November 28, 2005


Have you ever felt lonely? So lonely that even when people are around, you can’t feel their company?

Yes… I do over-react. I do exaggerate. I’m someone who fancies a lot but I do mean what I write…this is a very psychotic post, I agree, but I’ve felt it all and no lies here…

So, have you?

To feel so lonely that no one near you can calm you down? To wake up in the nights and though people are sleeping next to you, you are scared… scared of the dark, scared of seclusion… scared of being forgotten.

People seem to move away from you. Everyone’s words seem fake. The world seems alien… an illusionary happiness seems to abound it…always seeming to be present, but never quite! You drown in your mind’s disquiet and maddening thoughts so much, that you feel you are becoming sordid… morbid… psychotic?

You reach out and all around you slap you hard; push you back forcefully till you fall… deep deep into a bottomless gulch from the bowels of which you hear a spine chilling evil laughter.

You try to sleep but can’t till you hug your stuffed toy close to your chest and strangely feel a warmth and comfort in a lifeless object!

You pity yourself for being such a mean, despicable, low, cowardly creature who does not deserve anything but two tight hard slaps across the face.

You hate yourself. You don’t know why. The world seems to be turning away. Everything moves on. You cling on. Hold on. The cloth is wrenched from your hands. You grab that lone loose thread. The fabric falls apart and even the thread of sanity is lost!

You fail miserably in your test on yourself- every way. Everything you do does not satisfy yourself. Life suddenly turns slow, boring, and dull. You have no self-respect. No pride.
You remember your past smiles and tears and lie on in those memories…A ghostly existence in the shadows of yesterdays… the past glory and pain breathes n life… memories…past… past… good old past… bad old past…past… past…never again…nevermore….past…past…past…it’s over, forget it… past… past…let

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Maira Gall