed his or her own product and is able to articulate value because that is what drives their business?  When put into this context I am sure you are saying “of course!!!” yet I wonder (and you should too) have you built those relationships already?

As you are building your network consider the following:
  • Do I have people in my network that are way ahead of me in their career? 
  • Do I have people in my network that are opposite of how I’ve built my career and are successful?
  • Are the people in my network able to introduce me to people, ideas and projects that challenge my thought process and skill set?

If you are looking to push the needle in your development, then your network should be one that is diverse enough that it puts you in growth mode.  A network that you are “comfortable” with just means that they validate your values, thoughts and actions but they are not pushing you to be your better self. 
So, what kind of network do you have?  Is it one that challenges you?
<![CDATA[Flipping the Page]]>Mon, 20 Jul 2020 04:00:00 GMThttps://www.delphad.com/blog/flipping-the-page
The new normal is setting in. More and more we are seeing that, even when we hope we could go back to the ways things were, its not going to happen (any time soon). The new normal has us working from home, home schooling at least part time going forward, Amazon as our BFF for life, connecting remotely, and with a chosen few, connecting in person. How you move on and create/recreate your life in a rich, meaningful way may have you feeling a little lost and uncertain. I have had these feelings and lately I am working on making sure I am fulfilling my best life ever right now versus waiting for something to change before making things happen. Here’s what I am doing:
  • No more “I Wish”: I have spent way too much time wishing things would get back to normal instead of using my time, environment and opportunities wisely. So no more “I wish.” Instead I am working on “I Am.” What am I doing? Blogging again, speaking at events, coaching, getting engaged with like minded people, pushing myself personally by getting back to my yoga mat, doing deeper meditations. You know why? Because I am worth it now, and I don’t need to wish for it, I can do it NOW.
  • Having cake: Its a metaphor…….(but really, once in a while I am baking and it’s AMAZING). I am enjoying my life as it is happening right now. So, I have girlfriend lunch and dinners planned. I am fueling my passions with meaningful work and I am having deep conversations that are exhausting and exhilarating. How is this eating cake? We feel AMAZING when we are having a great slice of cake (or pie) and want more immediately after (don’t deny it). So I am doing the things that gives me that “give me more feeling” and fueling my spirit that way.

  • Keeping the balance: I am making sure that I have a balanced routine at home so I am not 100% working or 100% doing other things. I use my calendar to its fullest effect and block time for work, block time for me and take my vacation time. I know what you are thinking- we still can’t go anywhere, why vacation? Trust me, disconnecting and doing something other, outside of the house is 100% necessary to keep yourself in a positive state of mind.

These are some of the things I am doing to move on from the idea that my world will someday go back to normal. Normal is now, its always been now, even in the midst of turmoil.

What are you doing to embrace life today?