crumb/onebench · Datasets at Fast360

text stringlengths 1 399
"When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie that's amore" nope. not true "When the world seems to shine like you'v" thats bullshit too
young sheldon may be the grandson of a war criminal but the real controversy is that home alone invented soy face in 1990
worst corn maze in usa has to be "The Cornundrum" in Melvin,OH; the corn seems brown or sickly, hand stamp wont wash off, stray dogs roaming
damn it to piss. my wife replaced all of my anti-wife reading materials with Pro-Wife bullshit
im going to power up my content in this year 2014 by divorcing my wife and crowdsorsing a new gfx card for me. thats my guarantee
six years ago today george washington carver invented a penut #MyBlackHistory #YourBlackHistory
my IQ has increased 10 points ever since i stopped tollerating people mucking about, on the time line
"being nude helps me ponder Life" - the wise nude #TheWiseNude
Im here to addmindister beatings to all of the liars and cowards in this hot tub
ijust had a dream that there was a big hollywood conspiracy and"3D" was short for "3 Destructions" referring to the 3 buildng attacks on 911
hte shit people type at me "Yap yap yap"
Priest: and the lord said, take this delicious McDonald and eat it, for it is my body and it will be given up, for you Me: Insanley badass.
Why am i smilin tonight fellas? Just got my hands on that new good treat to sip known only as simply "Bber".
michael CRAPSon
ufo eat's shit - ufo crashs into a circus tent and eats shit
once again i will take the path of honor, i will pledge NOT to watch the steve harvey fleshlight vid, no matter how good everyone says it is
The New Ironic‚Ñ¢
my combat jeans deflect most bow and arrows shots and also prevent me from thinking about sex
ever since i read a life changing book i have desired the ability to morph into a Policeman at will. i will not divulge the name of the book
gypsy denim
the 3 poossible reactions i have to tweets 1) nodding sagely 2) slapping forehead & saying "Aw man!" 3) adding it to my muted word list
a man in argentina is willing to surgically transfer hair from my Buffoonish ass to my weak, infantile chest and tattoo a jawline to my neck
level 55 arcane stevia eater
Fuck Up The Office With A Real Leather Alligator Stapler, Shatter THe Establishment - "I Believe We have Your stapler." - StaplerMods.com
the man who froze his shit and cut them into tiny disks to fool the coinstar machine is probably the closest thing to real life james bone .
running a search for "fuck church" every sunday morning and scrolling through the assortment of wild teen yells is my version of church
"Will You Commit To The CareFree Live Or Die Brand" Yes sir "Are U A Sick Enough Fuck To Get Covid On Puropse & Drive The Fans Nuts" Yes sir
submitting my email address and clicking "yes" on massive amounts of promotional offers while choking myself
the trolls think its " SO FUNNY " when they sit on my lap and jostle their hips around until i ejaculate al over their ass. grow the fuck up
http://i.imgur.com/4KRjB.jpg
imagining the guys on Shark Tank laying into the guy who invented the fucking porky pig character "What were you thinking !!"
can anyone who has successfully made a surfboard out of their own shit please holler some pointers at me or maybe shoot me if you have a gun
arrest hitler for racism
executing some advanced high-risk transactions on the Markets. trading my ass medicine for dick medicine
another cheap N' easy halloween spook: sculpt a giant skull out of ground beef and splash blood on it and drive it around on top of your car
Super Boll Picks??? thoguht youd never ask. gonna go with "The Burton Bigbirds" and "Horse"
i have never in my life- shit my pants or had an erection. it is ludicrous to claim other wise
more bullshit: enterprise rent-a-car will refuse to serve you if you imply that youre wearing a cock ring, even if its for health reasons
#SeedPig for podunk nit wit
received some very important secret documents regarding the Masturbators. not only do they enjoy touching their dicks, they also worship sex
please watch my realtiy drama"shit eaters" about people who eat shit and are constantly goaded into cyclical arguments with their loved ones
put an egg in ur mouth before the dentist, then when he opens ur mouth he cant mess with your teeth cause there's an egg there. #lifehaclk??
Ive opened the dialogue on race over 1000 times. Ive steered the discourse enough times to make your nut sack spin.
#ChrisBrownPickupLines im ignorent. my music bad. my pubic hair smells like shit. my dicks smal. grammys only let me on cause my dad is rich
quick reminder to vote for the guy you want to lose tomorrow, just to get as pissed off as possible and enhance your Craft through suffering
"Why should there be only one good friday. Let's try our best to make all the Fridays good. Thank you" -a quote i invented which made me cry
pissed thr fuck off by "Dub step"
seeing the cops in the rear view, telling everyone to "stay cool" and cutting hard into the guardrail to flip my car on purpose
crapping my self at food 4 less and making $1000000 per second from people sharing pictures of it
ive been known to look at 2, even 3 emails , at the same damn time
if our lives were like a highschool cafeteria the cool kids table would be occupied by those guys who mess up their dicks for body mod blogs
seems weve all forgotten i won the official "Fuck the noid" contest and have still not fucked the noid or received an equivalent cash prize.
how can i possibly enjoy a moment's respite, when thousads of my followers could be giving my posts "The finger," without me even knowing it
buiying up all the graphics cards and making them cost over $1000 so i can computer generate my own new episodes of "Arli$$"
Number two. I will never apologize for defending myself from the onslaughts of jealous swine
lets focus on piss farms. lets focus on piss farms. lets focus on piss farms. for the economy. we gotta focus on these piss farms
WELL I PRINTED OUT MY RESUME, DUNNO WHAT ILL DO WITH THESE OTHER 4999 BOXES OF PROFESSIONAL "IF YOUR A HATER DONT READ THIS" STATIONERY
Thw common law wife is giving me "Side Eye", for accidentally eating some of the poison they left out for the stray dogs in karachi
Looking to the day when the World Wide Web matures to become into the World Wise Web.
what my organization does is take fatsuits from obnoxious PG-13 comedies and donate them to the needy
i basically love to catch all the shit that falls off of peoples hamburgers with one of those tiny nets they use to scoop up goldfish
if any one needs help making bat man or super man or any of those guys viral i will do it for $1000
i just looked up the stats and the number of meaningful relationships ive formed is less than the number of public restrooms ive Screamed in
in 11X B.C. an irish Mystik cast a curse on all moms to reciev free college books every 11th day of 11th year & 11th milenium. this is today
might leave dms open for another 6 years in case any more gorgeous women want to try starting some Very unfulfilling long distance romance..
the worst part of having an ass is always, having to wipe the damn thing. the best part of having an ass is shitting. #ElectionFinalThoughts
i can no longer close my eyes. with out seeing a bounty of Farm Fresh groceries being licked by dirty dogs and animals
im strong enough that i could pull one o f my teeth out right now but i dont want to
these flawless squats on the roof of my van go out to the bastard who accused me of "going apeshit" a t wild birds unlimited in marietta, ga
for $0.39 extra the burger king man will write "yu-gi-oh" on your hamburger in magic marker
worrying a lot about our geopolitical foes recording& transcribing our military comms and its just 900 pages of "Permission To Jack Off Sir"
my top 2013 picks: 1) guns 2) pictures of guns 3) halloween thank you. please look out for the top picks of 2014, which i will do next year.
#RuinAChildrensBook i dont have a camera but rest assured that i ruined it & made sure that no child will ever derive emotion from its pages
reality tv show where we replace one lucky boy's pc gaming chair with a fully functioning toilet. every episode
the onion AV club boldly assigns a letter grade to each phase of the moon while dozens of readers chant incantation into the comment section
yes. i can confirm that craigsli$t will flag your job listing for removal if you accidentally title it "buffalo wild wings toilet fuck".
for years i've put up with the piss lobbyists and their laughable attempts to silence me. i will not use th bathroom again until theyre dead
inconspicuously jacking off duringi the board meeting using a series of ropes and pulleys
every veterans day i remember my pet mantis who got defeated by a baby bird that i tried to feed it
http://t.co/Rv3QUakY5C my life will soon become this #SEAvsSF
shut the fuck up and kick my ass
big meeting with chinese investors coming up in 5 minutes. need to look sharp and presentable. im running my dick under the faucet
the barbecue shaman liberally applies a garlic &herb dry rub to his dick and ass - in order to prepare himself for the barbecue perils ahead
im a marine & accomplished scholar. my sons were alchemized into helicopter fuel to serve their armed brothers. how dare u post penis to me.
no soup for YOU gaben newwel
"THE STUPIDS 2 WITH TOM ARNOLD . TORRENT " IS NOT A REAL MOVIE, IT IS A WORM VIRUS, PLEASE DO NOT DOWN LOAD THIS FILE AS IT IS HARMFUL
a typical day for me involves putting on the football vest and throwing the fuckin pigskin around. and i am not sorry if this offends anyone
neurotoxic pig bone spores
stood up, faced audience during larry the cable guy movie, and shouted "YOu're all monsters, stop laughing at him, that's his regular voice"
wearing a belt + big texas belt buckle as necklace?? why ahasnt anyone thought of this before. i must be the smartest man on earh
Keep an eye on "Apps", in 2013 and beyond.
and for all you stragglers out there who missed the deadline i ordered some extra copies. thats all. shutting the fuck up about this now
sending $39.99 to the tiger beat magazine corporation to find out what my "Pimp IQ" is
http://t.co/5f0r1TTg yes
never brought this up due to Trolls, but my son is set to graduate from ITT tech next semester after 8 years of hard work and im very proud.
the inventor of the famous "Love to Scrimp, Hate to Save" tweet... FINALLy taking pop culture to task... "You gotta see it to believe it"
the most popular of my weekly features is returning in 2016. thats roight folks. #WaterboyWednesday no further info at this time.
venus sucks shit. if they find life there it's going to be a very small man curled into the fetal position yelling "FUCK THIS"
me and a bunch of stupid assholes are going to start a community in the middle of the desert to either die or prove a very important point
there is no recovering from this fiasco. the thursday nite rant, as we know it, is dead.

"When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie that's amore" nope. not true "When the world seems to shine like you'v" thats bullshit too

young sheldon may be the grandson of a war criminal but the real controversy is that home alone invented soy face in 1990

worst corn maze in usa has to be "The Cornundrum" in Melvin,OH; the corn seems brown or sickly, hand stamp wont wash off, stray dogs roaming

damn it to piss. my wife replaced all of my anti-wife reading materials with Pro-Wife bullshit

im going to power up my content in this year 2014 by divorcing my wife and crowdsorsing a new gfx card for me. thats my guarantee

six years ago today george washington carver invented a penut #MyBlackHistory #YourBlackHistory

my IQ has increased 10 points ever since i stopped tollerating people mucking about, on the time line

"being nude helps me ponder Life" - the wise nude #TheWiseNude

Im here to addmindister beatings to all of the liars and cowards in this hot tub

ijust had a dream that there was a big hollywood conspiracy and"3D" was short for "3 Destructions" referring to the 3 buildng attacks on 911

hte shit people type at me "Yap yap yap"

Priest: and the lord said, take this delicious McDonald and eat it, for it is my body and it will be given up, for you Me: Insanley badass.

Why am i smilin tonight fellas? Just got my hands on that new good treat to sip known only as simply "Bber".

michael CRAPSon

ufo eat's shit - ufo crashs into a circus tent and eats shit

once again i will take the path of honor, i will pledge NOT to watch the steve harvey fleshlight vid, no matter how good everyone says it is

The New Ironic‚Ñ¢

my combat jeans deflect most bow and arrows shots and also prevent me from thinking about sex

ever since i read a life changing book i have desired the ability to morph into a Policeman at will. i will not divulge the name of the book

gypsy denim

the 3 poossible reactions i have to tweets 1) nodding sagely 2) slapping forehead & saying "Aw man!" 3) adding it to my muted word list

a man in argentina is willing to surgically transfer hair from my Buffoonish ass to my weak, infantile chest and tattoo a jawline to my neck

level 55 arcane stevia eater

Fuck Up The Office With A Real Leather Alligator Stapler, Shatter THe Establishment - "I Believe We have Your stapler." - StaplerMods.com

the man who froze his shit and cut them into tiny disks to fool the coinstar machine is probably the closest thing to real life james bone .

running a search for "fuck church" every sunday morning and scrolling through the assortment of wild teen yells is my version of church

"Will You Commit To The CareFree Live Or Die Brand" Yes sir "Are U A Sick Enough Fuck To Get Covid On Puropse & Drive The Fans Nuts" Yes sir

submitting my email address and clicking "yes" on massive amounts of promotional offers while choking myself

the trolls think its " SO FUNNY " when they sit on my lap and jostle their hips around until i ejaculate al over their ass. grow the fuck up

http://i.imgur.com/4KRjB.jpg

imagining the guys on Shark Tank laying into the guy who invented the fucking porky pig character "What were you thinking !!"

can anyone who has successfully made a surfboard out of their own shit please holler some pointers at me or maybe shoot me if you have a gun

arrest hitler for racism

executing some advanced high-risk transactions on the Markets. trading my ass medicine for dick medicine

another cheap N' easy halloween spook: sculpt a giant skull out of ground beef and splash blood on it and drive it around on top of your car

Super Boll Picks??? thoguht youd never ask. gonna go with "The Burton Bigbirds" and "Horse"

i have never in my life- shit my pants or had an erection. it is ludicrous to claim other wise

more bullshit: enterprise rent-a-car will refuse to serve you if you imply that youre wearing a cock ring, even if its for health reasons

#SeedPig for podunk nit wit

received some very important secret documents regarding the Masturbators. not only do they enjoy touching their dicks, they also worship sex

please watch my realtiy drama"shit eaters" about people who eat shit and are constantly goaded into cyclical arguments with their loved ones

put an egg in ur mouth before the dentist, then when he opens ur mouth he cant mess with your teeth cause there's an egg there. #lifehaclk??

Ive opened the dialogue on race over 1000 times. Ive steered the discourse enough times to make your nut sack spin.

#ChrisBrownPickupLines im ignorent. my music bad. my pubic hair smells like shit. my dicks smal. grammys only let me on cause my dad is rich

quick reminder to vote for the guy you want to lose tomorrow, just to get as pissed off as possible and enhance your Craft through suffering

"Why should there be only one good friday. Let's try our best to make all the Fridays good. Thank you" -a quote i invented which made me cry

pissed thr fuck off by "Dub step"

seeing the cops in the rear view, telling everyone to "stay cool" and cutting hard into the guardrail to flip my car on purpose

crapping my self at food 4 less and making $1000000 per second from people sharing pictures of it

ive been known to look at 2, even 3 emails , at the same damn time

if our lives were like a highschool cafeteria the cool kids table would be occupied by those guys who mess up their dicks for body mod blogs

seems weve all forgotten i won the official "Fuck the noid" contest and have still not fucked the noid or received an equivalent cash prize.

how can i possibly enjoy a moment's respite, when thousads of my followers could be giving my posts "The finger," without me even knowing it

buiying up all the graphics cards and making them cost over $1000 so i can computer generate my own new episodes of "Arli$$"

Number two. I will never apologize for defending myself from the onslaughts of jealous swine

lets focus on piss farms. lets focus on piss farms. lets focus on piss farms. for the economy. we gotta focus on these piss farms

WELL I PRINTED OUT MY RESUME, DUNNO WHAT ILL DO WITH THESE OTHER 4999 BOXES OF PROFESSIONAL "IF YOUR A HATER DONT READ THIS" STATIONERY

Thw common law wife is giving me "Side Eye", for accidentally eating some of the poison they left out for the stray dogs in karachi

Looking to the day when the World Wide Web matures to become into the World Wise Web.

what my organization does is take fatsuits from obnoxious PG-13 comedies and donate them to the needy

i basically love to catch all the shit that falls off of peoples hamburgers with one of those tiny nets they use to scoop up goldfish

if any one needs help making bat man or super man or any of those guys viral i will do it for $1000

i just looked up the stats and the number of meaningful relationships ive formed is less than the number of public restrooms ive Screamed in

in 11X B.C. an irish Mystik cast a curse on all moms to reciev free college books every 11th day of 11th year & 11th milenium. this is today

might leave dms open for another 6 years in case any more gorgeous women want to try starting some Very unfulfilling long distance romance..

the worst part of having an ass is always, having to wipe the damn thing. the best part of having an ass is shitting. #ElectionFinalThoughts

i can no longer close my eyes. with out seeing a bounty of Farm Fresh groceries being licked by dirty dogs and animals

im strong enough that i could pull one o f my teeth out right now but i dont want to

these flawless squats on the roof of my van go out to the bastard who accused me of "going apeshit" a t wild birds unlimited in marietta, ga

for $0.39 extra the burger king man will write "yu-gi-oh" on your hamburger in magic marker

worrying a lot about our geopolitical foes recording& transcribing our military comms and its just 900 pages of "Permission To Jack Off Sir"

my top 2013 picks: 1) guns 2) pictures of guns 3) halloween thank you. please look out for the top picks of 2014, which i will do next year.

#RuinAChildrensBook i dont have a camera but rest assured that i ruined it & made sure that no child will ever derive emotion from its pages

reality tv show where we replace one lucky boy's pc gaming chair with a fully functioning toilet. every episode

the onion AV club boldly assigns a letter grade to each phase of the moon while dozens of readers chant incantation into the comment section

yes. i can confirm that craigsli$t will flag your job listing for removal if you accidentally title it "buffalo wild wings toilet fuck".

for years i've put up with the piss lobbyists and their laughable attempts to silence me. i will not use th bathroom again until theyre dead

inconspicuously jacking off duringi the board meeting using a series of ropes and pulleys

every veterans day i remember my pet mantis who got defeated by a baby bird that i tried to feed it

http://t.co/Rv3QUakY5C my life will soon become this #SEAvsSF

shut the fuck up and kick my ass

big meeting with chinese investors coming up in 5 minutes. need to look sharp and presentable. im running my dick under the faucet

the barbecue shaman liberally applies a garlic &herb dry rub to his dick and ass - in order to prepare himself for the barbecue perils ahead

im a marine & accomplished scholar. my sons were alchemized into helicopter fuel to serve their armed brothers. how dare u post penis to me.

no soup for YOU gaben newwel

"THE STUPIDS 2 WITH TOM ARNOLD . TORRENT " IS NOT A REAL MOVIE, IT IS A WORM VIRUS, PLEASE DO NOT DOWN LOAD THIS FILE AS IT IS HARMFUL

a typical day for me involves putting on the football vest and throwing the fuckin pigskin around. and i am not sorry if this offends anyone

neurotoxic pig bone spores

stood up, faced audience during larry the cable guy movie, and shouted "YOu're all monsters, stop laughing at him, that's his regular voice"

wearing a belt + big texas belt buckle as necklace?? why ahasnt anyone thought of this before. i must be the smartest man on earh

Keep an eye on "Apps", in 2013 and beyond.

and for all you stragglers out there who missed the deadline i ordered some extra copies. thats all. shutting the fuck up about this now

sending $39.99 to the tiger beat magazine corporation to find out what my "Pimp IQ" is

http://t.co/5f0r1TTg yes

never brought this up due to Trolls, but my son is set to graduate from ITT tech next semester after 8 years of hard work and im very proud.

the inventor of the famous "Love to Scrimp, Hate to Save" tweet... FINALLy taking pop culture to task... "You gotta see it to believe it"

the most popular of my weekly features is returning in 2016. thats roight folks. #WaterboyWednesday no further info at this time.

venus sucks shit. if they find life there it's going to be a very small man curled into the fetal position yelling "FUCK THIS"

me and a bunch of stupid assholes are going to start a community in the middle of the desert to either die or prove a very important point

there is no recovering from this fiasco. the thursday nite rant, as we know it, is dead.