Grown to a man

Flow inifitely like the universe

Grown to a man
how I could be,
My mother left me
how all should be.

I had no choice
knowing this could be,
Just letting it flow
as she told me.

I will never be
no-one’s little boy,
when a man grows up
with these kinds of toys.

Where no up  or down
sticks you to the ground
and the infinite flows you
in every round.

My mind and body is
how it should not be.
The biggest secret of
my selfish thing.

Things that should be hidden
from myself,
so that it doesn’t make
rotten inside, my men.

Growing up small
infinite it was.
Interesting I understood
in a buzz.

Without my mum,
I will never be small,
after I realized what was
hidden from all.

Things are out of order now,
As everything is to hide.
What she taught me is
the most important now.

I must learn to be someone else,
feel the other’s thought.
Forget my own self,
and be Venus as told.

Giving up Mars is
hard as it is,
But my mother acted out,
has shown me how it is.

I will teach the way
of infinite to thyself.
To everyone in the crown
of the human self.

I have given up
being strong,
when I realized how
strong you are on.

Stuck up on things or down
I will never be,
The  teacher of the human
kind I will be.

Mother, bliss, you
live inside me,
What you taught
is nature’s heal.

Come with me and be with
me mother of all,
I am your son most and
most and most of all.

March is here, spring is coming, mum is gone

Well, this is the 3rd of March. I am through with my Mother’s Funeral. I gave her “proper” leave. I cried so much at the funeral. I was thinking at the times we were together. Putting our legs together and watching TV together. So long time ago, and never will happen again. I miss her every day. This is something you cannot change. I cannot bring her back. This is a real loss. These days, I see people getting upset about different things. While I can understand them, there is nothing that can put me down anymore, there is nothing worse than loosing your mother. I never had  a father, he left me when I was about four, so I do not miss him anymore, even though that was a big loss also. I think, I am a full adult now. Like animals, once they grow up, they never get the parental love anymore, like me. I can only love. No one ever love me unconditionally anymore. I am the one to do this. I am the adult.


Anya csak egy van

Anya csak egy van, több nekem már nem lesz,
mikor itt volt, éreztem Ő nem kell.
De Ő már elment, szenvedése megszűnt,
S, ha rá gondolok szíven szúr az űr.
Hol vagy édesanyám? Miért nem beszélhetünk?
Miért igaz, mint mondtál, ha elmész majd megértünk?
Miért nem voltam veled mikor meghaltál?
Olyan messze voltam, s ettől a bűntudat fáj!
Szeretlek édesanyám, meglásd majd jövök!
De tudom most megvársz, mert létezésünk örök!
Szeretlek Anya! Belőled csak egy van!
Szívemen leszel mindig, hamvaid medálban.
Szeretlek Anya, ki engem megszült…
Szerelmem irántad ki soha nem hűl!
Szeretlek, szeretlek, szeretlek, szeretlek,
szeretlek, szeretlek,szeretlek, szeretlek!

Looking for a new job



Well, I started my job search. It is a bit hard but still I have to give trust to these companies and believe that one of them will be good enough for me as well, not just me being able to tell cool things to the company like Dealogic, even the day I met them the Chief Architect was happy that I knew so much about jQuery and AJAX, client side programming since that was the direction we were heading. Anyway…

So far, in 3 days, I managed to find 3 good companies:

  • Digital Natives, this is number one, their office is like Google or FB, but in Hungary, their development platform is mostly Linux/OS X and Ruby on Rails
  • Dream, they are another Hungarian one, but pretty big, they are mostly PHP
  • Open Plus Ltd., they are in the UK and found them on a Hungarian site, they are mostly Java

Already had an interview with Digital Natives. They are good since they work on projects like speak recognition and they work with Hungarian University related companies such as Aitia. They have multiple rounds but I really like their director, since he is my age, this is my favorite of all.

Dream, they are my secondary since they seem so hip, have to write them a small application though to show them how technical I can be, that is the easiest part so I am doing a little address book application for them, fully Ajax, like FB.

Open Plus Ltd. was found on a Hungarian site and it is remote work but the money is supposed to be really good, so we will see! I will keep you posted but you can be sure I get something very soon! This Dealogic bullshit will not stop me from getting a top job!

These are the sites I am using to find a job:

These are the main ones, I always get an offer from Morgan Stanley, this is like the 3rd time but they just do not accept people without a complete degree, which is weird because 50% of the billionaires of the world did not complete university and started up a business, which is what I did but hell why do they find me if they have these stupid rules? Degree has nothing to do with knowledge. I mean you could get a PhD for 8 years of learning but you cannot get what I have, I have been doing it since I was 6 years old. It is not something that can be called PhD, this is true love of programming…

Anyway, so this is the news, these are the sites I am using, of course, I use Monster, and other Hungarian sites for it but these are the real best ones, but you know never limit yourself to just 3!