Friday, December 22, 2006

Damn you, General Mills, you have taken French Toast Crunch and left me with an empty husk

Remember, a couple years ago, maybe, a beacon of hope showed up among the sugar cereals in the supermarket? It was a red box from General Mills with tiny slices of toast on it, reclining in your spoon, caressing your palate, dissolving in your stomach juices. It tasted like syrup. It didn't have that dusty, lingering sugar that coated Cinnamon Toast Crunch, its predecessor. It was FRENCH TOAST CRUNCH (from the makers of Cinnamon Toast Crunch), and it was SOOOO FREAKING GOOD.

After I devoured a box or two (this was probably back in high school), I stopped seeing French Toast Crunch in the store. I sort of gave up on it... like any number of mass-market masterpieces with limited lifespans (the FOX show Strange Luck is another good example), it sunk into oblivion. There was still Waffle Crisp, which was a reasonable substitute, and I eventually discovered Reese's Crunch, which helped me get over the loss of French Toast Crunch. Still, I never forgot.
Imagine my chagrin when I walked into my local Brooklyn bodega and found a yellow box, clearly a General Mills product, labeled French Toast Crunch this past week! I was SO HAPPY that they had resurrected my lost breakfast love that I didn't even really look closely at the box. I didn't notice the difference until I was home, and even then (much like this blogger), I wouldn't accept the truth. I thought they had screwed up the graphic on the cardboard.

But no. The truth is far worse... this was a French Toast Crunch blasphemy. It was a box, labeled with the name of my old love, containing some kind of crusty stuff that was nearly identical to Cinnamon Toast Crunch, except with little tan swirls. It didn't taste like syrup. It didn't look like toast. It was their extra CTC, repackaged and resold.
Is it better to die an honorable, unprofitable, and permanent death than to be reborn as an imitator? Would you accept a statue with your name at the base, but whose face is that of your friend's little brother who you don't care that much about? Look at these things. French Toast does NOT have sugar and frosty crunchiness on top. French Toast doesn't leave stuff on your fingers if you eat it straight from the box. I have seen the future, and I don't like it.

You may take everything, General Mills, but leave me my memories. I do not think it too much to ask.


Christian said...

i feel you on this one...i am so disappointed

Anonymous said...

yo i agree i too fell in love with the original french toast crunch and wondered what had happened to it and about a week ago i went into big lots and happened to see a yellow box that said cinnamon toast crunch after getting over my shock i happened to look at the picture of the cereal inside and discovered it was a whole nother cereal obviously identical to cinnamon toast crunch this led me to come onto my computer to see if i remembered what i thought i remembered or had it been some other cereal in which i found your blog
this is an extremely horible thing for general mills to do to reincarnate a creal so good into a less tasty look alike
there should really be complaints sent to them bring back the old french toast crunch as the new one is clearly not as good or toast like

Anonymous said...

I totally agree! French Toast Crunch blasphemy! I used to love this cereal when I was a kid. My mother never used to get it for me but I had a friend who I would get it from in ballet class. Then I quit ballet and never had it again. Years later when I was in high school my mom told me to pick out a cereal and I remembered my beloved ftc! To no avail it was not there! I have been searching for it ever since and never could find it. You broke my heart General Mills and it will never be whole again until you bring it back!

Anonymous said...


BeautifulVIGyal said...

The closet cereal i found in taste is that new eggo maple syrup cereal

Brycedius Sam said...

Unknown said...

So what the hell happened I still love that cereal and even remember the taste like yester D.